How to Split a Toaster: A Divorce Podcast About Saving Your Relationships

Looking in the Mirror: Finding Self-Awareness Through DivorceFamily law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome Lionel Moses, a Desert Storm veteran and relationship coach who helps people break unhealthy relationship patterns through what he calls "the mirror effect." This powerful episode of How to Split a Toaster explores how divorce can become a catalyst for essential self-discovery and growth.The Mirror Effect in RelationshipsDrawing from his experiences through two divorces, Lionel shares how seeing himself as the common denominator led to transformative insights about relationship patterns. As a self-described "people pleaser," he discovered that his tendency to fix others' problems masked deeper emotional needs that went unaddressed in his marriages.Breaking Cycles Through Self-AwarenessSeth brings his legal expertise to the conversation, highlighting how emotional readiness impacts divorce proceedings. When clients focus exclusively on their former spouse's behavior rather than their own growth, it often complicates and extends the legal process. The discussion reveals how self-awareness can lead to more constructive co-parenting relationships and healthier future partnerships.From Performance to AuthenticityLionel's concept of "performative relationships" resonates throughout the conversation, as he describes moving from seeking external validation to developing genuine self-love. This transformation enabled him to build more authentic connections and achieve amicable co-parenting relationships—a goal many find challenging during divorce.Key Insights• Examine your patterns in relationships rather than focusing solely on your partner's behavior• Develop emotional resilience by understanding your authentic needs versus performative habits• Build self-awareness before entering new relationships to break recurring relationship cyclesThis episode offers invaluable guidance for anyone navigating divorce or seeking healthier relationship patterns. Through Lionel's candid sharing and Seth's legal wisdom, listeners gain practical tools for self-reflection and personal growth during major life transitions.Whether you're considering divorce, in the midst of proceedings, or rebuilding after separation, this conversation provides a roadmap for using life's challenges as opportunities for transformation and healing.Links & NotesFind Lionel on his website, LinkedIn, Facebook, InstagramCheck out The Marriage SeedSchedule a consult with Seth (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Meet Lionel Moses (00:58) - What Is the Mirror Effect? (02:18) - The Transformation (03:46) - Too Much Focus on the Other Side (06:28) - Figuring Out How to Manage Relationships (11:20) - Emotional Resilience (14:40) - Reflecting on What You Were Attracting (15:48) - The Marriage Seed (21:02) - Connecting to Legal Commitments (23:46) - Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (26:27) - Making Hard Decisions (28:03) - Performative (30:16) - Wrap Up

Self-Sabotage in Divorce: Understanding Hidden PatternsIn this compelling episode of How to Split a Toaster, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore the psychology of self-sabotage during divorce with guest expert Dr. Philip Agrios. The conversation delves into how unconscious patterns can derail both relationships and divorce proceedings.Understanding Self-SabotageDr. Agrios identifies three fundamental reasons for self-sabotage: past success followed by loss, avoiding necessary actions, and fear that success brings more pain. These patterns particularly impact divorce proceedings where emotional stakes are high and rational decision-making is crucial.Legal Impact and Court BehaviorSeth Nelson emphasizes how self-sabotage manifests in legal settings, particularly during depositions and court appearances. Clients often undermine their cases by over-talking, treating minor issues as emergencies, or failing to provide required documentation timely—all of which increase legal costs and complexity.Key Insights:Self-sabotage often serves as unconscious protection from perceived greater painCourt time constraints require focusing on truly significant issuesUnderstanding behavioral patterns helps navigate divorce more effectivelyBreaking Free from Self-Sabotaging PatternsThe discussion outlines practical strategies for recognizing and addressing self-sabotage, including:Identifying protective behaviors versus growth behaviorsWorking with attorneys efficiently to manage costsUnderstanding personal triggers and responsesThe episode provides valuable insights for anyone navigating divorce while dealing with self-sabotaging tendencies. Dr. Agrios' expertise combined with Seth's legal experience offers practical tools for maintaining focus and making better decisions during divorce proceedings.Links & NotesCheck out Dr. Philip Agrios on his website, LinkedIn, X/Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTubeCheck out Dr. Philip’s book Life’s One LawSchedule a consult with Seth (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Meet Dr. Philip Agrios (01:06) - Recognizing Self Sabotage (02:40) - Three Reasons (05:16) - Afraid to Succeed (09:06) - Staying Can Be Self-Sabotaging (12:04) - During the Divorce Process (16:05) - Emotional Superpowers (18:38) - Three Traits (20:33) - Self-Sabotage in Court (24:54) - Tying Back to the Principles (27:21) - Becoming Self-Aware of Self-Sabotaging Tendencies (33:15) - Wrap Up

