Legs & Eggs

Maniga Mia! An episode so good Elton John would eulogize it with the same song over and over and over again my friend aw you don’t believe we’re on the eve of deez nutz, son.So what we got? Everyone’s favorite virus! A whole lot of Johnny Damon cuz we saw him on the tee-vee and we’re like “WTF it’s John Damon now?” and he has big honkers. That’s why I marry him. You can dress him up real nice. You wants facts? We got facts. Potato facts. You can take that to the potato bank. It’s my second favorite kind of bank. We got a whole lot of bathtub stuff too. Bathtubs just keep coming up everywhere. In once bit I actually play the bathtub like a musical instrument. See if you can spot it! If you can, let us know!HOA Karen is back! WHAAA??? Yeah! Is she in a bathtub? Bitch, you know that shit’s about a pool! So let’s have a pocket pool party. You’re up, handsome. Chalk that cue.You can find all our information hereDon't forget to leave us a message 929-263-4165 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Holy shit it’s two episodes in, like, one week. You ever try fitting two things into one thing? It makes crumbs all over the place.This time we have FOX and JULIO from The Conspiracy Soldiers’ Podcast. We don’t even talk about conspiracies and only a little bit about soldiers. Also there’s no audible kissing. It’s all quiet and sneaky-like. Are they kissing? Who is kissing? We don’t know.All that and Heather is still on vacation. She does vacation things like drink wine and cry about Andy Kaufman. Klem poops a little too. You know how we do. Leave us a message 929-263-4165Learn everything you've ever wanted to know about us here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Grease the skids. Skid ‘em good. Slide the wheel. Feel the steel. Banana Steele. That’s my name. My dad is Remington and I’m about to shave you nasty.Welcome back to Legs & Eggs, everyone. I’m your host Fupa Jones and we’re back with more sound. And more Shidder Mob. Goin’ Mobb Deep with Shidder Mob. So deep, so deep, it put Deepak Chopra to sleep. RIP Deepak. Spent the extra $129 on his pawprint. It has the same number of fingers as Rahm Emmanuel.You know what else? Heather goes to work! She also goes to Foxwoods and talks about cigarettes and elevators. There’s some dick stuff too. Just in general. Not necessarily with Heather. Though I wouldn’t count that out. I just wouldn’t expect it is all. Bok Choi Facts? Yeah, we got that. I sing a lot. Klem sings a lot. You know there’s chowder. All kinds and lots of it. And something called Thanksgiving Fart that I don’t remember what that is but it sounds promising.And holy shit, we’ve got not one but TWO John Wayne’s featured in this episode. Can you guess which two?Keep it 1600 my friends,Your darling Fupa Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Come and knock on our door. Come and sit on our couch. Come shine a black light on our couch and wonder what on earth can make a splatter that shape.Come get stripped down with us. We just chilling at home. We getting sensual under the covers. Klem drops a Top Ten in the tub. Heather smokes a cigarette and we haaaaaaaaaaangin’. We talkin’ bout practice. By “practice” I mean double penetration. That’s two penetrations going on at once. What is there to say about it? Does jet fuel melt steel peens? Let’s find the fuck the out. Let's get Intimate at the Melody Tent. Take a peek under our covers and let’s make some sounds under this tarp.*Why does Quentin Tarantino hate the metric system?*Because he likes everything expressed to him as feet.Love us more than Truck Month? You can find all our merch, social media, newsletter and more right here: https://linktr.ee/legsandeggspod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We have more Shidder Mob.It’s not a secret.We’re telling you right nowBefore you leak itHave you hugged your kid today? Specifically, have you hugged your kid in a Chinese restaurant on Cape Cod? Does your finger have a name? Is it Chester? Chester the Finger? I know a finger. His name is Finger. He hangs out with Hal but that’s a story for another time because we have more SHIDDER MOB and a whole bunch of other business to get to.So let’s get this business to the front. We have MORE SHIDDER MOB! We get into it — all of it — with A$AP SHID and The Shitman. Heather goes to the Casino. Heather also has eye problems but she also definitely goes to