How Not To Suck At Divorce

Thinking about divorce? Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. Get the private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.You’ve done the therapy. You’ve hired a lawyer. You finally say, “I want a divorce.” Suddenly, the spouse who has spent months telling you they’re unhappy wants to stay together, try counseling, or live as roommates until the kids turn 18.Are you allowed to still feel done when they’ve decided they’re not?In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, comedian and marketing professional Andrea Rappaport and family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill answer a listener’s question about a spouse who reverses course on divorce—and leaves them feeling guilty, confused, and stuck in limbo.We discuss how to separate emotional pressure from decisions about your divorce case, what to tell your attorney when your spouse suddenly wants to reconcile, and why promises to change deserve a closer look. Sometimes a wake-up call leads to real effort. Sometimes it buys more time. The question is what’s happening in your marriage—and what you want to do next.We also explore discernment counseling, setting boundaries around repeated arguments, and the pressure to “stay together for the kids.” Turning 18 doesn’t make children immune to the effects of divorce, and choosing your next step deserves guidance specific to your family.And because this is our show, we finish with an imaginary Starbucks partnership, emergency divorce support delivered by helicopter, and a DM that absolutely should have stayed in drafts.In this episode, we discuss:What happens when you want a divorce and your spouse suddenly wants to stay married.How a spouse’s reversal can leave you questioning a decision you worked hard to make.What to discuss with your lawyer before pausing or withdrawing divorce proceedings.How discernment counseling differs from couples therapy.Looking at actions alongside promises when considering reconciliation.Setting boundaries when your spouse keeps debating your reasons for leaving.Using brief, informative, friendly, and firm communication.Why “wait until the kids are 18” deserves more than an automatic yes.Getting individual support while deciding whether to stay or go.Episode timestamps00:00 — You want a divorce. Suddenly, your spouse doesn’t.01:18 — The listener’s story: “Let’s stay roommates until the kids are grown.”02:39 — Emotional whiplash, manipulation, and feeling stuck.05:19 — Should you keep explaining why you want to leave?09:44 — What to tell your attorney when your spouse reverses course.11:01 — Discernment counseling versus couples therapy.12:19 — A genuine wake-up call—or more time to prepare?16:21 — Stop putting your marriage on trial every night.17:25 — Setting boundaries and keeping conflict away from the kids.18:52 — Should you stay married until your children turn 18?23:34 — Andrea’s experience leaving with young children.25:59 — Planning next steps while you’re still under the same roof.28:58 — The weekend DM we were not prepared for.32:15 — Getting support before you move forward.Resources to help you take the next stepDivorce Crash CourseOur private podcast and guidebook help you prepare for divorce and make more informed decisions. $50, typically $150, thanks to OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.Guided Meditations for DivorceWhen your thoughts won’t slow down, take a moment to pause, breathe, and regroup before your next difficult conversation.OurFamilyWizard: 20% Off Your First YearExplore tools for organizing coparenting communication, schedules, and expenses. Use our link for 20% off your first year.Divorce Podcast PlaylistsFind episodes grouped by the issues you’re navigating, so you can get to the conversations you need.Join our private communityVisit How Not to Suck at Divorce for information about our private Facebook community and additional resources.If this episode helped you feel less alone, follow the show, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who needs it. Have a question you’d like us to cover? Send it our way. Please keep your shirt on.This episode provides general information, not legal or mental-health advice. Consult your own attorney and licensed mental-health professional about your circumstances.You have got this. And we’ve got you.Mentioned in this episode:Our Family WizardHow Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family. Our Family Wizard

Get the Divorce Crash Course for $50Get practical divorce guidance with our private podcast and companion guidebook. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseYour spouse is stalling. Your lawyer isn’t calling back. And you’re worried those angry texts might come back to haunt you. What now?In this listener Q&A episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family-law attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian Andrea Rappaport answer questions from our private community about divorce delays, coparenting communication, attorney responsiveness, and telling children about divorce after infidelity.We discuss what to do when your spouse won’t move forward—whether you’re still deciding how to leave or already navigating the divorce process. Morgan explains how attorney-guided discovery, court deadlines, and trial scheduling may help move a stalled case forward, along with the risks you need to understand before taking that step.We also address a question many listeners quietly worry about: What if I sent the angry texts before I knew better? Taking responsibility and showing consistent improvement can matter. It doesn’t erase past behavior, but it gives you a path toward better communication.Then we tackle the frustration of waiting weeks for your divorce lawyer to respond, when to discuss expectations, and when a second opinion may be worth considering. Finally, we talk about