Digital Divorce: Managing Your Tech Life After SeparationSeth Nelson and Pete Wright discuss the often-overlooked digital aspects of divorce. They explore how to handle shared digital assets, from photos and passwords to smart home devices and streaming services.Key Digital Assets to AddressThe hosts identify several critical digital touchpoints that need attention during divorce:Cloud storage and shared photo albumsSmart home devices and security systemsLocation sharing services and trackingStreaming services and digital purchasesPassword managers and account accessFamily calendars and school portalsLegal and Security ConsiderationsSeth emphasizes the importance of proper timing when modifying digital access, particularly regarding shared homes and accounts. The discussion covers potential legal issues with unauthorized account access and the benefits of starting fresh with new accounts post-divorce.Key Insights:• Create new separate accounts rather than trying to untangle shared ones• Turn on two-factor authentication for all important accounts• Don't delete digital content until after divorce proceedings concludePractical Digital Separation StepsThe hosts recommend:Digitizing physical photos and albums early in the processSetting up independent password management systemsEstablishing new banking relationshipsCreating fresh email accounts without personally identifiable informationSmart Home SecurityPete and Seth discuss the delicate timing of changing smart home access, emphasizing that modifications should align with legal possession arrangements rather than emotional impulses.This episode provides essential guidance for maintaining digital boundaries while navigating divorce, highlighting both technical and legal considerations for separating intertwined digital lives.Links & NotesSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:27) - The Digital Divide (02:13) - Photos (05:38) - Cloud Services (07:36) - Smart Homes (09:25) - Changing the Locks (10:23) - When It’s Appropriate to Remove Someone (11:54) - Location Sharing Tools (13:42) - Entertainment Services (17:26) - Password Managers (21:36) - Logging into Your Ex’s Accounts (23:23) - Family Communication (25:25) - Including These Items in a Divorce Agreement (26:11) - Securing Yourself Going Forward (29:36) - When Can You Purge (30:11) - Wrap Up

Navigating Modern Divorce: Technology, Communication, and Moving ForwardIn this listener Q&A episode of How to Split a Toaster, divorce attorney Seth Nelson and host Pete Wright tackle pressing questions about divorce in the digital age. The discussion covers everything from managing electronic communications with ex-partners to the challenges of relocation and new relationships.Digital Age Divorce ChallengesThe hosts explore how technology has transformed divorce and co-parenting, addressing concerns about constant communication through phones and co-parenting apps. Seth provides practical strategies for setting boundaries while maintaining necessary contact, especially regarding court-ordered response times and children's FaceTime calls.Legal Considerations and Personal GrowthThe conversation shifts to critical legal topics like relocation, annulments, and protecting oneself in future relationships. Seth emphasizes the importance of consulting local jurisdiction laws while offering insights on navigating high-conflict situations and managing communication effectively.Mental Health and Moving ForwardA significant portion focuses on the value of mental health support before, during, and after divorce. The hosts discuss how emotional work can positively impact custody arrangements and co-parenting relationships, while emphasizing the importance of setting healthy boundaries.Key Insights:• Set clear communication boundaries through co-parenting apps and scheduled check-ins• Consider mental health support early in the divorce process to improve outcomes• Protect yourself legally and emotionally in future relationships through careful planningThe episode provides practical guidance for managing modern divorce challenges while maintaining focus on healthy relationships and effective co-parenting. Listeners gain valuable insights from both legal and personal growth perspectives, helping them navigate their divorce journey more effectively.For anyone facing divorce in today's interconnected world, this episode offers essential strategies for managing technology, protecting their interests, and maintaining healthy boundaries while prioritizing children's well-being.Links & NotesRead BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns by Bill EddyTune in to It’s All Your Fault: The Hight Conflict People podcast with Bill Eddy and Megan HunterSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Question One (06:39) - Question Two (09:27) - Questions Three and Four (16:42) - Question Five (19:12) - Question Six (22:02) - Question Seven (25:07) - Question Eight (25:52) - Question Nine (29:38) - Wrap Up

What do you do when the most emotionally complicated part of your divorce isn’t your ex, your kids, or even the lawyer sitting across the table—but your living room? On this episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore the profound entanglement between memory and materiality in divorce, with guest Nanette Murphy—a certified divorce and life transition coach who specializes in helping women navigate separation after long-term marriage.Nanette brings a compassionate, lived-in expertise to the topic of shared spaces—how the family home, often the most contested asset, transforms into a symbol of what was, and what needs to be left behind. The conversation unpacks how emotional attachment to a home can cloud decision-making, stretch finances, and stall healing. From repainting walls to rerouting your daily path through the kitchen, Nanette offers strategies to reclaim space—both literally and psychologically.Seth adds the critical legal perspective, offering insight into when it makes financial sense to keep the house, when to walk away, and how to ensure you’re not mortgaging your future just to hold onto your past. And Pete probes the deeper question: is your desire to stay rooted in care, or control? Together, the trio explores how to break up with your home, make peace with your stuff, and move forward with purpose.Key InsightsLetting go of the home can unlock emotional and financial freedomRedefining physical space helps rewire emotional memoryDivorce coaching prepares clients to approach legal decisions with clarityThis episode is for anyone facing the wrenching choice of what to take—and what to leave behind—when your relationship ends but your memories remain. Divorce isn’t just a legal process. It’s a spatial one. A sensory one. And sometimes, the most healing thing you can do is move your pizza cutter to a new drawer.Links & NotesNanette Murphy: Live Life Now With PurposeSecond Act: Navigating Gray Divorce (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (09:31) - Ghosts in the Home (20:15) - Ghosts and Your Attorney (26:24) - Learn More

