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Judge John Hodgman

Author: John Hodgman and Maximum Fun

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John Hodgman's Today in the Past podcast is now The Judge John Hodgman Podcast. Have your pressing issues decided by Famous Minor Television Personality John Hodgman, Certified Judge. If you'd like John Hodgman to solve your pressing issue, simply email it, along with your phone number, to hodgman@maximumfun.org. THAT IS ALL.
544 Episodes
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Spooky Day, Spooky Night

Spooky Day, Spooky Night

2021-10-2701:32:39

It's time to clear the docket! Wearing sleep shorts out of the house, Christmas cookie types, bringing outside produce into restaurants, loud typing, and much more! Plus more letters from Emily and her sister Louisa from Juvenile Court, and an interview with Aidan, the co-owner of the Spirit Halloween Wiki! A perfect way to close our 2021 Spooky Season!
Fright Court

Fright Court

2021-10-2057:562

Jessie files suit against her husband Carter. Carter says he grew up in a haunted house. But Jessie doesn’t believe him! Who's right? Who's wrong?Thank you to Steve Ciabattoni for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities: @JesseThorn & @Hodgman. Or keep track using the Twitter hashtag #JJHoCaseNames. 
Auntie Anne-icus Brief

Auntie Anne-icus Brief

2021-10-1301:07:011

Mark and Hal host the Maximum Fun show WE GOT THIS, wherein they settle small debates. In 2018, they attempted to decide the Best Pretzel Shape but came to an impasse. Hal thinks that Mark was too unwilling to properly entertain a debate. Mark says that Hal betrayed the show’s core by removing the default pretzel shape from contention. Who’s right? Who’s wrong?Thank you to Dan Gualtieri for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions there.
Preliminary Herring

Preliminary Herring

2021-10-0601:10:34

Kareena brings the case against her husband, Ian. The two of them would like to get a fish tank for their home. When they agreed on this, Kareena had a small tank in mind, with one or two fish. But, Ian says he will only accept a 35 gallon tank -- nothing less!Who’s right? Who’s wrong?Thank you to Nicole DuBow for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions there.
Double In-Dented-Ty

Double In-Dented-Ty

2021-09-2959:511

This week, we hear a dispute between two comedy writers: Andy Wood (Bridgetown Comedy Festival, Probably Science podcast) and Chip Pope (LOPEZ, It Happened in Hollywood podcast)!Andy brings the case against his friend, Chip. Andy accidentally backed into Chip's car, causing damage to the door. Andy agreed to fully cover the cost of the repair. But before Chip could get the door fixed, Chip was in another car accident that caused larger damage to the door. Andy says that because of the second accident Chip should now split the insurance deductible with him. Chip disagrees.Who’s right? Who’s wrong?Thank you to Daniel Cordero & Cody McBurnett for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions there.
It's time to clear the docket! Beard stubble, shower hair, Friendsgiving, sleeping while listening to podcasts, the difference between SUVs and trucks, and much much more! Check out Ryan McDonough's (aka "Cuervo Man") film LAST NIGHT IN ROZZIE at lastnightinrozzie.com! And check out Election Profit Makers, available where you get your podcasts! For more David Rees, take a look at Get Your War On! 
Live Upside Down or Die

Live Upside Down or Die

2021-09-1501:04:32

Summertime Funtime Guest Bailiff Monte Belmonte joins Judge John Hodgman in saying goodbye to his New England Summer. It's the Judge's last day in his Summertime chambers with Joel Mann the Mole Mann at WERU Community Radio in Orland, Maine. The J Squad and Lil Monte clear the docket of the New England located disputes waiting for justice. Table manners, how to eat a burger, Massachusetts pronunciations, Vermont and New Hampshire orientation, New England borders, and Cape Cod geography!Thank you so much to Joel Mann and WERU for hosting our summertime chambers again this year. WERU is a community supported freeform radio, and is available to stream at weru.org. Monte Belmonte can be heard on WRSI Radio at wrsi.com. His podcast, A Week of Mornings, is available wherever you get podcasts.
Mr. G & Professor K

Mr. G & Professor K

2021-09-0801:00:361

It's time to clear the docket! Mom jokes, room names, grungy jackets, family group texts, garden tending, and much more!
It's time to clear the docket and this week we are bringing back JUVENILE COURT! Disputes (mostly) from kids! Book care, door locks, pet hedgehogs, pet dogs, disc golf and more!TICKETS ARE ON SALE NOW for our Judge John Hodgman Live Streaming Event with the London Podcast Festival! It’s happening on Thursday 09/09/2021 at 12:30pm PT / 3:30pm ET / 8:30pm BST. For more info and tickets, visit bit.ly/JJHOUDGMAN or click here!
The Motion is Cary Granted

The Motion is Cary Granted

2021-08-2501:11:012

Film Fanatic Rick files suit against his wife, Nikki. Rick saves his Golden Age film viewing for his own time because Nikki is usually not interested. Together, the two of them tend to watch TV shows. But, Rick was shocked one day to find Nikki watching the 1963 film CHARADE without him, and asked that she save that movie for him. She doesn't think she should have had to stop watching it! Who's right? Who's wrong?Thank you to David Hoffman for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions there.
Maine Hospitality