infidelity, protecting children from adult conflict, and getting support for difficult questions about why the marriage is ending.Plus: meet Victoria, our newest fictional character, and hear why Morgan’s influencer-inspired hair rollers were almost grounds for divorce.In this episode:What to do when your spouse is delaying divorce.How legal deadlines may help move negotiations forward.Why scheduling a trial doesn’t guarantee a settlement—or mean a trial is inevitable.How to address past angry texts and improve coparenting communication.What to ask when your divorce attorney takes weeks to respond.When to consider a second legal opinion.Why children shouldn’t become the audience for your pain over an affair.Where to find support for age-appropriate divorce conversations.Episode timestamps01:25 — My spouse is stalling. How do I regain some control?03:26 — What if we’ve already filed for divorce?08:45 — Can my past angry texts hurt my divorce case?15:28 — OurFamilyWizard: 20% off your first year.15:55 — My lawyer takes weeks to respond. Should I get a second opinion?21:45 — Introducing Victoria.23:30 — Should I tell the kids we’re divorcing because of infidelity?29:30 — Hair rollers, Amazon dupes, and the burnt-orange joggers.Save 20% on your first year of OurFamilyWizardExplore tools to help organize coparenting communication and discuss whether OurFamilyWizard is right for your family with your attorney.https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20Need a moment to calm your mind?Our divorce guided meditations offer a place to pause when the waiting, conflict, and uncertainty feel overwhelming.https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/guides/p/divorce-guided-meditationsFind episodes for what you’re dealing withExplore our topic playlists, including episodes about infidelity, and visit our website for guides and divorce resources.https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/podcast-playlistsKeep the conversation goingJoin our private Facebook community through our website to ask questions and connect with other people navigating divorce.https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.comFollow How Not to Suck at Divorce and leave a rating or review to help more people find the show.This episode provides general information, not legal advice. Legal options and outcomes depend on your circumstances and jurisdiction. Consult your own attorney about your situation.Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ve got this—and we’ve got you.

Going through divorce? Get the Divorce Crash Course before you make an expensive mistake.Our Divorce Crash Course includes a private podcast and printable workbook with parenting agreement guidance, questions to ask your attorney, and communication templates to help you get organized. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.Get the Divorce Crash CourseYour co-parent did something that pissed you off. Does your attorney need to hear about it?The kids come home in clothes that stopped fitting three years ago. Your ex introduces a new partner without following the parenting agreement. Someone buys concert tickets on your parenting night—and tells your child before asking you. Meanwhile, you’re finding out about school issues after everybody else.When you’re navigating a high-conflict divorce or custody dispute, it can be hard to tell the difference between an irritating interaction and a concern that deserves professional attention. Ignoring everything doesn’t feel right. Paying your attorney to address every problem gets expensive. So how do you decide?In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport welcomes back Atlanta family law attorney, former judge, and guardian ad litem Dan Bloom to work through real co-parenting scenarios. Dan keeps returning to one question: How is this affecting your child?Andrea and Dan explore why context matters, how to recognize patterns, and how to raise concerns with your attorney or guardian ad litem without turning every email into a custody battle. They also discuss why asking children to keep secrets between households changes the conversation—and how to respond when your child shares something uncomfortable.In this episode, you’ll learn:How to assess co-parenting conflict by its effect on your child.When clothing disputes become more than an argument about missing outfits.What to consider when an ex introduces a new partner outside the parenting agreement.How to support a child who has been told to keep a secret from you.How to handle activities scheduled during your parenting time.Why repeated exclusion from teacher emails and school information deserves attention.How to document concerns without spending every day reliving them.Why Dan generally recommends checking with your attorney before raising an issue with a GAL.How to ask for help in a way that focuses on your child and a workable solution.What matters to your child may be different from what bothers you.A missing shirt may not affect your child’s day. A missing comfort item that helps them sleep might. An inaccurate comment to a friend may be frustrating; misleading a teacher about the other parent’s involvement can have different consequences. Dan explains why the details matter more than assigning every incident the same level of urgency.The conversation also tackles the emotional trap of trying to get your ex to admit you’re right. You may never receive that apology or satisfying final email. The more useful goal is protecting your child from the conflict, recognizing concerns that need attention, and choosing a response that serves your family.Connect with Dan BloomDan consults on high-conflict custody matters in Georgia and throughout the country. If you need help thinking through difficult co-parenting situations or preparing to communicate with a GAL, reach out to ask whether his consulting services are