We missed an episode! No, it doesn't happen often. But sometimes life kicks you in the sniffles. Here we are without an attorney and, as the old saying goes, "what's a podcast if we don't have an attorney?" I'm sure someone said that. In any case, thanks for being here and we'll see you next week!

Moving Forward: Understanding Second Marriages and Divorce StigmaFamily law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome guest Kara Chrobak to explore the complexities of second marriages and divorce stigma. Chrobak, a Colorado-based family law attorney specializing in high-net-worth cases, brings valuable insights into how society's views on multiple marriages impact relationship decisions.The conversation examines why prenuptial agreements become increasingly important in subsequent marriages, particularly when children from previous relationships are involved. Seth explains how prenups can actually demonstrate commitment rather than distrust by allowing couples to thoughtfully plan their financial future.The hosts and Chrobak dive into estate planning considerations across multiple marriages, addressing how life insurance policies, beneficiary designations, and asset distribution become more complex with each relationship transition. They explore practical solutions like aliquot reductions in life insurance policies to balance obligations to current and former spouses.Key Insights:Prenuptial agreements can protect children from previous marriages while allowing couples to build shared assetsEstate planning requires careful coordination between divorce agreements and current relationship needsSetting healthy relationship boundaries should be celebrated rather than stigmatizedThe conversation reinforces that divorce—whether first, second, or subsequent—doesn't represent failure but rather demonstrates the courage to make healthy choices. Listeners gain practical insights into navigating complex legal and emotional terrain while maintaining focus on building positive future relationships.Links & NotesConnect with Kara on LinkedInSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Second Marriages and Beyond (01:22) - The Stigma of Multiple Divorces (06:15) - Cultural Shift (08:54) - Navigating the Traditionalist Shame (12:11) - Learning from Celebrity Divorces (15:50) - Pre- and Post-Nups (25:30) - Keeping Things Updated (27:08) - Estate Management (28:57) - Aliquat Reductions (35:34) - Boundaries (37:43) - Finding Kara (38:28) - Wrap Up

Navigating Emotional Avoidance in DivorceIn this illuminating episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore emotional avoidance during divorce with expert guest Dr. Michelle Maidenberg, a specialist in mindfulness and emotional resilience.Understanding Values in ConflictDr. Maidenberg explains how our core values shape divorce decisions and reactions. Values aren't just what we claim to prioritize—they reveal themselves through our actions and emotional triggers. When two values conflict, such as financial security versus family time, the resulting tension often drives divorce disputes.Breaking Down Emotional AvoidanceThe conversation delves into how emotional avoidance manifests during divorce proceedings. Dr. Maidenberg describes various avoidance tactics people employ, from repression to distraction, while explaining how these coping mechanisms can ultimately hinder healing and resolution.Practical Tools for Emotional RegulationDr. Maidenberg introduces therapeutic approaches including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for managing divorce-related trauma and anxiety. She emphasizes the importance of finding the right therapeutic relationship and approach for individual needs.Key Insights:Identify conflicting core values to better understand emotional reactions during divorceSet appropriate boundaries around communication to maintain emotional stabilityWork with qualified professionals to develop personalized coping strategiesThe Role of Professional SupportThe episode highlights how legal counsel and mental health professionals can work together to support clients through divorce. Seth Nelson shares practical strategies for managing difficult communications, while Dr. Maidenberg offers therapeutic perspectives on processing divorce-related emotions.Plus, the conversation explores how different therapeutic modalities—from CBT to mindfulness-based approaches—can help individuals navigate divorce's emotional challenges while staying true to their values.This episode provides valuable insights for anyone seeking to better understand and manage their emotional responses during divorce, while offering practical tools for maintaining stability throughout the legal process.Links & NotesFind Michelle on her website, LinkedIn, X, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTubeCheck out Michelle’s book “Ace Your Life: Unleash Your Best Self and Live the Life You Want”Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Meet Dr. Michelle Maidenberg (01:01) - Emotional Avoidance (02:18) - Formative Values (06:36) - When in Distress (07:54) - In the Divorce Process (10:13) - Dealing with Fear (12:10) - Conflict of Values (16:56) - Values Charting (17:59) - Learning to Self-Regulate (23:19) - EMDR (27:20) - Finding the Right Therapist (29:36) - Finding Michelle (31:19) - Wrap Up

