We’re finally getting back to our core objective with this podcast: filling the internet with digital litter while it’s still legal! So relax, grab a drink, roll down the window, and throw it right on the street because this is an oops-all-litter episode! Get ready to fill your mind with half baked misinformation like how the immortal jellyfish works, how to manage your team like King Solomon, and how to conceptualize Schrödinger’s butthole! And if that’s not enough for you, we’re also rude to strangers on the internet!Also in this episode: “I like the rhythm, but not the words.”, Xbox Live, Pokémon, immortal jellyfish, Erwin Schrödinger, bestiality, allpoetry.com, Randall S, and Bad Jonny
Welcome to a poetic episode of Inside the Mind of a Child Genius - the show where dyslexic adults make fun of children! In this episode, join 3 poetry experts and Theo as we learn what sadness smells like, what anxious people think about all the time, and what’s actually scary about zombies (we’re worried about their mental health). We will regale in the tales of Theo’s composer group that’s either Marxist or MAGA (he doesn’t know, he wasn’t paying attention), and how he almost won a poetry competition that’s either a really big deal or a complete scam. Also in this episode: “My teacher actually insisted that I do this assignment.”, “We’ve never seen anyone bust up like this!”, “If I'm not the messiah, maybe I’m a famous author!”, “Your thoughts are useless at the day’s prime.”, Pikachu, Pokémon, Ash Ketchum, Donald Trump, Karl Marx, rage rooms, diamante poetry, clerihew poetry, Klondike bars, China, Mr. Overbite, North Carolina, Poe Center for Health Education, Michael Caine, Bruce Wayne, Batman, Eminem, Edgar Allan Poe, sleeper agents, and The Walking Dead.
Welcome to the grand finale of Theo’s Fifth Grade Year in Review! In this episode, we follow the heartwarming story of three unlikely animal friends: Daniel, Theo, and Joseph as they are dipped in mud, guilt-tripped by Girl Scouts, beefed by a famous rapper, and saddled with predatory loans as children. Will they overcome all odds to be memorialized on TikTok with Ed Sheeran music, or will they be doomed to an eternity of hanging out with the Manning brothers? Tune in to find out! Also in this episode: “It looked like the Devil, but without his cheerful disposition!”, “Are you stressed? Only perpetually.”, “I moved to Scandinavia because I’m sad. Now I’m sad and in Scandinavia.”, HomeStar Runner, TikTok, Perfect by Ed Sheeran, YouTube, South Park, ASMR, Drake, Kendrick Lamar, Christianity, Catholicism, Minority Report, Presbyterian, Martin Luther, Girl Scouts, The Exorcist, CoPilot, Microsoft Word, Clippy, 3 Cowboys, Quest of the Dragon, SunTrust Bank, Kirby Kangaroo, Eli and Peyton Manning.
In this gripping episode of our true crime podcast, Theo’s unsettling no-teeth smile sparks a chilling conversation. Is he a psychopath or something? Turns out he isn’t, but join us as we explore questions like this and over 100 crimes - including crimes we’re committing while we record! We delve into the bizarre concept of a mail hole, uncover the secrets of a man with a fake limp, and question Daniel’s motivation to hide while he does yard work. Prepare yourself for a disturbing look into the darker side of humanity, also Pokémon, Homestar Runner, Peasant’s Quest, and 3 Cowboys. Also in this episode: “You don’t want to hang out with the guy with a fake limp.”, “I knew you were having impure thoughts this whole time.”, “Don’t get too close or you might actually hear what I'm whispering.”, Serial, Charles Manson, Happy Face Killer, Twin Flames, Jesus, Catholicism, 10 Commandments, The Vatican, Harry Potter, Justin Timberlake, The Matrix, X2, Anger Management, American Pie, Eminem, 50 Cent, Nelly, R. Kelly, Jay Z, Cadillac, Radiolab, Fear Factor, Joe Rogan, and The Cosby Show.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to listen to us invent a new sport? Right, I didn’t think so, but you’re here now, so might as well! Let’s just say, things get pretty sticky (because of velcro, and magnetics, and stuff - nothing weird). While we were at it we also invented a new form of music - CPR Jazz - but you’ll need a professional basketball player, a dog, and a mini saxophone to pull it off. Of course, we also continue through Theo’s fifth grade review and today we learn that his school had a fight club, a bar, and an affinity for Chaucer. Also in this episode: “That's jazz, baby - you miss 100% of the notes you don’t play.”, “He got my dad's name and I got my dad's tools name.”, “Harry only saved people for the house points.”, Charles Barkley, Charlie Parker, Goalball, Bitcoin, Catholicism, Mark Wahlberg, Walhburgers, Jesus, Harry Potter, Fight Club, Bing, Chaucer, and DARE.
