If I Speak

Ash Sarkar and Moya Lothian-McLean sort the personal from the political, tackle listener dilemmas and air their opinions on the frustrations of modern life.

89: Am I doomed to get more conservative as I get older?

LAST CALL for our Manchester event on 25 November with Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There – get tickets from Contact Theatre! Then we’ll be at EartH in East London on 16 December with Jordan Stephens – tickets are selling fast on Dice. This week a mystery question leads Ash and Moya into conversation […]

11-18
52:30

88: What are the ethics of oversharing?

Come and see us live! We’re in Manchester on 25 November with Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There – get tickets from Contact Theatre. Then we’ll be at EartH in East London on 16 December with Jordan Stephens – actor, author and one half of Rizzle Kicks! Tickets are available from Dice. This week, […]

11-11
01:06:53

Live news! Come and see us at EartH in London on 16 December

A special announcement: Moya and Ash will host a festive edition of If I Speak on 16th December. Joining us at EartH in East London will be special guest Jordan Stephens – actor, writer, one half of Rizzle Kicks and the author of a bestselling memoir, Avoidance, Drugs, Heartbreak and Dogs! Tickets are available now […]

11-06
01:06

87: I’m losing interest in my fiancée. Should she make more effort?

Come and see us live on 25th November in Manchester with special guest Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There! Tickets are available now from Contact Theatre. Inspired by a famous pop psychology quiz, Moya and Ash tackle a quiz about the culture that shaped them, from celebrity crushes to memorable quotes. Plus: advice for […]

11-04
01:10:19

86: Why do we lap up other people’s horror stories?

We’re coming to Manchester! On 25th November we’ll be at Contact Theatre for a live show with special guest Lanre Bakare, author of We Were There. Tickets are available now from the Contact website! This week, Moya and Ash offer a thought for spooky season: why do love hearing other people’s horror stories? Plus: Moya […]

10-28
01:12:22

85: Has pop culture turned to slop? w/ Kemi Alemoru

*Display your Special One status with our only piece of merch so far – a bag! Available from shop.novaramedia.com* Moya and Ash are joined by Kemi Alemoru, editorial director of Glamour UK, to analyse the current state of pop culture, from Taylor Swift to A24. Has pop turned to slop? Or is it on us […]

10-21
01:08:44

84: How to ace a first date (by two very different daters)

*Flag your Special One status with a massive foldable Baggu bag, available from shop.novaramedia.com* Are you a stranger dater or a fan of the ‘indeterminate hang’? Moya and Ash explain their very different approaches to a first date. Plus: advice for an unhappy house-sharer. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

10-14
57:58

83: Is jealousy the spice of life?

*We’ve got merch! It’s a big foldable bag just for Special Ones, available from shop.novaramedia.com* Prompted by Elena Ferrante’s novel My Brilliant Friend, Ash wonders what makes Moya jealous. Can friendships survive a power imbalance? What happens when YOU are the brilliant friend? And is jealousy a crucial part of desire? Reading: Wounded Attachment by […]

10-07
01:05:03

82: Help! I can’t stop hating men

*Join the Baggu believers: it’s a huge foldable bag just for Special Ones, available from shop.novaramedia.com* Moya wants to stop hating men and start building trust, which means a dialogue about all the things that make that difficult: objectification, racist over-sexualisation, degrading comments, and rape (TW: 27m; 40m). Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt […]

09-30
01:09:56

81: Is it wrong to love my AI boyfriend?

*We’ve got merch. Gift yourself the If I Speak x Baggu bag, only from shop.novaramedia.com* A mystery question from producer Chal prompts a conversation about secrets in romantic relationships – from watching porn to cheating with an AI boyfriend. Plus: advice for an autistic dater who’s been banned from Hinge. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music […]

09-23
45:35

80: September is the real new year. Will your resolution stick this time?

*Flag your Special One status with our official tote bag, only from shop.novaramedia.com* Moya has a simple proposition: September is the best month for fresh starts. But why do we always want a clean slate? Plus, a straight white man who’s trying to be good and getting flak for it anyway. Send us your dilemmas: […]

09-16
01:02:43

79: Help! I’ve moved back home and now my mum hates me

*Check out the official If I Speak tote bag on shop.novaramedia.com* Moya and Ash tackle your dilemmas, featuring a middle-class mum who’s become distant and critical, an ex-boyfriend who’s blowing hot and cold, a looming holiday with an abuser, a single man wondering where all the single women are hiding, and a twenty-something struggling to […]

09-09
59:07

78: What does it take to feel safe?

*Get the If I Speak Baggu bag from shop.novaramedia.com* A shocking real-life incident prompts a conversation about feeling safe, trusting your gut and the politics of public safety. Plus: advice on finding friendship after leaving a conservative religious community. TW: sexual assault (at 43m) Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

09-02
01:10:36

77: What’s the difference between a girl and a woman?

*The If I Speak Baggu bag is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available from shop.novaramedia.com* What would it mean to be valued simply as a woman – not as a mother, wife, caregiver, girlypops or MILF? Ash and Moya talk about their animal natures and fear of motherhood in a chat spurred by […]

08-26
01:02:01

76: How porn went mainstream and changed everything w/ Sophie Gilbert

*Support the show by copping the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available from shop.novaramedia.com* Ash and Moya talk to Sophie Gilbert about the pornification of the ’90s and ’00s – an era when riot grrl gave way to girl power, the supermodel was replaced by […]

08-19
01:17:32

75: The world needs more flirting. Here’s how

*Support the show by copping the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available from shop.novaramedia.com* Moya and Ash tackle a topic that turns up in the If I Speak mailbox every week: how can we get better at flirting IRL – and coping with rejection? Plus, how […]

08-12
01:11:22

74: Can your racial identity change over time?

*Flag your Special One status with the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com* Ash has noticed that neither she nor Moya is white and urgently needs to talk about it. Has her sense of her racial identity changed over time? And where does […]

08-05
01:15:13

73: Where did it all go wrong on the dancefloor?

*Flag your Special One status with the If I Speak Baggu bag – it’s ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com* Having rekindled her appetite for fun, Ash now has a five-point plan to improve dancefloors. Plus, advice for a special one whose boyfriend isn’t weird or jealous – and that’s the […]

07-29
01:07:59

72: Why does it always have to be me taking responsibility?

*We’ve got merch! The If I Speak Baggu bag is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com* Ash and Moya descend into the guilt vortex for a conversation about family, responsibility, and parents who need to be parented. Plus: advice for a special one with a workplace crush. Send us […]

07-22
01:07:20

71: If I’m so angry then why am I crying?!

*We’ve got merch! The If I Speak Baggu bag is ethically made, comes in two colours and is available now from shop.novaramedia.com. Support the show and find fellow Special Ones.* On this episode, Moya presents an intrusive thought from a Special One about why some women struggle to express their anger. Should our ‘outlaw emotions’ […]

07-01
01:00:12

AwZ

"How do we make empathy and compassion cool and sexy?" You don't. It's like asking "how do we make staying sober and doing your homework cool and sexy?" That's why taking account of nuance and context is so important. Vittorio and Mike are pretty clearly not using "r**ard" and "g*y" with the intention of being cruel to the mentally disabled or LGBT community. They're also comedians who say out of pocket shit for a laugh. "Let's police comedians, but also be the fun, sexy side of the spectrum!"

04-16 Reply

Alex Small

You aren't though

08-15 Reply

Roxanne Johnson

Finally got around to listening to this. Fascinating to hear Moya and Ash's take on emotional, cultural and interpersonal issues. "Stamp on me queens", (please do not).

03-20 Reply

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