Healing After Betrayal—A Guide for Co-ParentsDivorce attorney Seth Nelson and co-host Pete Wright welcome relationship coach and betrayal trauma expert Mr. Jay for an insightful discussion about healing and co-parenting after profound betrayal. Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience, Mr. Jay helps people navigate from devastating betrayal to healing, offering unique perspectives on how this specific trauma affects every aspect of life.The conversation explores what makes betrayal trauma distinct from other forms of trauma—particularly how it reshapes not just our present and future, but also our understanding of the past. Seth and Pete dive deep into practical strategies for managing ongoing relationships with former spouses when children are involved, while Mr. Jay shares powerful insights about healing personal wounds first. The discussion covers everything from financial betrayals to infidelity, examining how different types of betrayal trauma affect co-parenting relationships and personal recovery.Questions we answer in this episode:How is betrayal trauma different from other life challenges?What steps can I take to co-parent effectively after betrayal?How do I protect my emotional health while dealing with a betrayer?Key Takeaways:Healing requires addressing both current wounds and past traumaSelf-love and boundary-setting are crucial for emotional recoveryEffective co-parenting starts with personal healingThe episode provides essential insights for anyone struggling with betrayal during or after divorce, offering practical tools for healing while maintaining necessary relationships for the children's sake. Mr. Jay's approach emphasizes personal growth and self-care as fundamental steps toward building a healthy post-divorce life.Links & NotesVisit Mr. Jay’s websiteFind Mr. Jay on Instagram, X, Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, or his other linksCheck out Mr. Jay’s journalSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:31) - Mr. Jay and Betrayal Trauma (01:43) - Mr. Jay’s Background (05:40) - Defining Betrayal Trauma (08:28) - Trauma vs. Betrayal Trauma (10:47) - What If You Still Care? (14:01) - Affecting the Past as Well (18:28) - Co-Parenting (21:23) - Healing for You (22:53) - Admitting It (23:44) - Define what forgiveness means to you (28:14) - Getting Better Equipped (32:30) - Asking the Hard Questions (33:30) - Wrap Up

Faith, Family Law, and Finding Peace: Understanding Catholic AnnulmentsIn this enlightening episode, divorce attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome Father David Mowry, a Roman Catholic priest and assistant professor at the University of St. Mary of the Lake in Mundelein, Illinois. With the recent election of Pope Leo XIV (the first American-born Pope), the conversation explores the intersection of Catholic faith and family law, specifically focusing on the church's approach to marriage, divorce, and annulments.Seth and Pete dive deep into the Catholic Church's perspective on marriage as both a sacred covenant and a legal institution. Father Mowry explains how annulments differ fundamentally from civil divorces, detailing the extensive process and support systems the Church has in place. The discussion reveals how the Church's approach to failed marriages isn't about finding loopholes, but rather about determining whether a true marriage existed in the first place according to Catholic teaching.Questions we answer in this episode:How does a Catholic annulment differ from a civil divorce?What happens if one spouse refuses to participate in the annulment process?How does the Church support children whose parents are going through divorce?Key Takeaways:The Catholic Church views marriage as a permanent covenant—annulments determine if a valid marriage ever existedAnnulment processes include extensive pastoral and legal support systemsLocal priests serve as initial guides but specialized Church courts handle the formal proceedingsThis episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating the complex intersection of faith and divorce. Whether you're Catholic or simply interested in understanding different approaches to marriage dissolution, Father Mowry's explanation of the Church's compassionate yet structured approach to failed marriages provides a fascinating perspective on healing and moving forward.Links & NotesLearn more about Father David Mowry on his websiteSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:27) - Meet Father David Mowry (04:31) - Catholic Annulments vs. Divorce (05:16) - Civil vs. Church Law Around Marriage (12:20) - Annulments – The Loophole (18:05) - What the Church Looks at (20:27) - Counter to Catholic Thinking? (23:08) - A Way to Set People Free (24:06) - Unwlling Participant (25:46) - When It’s Contested (27:34) - Appeals Process (28:15) - Judges (31:50) - Emotional Infrastructure (36:55) - Working with the Kids (41:31) - Where the Job Begins and Ends (45:06) - Historical Records (46:47) - Pete’s Story (48:35) - Wrap Up

