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Judge John Hodgman

Author: John Hodgman and Maximum Fun

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John Hodgman's Today in the Past podcast is now The Judge John Hodgman Podcast. Have your pressing issues decided by Famous Minor Television Personality John Hodgman, Certified Judge. If you'd like John Hodgman to solve your pressing issue, simply email it, along with your phone number, to hodgman@maximumfun.org. THAT IS ALL.
479 Episodes
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Animal Crossing Examination

Animal Crossing Examination

2020-08-0501:06:515

Kelly brings the case against her wife, Maureen. They both play the video game Animal Crossing: New Horizons. Kelly says that Maureen is adept at earning bells, which is the game’s currency. Kelly would like Maureen to share her profits, but Maureen is opposed. Who's right? Who's wrong?It's the final week of MaxFunDrive! Thank you so much to everyone who has become a member, boosted or upgraded their membership, remained a member, and spread the word! Every little bit helps and we are so appreciative of all of you. If you want to join the fun, visit maximumfun.org/join!Thank you to Briana O'Sullivan & Emily JoAnn Holasek for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions.
Ann brings the case against her husband, Kevin. Ann says that Kevin is too judgmental about how she celebrates her birthday. He says that he doesn’t have a problem with birthday celebrations. He just thinks that her side of the family makes too big a deal out of them! Who's right? Who's wrong?MaxFunDrive is still plugging along! Thank you to ALL of our members for making this show possible. If you want to join them, visit maximumfun.org/join!Thank you to Rebe Staines for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions.
Vampirical Evidence

Vampirical Evidence

2020-07-2201:08:482

Heather refuses to watch the final season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Bethany says that since they love the show, they should watch the final season to fully appreciate it. Who's right? Who's wrong? With Expert Witness Jane Espenson!It's the second week of the MaxFunDrive! Thank you to all of our members for making this show possible. If you want to join them, visit maximumfun.org/join!Thank you to Kathleen O'Donnell for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions.
You Can't Acquit With Us

You Can't Acquit With Us

2020-07-1501:19:004

Stephanie files suit against her younger sister Ashley. As kids, they both created clubs with their friends and excluded each other. Stephanie believes that Ashley started her club first, excluding Stephanie and sparking this years' long dispute. Ashley disagrees. Stephanie would now like to be retroactively inducted into Ashley's childhood club. Who's right? Who's wrong? It's MaxFunDrive! Thank you to all of our members for continuing to keep the show going. If you'd like to become a member, or if you want to update your membership level, visit maximumfun.org/join!Thank you to Ryan Stratton for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions.
Office Supply Caper

Office Supply Caper

2020-07-0801:04:252

It's time to clear the docket! Guest Host David Rees and Judge John Hodgman discuss chocolate choices, book burning, ice cream scooping, bread heels, and pencils.Make sure you check out David and Judge Hodgman's new animated show DICKTOWN, which is part of FXX's CAKE, a short-form comedy block. It premieres Thursday July 9, 2020 and will be available the next day on FXX on Hulu. David has another show premiering on CAKE, and it's called MY NEW FIGHTING TECHNIQUE IS UNSTOPPABLE. And don't forget to listen to his podcast with Starlee Kine and Jon Kimball, Election Profit Makers! 
Trash Can Detective

Trash Can Detective

2020-07-0101:00:542

It's time to clear the docket! Guest Bailiff Tre'vell Anderson from FANTI joins the judge to discuss tickling, flatulence, dog walk conversation, stolen trash cans, loud neighbors, and strange apartment floor plans. Plus a letter from a listener about pies!Make sure to catch Tre'vell and their co-host Jarrett Hill every week on the podcast FANTI! Here is their Esquire piece on Pride, "Pride Has Always Been a Protest Against An Unjust System," that was discussed in the episode.
Dance Dance Resolution

Dance Dance Resolution

2020-06-2458:532

C.W. brings the case against his husband, Jeff. C.W. loves to dance and wishes that Jeff would dance with him once in a while. But Jeff doesn’t like dancing at all and refuses to join C.W., even when they are alone at home! Who's right? Who's wrong? With Guest Bailiff Monte Belmonte!Thank you to Jill Graves for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions.
The Best of Weird Dads

The Best of Weird Dads

2020-06-1701:22:386

This week on the podcast, we are taking a trip down memory lane. That’s right, it’s a clip show! We thought it would be a great time to revisit some of our favorite Weird Dads. You won’t want to miss this charming episode full of corny jokes, specific systems, and odd habits. If you want to listen to full length versions of these Weird Dad episodes here they are:Episode 32: The Cow BeefEpisode 244: Commedia della MorteEpisode 265: Dad NauseumEpisode 144: Father Gnaws BeastEpisode 394: Juris-diction“Portrait of the Artist as a Weird Dad" from Episode 245: Live at SF Sketchfest 2016
It's time for Summertime Guest Bailiff Monte Belmonte! Monte joins Judge Hodgman to clear the docket. They talk about mayo and lettuce on hot sandwiches, stealing church wifi, loud laughing in public, 20 Questions, and a letter about books as devices.Here are some of the links and books mentioned in the episode:bit.ly/GETYOURFRIENDS75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justicebit.ly/JJHOTDOGThe Fifth Season by N.K. JemisinSo You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma OluoThis Book Is Anti-Racist: 20 Lessons on How to Wake Up, Take Action, and Do The Work by Tiffany Jewell
The Sponge Leaver's Wife

The Sponge Leaver's Wife

2020-06-0356:572

It's time again to clear the docket! Judge John Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn talk about pens, wearing shorts in the winter, leaving the sponge in the sink, and group texts. Plus another dispute from Melissa of Episode 394: Juris-diction against her dad, Mark, aka The Zero Coke Guy. Also a note from Rob Riggle about putting on his pants AFTER his shoes and socks!If you want to know more about Zombo.com, as mentioned in the episode, check out Bailiff Jesse's audio essay about it from his show Bullseye With Jesse Thorn.
Live From SF Sketchfest 2020

Live From SF Sketchfest 2020

2020-05-2701:35:451

This week's episode was recorded LIVE in San Francisco! First up is "Night Night Court." Noah is an early-to-bed, early-to-rise guy. His husband Kayden is a night owl. Kayden often stays up until 3 or 4 in the morning playing video games and sleeps in late. Noah wants him to wake up earlier. Then there's SWIFT JUSTICE: Airport pickup methods, an accidentally matching couple, and then a litigant brings a plagiarism dispute against HIMSELF!BIG thanks to the SF audience for your contributions to the Homeless Youth Alliance. For more information on the fund in memory of Jesse's childhood friend, Evan Larsen, visit maximumfun.org/evan.Thank you to Mary Fahsbender Gottschalk for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions.
Trash Action Lawsuit

Trash Action Lawsuit

2020-05-2001:02:311

Kelly brings the case against her husband, Andrew. Their next door neighbors tend to leave their garbage cans at the curb for a long time after the trash collectors come through. Andrew wants to bring the neighbor's cans back to the house for them, but Kelly thinks it's too passive-aggressive for him to do so. With Guest Bailiff Jean Grae!Thank you to Logan Green for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions.
Right of Shirts Refusal

Right of Shirts Refusal

2020-05-1301:00:083

Lana brings the case against her husband, Daniel. On their next family vacation, Lana wants her family of four to wear matching t-shirts. Daniel and the kids are opposed! Who's right? Who's wrong?Thank you to Megan Hodgkiss for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions.
Licorice Adjacent Flavor

Licorice Adjacent Flavor

2020-05-0601:05:375

KLAXON! The Judge John Hodgman podcast has been nominated for a Webby and we need your help to win! You can vote at bit.ly/JJHOWEBBY!VOTING ENDS TOMORROW MAY 7 AT 11:59PM PT!Judge John Hodgman is in chambers this week with Bailiff Jesse Thorn to clear the docket! It's a docket full of culinary disputes, with guest expert J. Kenji López-Alt (Serious Eats, New York Times)! They talk about the opposite of savory, coffee diluting, root vegetables, recipe modifications, Polish street pizza, potatoes, cookies and more! PLUS we have a dispute from a listener against Kenji himself!Kenji's Bay Area restaurant WURSTHALL is currently preparing and delivering free meals to hospitals and community centers on the front lines of the COVID-19 outbreak. If you would like to donate towards these meals, visit toasttab.com/wursthall. Kenji also has a children's book coming out September 1. EVERY NIGHT IS PIZZA NIGHT is available for pre-order now!
Garbagemas Eve

Garbagemas Eve

2020-04-2949:363

KLAXON! The Judge John Hodgman podcast has been nominated for a Webby and we need your help to win! You can vote at bit.ly/JJHOWEBBY!Judge Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn are clearing the docket this week! They discuss grocery delivery, keeping the shower curtain closed, garbage day, video games, and apologies to pets. Plus an update from Allison and Jeremy of Episode 412: AND BABY MAKES PLEA.As mentioned in this episode, to learn more about organizations helping to feed people during these hard times check out:Meals on WheelsEast Bay FeedERInvisible HandsAlso, make sure to check out Allison's comics at instagram.com/kickfeetcomics!If you want to take ten minutes to help us learn about who you are, visit maximumfun.org/adsurvey. This anonymous survey will help us keep the few ads we do run relevant to you, and will help some shows earn a little more money during this weird time.
This week's episode was recorded LIVE in Brooklyn! First up is "Fragrant Abuse of the Law." Denise says that her husband, Jeremy, is a super-smeller. She complains that his super-smelling is too disruptive! Up next is Swift Justice, with cases about anniversaries, pies, and playlists.Thank you to Verity Jorgensen-Lane for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions.
This week's episode was recorded LIVE at The Wilbur Theatre in Boston, MA! First case up is "Knit or Get Off the Pod." Kristen and Jess are two friends with a podcast, WWKD (Wine, Whine and Knit Day), in which they knit and chat about their lives. Jess has begun crocheting, however, and Kristen wants her to get back to knitting. Later up is Swift Justice with guest organist Josh Kantor. Swift judgments are issued on driving, grocery carts, and cell phones. Plus an update from Evan and Anne of Episode 448: Edict of Worms!Thank you to Tom McCaffrey for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions.
Judge John Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn are in chambers this week to clear the docket. They talk about putting on one's socks and shoes, speaking with family members in another room, cupcakes, the phrase "bull in a china shop," cat napping, and doctoral tams.
It's time again to clear the docket! Judge John Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn are in chambers to discuss cases about wearing headphones to sleep, John Wick spoilers, peanut shell disposal, eating burgers with a knife and fork, and beverages in the bathroom. Plus a letter from a listener about asking "What did you do today?" instead of "How are you?"
Good Old Onion Shop