the casino. Klem talks toilet with her Toilet Talk and STUMP-O-MANIA runs wild on you! Fupa sings a lot.So strap on in. We’re gonna get some General T-Sow’s at the Tiki Port.Interested in our Newsletter? Maybe you want a Fupa Jones shower curtain. How would I know? I don't know you. But I do know you can find all that and more by clicking RIGHT HERE Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SHIDDER MOB IS HERE! A$AP SHID and THE SHITMAN from SHIDDER MOB talk all things Shidder Mob. We mob out to that shid. They’re in their prime strapping years. We strap it on and shid it out and when all is said and done it’s Shidder Mob. And boy does it get done. With Shid. Shidder Mob.And what else? We’ve got HEATHER’S SWEET VACATION PLANS for the Legs & Eggs throuple! Planes crash and placentas fall to the floor! We visit La Isla de Sensuá’ de Fupa Jones! We find out why Klem is green! Is it because of her Toilet Talk? Because we’ve got. that too! We’re just living the meme. The creme meme. Cadbury creme meme. My Cadbury creme meme team scheme starring Seal Team 6.Find everything you ever wanted to find for us by clicking this link ---> Legs & EggsWhen your'e done with the episode listen to Klem's favorite Shidder Mob Playlist Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Election Season. Who doesn't want more election coverage? Everyone is so excited about the election. No one is tired. We've got some election predictions for you. We've also got other stuff. Lots of other things. Things like Fox and Julio from Conspiracy Soldiers. What Heather would do to Eminem if he asked. Fupa Jones sings and you'll love it. Klem Stump sings and you'll hate it. Enjoy this episode on the last day of Election Season.Find all our info here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Like sands through da muthafuckin’ hourglass, these are the LEGS & EGGS OF OUR LIVES!!!We’re back with a smooth one! Gaveen returns with Klem and Fupa. The three ball out and explore the world of space ghosts (different from the guy named Space Ghost, you’'ll see) while they get hype for Tubi Tuesday. All the while Heather cleans her house and drinks some Oreo coke! Klem poops a smooth one! Eminem becomes a grandfather! And holy shit, a song from our buddy Stewart from 21st Century Podcast. We got more Billy Joel hits plus all the cum farts and toilet talk you expect from Providence RI’s premiere adult entertainment breakfast show! You can even wear your cum socks!Find all our info here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You’re a prebiotic soda. Yes you are. And you’re about to be drank by Heather. Oh yeah. That’s where you’re gonna become biotic. She’s your mom. She’s our mom. She’s everyone’s mom.Legs & Eggs: The Podcast is back. Back like Sir Mix-A-Lot’s baby. Heather shits on Billboard’s Top 10 Rock Singers list while simultaneously believing that Jon Bon Jovi should be on it. She also reviews food, like — you guessed it — prebiotic soda. There’s more with Fox and Julio from Conspiracy Soldiers who inform us that Barron Trump may have travelled through time and also talk to us about crack! Klem Stump takes a dump!When Eric Adams hears the song “One Of Us” by Joan Osborne he thinks “Yeah. What if I was one of you?”Subscribe to our SubstackFollow us on Twitter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s 9/11. And Legs & Eggs is back again from the depths of your soul to the front of your face. Guten tag, bitchez! Guten tag!Today we celebrate the birth of Freedom Fries and the death of Saddam Hussein. Today we fly the corn muffin at half-mast. Today we remember to not forget. Celebrating with us for the first time ever is the one, the only GAVEEN! Let’s welcome Gaveen to the podcast! We've got new songs. We’ve got old songs. We’ve got cat hairs in our ears. We’ve got Bernie Kolfeld with more cyberknife information. Jet fuel may not melt steel beams, but this edition of TOILET TALK WITH KLEM STUMP sure will!Happy first day of 9/11 season everybody. Let’s see this bitch through to MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!Follow us on Twitter (@legsandeggspod)Subscribe to our Substack and stay up to date on all Fupa's poetry Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