Mastering Stoic Empathy During and After DivorceDivorce attorney Seth Nelson and co-host Pete Wright welcome leadership expert and author Shermin Kruse to explore how combining stoicism with empathy can transform the divorce experience. Kruse, who grew up in war-torn Iran before becoming a lawyer and author, brings unique insights on maintaining emotional control while staying attuned to others' perspectives during high-conflict situations.Seth and Pete dive deep into practical applications of stoic empathy—from courtroom strategies to co-parenting interactions. The conversation explores how intentional discomfort practice builds resilience, while cognitive empathy helps navigate challenging relationships. Kruse shares powerful examples from her personal journey and professional experience, demonstrating how these principles can help anyone handle difficult conversations and negotiations more effectively. The discussion particularly focuses on how divorcing couples can maintain their authentic selves while managing conflict constructively.Questions we answer in this episode:How can I stay calm and focused when dealing with a hostile ex-spouse?What practical exercises help build emotional resilience during divorce?How do I balance being strong with staying empathetic in co-parenting?Key Takeaways:Practice discomfort in safe settings to build emotional controlUse active listening and pausing to better understand others' perspectivesRemember your responses are in your control, even when others' actions aren'tThis episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating divorce or high-conflict relationships. Kruse's blend of philosophical wisdom and practical experience provides actionable strategies for maintaining composure while building stronger post-divorce relationships.Links & NotesFind Sher on her website, LinkedIn, Instagram, or FacebookTune in to Sher’s podcast Stoic EmpathyCheck out Sher’s book Stoic EmpathySchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Shermin Kruse and Stoic Empathy (02:07) - What Is Stoic Empathy? (06:06) - The Practice of Stoicism (14:03) - Working on Empathy (20:08) - In the Divorce Process (32:43) - After Divorce (36:26) - Sher’s Book

Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Divorce: A Guide to Repair and HealingSeth Nelson, a Tampa divorce attorney, and Pete Wright explore the complex journey of repentance and repair during divorce with special guest Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg, author of "On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World." Rabbi Ruttenberg brings ancient Jewish wisdom to modern relationship challenges, offering insights into healing and growth when marriages end.The conversation dives deep into what true repair means in divorce, exploring the difference between reconciliation and healing. Seth and Pete discuss with Rabbi Ruttenberg her five-step framework for meaningful repentance, examining how these principles apply specifically to divorce situations. The discussion illuminates how personal accountability and genuine healing can occur even when one party refuses to participate in the repair process, and explores the impact of this work on co-parenting relationships.Questions we answer in this episode:Can you heal from divorce without receiving an apology from your ex?How do you move forward when the other person won't take accountability?What role does personal accountability play in divorce healing?Key Takeaways:True healing requires owning your part, regardless of the other person's actionsThe five steps of repentance provide a practical framework for divorce healingModeling accountability and repair helps children navigate divorce impacts betterThis episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating divorce or its aftermath. Rabbi Ruttenberg's framework, combined with Seth's legal expertise and Pete's facilitation, creates a powerful roadmap for personal growth and healing during one of life's most challenging transitions.Links & Noteslifeisasacredtext.com Get Rabbi Ruttenberg’s book “On Repentance and Repair”Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Meet Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg (03:47) - Repair in the Context of Divorce (05:06) - When the Other Party Won’t Engage (06:50) - Doing Your Work (11:24) - Needing to Face the Music Together (13:00) - Steps of Repentance (17:56) - Readiness for Change (19:08) - From the Legal Perspective (21:42) - Blame (24:48) - Learning Better Ways to Communicate (27:56) - Repentance Around the Kids (30:33) - When Kids Become a Focus (34:38) - Finding Peace (36:24) - Wrapping Up

Protecting Your Kids Through Divorce: A Mental Health Expert's GuideSeth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome Dr. Larry Waldman, a psychologist with over four decades of clinical experience helping families navigate divorce. As the author of "Love Your Child More Than You Hate Your Ex," Dr. Waldman shares crucial insights on protecting children from trauma during divorce and maintaining healthy parent-child relationships through major life transitions.The conversation explores the often-invisible ways parents unknowingly traumatize their children during divorce, from erasing evidence of the other parent to making children emotional confidants. Dr. Waldman, Seth, and Pete discuss practical strategies for maintaining stability, fostering healthy co-parenting relationships, and ensuring children feel secure and supported throughout the divorce process. Their discussion weaves together psychological insights with legal considerations, offering a comprehensive guide for parents navigating this challenging transition.Questions we answer in this episode:How do parents unknowingly traumatize their children during divorce?What's the best way to handle transitions between homes?When should older children have input in scheduling decisions?Key Takeaways:Keep photos of both parents visible in children's spacesFocus on positive experiences during transitions between homesMaintain appropriate parent-child boundaries; don't make children confidantsThis episode provides essential guidance for any parent going through divorce, offering both practical strategies and deeper insights into protecting children's emotional well-being. Dr. Waldman's expertise, combined with Seth's legal perspective and Pete's facilitation, creates a valuable resource for maintaining healthy family relationships during and after divorce.Links & NotesGet Dr. Waldman’s book “Love Your Child More Than You Hate Your Ex”Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:27) - Meet Larry Waldman (01:11) - Invisible Damage (04:48) - Damnatio Memoriae (06:15) - What Does Divorce Look Like to the Child? (08:47) - Making the Child a Confidant (09:32) - Weaponizing Your Kids in Court (10:30) - Someone New (12:19) - Stability and Security During the Divorce (15:26) - When They’re Older (20:00) - Your Child Is the Focus (21:04) - When They Grow Up (22:22) - When They Come Back from the Other Parent’s (23:59) - Using the Kid as a Scapegoat (25:51) - Larry’s Book (27:16) - Demonstrating What’s Most Important (29:38) - Wrap Up