Good Old Onion Shop

2020-03-2548:461

Judge John Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn are clearing the docket! They talk about pizza as a snack, parents talking on the phone with their adult kids, using the rimshot sound after telling a joke, gelato tasting, and office potlucks!Here is Jesse's guide to LA, as mentioned on the show.
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Comments (89)

Wulffhardt

Shiny-Head mist definitely went on to kill someone. Perhaps multiple someones.

Aug 7th
Reply

Wulffhardt

Horse Divorse

Jul 25th
Reply

Wulffhardt

Oh the teleconference scene is really hot right now. Pretty much everyone is doing it. If Dan's company survived till now, he's rolling in it. 500,000$ house? Probably be able to easily afford a million dollar home by now.

Jul 24th
Reply

Wulffhardt

Bro has some pretty bad undiagnosed ADHD which is a learning disability that effects people, particularly men, through their whole lifetime. People like to think it's just a kid thing that goes away the second you turn 18, but its not. It'd be best for him to get diagnosed and put on meds. Make his life a whole lot easier.

Jul 18th
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Wulffhardt

craft singles ain't even cheese tho

Jul 11th
Reply

Isak The Baron

It's DICKTOWN

Jul 10th
Reply

Wulffhardt

Now, in 2020, a missed call means you dodged a bullet because that was 99% definitely a spam caller.

Jul 2nd
Reply

Wulffhardt

Daenerys inexplicably goes insane to the sound of bells and is killed by Jon, Arya kills the Night Prince or whatever that monstrosity is called, and Bran becomes King. I haven't watched the final season, I know all this thru osmosis. It's impossible to avoid spoilers from popular culture shows. You can never avoid them unless you literally shut yourself away from society. Also the bald meth man is killed by so many bullets.

Jul 2nd
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Wulffhardt

Not going to psychoanalyze her, and it's not at all relevant any more because it was so long ago, but that woman defo has an anxiety disorder and probably suffering from a postpartum mental condition. Not depression, but it definitely shot her already existing bad anxiety through the roof. She needs to see a therapist and a psychiatrist and get on some meds.

Jun 28th
Reply

Wulffhardt

"Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" is the actual saying. People leave that part out to guilt family into being loyal to those they are related to, to convince people that the connections they have with blood family is more important than the ones you forge with the ones around you, and that is not true.

Jun 28th
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Wulffhardt

Greyhounds may be lazy but they've got a serious prey drive and if they got one, it WILL chase and quite possibly hurt it severely. Also adopt a full grown dog and you erase the whole needing to train them problem.

Jun 28th
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Wulffhardt

Me, listening during what is essentially a soft apocalypse: Yeah the Walmart is no buano

Jun 27th
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Wulffhardt

Adam was ahead of his time

Jun 25th
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Wulffhardt

Just wait until they hear about Uber

Jun 25th
Reply

Wulffhardt

Should have named him Giraffery

Jun 22nd
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John Hodge

Family dinner is great. That said, these people are making it hard upon themselves and their kids. Pass your OCD on down the line. Great.

Jun 16th
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John Hodge

As far as church wifi goes. Use it,they’re not paying taxes. Talk about gaming the system! Also Dukes mayonnaise is a regional product from the southern USA. Try it. It has a lot of character. Also mayo like butter is a combo of fat and protein. No milk solids in mayo spit doesn’t scorch. I make grilled cheese with half butter half mayo. Cheers! Stay safe out there:)

Jun 11th
Reply (1)

BC

I remember the story they're talking about. it was very deep down in my memory.

Jun 2nd
Reply

Isak The Baron

Yass yass yaaaasss I totally made a twist on Kenji's chili and won a cook-off with it (best overall and best traditional)!

May 29th
Reply

Ruth Eilerman

I am having St Louis pizza for my birthday dinner tonight. Pizza flavored nachos is the perfect description.

May 13th
Reply
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