Hot Mess Espresso

It’s been over a year since I’ve done a solo episode, so apparently we have some catching up to do.Like you all asked: it’s just me, a microphone, your questions, and the usual inability to stay on topic. I’m talking about the last year of my life: grief, relationships ending and beginning, finally getting out of survival mode, the uncomfortable amount of growth that happened somewhere in between, and why I almost walked away from HME entirely.Then we get into your questions: protecting parts of your life when you share so much publicly, imposter syndrome as the pod grows, rebuilding my relationship with self-worth, what I’d tell the version of me who never thought she’d make it this far, and, naturally, forcing me to choose between Dayseeker and Bilmuri (which was incredibly rude).A lot has changed. Somehow, I think I actually like who I’m becoming. Growth still gets zero stars, though.

Six years of training together and I finally got my personal trainer, Will Barker, on the pod... and yes, he can confirm that I still complain about going to the gym.We talked about the messy intersection of fitness and mental health: what “giving yourself a fighting chance” actually looks like when depression, anxiety, ADHD, chronic pain, or life in general makes showing up hard. Will breaks down why motivation isn’t something we can rely on, why discipline is a limited resource, and why sometimes the win really is just walking through the damn door.From hot takes and limiting beliefs to “drag ass” workouts and learning to work with where you are instead of waiting to become some magically motivated version of yourself, this one is about getting stronger without pretending the process is always fun.As Will puts it: it’s okay to suck, it’s not okay to skip. Just try.

Joe Buck is back! And apparently staying busy was not enough, so he decided to casually add creating a whole comedy festival to the list.We catch up on the last year of Joe’s life, from leaving a stable career and diving deeper into nonprofit work to comedy, fitness, rejection, relationships, grief, and what it actually means to keep choosing growth when growth is wildly uncomfortable. We also get into using comedy to process the hard shit without turning the stage into a therapy session, learning to be okay with failure, and why success doesn’t have to look the same for everyone.Plus, Joe is bringing nearly 50 comedians to Colorado for the Trailhead Comedy Festival, October 8–10 in Summit County near Breckenridge. Follow the festival on Instagram @trailheadf for more.

Jake didn’t realize just how heavy “Reasons to Stay” was when he wrote it, until his own mom told him the song helped her through a dark moment. That realization changed the way he looked at the music subtitles. was making: it wasn’t just music anymore.Fresh off their tour with Free the Witness and the release of their debut album, "subtitles On.": we get into how a vocalist in the U.S. and a drummer in France somehow built a band across an ocean, what their first real tour taught them, and the mildly depressing adjustment of going from playing shows every night back to regular life.Jake also opens up about the very real stories behind his lyrics: writing through depression, ADHD, addiction, and suicidal thoughts. We talk about choosing authenticity over algorithms, & making music that actually means something. Catch them on IG as @subtitles_official to stay up to date with music releases and tour announcements.

Buckle up, because this one went a little left in the most HME way possible. This week, I was able to dive in with Jana Stern, host of The Just Jana Show. What starts with her incredible mental health journey somehow takes us through BPD, astrology, spirituality, crystals, Gemini men, and a few much needed detours along the way.Jana opens up about growing up with a father with schizophrenia, developing a severe eating disorder, surviving an overdose, receiving a Borderline diagnosis, and the years of treatment and self-discovery that followed.We talk about the complexity of what happens when a diagnosis becomes part of your identity, learning to trust yourself again through recovery, and giving yourself grace without using your mental health as an excuse. Then we headed STRAIGHT into the woo-woo with astrology, intuition, spirituality, nervous system regulation, and the different ways we find meaning in what we’ve been through.Mental health, healing, astrology, trauma, crystals, and two women with absolutely no interest in staying on one conversational path. You know, a normal episode of Hot Mess Espresso.