How To!

“Doing the work” is a phrase often heard when talking about racial justice. We heard it a lot after the death of George Floyd in 2020. And we need to continue talking about it—but there’s an important aspect of “the work” that’s been missing. On this episode of How To!: Courtney Martin brings in Garrett Bucks, author of The Right Kind of White and founder of The Barnraisers Project, to help Elizabeth Doerr talk to fellow white parents about the implications of opting out of their kids’ public school. If you liked this episode check out: “How To Fight Racism in Your Town” CAST YOUR VOTE FOR HOW TO! IN THE 2024 WEBBY AWARDS! https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2024/podcasts/shows/advice-how-to Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mia is a professional violinist. She’s played in symphonies. She’s played in improv groups. She’s played as a form of personal exploration. But now she’s taking on a big, conceptual project that may have nothing to do with music. Instead, she wants to create a piece rooted in connection. The only problem? She doesn’t know what she wants to create. On this episode of How To!: Carvell Wallace brings in storyteller extraordinaire Michaela Leslie-Rule. Michaela talks Mia through the process of bringing a potentially overwhelming idea to life. Check out Michaela’s work with Spiritual Technologies Project, the group we mention in the episode.  If you liked this episode check out: How To Put Your Town on the Map or How To Be an Artist and Not Starve.  CAST YOUR VOTE FOR HOW TO! IN THE 2024 WEBBY AWARDS: https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2024/podcasts/shows/advice-how-to Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Last week we learned about using the four different styles of humor to your advantage, and who makes a good target for a joke. But what if you read the room wrong and absolutely bomb? On this episode of How To!, the second in a two-part series, we resume our conversation with Naomi Bagdonas, co-author of Humor, Seriously!, and Michael Terry, the most hilarious hedge fund guy we’ve ever met. They swap stories about office jokes that fell flat, how to navigate a suddenly tense situation and what to do if your humor accidentally offends someone (especially your boss).  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Be Funny” with comedian Gary Gulman.  If you want to discover your own humor style, take the test on Naomi and Jennifer’s website.  Do you have a joke that killed at the office, or totally bombed? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did you know that we, as a society, have fallen off a comedy cliff? No joke. Studies have shown that we largely stop laughing when we enter our mid-twenties, which is a shame because delighting in humor has a ton of health benefits. Plus, being perceived as funny can actually make people think you’re more intelligent, more competent, and even better looking! So on this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series, we bring on Naomi Bagdonas, co-author of Humor, Seriously!, and Michael Terry, an amateur comedian who is working in the funniest of places: high finance. Combined, they have decades of experience harnessing the power humor and applying it to the workplace.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Confront a Crazy Neighbor” with Tig Notaro.  If you want to discover your own humor style, take the test on Naomi and Jennifer’s website.  Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forgetfulness. Repetitiveness. Confusion. Dementia is a long, painful road for both the person living with it, caregivers, and their additional loved ones. Mara’s mom just received her diagnosis and Mara is wondering what is next for their family. She turned to our host Courtney Martin for guidance—since Courtney is going through the same thing with her father.  On this episode of How To!: Courtney and Mara are joined by Tami Anastasia, author of Essential Strategies for the Dementia Caregiver. As a dementia consultant, Tami helps families support each other and find the beautiful moments in this painful journey.  If you liked this episode check out: How To Make Aging Easier for Everyone Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shannon is set to become an ordained minister—but she has always struggled with public speaking. Here’s the thing: She’s fine in front of large gatherings. In smaller gatherings, however, she mentally “freezes up” and rambles until she regains her train of thought. As Shannon prepares to start interacting with a congregation, Courtney Martin sits her down with former How To! host Charles Duhigg, author of Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection. Charles gives Shannon the tools to understand others and be understood herself.   If you liked this episode check out: How To Speak Up So Others Listen Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Patti retired a few months ago, everyone told her she would love the freedom and flexibility that came with leaving the workforce. Not so. The transition has left Patti grieving the loss of her routine and sense of purpose—and she’s wondering how to find fulfillment in life’s (gulp!) third act. On today’s episode, Courtney Martin welcomes Brad Stulberg, author of Master of Change: How to Excel When Everything Is Changing—Including You. Brad helps Patti rethink this massive transformation and emerge from it stronger.  