The meaning of no recess is life that not fun. But this episode IS fun! We’re reading all about Theo’s masochistic, possibly Calvinist middle school which used gamified punishments and Schrodinger’s homework passes. We’re also giving you betting tips for the Super Bowl that already happened! Will the Nude Maids win? Can the Unicorns really beat the Dragons? Or will Peasant’s Academy rise to the top? Even though Daniel’s a time traveler, he’s not much help, since he’s recording this years after the NFL has disbanded. And remember, if you have any questions about alien vegetables, direct them to Neil Degrasse Tyson - just don’t expect a straight answer, because he’s drunk with power. Also in this episode: “Why dont you just guess how the universe works?”, “Sometimes even if you don’t have, you’ll get it.”, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Taylor Swift, the SuperBowl, the NFL, Green Bay Packers, HomeStar Runner, Peasant’s Quest, Star Wars, Chewbacca, Schrodinger, Calvinism, Catholicism, the Ten Commandments, Joe Biden, Donald Trump, Harry Potter, and Hogwarts.
Today we’re joined by our resident spatial-relations expert: Cousin Ian. In this episode we’ll test his masterful knowledge of space and relations - starting with a fictional list of dragons that Theo drew and described as a child genius. Our intelligent discussion will lead to many interesting topics that teach you how to: Inflate a small man with compressed air Steal sugary bread from an insect-man with 700 greedy children Become an irresistible passenger to your Driver’s Ed teacher Swipe a hand kiss from a matriarch And stay tuned for a handy #DeathHack that will blow your mind! Also in this episode: “I would not call anything cake bread.”, “We should try making a lot of money.”, Paul Ryan, Tom from Myspace, Warheads, Wilt Chamberlain, Omegle, ChatGPT, Oberlin, Super Soaker, Kung Pow! Enter the Fist, Flaming Hot Cheetos, Sour Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, and Smashwords.
In this episode, join hosts Theo, Joseph, Daniel, and Seth as they delve into the intricate backstory of a shed’s origins and the chaotic contents of a box within. Along the way, you may learn how to place a minor curse on a collection of miscellaneous hardware, test out a new therapist, and even find your life’s purpose with a stack of doormats. We’ll delve deep into topics such as: writing a best selling book, coming up with great insults, and finally getting ChatGPT to love you. Tune in for an episode that promises to ignite your sense of wonder about what you could be doing if only you had an extra finger. Also in this episode: “Seth called it off! It’s not a no-nut-podcast anymore!”, “The joke is that there could be some sort of sexual relationship between computers.”, “You’re clinically incapable of yes, and!”, National Public Radio (NPR), Pinnochio, Joe Rogan, COVID-19, ChatGPT, Nirvana, The Beatles, St. Mary’s, Microsoft, FreeCell, Pusha T, Riddles.com, Warheads, Christianity, Batman, No Nut November, England, the Internet, Jenga, Christmas, the Heimlich Maneuver, and Yanni.
Are you into survival novels, portal science fiction, and Mary Poppins? Then we have the story for you! This episode includes tips for setting a world record, contacting Kevin Bacon, acing standardized writing tests, and beating level one of Crash Bandicoot. It also has classic ITMOACG gags like Theo’s harebrained schemes to skip a grade, gratuitous references to Pokemon, and at least one joke only translators can understand! Warning: You WILL get sick if you listen to this episode! Also in this episode: “These kids aren’t gonna dunk on me are they?”, “To get smashed in the face, go to page 5.”, “You didn’t have to use the word ‘locomotive’ at all.”, Guinness Book of World Records, Kevin Bacon, Appalachian Trail, Paul Bunyan, Snoopy, Peanuts, Mary Poppins, Pokemon, Crash Bandicoot, Nintendo Power, and COVID-19.
Seth is on the podcast, and he’s got a muffin to eat! He has also written several stories, and in this episode we discuss his premature and geographically confusing obituary as well as his gratitude for reality. This episode really has it all: butt wiping hacks, comedy that grows exponentially, cat pee rainbows, mystery jokes, and a lot of homophones. If you don’t think this episode is good, that doesn’t bother us at all. We actually didn’t really want it to be good or bad - or on the brink of being bad. We just wanted it to be like a normal episode. Also in this episode: “True power is in how sad you can make other people.”, “I want to stop crying, but I’m in so deep!”, “I’ll die later, pizza now!”, Pokemon, Power Rangers, Transformers, Shakespeare, Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson, Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkein, the Bible, Jesus, and Charlie Chaplin.
Comrades of the Glorious Collective! What do Obama, Dumbledore, and Joseph Stalin have in common? Why, they’re all honorable members of the Huffman’s Hall of Fame, of course! This episode is mostly about Comrade Stalin and his meteoric rise from peasant to propagandist. Along the way we’ll discuss aliens, pork bung, and terrorist cats. This episode description is free to use in any school library! Disclaimer: Stalin was a terrible person. Also in this episode: “I might go after your pork bung and seize power.”, “Are you just going to live the rest of your life with a wild cat in one of your rooms?”, “Really makes ya think.” - Theo “No it doesn't.” - Daniel, aliens, Harry Potter, Homestar Runner, Peasant’s Quest, Soviet Russia, King’s Academy, Superman, King Kong, Google, Vladimir Lenin, Lion King, Siberia, Guantanamo Bay, and the FBI.
Welcome back to another episode of your favorite misinformation-filled podcast! Well, maybe it’s not your favorite, but if that’s the case just consider this more misinformation. Today we’ll be lying to you about German folklore, how to wink, Latin America and much more! So grab Igor, your trusty Russian travel guide, and let’s go! Also in this episode: “Thank god Joseph’s not in class today”, Go-Gurt, National Geographic, Mexico City, Mexico, Kingston, Jamaica, Port-au-Prince, Haiti, Brasilia, Brazil, Russia, United State of America, Shrek, Golden Goose, 3 Cowboys, Nostradamus, Rasputin, Rumpelstiltskin, Czar Nicholas II, Covid-19, Martin Luthur, Catholicism, Buddhism, Protestantism, Walmart, and Vladimir Putin.
So you want to listen to the latest episode of the official podcast for FarmhandsOnly.com? Here’s what you need to do: Gather supplies Challenge God’s existence Create a black hole Collect gold Listen to the episode If you don’t like this episode it’s because you didn’t do all of those steps right. Also in this episode: “That fart noise lets me know that I’m safe with you.”, “It’s a free egg, don’t ask any questions.”, FarmersOnly, Homestar Runner, Covid-19, Oedipus, Yanni, Amelia Bedelia, Kroger, and Teletubbies.
We done did it! Another episode filled with infinite muffins, hot pets, and artsy puddles of slop! In this episode you’ll learn how to antagonize a mean dog with a phalanx of children, and you may even learn a thing or two about what constitutes a puddle. So settle in with a dollar slice of pizza, a live frog, and about 20 bottles of water for another fun episode of Inside the Mind of a Child Genius. Disclaimer: This episode description is not intended to be an invitation for David Blaine to do magic. Also in this episode: “The sandwich was good, but I don’t think I want it in my stomach forever. I might have to poop it out later.”, “This is America, if you want to have a puddle of slop in your backyard you can have a puddle of slop.”, Star Wars, Jar Jar Binks, Nintendo, Super Smash Bros, Joe Rogan, David Blaine, Covid-19, Lord of the Rings, Gandalf, Pippin, Gollum, Peter “One-Shot” Jackson, New York City, The Prestige, and Christian Bale.
The 50th episode of any podcast is a huge milestone, but the 51st is an even huger milestone! So while all the other podcasts celebrate their 50th, we’re celebrating our 51st because we’re better NOT because we forgot. Also in this episode: “I’m Chatty Man now!”, “That dragon is on a quest. There’s never been a dragon that is more on a quest than Long-Fe.”, King Arthur, Gawain, 3 Cowboys, ChatGPT, Chismas, Thanksgiving, Island of the Dinosaurs, Misfortiounit, St Rohovenachi’s Deli, Kari Lake, Donald Trump, Hinge, Hallelujah, Quest of the Dragon, Jabanuba, green plant squirt juice, and Smashwords.
Get ready to embark on an unforgettable adventure with Theo’s Website: The Video Game! Step into the shoes of young Theo, a quirky and lovable protagonist who enjoys activities such as roasting old people, women, and children, and scamming people in the online game Runescape. Explore a vast open-world filled with bizarre activities, unique characters, and unforgettable moments. Participate in the Backyard Summer Olympics, attend an intro fest music festival, visit St. Rohovenachi’s Deli to tuck-in on some fish stuff, and even enjoy a massage without worrying about getting a boner. With a wide range of activities available, you'll never run out of things to do. Meet a diverse cast of characters, including Monty, the high-jumping world record holder, Dmitri Shostakovich, Joseph Stalin, Martha Stewart, Johnny Watermelon Appleseed, and renowned pornstar Abraham Lincoln. Each character brings their unique personality to the table, making the game even more exciting and unpredictable. Make choices that will affect the outcome of the story and navigate young Theo past dangerous Chinese meat grinding operatives to complete his mission. Enjoy graphics so good, you’ll like them. Whether you're a fan of getting addicted to SPLIT or donating to the National Theo Donation Center, Theo’s Website: The Video Game has something for everyone. So, get ready to laugh, explore, and experience a truly unforgettable journey. Also in this episode: “I don’t understand why Hilga would rather have a football player than Mr. Overbite, but I’m an idiot.”, Beethoven, Bitcoin, Ethereum, China, insider trading, Q-Anon, The Yellow Deli, Kung Pow: Enter the Fist, Roger Ebert, and Peasant’s Quest.
Welcome to the world's most expensive podcast ($40 billion)! In this episode we become the first podcast to make all our listeners go insane, so start saving up for some outsourced therapy. Also, grab your checkbooks for a dystopian game of checkbook chicken and join us for a wild ride as we navigate through this crazy website with our spirit guide, Theo (or as many bullies call him, Slobbery), and learn how to act in the waiting room for therapy and hopefully avoid freak meat grinder accidents in the courtroom. Also in this episode: “There are still jokes in this…and lies.”, “Don’t worry, I’ll survive, then he dies.”, “He doesn’t want to barf on his dog’s corpse.”, The Hunger Games, Elon Musk, Twitter, The Green Party, Libertarians, Alex Jones, Ben Shapiro, Ursula Le Guin, Better Help, Aldi, Microsoft Word, Clippy, Batzilla: Bat Simulator, Mr. Overbite, Copyright Guy, Nashville, Tennessee, Berlin, Germany, California, China, ayahuasca, Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers, Frodo, JRR Tolkein, Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, The Bible, Jesus, WWII, Nazis, dragons, spies, 911, George Bush, Ralph Nader, Teletubbies, The Clintons, Guantanamo Bay, Q-Anon, anti-vax, and Benjamin Button.
Hold on to your reality! You’re about to explore an episode of a podcast that explores an archived website that explores the genius mind of a child with an internet connection, too much time on his hands, and a deep working knowledge of 90’s website culture and style. Discover the answers to questions like: Who is Mr. Butt? What is the “correct short” for Theo Chandler? And are movie files too big to put online? But trust me, you’ll leave with more questions than answers. Also in this episode: “Did you hear about how it was ‘his driveway’?”, “Wait a second, that’s my wife!”, “Why isn’t this a template on Wix?”, “Now that’s what I want when I go to a sketchy website: tricks!”, Yahoo! GeoCities, and Survivor.
Welcome back to another installment of Joseph’s Big Book of Excuses! In today’s episode, you’ll hear Joseph’s excuses for: Not having any friends Not having a girlfriend Not being able to play “college ball” Having no confidence And many more! Listen and follow along with your own excuses! Also in this episode: “I microwave my food!”, loopholesinsharialaw .com, Motorola, Home Depot, Apple, Pokemon, Saddam Hussein, Prius, the Hubble Space Telescope, TI-89, Libby, Lite-Brite, Instagram, Facebook, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Joe Biden.
Do you want to be the guy whose clothes are always wet? Do you feel like the neighborhood dogs don’t need you? Are you wondering if Skechers makes shorts now? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then this delightful podcast episode will be a treat for your little ears. Listen to it. Also in this episode: “Where’s my driving wine?”, “In Texas, we don’t just mess with alligators, we molest them.”, explosive diarrhea, Bob’s Butt Plug Emporium, Michigan State, and UNC.