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Intimate Interactions

Author: Victor Salmon

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Improve your relationships, get confident asking for what you really want, and have more intimate, satisfying sex! These lessons from non monogamy and consensual kink can improve any relationship and help you connect more with yourself and others. Check out https://intimatepodcast.com
120 Episodes
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What’s it like as a polyamorous parent during COVID? Have you ever had another set of parents with kids about your age and shared parenting responsibilities like having them look after your kids while you were out for a bit? Imagine living with another parent and their kid. Robin doesn’t need to imagine any of that as she literally lives that life. Join us for a conversation on polyamory, parenting, and a funny metamour story. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Billie is back to chat about friendships, having fun, pushing your body, and other concerns with chronic pain and chronic illness when it comes to friendship activities. It’s a good session and not as heavy as some of the others. Speaking of friendships, Billie is kind enough to offer me some criticism and praise near the end around how I used to be fatphobic. Billie is kind enough to offer me the out of mentioning it last so I can easily edit it out, but my personal feeling is the more we censor our mistakes from others, the more we pressure each other to try to be perfect at everything. I think setting the expectation with others that we fuck up and can do better is a positive thing. No matter how bad it is or how far you’ve gone, there’s always a way home. Here are the Feelings and Needs Inventories I bring up. https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/needs-inventory https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/feelings-inventory Here are searches for the Assertiveness Workbook not tied to a store account. https://www.amazon.com/s?k=assertiveness+workbook https://www.amazon.ca/s?k=assertiveness+workbook&ref=nb_sb_noss_2 --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Vivica, a sex worker who strips and pole dances to earn money chats with us about Imposter Syndrome. We talk about intensity, anxiety, self-compassion, and covid. These times have been hard on all of us, but sex workers have been hit really hard by covid. Vivica brings a casual and informative presence to the show, and I look forward to recording more with her in future. Enjoy! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Tillie is back to talk queer bodies, reproduction, fertility, endometriosis, having kids, adoption, fears of reproducing disability or mental illness, cannabis use, STIs, and more. As usual, we have a great time in this content packed session. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Usually the acquiring and losing of skills and abilities is compressed towards learning when you’re younger and losing when you’re older. In some ways, chronic illness and loss of ability is like aging in super speed with your body fighting back to retain what it can. While we often think of people as how they lived, not how they died; so too do I see among the loss and death of things in chronic illness the vivacity and life that carries us through it. It may seem confusing to have life and fun so intermingled with death and loss; it can be hard with chronically ill folks as some might describe, “watch them die slowly” but in truth you’re also watching them live. In some ways the triumph of life and joy and fun over great adversity is a hallmark of the human condition and an essential part of our nature that has led from the first cell that existed on the planet through its descendants, each reaching sexual maturity, reproducing, and protecting their offspring long enough for them to reach sexual maturity. That unbroken chain from the proverbial slime in the primordial soup through single-celled life like bacteria, still ubiquitous and successful today, through other branches of successful modern life like plants and animals; even fast forwarding to hominid - think great apes - evolution from the first apes to stand upright to the first tool users to your most distant imagined ancestors all the way to your life today - every single organism from that first cell to you exists suspended in time in an unbroken chain. That chain is no shorter and no less impressive for any human being alive today, including the human I interview today, Billie, a veteran of EDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) with other conditions like POTS (Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), has some great take aways. Last time, we covered the psychology of surviving sickness. Today we continue chatting about how appreciation of the high points in our life change throughout life. That is to say a great blackberry that you eat when you’re 27 might be more appreciated in a genuinely grateful kind of way at 57 when you can’t eat them anymore than when you were 27. This idea, that gratitude need not occur simultaneously with experience, is one of my favourite take-aways from the session; but it’ll make more sense when Billie communicates it herself. As usual, content warning for graphic descriptions of sickness and dark humour. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Dating can be a fun, connective adventure. Or you could be doing it during a pandemic. Robin Beatch is back today to talk about dating as a polyamorous person and how COVID has impacted her and her polycule. We share strategies on risk profiling and figuring out what you want, who in your life is most vulnerable, and what is a boundary for you. Robin also talks about her longest sexual dry spell. And just in case you don’t know, a polycule is a group of people who sleep with some of the same people. So if person A sleeps with B and C with person B sleeping with A and D and person C sleeping with A and E, the five of them would be in a polycule. This is just one configuration out of many. Some folks call this a line or a V configuration - the name doesn’t matter. The group of people who are connected in that they are all sleeping with the same people are a complex sort of polyamorous extended family. Metamours are the lovers of your lovers. Often they are not your lovers. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Tillie and I talk about job loss, home-schooling, latchkey kids, pets, and intensity as coping for chronic pain. Mostly we talk about COVID: our fears, our hopes, and our coping strategies. At least COVID hasn’t slowed down my content generation. Stay safe out there, everyone. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Billie, a lifetime EDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) veteran with ten years of actively seeking help in the healthcare system, guides us through some basics of surviving severe sickness and loss of ability be it temporary or permanently. Content warning: this content might be hard for some folks, so please give yourself permission to turn it off or take some space from it for a while. We talk about losing the embarrassment around disability and using grieving as an opportunity to move through loss and grief towards exploration of new and interesting parts of the human condition. My personal feeling is that in some ways we’re explorers getting to navigate uncommonly traversed parts of the human condition. That’s easy for me to say right now when I’m not on the floor of my bedroom crawling towards the toilet with 9 out of 10 pain. It certainly has adjusted who I am and how I relate to my body. It has certainly changed how I process messages from my body. It’s like - when your body texts in all caps, you just get used to it after a while. It’s not that it’s any easier, but you get stronger at breathing and surviving, and in that experience comes a relief of the fear that comes when you’re not sure if you can make it or not. This session is split into two parts: this episode, and the next one on grief, loss, and having funerals for our abilities. Content warning: this might get graphic. For now, let’s start the conversation about positives, coping, and managing chronic illness here with Billie on Intimate Interactions. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
This session, Robin and I reminisce fondly about an intimate moment from the past. After waiting years for a certain queer experience, Robin finally got the birthday present she wanted. Afterward we talk about fluid exchange hierarchies and polyamory risk profiles. Remember, Robin’s second book Polyglamorous: a Queer mom’s misadventures and lessons in non monogamy is available if you want more content. Check her out at https://robinsnestcoaching.com or find her book at: https://alternativesexuality.ca/shop https://alternativesexuality.ca/shop.html --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
We form opinions of people piece by piece. First, Robin was a stripper. She took off her clothes as a house girl, but it was offering lap dances to men in the clubs where she earned most of her money. She needed that money to get through nursing school where she went on to become a psychiatric nurse. She also made money pro domming men. Is any one of those professions more a sale of her body than the others? Is any one asking her to do more emotional labour than the others? Why do we attach judgement to some professions and not others? But I’m getting ahead of myself as usual - let’s let Robin tell the story. And if you like it, feel free to buy her book on https://robinsnestcoaching.com or at https://alternativesexuality.ca/shop.html. But for now, let’s get some intimate stories for free from Robin herself on Intimate Interactions. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Billie is back with more hard hitting content. Her dark humour and our ability to laugh with each other about our situations and at ourselves is especially impressive in her case since she’s a lifetime EDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) veteran, braving hospitals actively for ten years. With accessory conditions like POTS (Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), Billie talks about her chronic illnesses and the challenges she’s had having her pain or condition taken seriously. We talk about psilocybin and cannabis this session as well as other medications and premenstrual dysphoric disorder; content warning for graphic descriptions. We joke about the early medical establishment, hysteria, masturbation, and other topics. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Yana Skorstengaard, a graduate student with ADHD, chats about the pros and cons of having ADHD and the strategies folks can use to offset the negatives and maximize the positives. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Gloria’s back to finish talking about anti-blackness and racism like the way the police raise guns towards children more often when they’re Black in the US. Gloria and I talk about hard shit today. As a content warning - though let’s be honest, my introductions have turned into giant content warnings - near the end, we talk about Gloria’s breast cancer diagnosis - don’t worry, she’s in remission - and how it led to a renewed lease on life, too short to be ashamed of being who she is. Autism, non-monogamy, Blackness, femmeness, and aging - these are things to be celebrated and embraced. But I’ll let you hear about it from Gloria, here on Intimate Interactions. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
