Claim OwnershipHow To Destroy Everything
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This is the true story of Richard Jacobs – a narcissist who destroyed a childhood, a marriage, a family, and a community. He sued every sentient being on the face of the earth, got banned from restaurants, and inspired a support group composed solely of people he traumatized. He stole notary stamps, hacked emails, forged signatures… and won a U.S. Supreme Court case. He was also my dad.
Join us each week as hosts Danny Jacobs and Darren Grodsky will shift between past and present to explore the lasting impact of Richard Jacobs.
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43 Episodes
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In this special bonus episode, we hear Toughen Up from the shared perspective of Stephen’s sisters, Lisa and Sheila. Hear how they navigated a childhood of fear, loss and abandonment, and more importantly, where they are today.
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In the season finale, unable to carry on alone, Eugene finally surrenders and moves into an Assisted Living facility. He’s not there long before he is hospitalized and enters into a steep decline. Before he passes away, Stephen’s father finds his version of peace with “All we’ve been through as a family…”
Danny and Darren then agree that Toughen Up is ultimately a story of forgiveness, with Stephen describing it as a love letter to his family.
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It’s 15 years later and Eugene’s wife Helen dies very suddenly, leaving him very much adrift. At the urging of a priest, Stephen’s father learns to ask for help at the gravesite, then pushes on alone.
In our interview, Danny and Darren learn how Stephen struggled, self-medicated and began to heal his past in the years since his mother’s passing.
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With Stephen off to college, his mother strikes out on her own, renting a room in a house and scoring her dream job. Not long after, however, Maureen is diagnosed with terminal cancer and eventually makes peace with Eugene and her past. After her ashes are scattered at sea, she delivers a message to Stephen in a dream.
Then, Darren looks back on Maureen’s life and wonders if she truly found peace.
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In this seventh chapter, we find a mid-life Maureen facing her fears and calling upon her brother, Jimmy, to finally teach her how to drive. Then, Eugene shocks the family with a surprise marriage announcement. After Sheila leaves the nest for college, Stephen is left at home with his mother, doing his best to fill the role of "Man of the House."
Then Danny relates to the role reversal that took place between Stephen and his mother and Darren makes an observation about the sheer resiliency of this family.
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In this chapter of our story, we find Maureen is officially back on her feet, though struggling to make ends meet for her and the kids. After a variety of jobs, she ends up working in a factory and takes in some of her fellow employees as roommates to pay the rent. Stephen is displaced when a particularly provocative boarder rents his room, upending a family already desperately in need of stability.
We then hear Danny and Darren reflect on how this episode is a true snapshot of 60’s and 70’s America, how Stephen lacked the rock of stability of Danny’s grandparents and how Stephen’s mom’s secrets and schemes eerily mirror those of one Richard Jacobs.
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We now find Lisa, Sheila and Stephen taking refuge with their Uncle John in Washington State, where young Stephen learns some hard life lessons on a construction site. They return to Mission Viejo, just in time to lose whatever housing Maureen had established, as she enters psychiatric treatment. Sheila and Stephen are taken in by a compassionate family, until Maureen is ready to start over, moving them all to the far edge of town.
We then hear Darren, as a parent, express concern over “little Stephen” while Danny and Stephen bond over their shared clowning skills as a survival mechanism. Then, our hosts explore the scars and strengths of homelessness, agree on “the Devil you know,” and finally ask Sandy’s take on Toughen Up!
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After losing their suburban home, Maureen moves with Stephen and Sheila into a Travelodge, only to dispatch her children on an epic road trip with their fugitive sister Lisa. Heading north, the three siblings experience a shared moment of grace on a rainy night, outside of a Canadian liquor store.
Then Danny and Darren push in on the fear and loneliness of the children being left to fend for themselves. Danny speaks of The Triumph of Small Things, while Darren reminds us we are all members, to some degree, of “The Destruction Community.”
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Wherein young Stephen seeks refuge from his own family at a house “down the street.” His father then reveals a side of himself that no one could have imagined, just before the marriage finally falls apart. Gene moves away while Maureen makes a new “friend.” Then, hear why the boys call this “The Darren Episode” and define the true meaning of an oasis. Then, Danny and Darren explore the hidden meaning behind Stephen’s sound effects and what it meant to have his father reveal that he could “fly.”
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Episode Two finds Maureen taking on The Reverend Mother of her children’s Catholic School. The family then experiences the darkest Christmas of their lives, propelling them south, to face an uncertain future in an empty house in the suburbs. A violent period unfolds for The Kearins, which includes a hammer, a hospital and a runaway girl.
