Just Bloom with Amanda

A continued peak into my cluttered mind and notes over the last couple years. This episode goes into how great my dad is, how shitty my medical care has been, and how I sometimes forget I’m a felon, plus more! There will definitely be a part 3 🙄

Starting out with no direction, I end up getting vulnerable and sharing pieces of emotion filled writing that I have done at different times over the years and reflected on past relationships. I read some of my personal writings and share my real experiences. It is called unfinished and will be a multiple episode adventure as I go through notes and ideas I have started and not finished or never did anything with as a way to share some of the things I have been through from the perspective of my past self. I even read notes I wrote myself as I embarked on getting a diagnosis. Basically I wrote down textbook ADHD. Anyways, enjoy my vulnerability and stories and be on the lookout for the next episode of my unfinished series.

Reflecting on the vastly different and numerous versions of myself I have been, this episode I talk about these different versions and how they came about. Of course there are tangents involving the insanity of the concept of time, the super powers of ADHD, and other random tidbits that popped in my head throughout the hour. It’s always exciting to do unplanned episodes because there’s no telling where my brain will go and what will end up coming out.

Originally this was going to be called “At least high school taught me the Pythagorean theorem” and it should have been out 4 weeks ago. However, sometimes I just struggle man. Struggle with the idea of what it is I even have to say. Or what I am trying to do with this. Or a million other questions that plant seeds of doubt in my head until I’m convinced I have nothing of relevance to say. And so I don’t. I was inspired by Rainn Wilson to try again and I can’t disappoint Dwight. This episode has an intro that last way too long, I touch on credit, spirituality, my life, my son, pinky and the brain, ADHD, my new annoying honey allergy, and who knows what else. & Spoiler Alert, I don’t think I ever figure out my point. Enjoy!

Feat. The Beautiful Marie Claire from Holland My first video podcast! ADHD wins almost every battle we fight, but it is my random army of the most beautiful souls I meet on the journey that help me keep fighting to win this war. This time it was Claire, who I met at my second home in Bali 'Da Housetel', We knew each other less than 48 hours, but we now have a connection forever. This was going to be called it's okay not to be okay. because I was not okay. So much so, my brain prevented me from recording a podcast on my own. Instead hear us talk about traveling and breaking traditions the world sets on you. However, she had to take off, and you do get to hear my usual depressing sentiments, but hopefully allow others listening to remember it's okay not to be okay.

Feat. The Beautiful Marie Claire from Holland My first video podcast! ADHD wins almost every battle we fight, but it is my random army of the most beautiful souls I meet on the journey that help me keep fighting to win this war. This time it was Claire, who I met at my second home in Bali 'Da Housetel', We knew each other less than 48 hours, but we now have a connection forever. This was going to be called it's okay not to be okay. because I was not okay. So much so, my brain prevented me from recording a podcast on my own. Instead hear us talk about traveling and breaking traditions the world sets on you. However, she had to take off, and you do get to hear my usual depressing sentiments, but hopefully allow others listening to remember it's okay not to be okay.

Featuring special guest Kenny Lambert, owner of Just a Dad from Akron, a movement in our city.  As one of my very good friends I was grateful for the opportunity to record a regular chat between friends. Kenny and I share a lot of similarities, good & bad. Drug addiction, felonies, and now entrepreneurship, parenthood, and a desire to help others. From meeting 6 years ago from across a building, where males and females were prohibited to have contact, to hanging on my couch talking about it all, it has been quite a journey and I am glad to share his inspiring words with the world!

Made it just through June & early July this time. Mostly talked about ADHD and my actual diagnosis. I think I cried so it’s real.