This session, we talk about Orcas in the Pacific Northwest. Billie tells us anecdotes about the largest dolphin and we talk about different kinds. It’s a much needed and appreciated break for me from all the super heavy content I’ve been recording with Billie that’ll be coming out over the coming few months. Expect more sessions about chronic illness, disability, chronic pain, and ableism. Throughout all of it, Billie maintains her kind, positive, and intensely empathetic spirit. You’ll get a dose of that today just listening to her talk passionately about orcas. We briefly get into pen and paper role playing games and video games towards the end of the session. I did say this one was less heavy than my other sessions with Billie, right? We very briefly talk about Enjoy! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
How is ADHD a positive? Provided you have strategies and can compensate for thinking differently than others expect, ADHD can actually be quite a positive. Today I talk with Yana Skorstengaard, a graduate student with ADHD, about how she and I have worked with our brains to become academically accomplished. For me, that was achieving two full time science semesters on the Dean’s List (more than an A average); while Yana is taking a graduate degree in a subject she passionately cares about. While academic success isn’t really a measure of life success, achieving one’s goals when one is constantly told they get distracted and won’t achieve or can’t amount to anything, it’s refreshing to have another perspective to remind folks that ADHD can be an advantage and can give you the ability to deep dive and hyperfocus and achieve where more normative thinkers who don’t have ADHD would not be able to maintain the attention as long as an ADHD thinker could. But I’ll let Yana tell you more about that here on Intimate Interactions. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
From Gloria’s history in Portland in the 70s to Hogan’s Alley in Vancouver, we talk about anti-Blackness and how it has shaped the world we live in. Gloria once joined a cult, and she opens up about this experience today. Despite everything different about the cult, spoilers: it was also racist and prohibited miscegenation or interracial relationships. I really appreciate my friendship with Gloria and the way we can laugh about things that are just horrific. It helps me get through it and hopefully she feels the same. Somehow despite the ickiness and gravity of the things she brings up, her light and funny personality always seems to find a way to shine through it all. This session was pulled out of a longer recording so it may end abruptly. Don’t worry, Gloria will be back in a couple of weeks to finish out the conversation. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Billie, an EDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) veteran of ten years with other conditions like POTS (Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) talks about her chronic illnesses and the challenges she’s had having her pain or condition taken seriously. Content warning: this might get graphic. Billie brings a refreshing and positive perspective around not diminishing your experience or comparing yourself to people harder hit by life or circumstance. I’m excited to share that perspective with you here on Intimate Interactions. What are some examples of chronic illness making it hard to access healthcare? What strategies have you used to work with doctors or be more successful? What are some hidden services you didn’t know Canada offered free? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Today I talk with someone else who has a formal diagnosis for ADHD. Mine was as a child and hers was as an adult. We chat about the experience of having ADHD and how it impacts us. While today we focus on the experience of it, there’s an upcoming session where we talk about strategies and coping. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Shame Expert Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti calls in to talk about her life as a black femme with undiagnosed autistism growing up. Gloria somehow continues to be her usual charming self sharing very personal anecdotes about anti-blackness as it affected her in school and as a younger person. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
Today, two POC folks discuss monogamy, polyamory, autonomy, and agency. Jet Noir shares a story of his parents’ and how they dealt with extramarital adventures. I discuss relationship anarchy and how it relates to Jet’s identity within non monogamy. Enjoy! https://linktr.ee/JetNoir What flavour of polyamory do you identify with? How did you get into polyamory? (Story about my parents and their DADT brand of non-monogamy.) What sorts of monogamy hangups did you unlearn? Could you fill in folks on what the relationship escalator is? What realizations or values did you arrive at that helped process through that? How has polyamory changed your relationship to yourself? How has polyamory affected communication in your relationships? --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/intimate-interactions/message
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