Maine Hospitality

2021-08-1801:03:251

We are clearing the docket this week! Forest walking, Christmas related small talk, egg placement, condiments, and more!TICKETS ARE ON SALE NOW for our Judge John Hodgman Live Streaming Event with the London Podcast Festival! It’s happening on Thursday 09/09/2021 at 12:30pm PT / 3:30pm ET / 8:30pm BST. For more info and tickets, click here!
Sweet Corn Season

Sweet Corn Season

2021-08-1159:162

We are clearing the docket this week! Corn buttering, spider removal, microwave etiquette, beer gardens, and much more!TICKETS ARE ON SALE NOW for our Judge John Hodgman Live Streaming Event with the London Podcast Festival! It’s happening on Thursday 09/09/2021 at 12:30pm PT / 3:30pm ET / 8:30pm BST. For more info and tickets, click here!
Hubble Jeopardy

Hubble Jeopardy

2021-08-0401:05:102

Kathryn files suit against her friend, Jerome. Jerome commissioned Kathryn to paint large scale panels inspired by the Hubble telescope photos. She did, and he's thrilled with them except for one thing: She didn't sign her work! She says that's not her thing. But, even still, Jerome thinks she should sign the panels.Who’s right? Who’s wrong?Thank you to Elyse O'Neill for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions there.--TICKETS ARE ON SALE NOW for our Judge John Hodgman Live Streaming Event with the London Podcast Festival! It's happening on Thursday 09/09/2021 at 12:30pm PT / 3:30pm ET / 8:30pm BST. For more info and tickets, click here! And make sure to follow us on Instagram for evidence! 
The Full Micky

The Full Micky

2021-07-2857:421

Time to clear the docket! Disputes about accepting rent from your parents, chocolate covered pretzels, classic movies, morning text message etiquette, sausages, and much more! Plus Joel Mann's entire Micky Dolenz story!
What Else Is There to Do?

What Else Is There to Do?

2021-07-2101:05:541

Time to clear that docket! Eyedrops in public, watching the Tour de France, mystery dog poop bags, gift card use, communal bookshelves, and much more! Plus an update from our favorite cryptocurrency miners, the C-Team!
Right to a Fair Earring

Right to a Fair Earring

2021-07-1501:05:28

Ben files suit against his friend and writing partner, Graham. The two of them agreed that if they were not hired on a writing staff by the end of 2020, they would get matching ear piercings. They did end up getting hired on a show, but their start date was at the very beginning of 2021. Graham believes that since they were offered the jobs in 2020, the spirit of the pact has been fulfilled. But Ben disagrees and believes that they need to follow through with the ear piercings!Who’s right? Who’s wrong? With Summertime Funtime Guest Bailiff Monte Belmonte!Thank you to Reid Hopkins for naming this week’s case! To suggest a title for a future episode, follow Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions there.
Big thanks to John Darnielle for his expertise on this week’s episode! The Mountain Goats' latest album "Dark in Here" is OUT NOW on Merge Records. Click HERE to read Jesse Raub’s 3,333 word essay about Michael Anthony!Thank you to Adam Capybara, Mike Kennedy, and Chris Rini for suggesting this week’s title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put out a call for submissions.
Citation For Glittering

Citation For Glittering

2021-06-3001:10:292

Rudy, of RUDY'S PLACE, returns to Judge John Hodgman's court and brings his wife, Mary, with him! Rudy can’t stand glitter. He says that Mary keeps bringing it into the house and would like her to stop. Mary says that Rudy needs to find a better way to cope. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? With Guest Bailiff Jean Grae!The Rudy's Place theme song: Lyrics written by Judge Hodgman, performed by Jonathan Coulton.LINKS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE: bit.ly/dicktownMaximum Fun's I, Podius with John Hodgman, Elliott Kalan, and Jordan KauwlingElizabeth Glibert's Pilgrims and Stern MenJean on Instagram! Follow her @jeanniegrigioBlue Man GroupAdam Savage at tested.com
Docket Deep Cuts

Docket Deep Cuts

2021-06-2301:02:10

We are going back to the beginning of the JJHo inbox to find some DOCKET DEEP CUTS! Cases from 2010! The best fast food burgers, cats looking for milk, free-will arguments, ramen, and much more! Plus the FIRST EVER Judge Wrong Hodgman letter (™ Lela)!LINKS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE: The Doughboys podcastFrench Fries cold-frying technique from America's Test KitchenDick's Drive-In French Fries techniqueRock, Rot & Rule by Scharpling & WursterEpisode 516: MAY IT PLEASE DESCARTESbit.ly/dicktownAnil Dash on TwitterFor Judge Hodgman's final thoughts on the hot dog sandwichness dispute, visit bit.ly/JJHOTDOG
Hot Drink Legend

Hot Drink Legend

2021-06-1601:06:462

Clearing the docket! Ordering tea at a beer garden, sending your published book to a literary idol, nicknames, artificial plants, and the return of our new segment RUDY'S PLACE!LINKS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE: Lunenburg PuddingBe Scared of Everything by Peter Counter"All of the birds died in 1986 due to Reagan killing them and replacing them with spies that are now watching us. The birds work for the bourgeoisie.”Donwill, rapper and plant expertTanya Morgan's Bandcamp, where you can find the new single "A Whole Mood" featuring Jack Daveybit.ly/dicktownDead Eyes Podcast Episode 4: Any Questions?Pre-order Tom Scharpling's book, It Never Ends at TomWroteABook.com!Pre-order Jordan Morris' graphic novel Bubble through Book Soup in LA for a signed copy!Photos on the MaxFun subreddit of the gas station with the tank in Los Angeles
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Comments (107)

James Reichelt

butter is a spreaddddddd!!!