If you liked this episode check out: How To Start Over at 60. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our series about friendship ends with a look at, well, how friendships end. Alice and Grace connected when their kids started dating. They became fast friends whose family lives were intertwined—in a good way. They even joked that they might end up raising grandchildren together. When the kids broke up, Alice and Grace broke apart, too. Now, Alice is wondering whether she should fight for her cherished relationship or just move on. On today’s episode, Carvell Wallace brings on Carissa Potter, an author and artist who founded People I’ve Loved and hosts the podcast Bad at Keeping Secrets.  Miss last week’s episode? Learn how to evolve your friendships. If you’re enjoying this series, check out our other friendship episodes: How To Find Your People How To Make Friends as an Adult How To Make Friends… Like a Man How To Talk to Strangers How To Show Up For a Friend With Cancer Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In part two of our series on friendship, we’re looking at how to revitalize a relationship that began in a previous phase of life.  Michelle and Blair became fast friends in grad school. That bond survived graduation, marriages, and even a cross-country move. They now live just a short drive from one another—but things have never felt so distant. Michelle wants to know how to evolve their friendship to be more compatible with the present day. On today’s episode, Courtney Martin brings on Rhaina Cohen, author of The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center. Rhaina will help Michelle—and all of us—prepare for a daunting conversation. Miss last week’s episode? Learn how to expand your horizons with new, cross-generational friendships. If you’re enjoying this series, check out our other friendship episodes: How To Find Your People How To Make Friends as an Adult How To Make Friends… Like a Man How To Talk to Strangers How To Show Up For a Friend With Cancer Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Love typically reigns in February. But, here at How To!, we are giving friendship its due. For the next three episodes, we’re going to teach you how to find friends in surprising places, how to grow and change in your friendship during life transitions, and even how to recover from a friendship breakup.  So today we’re starting with a potential cure for our epidemic of loneliness: intergenerational friendships. Emily is in her early 20s and has been rethinking who she considers to be potential friends. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Marci Alboher, a friend and VP at CoGenerate, an organization that brings generations together. She’s got some amazing tips for finding connections across ages.  Make sure to tune in next week to learn how to evolve your friendship. In the meantime, check out:  How To Find Your People How To Make Friends as an Adult How To Make Friends… Like a Man How To Talk to Strangers How To Show Up For a Friend With Cancer Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dry January has come and gone, but the conversation about alcohol—and rethinking our relationship with it—is still very much with us. This week’s listener, Natalie, wants to move past the abundance vs. abstinence debate and talk about a third option: thoughtful moderation. In this episode, Courtney Martin brings on journalist Rosamund Dean, author of Mindful Drinking: How Cutting Down Can Change Your Life and Well, Well, Well, a Substack about living better, for longer. She shares how she found moderation through mindfulness—and how you can too.  If you or someone you know is struggling with excessive drinking, consider contacting SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP. You can also find a local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting by visiting aa.org. If you liked this episode, check out: How To Stick to Your New Year’s Resolutions Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer and our producer is Rosemary Belson.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Travel can be thrilling, relaxing, even life-changing. But planning for your big trip? Not so much. There are so many unknowns: Where to go? When is the best time? How much do you want to spend? In this special episode of How To!, founding host Charles Duhigg brings in Brady Binstadt, owner and CEO of the adventure travel company Geographic Expeditions. Brady explains how to pick the right destination, when to splurge, and how to make sure everyone will have an amazing time.  If you liked this episode, check out: How To Live Anywhere in the World Do you have a question we can help you solve? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer and our producer is Rosemary Belson.  If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re constantly getting bombarded with messages about our bodies: They’re too big. They’re too small. They’re not muscular enough, not curvy enough, and so on and so on. Rebecca has lived in a bigger body all her life and she wants the messaging to stop. She’s done all the things—followed plus-size influencers, deemphasized weight from her health goals, tried to rewire how she thinks about weight. But it’s just not working. In this episode, Carvell Wallace brings in Ronald Young Jr., host of Weight For It. Ronald challenges the notion that we need to love our bodies and helps Rebecca navigate away from stigmatized “fixes” and toward a place of acceptance.  