De-escalating High-Conflict Divorce: A Rabbi's Perspective on Finding PeaceRabbi Avi Kahan joins Seth Nelson and Pete Wright to explore how de-escalation techniques and cultural sensitivity can help families reach sustainable resolutions during divorce. As a mediator handling complex religious and cultural divorce cases, Rabbi Kahan brings unique insights into managing high-conflict situations and helping couples transition from being spouses to successful co-parents.The conversation delves deep into how fear and conflict often mask deeper emotional struggles during divorce. Seth and Pete explore with Rabbi Kahan how the legal system's focus on "fairness" can sometimes escalate tensions, while religious and cultural perspectives might offer alternative paths to resolution. They discuss how divorce doesn't actually separate parents—it unifies them in a new way as co-parents, requiring them to articulate a new future together for their children's sake.Questions we answer in this episode:How can you de-escalate high-conflict divorce situations?What role does "fairness" really play in divorce proceedings?How can religious perspectives help in understanding divorce as transformation rather than failure?Key Takeaways:Focus on living your life, not your divorce—don't let temporary legal proceedings define your actionsDe-escalation often requires helping both parties want the divorce, not just need itCourt litigation can force parents to suppress their authentic selves, potentially harming childrenThe episode offers valuable insights for anyone navigating a contentious divorce, especially those dealing with cultural or religious complexities. Rabbi Kahan's perspective on viewing divorce as a unifying rather than separating force provides a fresh framework for approaching this challenging life transition. Links & NotesVisit Rabbi Avi Kahan on the web, Instagram, LinkedIn, or YouTubeSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Meet Rabbi Avi Kahan (01:15) - De-Escalation and Rabbi’s Background (03:29) - In the Interpersonal Space (06:21) - Getting Them on the Same Page (09:51) - To Make Life Better Post-Divorce (10:42) - Decompressing the Proxy Battle (14:56) - Fairness (22:20) - Husband v. Wife, Father v. Mother (24:53) - Lack of Agency (27:46) - Escalation as Coping Mechanism (29:28) - Affecting the Children (33:12) - Preparing for Mediation and Litigation (36:59) - Wrap Up

Helping Kids Navigate Divorce with Parent Coach Danielle LindnerSeth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome parent coach and early childhood education expert Danielle Lindner to discuss how children process divorce and what parents can do to help them stay resilient. Lindner, author of "The Parent's Pocket Guide to Surviving the Preschool Years" and several children's books, specializes in helping families raise emotionally healthy kids while maintaining their own wellbeing during major life transitions.Seth and Pete explore key indicators that children might be struggling with divorce, often manifesting in behavior changes opposite to their typical personality. The discussion delves into positive parenting strategies during divorce—including the importance of consistency, emotional validation, and avoiding negative talk about the other parent. Lindner emphasizes the power of age-appropriate communication and explains how "scaffolding"—building supportive steps toward greater emotional agency—can help children develop resilience during challenging times.Questions we answer in this episode:How can you tell if your child is struggling with divorce beyond what they're telling you?When should you consider bringing in professional help for your children?How do you handle introducing new partners when kids express negative feelings?Key Takeaways:Maintain consistency and kindness across both householdsValidate children's feelings without overloading them with informationConsider early intervention with counseling—it's better to start early than wait for problemsThis episode provides practical, actionable advice for parents navigating divorce with young children. Whether you're just beginning the process or already co-parenting, Lindner's expertise offers valuable insights into supporting children's emotional health while maintaining positive family relationships during and after divorce.Links & NotesFind Danielle on her website, LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTubeCheck out Danielle’s booksSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Danielle Lindner and Positive Parenting (01:35) - First Signs a Child Is Struggling (06:01) - Myths Around Kids and Divorce (10:27) - Positive Parenting (11:57) - Coaching Parents (15:07) - Tools for Struggling Children (18:21) - Scaffolding (20:19) - Learning to Be Emotionally Resilient (22:12) - Social Media (26:35) - Third Parties (30:35) - Daily Reminder (33:23) - When to Use a Counselor (34:40) - Danielle’s Book (38:27) - Wrap Up

