How To!

Why are some people able to talk with just about anyone—about almost anything? One answer may lie in the questions we ask—and how deeply we ask them. Stick with us here… In this episode, host Charles Duhigg examines why deep questions are so powerful and how to ask them in everyday life. He talks to Nick Epley, psychology professor at the University of Chicago and lifelong researcher of deep questions. And we catch up with Mandy Len Catron, 10 years after she wrote the viral New York Times article “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love.” This Slate miniseries dives into the art and science of meaningful conversations, inspired by Duhigg’s bestselling book, Supercommunicators.  Supercommunicators was produced by Derek John and Sophie Summergrad.  Our technical director is Merritt Jacob.  Joel Meyer is our supervising producer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In a new miniseries inspired by Charles Duhigg’s bestseller, the former host of Slate’s How To! podcast sits down with psychologists, social scientists, and even a Hollywood writer to explore how to ask the right questions, communicate without words, and find meaningful connections in our lives. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At nearly 40, Valerie is itching to pay off her student loans and finally become debt-free. But… how? On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Yanely Espinal, financial educator, author of Mind Your Money, and host of the Marketplace podcast Financially Inclined. Yanely breaks down the best ways to pay off your education debt without putting the rest of your life on hiatus.  If you liked this episode check out: How To Make a Big Purchase Without Panicking Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis.  Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever since she started taking a new medication a few years ago, Meme is worried that she’s lost her sex drive. She still has a great relationship with her husband, but she isn’t interested in sex the way that she used to be, and she’s worried it’s hurting her marriage. On this episode of How To!, we bring on sex educator Emily Nagoski, author of Come as You Are, to coach Meme through how to revamp her sex life. For busy couples, you should actually schedule a time on your calendar to be intimate. “Think of like when you were dating…that was date sex,” Emily reminds us. She then breaks down the myths that so many of us have internalized about sex, and shares surprising tips to help anyone—no matter their age or relationship status—have better sex. If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Save Your Marriage.” Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John, Rachael Allen, and Rosemary Belson. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jeff and his family lost their home last month in the L.A. wildfires. Since then, he’s been hyperfocused on insurance claims, an epic to-do list, and finding a “temporary” place to live for the next several years. But Jeff hasn’t experienced the emotional punch of the devastation yet. In fact… he just feels numb. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Laurel Braitman, author of What Looks Like Bravery: An Epic Journey Through Loss to Love. In a moving (and sometimes funny) conversation, Laurel tells Jeff how she’s still processing what she lost in a 2017 wildfire, and they talk about the heartbreak, grief—and glimmers of hope—that follow the sudden loss of your family’s home. Artwork mentioned: It’s Going Down Like a House on Fire by Nyx Coker. https://compote.slate.com/images/59305637-0bdb-492c-9734-39addc8f11b6.jpeg If you liked this episode check out: How To Survive a Disaster. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guillermo and his ex-wife divorced nearly a decade ago. They share custody of their son which, Guillermo says, lets her continue meddling in his life. He recently started dating someone and it’s getting serious, but he’s worried that his ex is going to destroy his new relationship. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Bill Eddy, author and co-founder of the High Conflict Institute. Bill explains how to set limits and impose consequences in truly difficult situations to preserve your peace of mind and foster happiness. If you liked this episode check out: How To Do Divorce Right and How To Save a Friend from a Bad Relationship Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis.  Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Connie is feeling compelled to get involved in her local community, but she’s never even attended a PTA meeting. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin enlists Eric Liu of Citizen University to explain how busy parents, introverts, and first-timers like Connie can test the waters of civic engagement in the Trump 2.0 era—without getting sucked under.  Eric is the author of You’re More Powerful Than You Think: A Citizen's Guide to Making Change Happen. If you liked this episode, check out our companion episode, How To Become an Expat, or this recent conversation: How To Lead Your Local Nonprofit.  For an upcoming episode, we want to hear from listeners affected by the disastrous wildfires in the Los Angeles area. If you’re able to do so during this stressful time, tell us about the questions and challenges you’re facing as you rebuild your home and your life. Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001.  How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For three decades, Mike has worked in a field with an uncertain future: journalism. He loves the stability of his current job mentoring student reporters, but he can’t stop thinking about starting a new career—in his 50s—in astrophysics, architecture, or law. On this episode of How To!, co-host Courtney Martin enlists career coach and psychologist Dr. Dawn Graham to help Mike think through his midlife career crisis, especially his urge to go back to school.  Dawn’s book is Switchers: How Smart Professionals Change Careers—and Seize Success. If you liked this episode check out: Find a New Career Before It's Too Late and How To Advance Your Career By Quitting Your Job. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Before the 2024 election, Maureen and Jayna had hoped to attend a historic inauguration for Kamala Harris in Washington, D.C. But when Donald Trump won the presidency, the lesbian couple scrapped their trip—and booked a fact-finding mission to Portugal instead. On this episode of How To!, they talk with co-host Carvell Wallace about their plans to leave the U.S.—and start a new life somewhere they’ll feel safer. And, Jen Barnett of Expatsi offers up advice about Portugal and other LGBTQ+ friendly countries, the implications for taxes and international travel (including return trips to the States), and what expat-curious listeners need to know about raising kids, voting, EU citizenship—and how to take the first step. Links Mentioned:  The Expatsi Test Mindful Migrant on TikTok If you liked this episode check out: How To Uproot Your Life and How To Live Anywhere in the World. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we’re going to see if one American family can flip the usual, tortured and tedious script for arguing about politics and do something more interesting. Jenn and Todd Brandel sit down with their dad, Bruce, to see if they can come to a better understanding about what has shaped their different political views. Mónica Guzmán, senior fellow for public practice at Braver Angels and author of I Never Thought Of It That Way: How To Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times, is back to provide some insightful post-game analysis. In this second episode of our special two-part series, she breaks down what went well, what got a little messy, and what we can all apply to our own conversations with loved ones.  Listen to the first part of our series: “How To Talk Politics With Your Dad (Without Yelling) Pt 1” If you liked this episode, you might also like: “How To Rescue Someone From a Conspiracy Theory.” Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jenn and Todd Brandel have a close, loving relationship with their father, Bruce. But one thing makes their blood boil: his political chain emails. The messages are often forwarded commentary written in a provocative tone, and are an unwelcome reminder of just how far apart the family is politically. On this episode of How To!, we’re joined by Mónica Guzmán, senior fellow for public practice at Braver Angels and author of I Never Thought Of It That Way: How To Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times. In the first of a special two-part episode on talking politics with our parents, Mónica teaches Jenn and Todd how to aim for understanding with their dad, not agreement. Next week, Jenn, Todd, and their dad Bruce will put these tips into practice—on mic—around the kitchen table, as Mónica provides post-game analysis. We’ll dive into what worked, what got a little messy, and how to keep making progress. If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Embrace Your Anti-Vax Family This Holiday Season” and “How To Talk Politics Without Wrecking Relationships.” Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How will you remember 2024? Here at How To! Headquarters, this will be the year when a bunch of very smart and insightful guests taught us how to flirt with confidence, be a mindful drinker, make bank at a yard sale, and cope with forever parenting. On this episode, co-hosts Carvell Wallace and Courtney Martin break down their favorite advice of the year and share some heart-warming updates from listeners who joined us on the show. Did we forget to mention your favorite advice of the year? Let us know with a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrea. Psst! Slate Plus members can listen to a special year-end bonus episode with Carvell and Courtney’s recommendations for books, films, and Substacks. Not a member? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sandy is a former college athlete who knows how to exercise—at least, she used to. These days, she’s feeling lost without a coach, a workout plan, or much free time. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Danielle Friedman, author of Let’s Get Physical and a contributor to the New York Times Well section. Danielle explains how to embrace movement that you love, make it fit into your life—and actually stick with it.  If you liked this episode check out: How To Start Strength Training and How To Stick to Your New Year’s Resolutions. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrea. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

André has known for years that they have to execute the estate when their parents pass. They feel wholly unprepared for the task, especially since their parents are reluctant to share any important information. On this episode of How To!: Carvell Wallace brings on M.P. Dunleavey, journalist, author of the Squished Substack, and contributor to Next Avenue where she covers aging, caregiving, and money. M.P. walks André through the important paperwork that needs to be in place and gives them guidance for working with stubborn family members.  Additional resources:  M.P.’s follow-up story on Next Avenue Area Agencies on Aging Benefits check up Estate planning checklist Creating a financial roadmap Easing family burdens Writing a will If you liked this episode check out: How To Care for an Aging Parent and How To Make Aging Easier for Everyone Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrea. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

‘Tis the season of gathering with friends and family. It’s also a time where some of us yearn for a closer community, like this week’s listener. Morgan is looking for a way to hang out with friends in a consistent, meaningful manner. On this episode of How To!, Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, explains how to transform a lackluster hang-out where people just sit around drinking beer into a party with a purpose where guests want to come back. She tells us how to create an event that meets a need with the right rules and the right guest list. She even has tips for sprucing up your next holiday party.  If you liked this episode, check out: How To Cook One Perfect Meal. Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.   Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices