Legally Clueless

In the concluding part of Makena's story, a terrifying suspicion becomes reality when she confronts her partner about accessing her private conversations and information on her phone. What follows is a deeply personal account of digital surveillance, emotional abuse and coercive control, and the lasting impact of having your privacy, independence and sense of safety violated by someone you trusted.Makena reflects on the warning signs she struggled to recognise, how her relationship gradually isolated her from the people she loved, and what it took to begin reclaiming her freedom.Her story reminds us that abuse doesn't have to be physical to be devastating, and control is not love.Catch Part 1 of Makena's story in Episode 398.RESOURCES: UNDERSTANDING COERCIVE CONTROL & GETTING SUPPORT: Coercive control is a pattern of abusive behaviour designed to intimidate, isolate, monitor or restrict another person's freedom and independence.If you or someone you know is experiencing coercive control or other forms of abuse, the following organisations may be able to offer support:UsikimyeSupport and advocacy for survivors of gender-based violence.https://www.usikimye.org Healthcare Assistance Kenya (HAK)National Gender-Based Violence Hotline.Call: 1195Gender Violence Recovery Centre (GVRC)Medical, psychosocial and other support services for survivors of gender-based violence.https://gvrc.co.ke Family Health International (FHI)Psychosocial support for survivors of violence. Contact the organisation to establish which services and referral programmes are currently available.Centre for Rights Education and Awareness (CREAW)Legal assistance, advocacy and support for survivors of gender-based violence.Toll-free: 0800-720-186If you suspect someone is monitoring your phone or online activity, consider seeking help using a device they cannot access.MORE FROM LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICAMid Week Tease: When We Confuse Control for LoveLast week, Adelle unpacked how controlling behaviours can be mistaken for expressions of love, how to recognise unhealthy relationship patterns, and why love should never cost you your freedom. Listen to the episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0zHpswyKbweoPf6QdYEWEM?si=hStXBVZ6Q_-ccW053v13EA&utm_source=whatsapp SHARE YOUR STORY Have a story you'd like to share on the Legally Clueless podcast?https://forms.gle/JMrQD55jcrazKFKX7 WATCH FOR MANNERLESS WOMEN Conversations about healing, self-worth, relationships and becoming shame-free women.https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica CONNECT WITH US Website: https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafricaFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/legallycluelessafrica YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica New episodes of Legally Clueless every Monday.I truly appreciate you, and I know you have everything it takes to heal.

Who benefits when women believe they are too loud, too angry, too ambitious or simply too much?This week on For Mannerless Women, Adelle sits down with feminist activist and Executive Director of Dada Collective Network, Zaha Indimuli, for a conversation about the many ways women are taught to make themselves smaller and what becomes possible when we refuse.They unpack respectability politics, self-censorship and how constantly being told to “tone it down” can eventually affect more than how we communicate. It can shape our ambitions, our desires and how much space we believe we are allowed to occupy. Zaha also shares why self-love, joy and rest can be acts of rebellion, how anger and love can both have a place in activism, and why sisterhood can become a powerful force for collective change. The conversation also explores women’s political power, organizing around End Femicide Kenya, the barriers women face when participating in politics and what could become possible when more women recognize the power of organizing collectively.In this episode:The hidden impact of constantly being told to “tone it down”Why women learn to self-censor and minimize themselvesRespectability politics and the fear of being “too much”Why self-love, joy and rest can be acts of rebellionAnger, love and sustaining activismWomen who become gatekeepers of patriarchyThe healing and political power of sisterhoodOrganizing around End Femicide KenyaThe barriers women face in political participationBuilding collective political power among Kenyan womenCONNECT WITH ZAHA INDIMULI Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zaha.speaksTikTok: @zaha.speaksLinkedIn: Zaha IndimuliDada Collective Network:https://dada-collective.network/ End Femicide Kenya:https://www.instagram.com/endfemicideke FOR MANNERLESS WOMEN For Mannerless Women is a space committed to nurturing a new generation of shame-free African women.Watch For Mannerless Women on YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyClueless Follow Legally Clueless Africa on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ Follow Legally Clueless Africa on TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica Share this episode with a Mannerless or almost-Mannerless woman in your life.

What happens when control doesn’t actually feel like control? Sometimes it sounds like, “I just worry about you.” Sometimes jealousy feels like proof that someone really cares. Sometimes constantly checking in feels like closeness. And sometimes we slowly begin changing how we dress, who we see, where we go and what we say just to keep the peace.Inspired by Makena’s story on Legally Clueless, this week on The Mid Week Tease, Adelle unpacks how easily control can be mistaken for love in romantic relationships and why one of the most revealing questions we can ask is: What happens when I say no?In this episode, we talk about:Why jealousy and possessiveness can sometimes feel romanticThe difference between care, consideration and controlWhat your partner’s response to “no” can revealHow we can slowly start policing ourselves to keep the peaceThe difference between privacy and secrecy in relationshipsWhy boundaries and control are not the same thingHow to notice when your world is becoming smaller inside a relationshipWhy “But they love me” isn’t always enoughThe importance of maintaining your autonomy while loving someoneAnd perhaps the biggest question of all:Can you be fully yourself while being loved by this person?Join the Legally Clueless community:https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com Follow Legally Clueless Africa: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafricaYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@legallycluelessafrica

What happens when attention slowly turns into control?In Part 1 of Makena’s story, she shares how a relationship that began with friendship, attraction and fun gradually became possessive and controlling. It started with small things that were easy to explain away. Complicated rules around communication. Constant calls when she was out with friends. Accusations of cheating. Wanting constant access to her while making himself difficult to reach. Over time, the intensity escalated until Makena began to realise that Brian knew things about her private conversations that she had never told him.In this episode, Makena takes us through the early signs of coercive control, how easily controlling behaviour can be mistaken for love or concern, and the frightening moment she begins to question just how much access her partner has to her life.This is Part 1 of Makena’s story. Part 2 continues next Monday. New episodes of Legally Clueless every Monday.SHARE YOUR STORY:https://forms.gle/JMrQD55jcrazKFKX7 VISIT LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA:https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com/ FOLLOW LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafricaFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/legallycluelessafricaYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica

What if the biggest thing standing between you and your dream isn’t your ability but whether you can actually see yourself living it? This week on The Mid Week Tease, Adelle unpacks what it means to truly own your dreams to stop keeping the things you deeply desire at a safe distance and start believing that they deserve a real chance. Fresh from bringing For Mannerless Women Live to life, Adelle reflects on what it took to first imagine the experience, pitch the vision to global brands, build it piece by piece and eventually stand inside something that once existed only in her mind.She also shares the story of another dream that took almost three years of quiet work, experimentation and courage before finally becoming real.In this episode, we talk about why sometimes our dreams aren’t too big our current view of ourselves is simply too small to hold them; why visualization can be a form of rehearsal rather than magic; why courage often has to come before confidence; and how taking small actions can give us evidence that we are capable of building the lives we imagine.Plus, Adelle shares five questions to help you take one dream out of the realm of “maybe one day” and begin giving it a real chance.Because maybe the woman you’re becoming doesn’t need you to know exactly how you’ll get there.Maybe she just needs you to stop acting like the life you want belongs to somebody else.Listen to The Mid Week Tease every Wednesday.CONNECT WITH US:Website: https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyClueless Follow Adelle: https://www.instagram.com/adelleonyango/