Claim OwnershipIt's Not Me, It's You
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© John Kim and Vanessa Bennett
Description
A therapist couple explores and processes their own issues, disproving the misconception that therapists have their shit together and that their relationships are perfect.John Kim, aka The Angry Therapist, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and best selling author of "I Used To Be A Miserable F*ck" and “Single. On Purpose.” Vanessa Bennett is a licensed marriage and family therapist, codependency and mindfulness coach. They both have private practices and live in Altadena, California, where they are raising a baby and two chickens.
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19 Episodes
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2In this episode, we discuss ways to approach communicating your needs and desires with a partner and we also examine our still forming thoughts about balancing feminine and masculine energies through introspection, ownership and self-awareness.Please rate and review if you feel like this is valuable and want to help us help others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode, we record a live Q&A from inside a TAT Lab session. We discuss how self work can sometimes feel like 2 steps forward and 1 step back, and how when ambivalence shows up in ourselves and in relationships we need to examine and act on it. Please rate and review if you feel like this is valuable and want to help us help others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode, we discuss how fantasy and jealousy can present themselves in relationships and where the line between healthy and not healthy can be drawn for both.Please rate and review if you feel like this is valuable and want to help us help others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode, we share letters that we’ve written to our partners of the past. We discuss the lessons gathered from those relationships, how they’ve transcended over time, and how they show up in our partnership today.Please rate and review if you feel like this is valuable and want to help us help others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode, we share some exciting news about a new project that we’re working on together and what it’s bringing up for us. We discuss how there tends to be power differentials in relationships and how we can cultivate a dynamic where we’re true partners bringing our own unique things to the table.Please rate and review if you feel like this is valuable and want to help us help others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In the first of a new series within the podcast, we answer questions submitted by the listeners. We talk through and sometimes disagree on questions around how to not be the toxic one in a relationship, how you can make a relationship with an Avoidant work, the reality of “getting over” a relationship, and when two people’s sexual drives aren’t aligned.Please rate and review if you feel like this is valuable and want to help us help others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
An extra hard day of parenting can test your relationship in many ways, especially in terms of having your needs met. Getting your needs met isn’t just about asking for them. Your partner should move toward you as well, especially if you have difficulty expressing your needs. Needs are a two-way street. Let us explain.Please rate and review if you feel like this is valuable and want to help us help others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Each of us goes over what we think our top 3 relationship killers are. We discuss how they show up, how we can be more aware of them, and how we can work to ensure they don’t show up in our relationships or how to work on them if they do.Please rate and review if you feel like this is valuable and want to help us help others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Sexual Desire. It’s a topic that is always coming up, for us and our clients. How much sex is enough? How come I always want it and they don’t? What’s wrong with me / with them? We break down the two distinct types of desire and why understanding them both can be a massive shift in your relationship. This was a huge lightbulb moment for Vanessa.Please rate and review if you feel like this is valuable and want to help us help others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Money is one of those topics that can make or break a relationship. We discuss how our upbringings and our personal beliefs about money shape us individually but also as a partnership.Please rate and review if you feel like this is valuable and want to help us help others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
So many relationship dances, so little time: Avoidant/Anxious, Overfunctioner/Underfunctioner, CODA/Compulsive, Enabler/Enabled. We dive into how we are always trying to become more aware when the cycles start and old patterns take over, and how we can work to break them through naming them.Please rate and review if you feel like this is valuable and want to help us help others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
We get into the importance of feeling an experience or a change in your habits, behaviors or needs in your body - having a full system experience - in order for you to eventually rewire your brain and make the change stick. We also talk about some personal examples where we have felt the integration happening in real time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we each go through 3 love lessons we’ve learned on our journeys. Some learned through past love experiences and some new lessons learned with each other. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
This episode is part review of all the crazy things that happened this year, part learnings that came from those experiences, and part excitement for what’s to come. Thank you for being on this journey with us so far, and here’s to 2021! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode, we talk about the double edged sword that is our contrasting personalities. The things we love about each other are also the same things that can activate the shit out of us. How do we continue to remind ourselves that our differences can actually be what helps us stretch and the relationship go deeper? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode we take a look at our star charts and how they both align as well as conflict. We know, we know, but trust us you can actually learn so much from doing a deep dive into this stuff. We talk through how our inner emotional worlds are almost the exact opposite and how differences like this can make or break us depending on how much we understand, empathize, and adjust our expectations accordingly Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
We take a different approach in this episode with a deep dive into codependency and how it affects our relationship. In working through her own codependency, as well as with clients who almost all struggle in some way or another, Vanessa has made it a personal mission to speak openly with whoever will listen about the different ways it can show up. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
In this episode, John and Vanessa explore what’s happening underneath their relationship. John not feeling desired, Vanessa not feeling good enough, and patterns they were not aware of. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Welcome to It’s Not Me, It’s You - the podcast. In this episode, Vanessa and John explore the evolution of their relationship, love languages, how flirting differently can mean we miss each other, and John’s avoidance of his 3 year relationship pattern. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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is there sth odd with the speed of this audio?
I love this podcast. Listening to two people who are so articulate and aware of human emotion and psychology is so enlightening. Especially because the conversations are actually real life incidents that are so easily relatable. I especially found the discussion of codependency so profound. I was unaware of the true meaning of this and as the child of an alcoholic, I now have a better understanding of how to start true recovery. Thank you both so much!