Breaking Free from Toxic Family Patterns During DivorceIn this compelling episode, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright are joined by Jerry Wise, a family systems coach with over 45 years of experience helping people heal from dysfunctional and emotionally immature family dynamics. They explore how divorce often isn't the hardest part of ending a marriage—it's breaking free from the dysfunctional patterns that shaped you before you even got married.Seth and Pete dive deep with Jerry into the concept of emotional enmeshment and how it affects divorce proceedings and co-parenting relationships. They discuss practical strategies for recognizing when you're emotionally fused with your ex-spouse and techniques for breaking free from these patterns. The conversation takes fascinating turns as they explore how unresolved family-of-origin issues can impact current relationships and how to prevent passing these patterns to the next generation.Questions we answer in this episode:How do I know if I'm emotionally enmeshed with my ex?What can I do when I feel triggered by my ex's behavior?How do I protect my children from inheriting dysfunctional relationship patterns?Key Takeaways:Focus on yourself and your healing instead of blaming your exLearn to respond rather than react to triggering situationsWork on breaking unhealthy patterns before they affect your childrenThis episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating divorce or struggling with challenging family dynamics. Jerry's expertise, combined with Seth and Pete's practical legal and personal experience, provides listeners with actionable strategies for breaking free from toxic patterns and building healthier relationships moving forward.Links & NotesFind Jerry on his website, Instagram, or YouTubeCheck out Jerry’s Road to Self programSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Jerry Wise and How to Divorce without Passing Down Toxic Patterns (02:37) - Lots of Things Affect Kids (04:21) - Enmeshment (07:49) - Getting Unmeshed (09:13) - Focus on Yourself (10:27) - Emotional and Legal Divorce (11:07) - Things You Can Do (16:23) - Breaking the Triggering Patterns (19:18) - Not All Feelings Are Equal (21:20) - Role Model for Kids (24:37) - Kids’ Resilience (26:08) - Realizing You’re Ready for Change (30:49) - Leaving Because... (32:09) - It’s a Lot (33:14) - You Won’t Always Feel This Way (35:27) - Marker 17 (39:18) - Wrap Up

In this special season finale episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson joins Pete Wright to wrap up their comprehensive "Your Divorce Case" series by tackling pressing listener questions. This episode marks the conclusion of Season 10, where they've guided listeners through every aspect of the divorce process, from initial consultation to appeals.The episode dives deep into real-world divorce scenarios submitted by listeners, covering everything from custody arrangements for children with ADHD to hidden cryptocurrency assets and international divorce complications. The discussion provides practical insights into how these situations are typically handled in the courtroom, while breaking down complex legal concepts into understandable terms. The conversation consistently emphasizes the importance of consulting with local counsel, as laws and procedures vary by jurisdiction.Questions we answer in this episode:How do courts typically handle parenting plans when parents disagree about medical treatment?What options exist when you suspect hidden financial assets?How are digital assets like cryptocurrency handled in divorce proceedings?Key Takeaways:Settlement opportunities can arise at any point during the divorce process - even during trialCourt orders and requirements vary significantly by jurisdictionDocumentation and proper legal counsel are crucial throughout the divorce processThis episode serves as both an excellent standalone resource for specific divorce questions and a fitting conclusion to the season-long examination of the divorce process. Whether you're just starting your divorce journey or looking for specific guidance on complex issues, this episode offers valuable insights into navigating the legal and emotional challenges of divorce.Links & NotesSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - Listener Questions (00:52) - Question One (03:11) - Question Two (04:09) - Question Three (04:52) - Question Four (06:58) - Question Five (08:44) - Question Six (10:44) - Question Seven (16:56) - Question Eight (19:48) - Question Nine (21:14) - Question Ten (24:20) - Question Eleven (29:05) - Question Twelve (31:57) - Question Thirteen (34:31) - Question Fourteen (36:33) - Question Fifteen (38:40) - Question Sixteen (40:08) - Question Seventeen (42:11) - Question Eighteen (45:49) - Question Nineteen (47:43) - Wrapping Up the Season (50:40) - Wrap Up