Is it just me or was 2022 just as much as a shit show as 2020 and 2021 🫠 This year I faced battles I couldn't have ever imagined. I was in a wheelchair, I went to the ER 21 times in 3 months, I lived back with my parents for awhile, my mom had a heart attack, & oh yeah, I found out I am dying of cancer. However, this year I have also reached goals I never imagined I could or would and had real life dreams come true. I met my birth family and went to their family reunion, I traveled around the US alone in a wheelchair, & was strong enough without it by my return, I created and ran a consulting business, (until I couldn't), I developed and built an online store, I went back to college, I left the country for the first time & had the time of my life in Bali, & I wrote & published a whole fricken children's book!  This year, life beat the shit out of me to be quite honest, but because of the people by my side, it has also been one of the best years of my entire life!  I only made it to June, so look for 2020 pt. 3 (pt. 2) 

This episode is a dive into my struggles with mental health. My main issues are anxiety and ADHD, with plenty of other issues thrown in. I wanted to just talk about how they affect me and some ways that I have found to help me cope, and what hasn't. I also talk about how sometimes I lose the fight and thats okay!

I may be biased, but this is definitely my best podcast yet!  All because my sweet soul of a child, my heartbeat, my Bubba joined me in this recording and I personally I think he is a super hilarious and adorable addition, and he definitely stole the show! 

Life is hard back in the United States 🥲

EPISODE 2: BLOOM'IN MESS 32:28 woah, anger 34:30 I just went straight math anger chick - also if you start listening - & you have gone thru the 9 months I’m about to cuss out especially - listen at least 90 seconds please

The story of the title of my podcast kind of explains me better than I can. Reference: The Office: Season 5, Episode 16 08:26 https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkx_80ZgXToryR6BS4aHCZkFs7HFRgy6O9N As I was preparing to launch the first episode of this podcast, I was horrified at the empty name box. Then I had the best idea, as my episode one is now named “It is my podcast.” The inspiration from my favorite show of all time at the timestamp above. Once I got the idea, I thought about the show and laughed out loud to myself at the idea of it. At that point I decided I needed to provide the above timestamp so people that regrettably don’t watch the office would understand how hilarious it is. Now, I am in Bali, and because of that Peacock (the streaming platform I downloaded simply to watch The Office) doesn’t work. So now I can’t find the exact point. Mind you, I did find one like within 5 seconds of the point I would have wanted, but then I didn’t want to go back to far if I guessed. Then I decide to check Apple TV and they have the episode, but for $5.99. It would be ridiculous to buy it just to get the timestamp, yet here we are. Now I am trying to speed scroll back and forth trying to find the part I am looking for. I can’t find it. Finally, after awhile I do a dreaded google search, to make sure it was the right episode. It was not. At this point, I am in too deep. I have to get the other one now. Luckily that one, $2.99. Voila. Therefore, if you don’t watch the office I beg you to please watch this clip. It cost me $11 to find it. The best part? I then realized you can’t watch it so I posted a link to the clip on YouTube. The point? I’m sure you ask. Well, this is me in a nutshell. I am spontaneous hence, Bali, and many other things I will dive into. I am driven and have a need to figure things out, at times to a fault. I am stubborn, a perfectionist, and ridiculous. I love to laugh. Also it shows insight into the effects of breast cancer spreading to my brain. I do more dumb shit, simply put. I make a lot of mistakes, but I try my very best to fix them. I learn from them. It also tells a story of one of the core things I like to talk about. How life happens. The people that come, that go. Almost every human you interact with has a lasting effect on you in some way or another. In this case, one of my favorite birthday moments took place with people no longer in my life, but the memory remains and the lessons I took from that point in my life. I am grateful for the memory no matter the end result of those it was shared with. My favorite song in the world was from a friend in high school who at the time was one the most relevant in my life. He introduced me to Drake, who was the first artist ever I knew & loved before most others. That guy moved away I haven’t thought of him in years, but I listen to the song by Drake weekly @ minimum. Life is like that. The string of events that led me to Bali are unexplainable in their perfect alignment other than this is where I was supposed to be, and thank God I am. To be completely honest, I don’t know exactly what I talk about in this episode. I don’t want to listen or I might not release it, but I do know that it is just me doing my best to record a podcast battling aggressive ADHD, imposter syndrome, and an overwhelming anxiety, that no one is going to care or enjoy any part of it. If you smile, laugh, learn, something, ore experience any positive emotion in the 40ish minutes you are listening — I accomplished my goal. Edit to add: I actually already named it when I recorded it.