Aug 19th
Reply (1)

Wulffhardt

Get a gaming PC, learn emulators and virtual computers, problem solved. It's not a gaming console Dr. Husband, you can use word

May 28th
Reply

Deborah Dumonceaux

llpl

May 7th
Reply

Logan Deaton

This episode aged well

Mar 30th
Reply

BC

I'm always happy to hear about ads from Libby. Librarians are great.

Jan 15th
Reply

BC

I like the ads for Libby because Libby is an app that lets you access your library's database for free and I hate audible.

Jan 10th
Reply

BC

Bull penis chew toys are called bully sticks or pizzles. they may contain harmful bacteria because they're dried but not cooked.

Jan 10th
Reply

Teresa Ellis

In a college course one of the books I was required to buy and read a book I discovered that I hated with a passion. The book showed me a part of the world where men held most of the power and some abused that power. I hated it because it I knew it was real and I didn't know how to improve things. When I finished the course a friend suggested I burn the book as a form of catharsis. It helped. I will point out that I owned said book and it burning it was a form of therapy. I don't make a habit of burning books. I would not have chosen to buy that book except it was for a class and I learned quite a lot. Not all knowledge is enjoyable.

Nov 22nd
Reply

BC

cyanide smells like bitter almonds because bitter almonds contain cyanide.the bitter almond smell is just cyanide.

Nov 12th
Reply

Margaret McGurk

The miles v. time argument ignores context, which defines how distance will be referenced in any news story. Map distance is standard, travel time is specified when relevant. There is no standard way to describe generic travel time because people drive at different speeds, some take buses, some avoid expressways, etc. Clarity is the most important factor. "The firefighters cover two towns that are 5 miles apart but an hour's drive because of twisting roads and hilly terrain." Like that.

Nov 11th
Reply

Rory Simpson

I have enjoyed your radiola program on many a restful evening as I enjoyed a mixed beverage, or on a scenic drive in my motored carriage, and have grown to think of you as an as yet unaquainted friend. Though you have pronounced judgement on more than a few things that I have taken issue with, or I have occasionally taken some small offense as I had felt you had misreasoned or had reasoned more by quirk of personal taste and not with an ardor for absolute justice, I caution myself that you are a wise and good man. Though you may not always have the right of things your charm and good nature have always carried the day. Isn't he a caution, I would muse. But, good sir, when you malign buttered popcorn Jelly Bellies, you malign me. Without so much as a by your leave you cast them down in the coarse language of some sort of border ruffian or rustic brute! There I was in a state no better described as knocked into a cocked hat, my patent bitters bespilt on my fainting clothes, so taken aback was I in mute horror of your transgress! By the Horn Spoon, I am exfluncticated! Never before had I experienced such pique in all of my days as an old-timey character invented for the purposes of an eccentric complaint letter. My most fervent wish is that the express brings this to you at full chisel so you may know my pique, you humbug potentate!

Oct 13th
Reply

Beth Sykes

I dont believe her

Sep 8th
Reply

Wulffhardt

I hate the idea that if you're going to be in a long term committed relationship that you have to get married, and then immediately have kids. Whenever dog ownership comes up on this show he immediately goes to "you planning to have kids?". Also cats are good in any home. We have a decently sized household and 2 cats and both of them love every family member.

Aug 30th
Reply

Wulffhardt

Right when this started with the "I'm rich bitch" or whatever from Andrew, I was immediately like, ah, he's THAT kind of gay. A point continuously proven through the episode. Btw this is coming from a gay.

Aug 30th
Reply

Wulffhardt

If he is good at Dota 2, like really good, he could go to nationals and make a few million dollars. A few grand for smaller things.

Aug 21st
Reply

Wulffhardt

if they're gonna be sharing a scooter, like 2 people on it, she's gonna have to get a higher cc because that poor thing will be struggling.

Aug 21st
Reply

Wulffhardt

"I have the best cholesterol my doctor has ever seen. He told me so." Alright 45th

Aug 15th
Reply

Wulffhardt

Shiny-Head mist definitely went on to kill someone. Perhaps multiple someones.

Aug 7th
Reply

Wulffhardt

Horse Divorse

Jul 25th
Reply

Wulffhardt

Oh the teleconference scene is really hot right now. Pretty much everyone is doing it. If Dan's company survived till now, he's rolling in it. 500,000$ house? Probably be able to easily afford a million dollar home by now.

Jul 24th
Reply
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