How to Be a Hot Guy

So for this, the last episode of season one of How to Be a Hot Guy, I am so honored and grateful to share my interview with one of my close friends, Sebastian. Sebas is truly one of my girls. He is caring and thoughtful, and inspires me with the way he lives, so committed to living such a full and rich life. Sebas is brilliant and creative. They bring light and laughter into any space they enter. And they are without a doubt one of the hottest people I know. Our conversation spans their relationship to queerness and sexuality, race and family, all of which they have thought very deeply about. But the thing that always warms and delights me about any conversation I have with Sebas is how she is able to find humor and joy in everything life throws at him. He is proof that you can have depth without sacrificing levity and sweetness. I’m so grateful that they are part of this project, and I hope that by listening you understand why I think they are so special. Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form! 

So if you are someone who spends a good amount of time on TikTok, Ryan’s voice and story might sound familiar to you. A couple of years ago now, Ryan, who is on TikTok as @ matcha.mix, went very viral after posting a pretty vulnerable video. Looking straight into the camera, he explained that he had been dumped for the second time in a row by girls who said they weren’t attracted to him. Recognizing a pattern, he was bravely coming to the internet to get some advice. Scrolling through the comments, I saw a lot of specific guidance for haircuts, gym programs, and also general comments urging him to brush it off and move on. Producer Sofi also pointed out to me that there was a small conversation happening about this video that was examining the racial elements at play. Ryan is biracial, half white and half Japanese. And some folks on TikTok thought that perhaps his racial identity ight have something to do with the way women were receiving him. In my conversation with Ryan, we talk about those breakups and get into what a biracial identity means to him and his performance of self and sense of confidence. We also talk a lot about different points of insecurity that might drive other men into the red pill manosphere, but have led Ryan down a different path. Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form! 

Slight change of plan this week! Instead of an interview, I’m sharing some thoughts and reflections as we near the end of the first season of How to Be a Hot Guy. Listen to hear my three main takeaways and the questions I’m still looking to get answered. Come back next week for our next full interview. Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form! 

When I first went to Oaklife Church, where Chris and Greg were co-pastors, there was a lot that was new to me. Oaklife is a queer-affirming church that makes time for folks to chat about and respond to the messages every week. But definitely what was most striking was the fact that Chris and Greg were unlike any other church leaders I had seen before.Chris and Greg wore their regular clothes to preach, which often included little nods to their respective interests in Oakland baseball and comic books. In their sermons, they made references to the culture that had shaped them, which for Chris was the punk music scene and for Greg, 80s action movies and hip hop. Something that was unique to me about their partnership, and what made me so interested in including them in this project, was that they never seemed to be fighting each other for power. When I’ve observed other men who have known and worked together for a long time, there is typically an unspoken competitive tension between them. But Chris and Greg were true teammates who leaned on each other for support, guidance, and affirmation. Their relationship has always felt special to me because it exemplifies a kind of nurturing love between men that I have never had the pleasure of witnessing before. As you’ll hear in our conversation, they are pretty different people who bond over a shared set of values and commitment to community and justice.Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form! 

Let me tell you how I met Kyle. I was tabling at SF zine fest, which is a huge event with maybe more than 200 vendors and surely close to 1000 patrons shuffling in and out of a conference hall in one of the more crowded neighborhoods of San Francisco. On my table, somewhat hidden by my zines on display, I put a small flyer with a call for participants for this podcast. Lots of people looked at it, showed it to the men they were with, or took a photo to send to a friend. But only one person actually followed up and sat for an interview. That was Kyle. Kyle explained he was interested in the project because he was on his own journey to becoming a Hot Guy. And I really think our conversation reflects the thinking, strategizing, and troubleshooting Kyle has put into trying to figure out what being a Hot Guy means. As you’ll hear in our conversation, we talk a lot about dating, the politics of desire, and what it means to feel like a hot guy absent of external validation. What I love about this interview is that Kyle is still working these things out. He debates and disagrees with himself, making for a lively and interesting discussion.Full transcripts of each episode are available on Substack: hotguypod.substack.com Want to be interviewed for the show? Fill out an interest form here! Or, you can also nominate someone to be on the show using this form!