Kink Me Slow

A man can be confident, successful, masculine, and still want to give someone else control. And somehow, the moment he does, we start looking for an explanation.Is it about power? Relief from control? Vulnerability? Humiliation? Trust? Or have we simply decided that surrender needs a deeper psychological reason when it comes from a man?I’ve been reading the research, but I’ve also been exploring this personally from the other side, as the woman they submit to. This episode is about what I found there: the strange relationship between masculinity and control, what surrender can give someone, where shame enters the picture, and why sometimes we should stop trying to explain desire into something more acceptable.Sometimes he JUST likes it.References:1. Alicia M. Walker, Arielle Kuperberg & Audrey Lutmer — “It’s at Odds With How I Live My Life”: Masculinity, Gender, BDSM Roles, and Identity Disclosure (2026)2. Staci Newmahr — Playing on the Edge: Sadomasochism, Risk, and Intimacy (2011)3. Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame & Jon Jacobs — Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (1993)

What happens when kink becomes part of your relationships, your work, your art, basically, your life?In this episode, I’m talking to Flame about the experiences that shaped him: a pretty fucked-up childhood, abusive relationships, power, submission, desire, and growing up thinking that some parts of himself were wrong.We also talk about porn, not just fucking in front of a camera, but how you actually make it, turn it into a real business, understand what people want to watch, and still create something that turns you on.And then there is art: Shibari, performance, paint, and a human body literally becoming a paintbrush.There’s a lot in this conversation, including some very vulnerable stories. So enjoy it and meet Flame.Follow us on Instagram You can find Flame's art here:girlsofhel.com flamehel.com

Part Two of my conversation with psychiatrist and researcher Dr. Elise Wuyts gets a little more personal.We talk about how context can completely change the way our brain experiences the same sensation, why fear can feel good when we choose it, why stress isn’t always the enemy, what humiliation actually plays with psychologically, and what science knows about subspace.And somewhere along the way, the roles switch a little. Elise starts asking me questions, and I end up sharing some of my own experiences with fear, altered states, submission, dominance, and being a switch.A conversation about the brain, power, context , and why what we want is rarely as contradictory as it seems.Enjoy!And follow us on Instagram

What actually happens in the body during BDSM? Why was it pathologized for so long, and how much of that thinking is still hiding inside modern psychiatry?In part one of my conversation with psychiatrist and BDSM researcher Dr. Elise Wuyts, we talk about her work in forensic psychiatry, how she went from seeing BDSM as something strange and unfamiliar to studying it scientifically, and what she discovered while collecting biological data during real BDSM scenes.This is part one of our conversation. Part two is coming next.Enjoy!And follow us on Instagram

How can non-consent be consensual?In this solo episode, I’m getting into CNC, consensual non-consent, and the fascinating psychology of choosing to give up choice.I look at four very different examples:— Rape and resistance roleplay— Kidnapping fantasies— Sleep play— PunishmentWhat happens when “no” is part of the fantasy? Can you consent to surprise? Can you not want something in the moment while still wanting the dynamic you chose?There are a lot of uncomfortable questions and, of course, my own opinion, especially when it comes to safewords.And in the end, it’s all about playing with choice itself.Follow me on IG ⁠https://www.instagram.com/kinkmeslow⁠References:1. Ofer Parchev - “Between Normalization and Transgression: The Complexity of Consensual Non-consent in BDSM”2. Angelika Tsaros - “Consensual non-consent: Comparing EL James’s Fifty Shades of Grey and Pauline Réage’s Story of O”3. Debby Herbenick et al. — “Prevalence and Correlates of Sexual Choking and Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) Among College Students: Findings from a Campus-Representative Survey”