a fit.Learn more about Dan BloomContact Dan’s firmKeep co-parenting communication in one place with OurFamilyWizard.Andrea discusses how OurFamilyWizard can help keep messages organized and available for later review. The episode also covers using its tone tools to reconsider a message before frustration takes over the conversation.Explore OurFamilyWizardBefore you send the angry message, give yourself a few minutes.Our Guided Divorce Meditations include 11 short meditations created for difficult divorce moments, including worry about your kids, parenting exchanges, loneliness, and frustration with the process. Listen privately through your favorite podcast app when you need support before deciding what to do next.Get the Guided Divorce MeditationsSubscribe to How Not to Suck at Divorce, share this episode with someone navigating a difficult co-parenting relationship, and leave us a review.You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

Going through divorce? Start with the Divorce Crash Course.Before you agree to a parenting schedule, make sure you understand what you’re agreeing to. Our Divorce Crash Course includes a private podcast and printable workbook with parenting agreement guidance, questions to ask your attorney, and email templates to help you communicate more efficiently. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.Get the Divorce Crash Course“We’ll alternate holidays.” Great. What does that actually mean?Who gets Halloween? Does Thanksgiving parenting time include enough days to travel to see family? What happens when your child’s birthday falls on your ex’s day—and the two-hour visit you negotiated makes everyone miserable?In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill tackle holiday parenting schedules, co-parenting conflict, and the emotional reality of spending holidays without your kids. Both hosts arrive tired and cranky, which means the advice is practical, the opinions are strong, and nobody is pretending this is easy.Andrea shares the holiday travel detail she missed in her own parenting agreement, along with what she learned from her first Thanksgiving away from her children. Morgan explains why family traditions, realistic exchange times, and your children’s changing needs deserve attention before you finalize a holiday schedule. They also discuss the potential benefits—and complications—of including an option to review parenting arrangements through mediation.The conversation gets into the details that can make holidays harder than they need to be: splitting trick-or-treating between households, calling in the middle of a family celebration, and making children feel responsible for a parent’s loneliness. You’re allowed to miss your kids. The challenge is finding support for those feelings while giving your children room to enjoy their time with their other parent.In this episode, we discuss:What to consider before agreeing to alternate holidays after divorce.Why out-of-state family visits may require more than one day of parenting time.How to identify the traditions that matter most to each household.Why a parenting schedule for toddlers may need a fresh look as children grow.The benefits and risks of future mediation or schedule-review provisions.Halloween, birthdays, and the pressure of switching households during a celebration.How to plan a brief, reassuring holiday check-in without grilling your kids.Creating something to look forward to together—even when you don’t have the actual holiday.You don’t need an expensive trip or elaborate celebration to make meaningful memories. A movie night, favorite snacks, or your own Thanksgiving on Saturday can give you and your kids something to anticipate. The calendar date doesn’t have to carry the entire relationship.Missing your kids? Start with our Guided Divorce Meditations.The hours before an exchange—or the quiet after your kids leave—can be some of the hardest. Our 11 short guided divorce meditations were created for moments like missing your children, feeling lonely, worrying about the future, and struggling to sleep. Listen privately through your favorite podcast app when you need a little support getting through the next few minutes.Get the Guided Divorce MeditationsKeep holiday planning organized with OurFamilyWizard.When holiday plans involve travel requests, schedule changes, and messages with your co-parent, having a shared place to communicate can help you keep track of the details. Learn more about OurFamilyWizard, a supporter of How Not to Suck at Divorce and an angel underwriter of our Divorce Crash Course. And remember, we are the only podcast that can save you 20% on your first year. Explore OurFamilyWizardSubscribe to How Not to Suck at Divorce, share this episode with someone navigating their first holiday season after separation, and leave us a review. You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.Mentioned in this episode:Smarter Way to Sell Your Jewelry After my divorce was finalized, I sold my old engagement ring to a jeweler — and honestly, I was stunned by how little I got for it compared to what it originally cost. If I could do it all over again — which is kind of the theme of this podcast — I would have sold it through Worthy. Worthy is a modern, smarter way to sell your jewelry online. Their process is incredibly easy: they cover shipping and insurance, professionally clean and photograph your jewelry, and have it graded by experts to help maximize its value. What makes Worthy different is that they create a competitive auction environment where buyers bid against each other for your piece — meaning they are motivated to help you get the highest price possible. It’s completely risk-free and honestly something I wish I had known about sooner. Get started today by heading to worthy.com/divorcepod and lock in an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for more than $1,500.