If you liked this episode, check out: How To Eat Whatever You Want and How To Love Your Face. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer and our producer is Rosemary Belson. Special thanks to Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Andrew snores so badly that his cats won’t sleep in the same room as him. He’s desperate to sleep better at night, and breathe more easily during the day. On this episode of How To!, we bring on James Nestor, author of Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, to share the history of why we breathe the way we do. Turns out being a “mouth-breather” is more than just an insult, it’s harmful to our health. James gives Andrew some nasal breathing exercises to improve his snoring, anxiety, and overall wellness. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Sleep.” Do you have a problem you can’t get out of your head? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John, Rachael Allen, and Rosemary Belson. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Small talk has a bad reputation. It’s boring, shallow, and awkward. Who really wants to talk about the weather, again? But, when done right, it can be a cornerstone of connection. In this episode, Carvell Wallace is joined by Susan McPherson, the author of The Lost Art of Connecting. Susan is going to help our listener, Bee, navigate the uncomfortable small talk that she endures everyday at school pickup. Along the way, we’ll learn what questions to have in our back pocket, how to turn small talk into big talk, and even how to extract ourselves from conversations that are going on too long.  If you liked this episode, check out: How To Talk to Strangers and How To Make Humor Your Superpower Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer and our producer is Rosemary Belson.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sometimes reading our news feeds can feel like getting hit by a semi-truck of devastating information, without really knowing how to respond. We can’t always tune the world out, which means we need to figure out how to be an empathetic person within the chaos. In this episode, Courtney Martin is joined by public theologian and best-selling author, Nadia Bolz-Weber, as well as artist and activist, Jen Bloomer. Together they explore what it means to actually respond to tragedy and injustice.   LINKS: Jen Bloomer’s artwork Valerie Kaur’s book See No Strangers If you liked this episode, check out: How To Have a Healthier News Diet: Part 1 and Part 2.  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer and our producer is Rosemary Belson.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When he’s not working on How To! or coaching his daughter’s basketball team, our producer Derek John loves to play in pickup games with friends. But a serious on-court injury has kept him on the sidelines for months. Now, as he prepares to return to the sport he loves, Derek is seeking tips on how to prolong his playing days while avoiding another injury. In this episode, author Jeff Bercovici joins Carvell Wallace and Derek to share insights from his book, Play On: The New Science of Elite Performance at Any Age.  If you liked this episode, check out: How To Trick Your Brain Into Running Longer.  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer and our producer is Rosemary Belson. This episode was produced by Kevin Bendis. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jonny is a 26 year-old bachelor whose cooking often leads to heartache (and for one ex-girlfriend, a stomach ache). Jonny admits he’s a klutz in the kitchen, so we hooked him up with Sam Sifton, cookbook raconteur and head of the New York Times’s Cooking section. In this episode of How To! we see if we can teach our love-lorn Millennial to cook one perfect meal. Is romantic bliss just a well-browned chicken thigh away? (Recipe included!) Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Here at How To! headquarters, we give and receive a lot of good advice. This year we learned to love our faces, started reading again, aced an interview, dealt with difficult parents, said goodbye to our pets, cooked chaotically, moved to a new country, navigated adult autism, and breathed like Navy SEALs. On this episode, co-hosts Carvell Wallace and Courtney Martin are joined by former host Amanda Ripley. They break down their favorite advice of the year and share some surprising updates from folks who were on the show.  Did we forget to mention your favorite advice of the year? Let us know with a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dan enlisted in the Army in 2003 during the early phase of the U.S. wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. He just retired after 20 years of service—and is adjusting to myriad challenges of civilian life while also managing PTSD, ADHD and new sobriety. On this episode of How To!, Bob Beard of Arizona State University’s Center for Science and the Imagination joins us to talk about a new program that’s helping veterans like Dan plan for the distant future using science fiction, conceptual art, and strategies employed by Fortune 500 companies. If you liked this episode, check out How To Breathe Like a Navy SEAL.  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis.  Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices