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Lisa Tamati, our Maori ultramarathoner friend who has competed in somewhere around 140 marathons, is back to chat with us about doing the impossible. A mistress of mindset, Lisa chats with us about belief - belief ourselves, but also in people who believe in us. With the feats of stamina and endurance she’s achieved in her life, I can think of few better qualified to speak on the topic. Also plenty of companies and elite athletes pay her for coaching so she probably knows what she’s talking about. Lisa’s book Relentless goes into more detail if one session leaves you wanting more. You can pick it up on her website at You can also get her podcast for free, Pushing The Limits, everywhere podcasts are found. Have a listen! She’s quite good! Wait - let me channel my inner LeVar Burton: but don’t take my word for it - decide for yourself here on Intimate Interactions. Pushing The Limits (Podcast) (“Relentless” book) --- Send in a voice message:
Today I reconnect with my friend William. He’s a distant acquaintance with whom I never really forged a connection of substance but now all that’s changing. He’s a heterosexual cis man who recently had a near death experience. This forced him to confront a history of distracting himself from what was important. Whether it was gaming or alcohol then, it’s become therapy now. We discuss therapy, medication, forgiveness, and compassion. --- Send in a voice message:
Lisa Tamati is many things. She’s Maori [m-ow-ree] from Aotearoa [ow-tay-uh-row-uh], or as settlers call it, New Zealand. The Maori use the word iwi for band or tribe, meaning bone. It signifies a lineage and ancestral connection, but that metaphor communicates strength and resilience to me across language barriers, and I still see that strength and resilience today in communities continuing to survive colonialism and find ways to thrive. Lisa is from both the Te Ati Awa iwi and from the Ngati Rau^ka^wa iwi. For settlers, one might just say “around Wellington” but it doesn’t mean the same thing. She’s also the first woman from New Zealand to do a lot of things. If I described them all, the podcast would be over before the intro had finished. Instead, I’ll just say she’s an incredible writer and ultramarathoner who brought her mom, who she describes as the very best mum, back from the verge of death with an intense amount of grit and some help from hyperbaric oxygen therapy, a recognized medical treatment for some forms of brain injury. If you want more about that after the podcast, you can always pick up her book, Relentless, in which she imparts her mindset as an extreme endurance athlete and the wisdom such a life can bring. Go to and find it there. You can also check out her podcast, Pushing The Limits, where she documents running techniques and interviews experts on elite athletic strategies. She also does coaching and corporate speaking arrangements on her website. But without further ado, let’s go to our first session with Lisa Tamati, here on Intimate Interactions. Pushing The Limits (Podcast) (“Relentless” book) --- Send in a voice message:
I decided to revise the format of the show two days ago when this was recorded. I'm going to try to include helpful tips or advice when discussing difficult or depressing stuff. I've always been personal development focused, so this feels more in line with my values. The show is also going to get shorter unless the episode commands more time. I'm currently aiming for about a twenty minute runtime but we'll see what is reasonable given the content. I’ve been feeling increasingly burned out from the pandemic and other stressors in my life so this is only the second time in three years I’ve produced an episode the day before and posted it either the evening before or the morning of. So far I’ve hit every deadline and I intend to keep doing that even as I explore other formats for the work I produce. So today we're talking about strategies for managing burnout during a pandemic with Billie. --- Send in a voice message:
Post pandemic hope, threesomes, hot tubs, sex parties, touch starvation, and lots more get covered today with my friend Robin Beatch. She mentions Black Noir, a history of Black folx in movies and films. She also hosts Sex with Robin on BFM 109.6 every monday at 10AM PST. If you would like, check her out at One last thing she mentions is the similarities she experienced between pregnancy and BDSM. Whoa - she’s the one making the comparison. Don’t at me! Actually, at me. Intimate Interactions social media is lonely right now. I think I need to create a community facebook group rather than a Facebook page. Look at me, being all old and unable to use social media well. Okay, I’m creating a Facebook group. We have a discord server. Go at each other. --- Send in a voice message:
Who doesn’t want to talk about masturbation and first orgasms? Lauren and I tell stories and share about our experiences and relationships to our sexual selves. --- Send in a voice message:
Consent is so relative to the culture in which you’re interacting. I almost perceive it as the most important kind of etiquette a culture practices; however how a culture practices consent can look wildly different one to the next. In my opinion, there’s no long linear string of evolution of concepts from touching and grunting through to highly intellectual discussion and negotiation. Instead there are clouds or pillars of vetting consent. Just because some of that vetting or certainty or support for consent is missing doesn’t mean you don’t have consent; however, Western society has such litigious and indemnity focused ideas that when non consent has happened, we are often asked what we did to prevent the outcome or mitigate damage if it arose. So we have yes means yes consent and also no means no consent, two separate philosophies that can exist independent of each other or superimposed. More interestingly, those philosophies really struggle to spread when people have direct proof they aren’t always right. If at a frat party, two people have sex with each other and walk away after sobering up with a handshake or possibly an “oh - you’re still here?” kind of question, many might look down on those consent practices feeling consent while drunk isn’t consent or sex without negotiation isn’t informed, et cetera, et cetera. Now I can’t know the inner experience of those two people. It’s not for me to try to convince someone else they’ve been assaulted. Trying to change someone’s inner experience verges on gaslighting territory in my opinion. So ultimately I have to take it on faith that when someone describes their inner state, they’re either being truthful or they don’t want to engage in discussion about it. So if they want to talk, I have to trust they’re giving me reasonably honest accounts of their feelings. So if someone says they consented, it’s not for me to correct them. We can say certain practices more often produce subjective experiences of nonconsent. Absolutely we can. However if we want to communicate better consent practices to help people avoid unintentionally giving others subjective experiences of nonconsent - even if they can indemnify themselves against punitive or legal consequences somehow, we need to stop talking in absolutes. In my opinion, we need to start more honestly giving people the nuance they need to navigate this stuff. Sure, we need to communicate to our audiences on the level they’re at - sure. However we want to believe university students learning physics, math, computer science, literature - that these fine minds of tomorrow can’t understand subjective experiences and better consent practices? The biggest objection I run into with educating university students is an attention span argument: you have got to distill what you’re saying so a drunken frat boy will remember it at a party a week from tonight. Credit to Reid Mihalko for that excellent litmus test. I think a nuanced framework is necessary. I suggest something like my VOICES Consent Framework which you can find at intimate victor dot com forward slash consent. I love teaching it. I also encourage you to teach it. Reach out to me for permission. If you aren’t charging for the education, I’m not charging you to teach it. Get in touch if you want to collaborate on teaching better consent. And now, let’s hear Court Vox share his advice on getting consent on hook-up apps here on Intimate Interactions. --- Send in a voice message:
After a fall damaged her shoulder and she needed surgery to fix it, Billie has waited eighteen months so far due to various complications. Today we talk about chronic stress, strategies, and symptoms. We also talk about medical testing and explain what POTS is. --- Send in a voice message:
Edging describes the process of getting close to your orgasm and then allowing your body to move further away from orgasm for the purpose of climbing back up to orgasm, closer each time. Doing this can increase the intensity of the eventual orgasm. We chat about edging, sensuality, erectile dysfunction, edging exercises, antidepressants, masturbating a penis with a very tight grip, and of course training your orgasm. My friend, sex educator and host of the radio show Sex With Robin on BFM 109.6 every monday at 10AM PST shares with us today about all of those topics. You can learn more about Robin at --- Send in a voice message:
From extreme sex to vanilla sex, what does experimentation look like for you? Vanilla sex here means sex that isn’t kinky in any way, usually referring to penis-in-vagina missionary position. We talk about first BDSM scenes, extreme experiences, and then settling back into what feels more like home for us, the experiences that we continue to feel fed by. Enjoy! --- Send in a voice message:
This session we talk about needs for emotionally well, embodied, and connected masculinity and role-models for boys and men. We offer resources and chat about our agreements. On gender, I resonate strongly with both masculine and feminine feels in ways that are often perceived by cis men as different or other or in some way either gay or just not cis or perhaps both. I think of it as nonbinary or queer gender. I’ve gotten to the point where when folks talk about an ideal masculine or sacred feminine or any other parsing of these categories that are perhaps not strictly arbitrary but are very much mostly arbitrary in my opinion - I tend to kind of smile and nod because choosing only one archetype of gender has never appealed to me. Court does a good job of qualifying language around this one. I used to police language a lot and get offended when people misgendered me and I think once my family and found family started getting it right most of the time, I’ve started caring a lot less. That’s not available to everyone and there are still members of my inner circle who get it wrong from time to time. Still, it feels right for me to ease off that need for perfection and clarity. I’ve been trying more when folks use terms in a way that I perceive as harmful, especially self-identity ones, to simply assume a person is doing their best. When folks use racialized terms, it’s especially hard as race isn’t always apparent. Rather than ask about race and get clarity, I am trying to assume the best. If someone uses an indigenous term, I assume they must be part indigenous. I’m trying to practice not having a need to quote unquote “correct” someone. Further, if someone has made a mistake, I don’t like the idea of cancelling people over mistakes, especially when they’re willing to do work. I also don’t like the idea of hiding mistakes that I or that others make. For example, some would argue I have a duty or responsibility to my listeners to make those corrections because failing to do so is complicity in that harm. I think there’s some truth to that. It’s one of the reasons I have these intros. I also think modelling how I struggle with ethical issues is a very vulnerable thing rarely offered and likely to get you cancelled by at least some. However as a lighter skinned BIPOC person, I know how frustrating it can be to have folks ask me what I am or what my race is. With so many factors and identities, it’s easy to get the balance wrong for just