Then Danny and Darren explain why they called this “The Catholic Episode,” explore the nature of forgiveness and our attempts to stop a cycle of family dysfunction.
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In our first episode, we meet Stephen’s tough girl Jersey mother and his post war(s) farm boy father, as they attempt to raise him, his two sisters, and themselves in a tiny apartment in Van Nuys, California. Then, Danny and Darren start exploring what’s behind his parents' pain, what happens to feelings frozen in time, and where is the Grace in all of this madness?
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Wherein Danny and Darren confront their audience live for the very first time. Danny discusses his complicated feelings about St. Louis, and surprise guests abound. Recorded at famed St. Louis merch shop, Stl-Style, Danny and Darren search for some meaning and share final thoughts from the journey they've just completed.
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Head to https://www.BubblyCleaning.com/HTDE to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Bubbly Cleaning for sponsoring this episode!
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In the spirit of familial destruction, How To Destroy Everything is proud to present, Toughen Up, written and performed by Stephen Kearin. Toughen Up is the story of an American family turned upside down, spilling out every last skeleton in its closet. Join us for a darkly comic traumatic memoir...a Traumoir, if you will.
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Wherein Danny returns, at last, to the scene of the crime(s). Danny (alongside Darren and Sandy) go back to his childhood home, The Royal Manor, and Danny confronts his past head-on. In this, the season one finale of How to Destroy Everything, old feelings will burst to the surface, the ghosts of the past will be reckoned with, and the future will become all the more clear.
Listen to HTDE on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Wherein Danny and Darren check in one last time with Sandy and talk about the entirety of her podcast journey. In doing so, they discover the incredible strides that Sandy has made in her own personal evolution. Additonally, Danny and Darren bring on Danny's wife, Katie, to discuss her perspective on how the podcast has changed her husband. And finally, our intrepid hosts make a big announcement about what's next for the show.
Listen to HTDE on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
If you would like to support this podcast, please consider becoming a patron at www.patreon.com/HowToDestroyEverything.
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/DESTROY get on your way to being your best self
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Wherein Danny and Darren finally track down their white whale: a member of the support group founded to bring together people who had been sued and harrassed by Richard Jacobs. But as Danny and Darren get into the details of said group, so much more is revealed than they ever imagined possible -- about the group, yes, but also about Danny and where he goes from here...
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Wherein Danny and Darren watch the "death video" Richard made for Danny back in the 1980s. Also, the boys discuss Richard's view of death and his conception of the "afterlife" with Danny's brother. It's the death episode!
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Wherein Danny and Darren sit down once more with Danny's brother and delve deeper into understanding each other's perspectives. Danny's brother brings a unique point of view - one of understanding for Richard and even empathy for him, compelling Danny to reevaluate some of the conclusions he's drawn about his father.
Listen to HTDE on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
If you would like to support this podcast, please consider becoming a patron at www.patreon.com/HowToDestroyEverything.
This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at www.betterhelp.com/destroy and get on your way to being your best self.
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Wherein Danny and Darren sit down with Danny's brother and discuss how they survived their childhood as the sons of Richard Jacobs, how their perspectives differ, and whether or not Richard can be fairly compared to a shark.
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Wherein Danny and Darren dive deeper into Beth's relationship with Richard, which includes a shocking revelation that Danny's dad had been operating dating profiles on his sons' behalf. Additionally, Sandy discusses her dating life beyond Richard, and Darren checks in with Danny about his anger.
For tickets to Danny's improv show at the Groundlings, head to www.groundlings.com/shows/theunderstudies.
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my god. he didn't roofie her for crying out loud. sounds like he made her a real strong drink and hid it with sweet mixers. sure, not behaviour to be condoned, but not 'dark', 'evil'. a million mates have done it to a million mates over the years and remaiin best of mates
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ very good.
thank you for making this podcast. As a fellow child of a narcissist who also happens to have delusional disorder, I appreciate your moms comment about fugitives "you can still live a good life with someone chasing you all the time" those who have not been dragged to court over complete nonsense just won't understand.
you did his eulogy? Hmmmm. I got no further than this, sorry but it all felt exceedingly cringey.
Absolutely loved this episode! The insights shared are both thought-provoking and entertaining. Can't wait to hear more! https://issuu.com/nycpackagingsolution
is this your open therapy session?
I love this podcast. It’s a great story and it’s really interesting and entertaining to listen to. Thank you for sharing your story about your dad.
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