Navigating the Appeals Process in Divorce CasesContinuing our season-long Your Divorce Case series, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome appellate attorney Ceci Berman to discuss what happens when divorce cases move to the appeals court. As a board-certified appellate practice attorney with extensive experience arguing before state and federal courts, Ceci brings deep expertise in family law appeals and complex commercial litigation.The appeals process works very differently from trial court, with strict timelines and procedures that must be followed. Seth and Pete explore with Ceci how appeals aren't simply "do-overs" of the original case, but rather reviews of whether the trial judge made legal errors in their decision. Through their conversation, they break down the machinery of appeals - from filing deadlines to oral arguments before a panel of judges - and discuss what clients should expect during what can be a lengthy process lasting anywhere from 9 months to 2 years.Questions we answer in this episode:What exactly is an appeal and how does it differ from the original trial?How long does the appeals process typically take?What happens if you win your appeal?Key Takeaways:You have just 30 days from the final judgment to file an appealAppeals are expensive and time-consuming - carefully consider if it's worth pursuingWinning your appeal means starting over - potentially with the same judge who ruled against you initiallyThis episode provides an invaluable look at a complex but crucial part of the divorce process that many people misunderstand. Whether you're considering an appeal or just want to better understand how the system works, Ceci's expert insights combined with Seth and Pete's practical experience make this an essential listen for anyone navigating divorce proceedings.Links & NotesCeci Berman – Brannock Berman & SeiderSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:26) - The Appeal with Ceci Berman (01:55) - How Is It Different? (04:04) - Who Decides? (07:21) - Finality (08:21) - Triggers for an Appeal (13:57) - Preservation of Error (20:16) - Mechanics of an Appeal (27:48) - Three Judges (29:25) - Time to Get an Opinion (32:06) - What Your Role Is (35:21) - Juggling Relationships with Attorneys (36:24) - Stays (38:24) - Questioning Results (39:51) - Hard to Win (41:31) - Taking Time (43:39) - Expensive (45:24) - Wrap Up

Mastering Courtroom Behavior: Your Guide to Trial SuccessIn this final installment of our three-part series on divorce trials, Tampa family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright dive deep into courtroom etiquette, behavior, and psychological preparation. As part of our season-long exploration of Your Divorce Case, this episode provides essential insights into how to present yourself effectively in court and work productively with your attorney during trial.Seth and Pete break down the discussion into three key segments: mastering courtroom behavior, being an asset to your attorney during trial, and psychological preparation. They explore everything from appropriate facial expressions and dress code to the importance of proper note-taking and communication with your attorney. The conversation also covers critical aspects of post-trial procedures, including motions for rehearing and appeals, while emphasizing the importance of maintaining composure both inside and outside the courtroom.Questions we answer in this episode:What are the most common courtroom etiquette mistakes that can hurt your case?How should you handle emotionally triggering statements during trial?What's the proper way to communicate with your attorney during proceedings?Key Takeaways:Maintain neutral facial expressions and conservative dress in courtUse note-taking to manage emotions and assist your attorney effectivelyStay off social media before, during, and after trialWhether you're preparing for trial or simply want to understand the court process better, this episode provides invaluable insights into navigating the complexities of divorce court. Seth and Pete's practical advice and real-world examples make this a must-listen for anyone facing divorce proceedings or interested in understanding courtroom dynamics.Links & NotesSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:37) - The Trial Part III (01:16) - Mastering Courtroom Behavior (04:38) - Handling Emotional Triggers (06:48) - Judicial Hot Buttons (10:04) - Being an Asset to Your Legal Team (13:00) - Communicating During Zoom Court (13:29) - Strategy and Psychological Preparation (16:34) - The Courthouse Encounter (19:22) - Avoid Social Media (21:33) - Post-Trial Steps (25:45) - Testing Pete (30:27) - Don’t Get Freaked Out (31:45) - Wrap Up

Trial Strategy: Making Your Case in Divorce CourtIn this second installment of their three-part series on divorce trials, Tampa divorce attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright dive deeper into trial strategy and momentum. Part of their season-long "Your Divorce Case" conversation, this episode explores how attorneys navigate the complex dynamics of presenting evidence, examining witnesses, and adapting their approach as trials unfold. Building on last week's overview of courtroom basics, they now focus on the strategic elements that can make or break a case.Seth shares detailed insights about trial preparation, witness examination, and the intricate dance between attorneys, judges, and clients during proceedings. Through real-world examples and candid discussion, Seth and Pete break down how success is measured in divorce court, why "winning" isn't always what it seems, and how attorneys must constantly adjust their strategy as new evidence emerges. Their conversation reveals the complex reality behind courtroom proceedings, including how judges signal their thinking and why settlement offers often play a crucial role in defining success.Questions we answer in this episode:What happens when you finally take the witness stand?How do attorneys measure success in divorce court?Why don't clients really get their "day in court"?Key Takeaways:Trial momentum can shift dramatically between daysYour attorney should be completely transparent about how the case is progressingThe best outcome often beats the last settlement offer, not necessarily "wins" everythingWhether you're headed to trial or trying to decide if you should settle, this episode offers crucial insights into how divorce trials really work. Seth and Pete's practical discussion helps demystify the process while providing valuable perspective on what constitutes success in divorce court.Links & NotesSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here! (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster (00:37) - The Trial Part II (01:44) - Be Prepared for Anything (06:21) - It’s Not Your Day in Court (08:56) - Sit Still and Don't React (10:55) - Legalese (16:19) - Shifting Strategies (20:56) - The Final Judgment (23:39) - Momentum (25:03) - In-Court Relationships (27:51) - Closing Statements (33:28) - Finishing the Case and Measuring Success (42:58) - Being Honest (46:04) - Wrap Up