Need help getting through divorce right now?🎧 Start with our Guided Divorce Meditations If your nervous system is completely fried, your thoughts are racing, or you feel like your ex has way too much control over your emotional state, start here. Our guided divorce meditations were created specifically for the moments when divorce anxiety feels overwhelming.💥 Get the Divorce Crash Course If you’re at the beginning of divorce — or you feel completely lost in the process — the Divorce Crash Course gives you the tools, information, checklists and guidance we wish everyone had from day one.Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters Our Family Wizard and Soberlink.Our Family WizardThe co parenting app designed to help you during and after your divorce. Celebrities use it- you should too. And we are the only podcast that can get you 20% off your first year. Click the link above. Feeling Powerless During Divorce? Start Here.One of the most brutal parts of divorce is the feeling that someone else suddenly has control over your life.Your spouse may seem to control the money. The schedule. The kids. The pace of the divorce. Your emotional state. Maybe even whether you have a good day or a completely disastrous one.But feeling powerless and actually being powerless are not the same thing.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea sits down with former family law attorney and OurFamilyWizard Legal Liaison Nikol Sotos to talk about how to take your power back during divorce — especially when you’re dealing with a controlling or high-conflict ex.Nikol explains that one of the biggest mistakes people make when they feel overwhelmed is giving away control without even realizing it — sometimes to their ex, and sometimes even to their own attorney. Your lawyer can advise you, protect you and help you make strategic decisions, but this is still your life. And taking your power back does not mean becoming more aggressive.It often means doing less.Stop Reacting to Every TextIf your ex sends an inflammatory message designed to make you explode, the most powerful response may be no response at all — at least not immediately.Andrea and Nikol talk about moving away from emotional reactions and toward strategic communication. Instead of firing back when your ex sends something infuriating, pause. Let your nervous system settle. Respond only to what actually requires a response.Sometimes that response is simply:“Thanks for the text.”Or:“Got it.”Or nothing.Because when someone is hoping to provoke you, refusing to give them the reaction they expect can change the entire dynamic. Document Everything — Even If Your Divorce Isn’t High ConflictAnother unpopular opinion from Andrea: documenting is not just for ugly divorces.Even an amicable divorce can change quickly.A new partner enters the picture. Someone changes their position. A parenting disagreement escalates. Suddenly a conversation you thought everyone remembered very differently becomes important.Nikol recommends creating a paper trail regardless of the current conflict level. Create a separate email account for your divorce. Keep documents organized. Change passwords your spouse may know. Protect your privacy and your digital information.And please — do not announce to your ex that you are documenting them.Just document.Inside the Divorce Crash Course, we also give you a timeline tool to help organize important events and information during your case. Boundaries Are Not the Same Thing as ControlCreating boundaries during divorce can feel strange, particularly if your lives were completely intertwined for years.Changing passwords.Opening your own account.Creating a separate email.Deciding when you are available to respond.Those actions can feel dramatic when you have never needed those boundaries before.But boundaries are about controlling your own environment, not controlling your ex.That distinction matters.Taking your power back does not mean dominating the other person. It means managing what happens inside your own life, your home, your mind and your emotional world. Make Tiny Changes When Everything Feels Out of ControlTaking back control does not always start with a huge legal decision.Sometimes it starts absurdly small.Walk a different route.Order something different at Starbucks.Change one part of your morning routine.Do something that reminds your brain:I still make choices.Nikol explains that these small changes can interrupt the feeling that every part of your life is happening to you. No, switching from half-and-half to almond milk will not change the outcome of your divorce.But rebuilding your sense of agency in small areas can help you regulate your emotions — which can make it easier to make smarter decisions in the areas that really do matter.Your Ex’s Emergency Is Not Always Your EmergencyYou do not need to immediately answer every message.You do not need to abandon dinner with your friends because your ex sent 17 texts.Unless there is an actual emergency involving your children or another urgent situation, you are allowed to take time before responding.Nikol shares the story of a woman in a long, high-conflict divorce who began feeling dramatically more in control when she finally realized she did not have to react to everything her ex threw at her. That shift — from reacting to strategizing — is where power starts to return.In This Episode:Why divorce can make even confident people feel powerlessHow fear and uncertainty affect your decision-makingWhy you shouldn’t hand your entire life over to your attorneyHow to stop reacting to inflammatory texts from your exWhy silence can sometimes be incredibly powerfulHow to communicate with a controlling or high-conflict exWhy documentation matters even in an amicable divorceWhy you should create a separate email account for your divorceChanging passwords and creating digital boundariesThe difference between setting boundaries and trying to control someoneHow small daily changes can rebuild your sense of controlWhy your ex’s urgency does not automatically become your emergencyHow OurFamilyWizard’s ToneMeter can help keep communication neutralHow to think more strategically and less emotionally during divorceDivorce can make you feel like your life is completely out of your hands.It isn’t.You may not be able to control what your ex does, what they say, how quickly the process moves or every decision made in your case.But you can control your responses, your boundaries, your documentation, your communication and the choices you make next.And sometimes that is exactly how you begin getting your power back.