about anyone alive right now. So here is my inner monologue exposed for you, the meticulous thought I put into trying to keep everyone as safe as I can and preserve narratives that are often bulldozed over, at least as much as my energy levels allow me to do. Then there’s the alternative case - on the one hand, I’m either talking to a white person trying to police their language which is often ill received, or perhaps I’m talking to a white passing indigenous person who’s probably faced a lot of erasure. So sometimes there’s no easy or good outcome. If you would like to learn more about what I mean, the term two-spirit is often considered a sacred term made for Indigenous Peoples by Indigenous Peoples. you can read more at: It’s a compassionate way to examine other cultural representations of similar concepts in European cultures that might be more accessible to folks somewhere in the nonbinary experience of gender. It’s not like third genders are unique to Indigenous cultures and we don’t need to take their terms, words, or practices when using our own can help reduce the amount of dilution, erasure, and destruction of culture and cultural cohesion so common to settler-indigenous interactions.  --- Send in a voice message:
cw: mob violence, violence against women, witnessing disturbing images as a child Today we were going to talk about fires but ran into a trauma landmine so I figured we'd run the episode anyways and instead try to talk more about landmines. Unfortunately this episode does contain violence against an 18 year old woman and ongoing trauma from seeing disturbing images at 13. Props to Billie's friend who was dating two army guys at the same time - don't worry, they're not the culprits of the story - and please do take care of yourselves. --- Send in a voice message:
What does a village look like when you’re raising a child? Does it need to be only two parents? What about uncles or aunts? What about the parents across the street? Today we chat with sex educator and host of the radio show Sex With Robin on BFM 109.6 every Monday at 10AM PST. You can learn more about my friend Robin at --- Send in a voice message:
Lauren shares with us openly today about working through trauma to find her sexual self. We talk about relationship to self, trauma, panic attacks, sexual abuse, and the light at the end of the tunnel. Content warning for all the things I just described. Still, if you’re resourced for it, please join Lauren and myself as we tackle these hard subjects with care and kindness. --- Send in a voice message:
Permission to exist sexually is something I’ve craved since I was a teenager. Whether you’re queer or not, sometimes it’s really hard to learn how to exist with kindness and compassion for yourself, and without that it can be hard to give it to others. Today we’re talking with Court Vox about how we as a society give or deny permission for sexual exploration. Interestingly, this often hinges around trauma because of our cultural narratives around sexual pleasure. If you want to follow Court Vox on Instagram, he’s @courtvox, or you can reach out on Similarly I’m @intimatevictor and you can reach out to victor at victor salmon dot com. Now, Court explores how we permit sexual pleasure to those recovering from trauma but deny it if it’s just pleasure for pleasure’s sake. As always, enjoy. --- Send in a voice message:
cw: graphic depictions of needles at the end A former psych nurse and dominatrix talks about the pleasure, pain, risk, and intimacy of needle play. Don’t you love it when moms open up? The mom in question today is sex educator and host of the radio show Sex With Robin on BFM 109.6 every monday at 10AM PST. You can learn more about my friend Robin at --- Send in a voice message:
Have you ever received an evacuation notice for a forest fire? This episode we talk about air tankers, helicopters, fire breaks, smoke, air quality, and anxiety. We also discuss what an anxiety attack looks like and what a panic attack looks like. Note that we talk about indigenous rights and climate change briefly. If you'd like to learn more about Indigenous peoples to the land we call Canada, there is a great introductory book called Indigenous Writes that's available everywhere books or audiobooks are sold. Hope you're all staying resourced this fire season. --- Send in a voice message:
Lauren is back to talk to us about pandemic ennui and burnout. We chat about intrusive thoughts and content warning for descriptions of suicide and graphic suicidal ideation - we’ve both been suicidally depressed and want to make sure you’re safe and cared for while we take our space to have the conversations we feel we need to have about it. Please take care of yourself however that looks for you. May you find a grounded, resourced place for this conversation, or if it feels like a cruel joke at this point in the pandemic, this might still be for you. If it feels right, come commiserate! --- Send in a voice message:
Cw: covid-19, transphobia, gender reassignment surgery My friend Sapphire and I chat about gender and accessibility during COVID-19. We touch on their gender advocacy at school, accessibility for immunocompromised people, and we briefly touch on the law in alabama that recently changed. The term transmasc is a shortening of transmasculine which usually refers to masculine appearing trans non-binary people but also includes transmen. I originally was going to say also includes men as transmen are men just as transwomen are women, but realized since trans is in the transmasc term, it does technically only apply to transmen. There, that’s straight now. Well, not necessarily straight. Some trans folks are straight but others prefer to give traffic directions by saying “go gayly forward” so… not necessarily straight. Okay - let’s get to the episode with Sapphire! --- Send in a voice message:
Near Relapse (Lauren)

Near Relapse (Lauren)


Lauren, a recovered alcoholic talks about her first year sober, hospital opiates, and a near miss she has with relapse very recently. --- Send in a voice message:
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