How to get away with marriage

This week Sal anad Dave reflect on the loss of Dave's mum and how that loos of the last parent is profound for them both indivually and for their marriage.   Below is the eulogy Dave wrote for his mum.   Yesterday we gathered in Launceston to farewell mum.    It’s a terrible thing to lose a mother. Especially in a matriarchal family.  When the siblings gathered last night our friend said, “you’re orphans now”.    There is nothing inherently wrong with the death of mum yet it feels wrong.    Mum was a very funny woman. A strong woman and a deep women whose voice will live on in the back of my mind. With a single “mother’s look” at me on my wedding day she taught me to see my wife above all other distractions. She taught me to protect the vulnerable and woe betide anyone who intended harm on a vulnerable person. She taught me to stand up to the powerful. Mum taught me how to live by Faith and she taught me how to question that Faith.  Mum showed me that money is useful but not essential and that giving and receiving is core to being a decent human being.  I am who I am not because mum taught me everything but because she taught me how to learn and how to find the way forward even in the darkest times. The very darkest times.  Suffering does that. It makes those who accept it wise and mum was wise. Boy was she wise.    Marj loved her grandchildren most of all. I know this sounds strange but it was almost like she took their confessions and kept them secret, imagine that! A grandmother who’s grandchildren wanted to be honest with her!   She was wrong about one thing though. Mum told my then fiancee that if she could put up with me until I was 30 years old then I might be worth being married to! I was 20 when she gave Sallie that advice. She was wrong by 10 years. I was 40 before I was worth being married to. Most other things she was right about.  Marj was a woman who cared about her family and friends but most of all she cared about justice. That’s a rare quality. When push comes to shove most of us reprioritise our priorities. When our backs are against the wall we tend to protect ourselves. Not mum though. I don’t think I ever saw her reprioritise. I believe mum had her priorities straight right from the start. Stand with the poor, the marginalised, the refugees, the homeless and those who are suffering.    The only exception being her support for The Cats. Obviously she was mistaken on that one but for everything else, I won’t live to see a more principled person.    Love ya mum.

This week Sal and Dave chat about the place for positivity in a marriage, and how they have found it makes a big difference

This week Sal and Dave look back on the marriage preparation they did 40 years ago. What was helpful and what they reckon could have been better?

This week Sal and Dave delve into communication,  reflecting on how long it's taken to learrn what each others 'signals' are. "You're telling me a problem but don't want my help? I dont get it"  

This week Sal and Dave reflect on the role of Emotional Intelligence or the lack of it in their marriage. 

This week Sal and Dave reflect on their relationship with money. Apparently money is one of the biggest causes of conflict in most marriages but it hasn’t been for Sal and Dave. Is that good though?

This week Sal and Dave reflect on how they learned to argue, or at least are still learning. We discover as the episode goes on that our unhelpful arguments are more to do with our archaic ("beginnings" in original Greek) feelings rather than current knowledge. Strap yourselves in folks. Woohoo!!

This week Sal and Dave are in conversation with old frinds and occasional colleagues Steve and Kath McNee reflecting on how they have gotten away with thier marriage over the years. They delve deep from the early years to empty nesters and everythibg in between. 

A verse from an old hymn we used to sing, kind of wraps up this episode: “We are pilgrims on a journey, we are brothers (and sister) on the road. We are here to help each other walk the mile and bear the load” This week Sal and Dave reflect on whether there is such a thing as a Soulmate.

This week Dave and Sal reflect on their many adventures together and how even small adventures helped them to get away with marriage. 

This week Dave and Sal reflect on their long years together and the benefits of a long term relationship. 

This week Sal and Dave celebrate Mother's Day by talking about their own mums, what they learned from them and how they got away with marrIage. 

This week Sal and Dave talk with their old friends Richard and Lynda. We find out how they got away with marriage and a big beautiful blended family. 

This week Dave and Sal reflect on how listening has helped them get away with marriage. they also racall epic fails, family dynamics and the dreadful "Family Meetings"!    

This week Sal and Dave reflect on conflict over the years. What worked, what didn’t work and how they’re doing it now.

This week Sal and Dave reflect on how being part of various groups of friends helped them get away with marriage. 

This week Dave and Sal refelct on how they are getting away with a history of trauma including how it effects their marriage now.  Be aware that this episode contans discussion about sensitive subjects, take care as you listen. We've included a link below for anyone who wants to explore their own childhood experiences. Adverse Childhood Experiences 

This week Sal and Dave talk about how the little things have made up the big thing. Dave's. ore inclined to do big things occasionaly but discovers we don't all work like that!