OR IMMEDIATE RELEASE!Joe’s dropping out. We had thoughts. You need to hear them. Listen to Fupa, Klem, and Heather react to the news of Joe Biden dropping out of the Presidential race. We all know they’ve been holding him up Weekend at Bernie’s style for months anyway. They drone struck and missed Cher’s Diner and Joe got retired so Val Kilmer is now President for the next 38 days until Jojo Siwa becomes Doja Cqt and we all can walk again. Jesus H Motherfucking Christ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This morning Klem wrapped herself around me and said "you like me because I have big titties".Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you The Best of the rest of Klem Stump Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What can we say about Heather that hasn’t been said before? We can’t. It has all been said before because Heather is the most basic of all basic bitches. Heather invented basic. You’ve heard of NormCore. Well, Heather inspired it with her infinite power of basic. Being that basic can make a girl tired. And oh boy is Heather tired. She’s exhausted with all the stupidity in the world. She’d like everyone to shut up and let her enjoy a glass of wine and a cigarette. Heather’s a mom. She’s not your mom. But you wish she was. She’s America’s Favorite Wine Mom. Who doesn’t love moms? Want more Heather? You can get more Heather by subscribing to our Substack. Heather loves substacking. Or maybe you’re a freak who wants to call her and leave her a message. You can do that too. Heather loves messages. They make her happy. You want her to be happy, right? Don’t let your favorite mom down. Give her a call. 929-263-4165Embrace your inner basic bitch and get yourself a Heather tote bag. It’s perfect for bringing home a few bottles of wine and a carton of cigarettes. Heather would appreciate very much if you would follow her on Twitter.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Who is Fupa Jones? He’s a man with a plan. A rebel without a cause. He’s 3 children in a trench coat. Fupa Jones is all of us. He’s none of us. He’s an Actor, in a bathtub. It’s Fupa Jones’, the actor’s bathtub. The bathtub of Fupa Jones, the actor. Fupa Jones is a poet. A beautiful poet. A hopefully someday award winning poet. He’s the man who brought us the hits Spaceman Dan and Kobe Bryant is on Fire. Is he a drug addled podcaster from Brooklyn? Is he an anti government edge lord? He is all of that, and none of that, and all of that again until it doesn’t exist anymore and you are living in a fever dream of corn and chili dogs. Or maybe he’s not that at all. He’s more of a feeling, or a taste, or one of your other senses. Maybe Fupa Jones is touch? Is he touch? We know he’d love to touch Hunter Biden’s bare ass. Subscribe to our Substack to get all of Fupa Jones’ beautiful poetry. You like poetry, right? Everyone loves poems. Want Fupa to watch you urinate? Maybe do a number 2 every so often. Now you can with your very own Fupa Jones shower curtain. Don’t forget to follow Fupa on Twitter. He loves when you do that.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

All the Wolf you love to eat! This episode is like a burrito that’s choc full o’ Wolf Blitzer. You thought you knew Wolf Blitzer but you don’t know Wolf Blitzer like we know Wolf Blitzer so you ain’t got no fuckin’ idea what you’re talkin’ bout when you bring that weak-ass Wolf Blitzer shit into my Wplf Blitzer motherfuckin house motherfuckersWe got our friends The Dillon Street Boys from Swamp Talk with us this week. We got Heather educating us about her favorite Billy Joel song, River Of Dreams. And we get to hear all about her touching Mother’s Day. (Heh. Touching mothers.)We got our pal President George W. Bush reciting poetry! PLUS!! the world premiere of our new song FROGGY CHOO-CHOO! It’s about Klem and Fupa’s cat Curtis. We love Curtis so much. AND we dive back into the tub once more and go INSIDE THE ACTOR’S BATHTUB WITH THE ACTOR FUPA JONES!Jesus looks so sad. Probably cuz he’s on a cross. I wouldn’t look happy, I can tell you that much.Hey, do you like this kind of thing? Subscribe to our Substack. You get stuff like this all the time. It’s like having some friends you don’t have to clean up after or make dinner for or have an awkward conversation as you feel out if the neighbors are swingers or not and if you’re into it.And please, call our phone number in 929-263-4165 and say something to us. We love talking and hearing and listening to you, my sexy babies. It would make us so very happy. Once again that number is 929-263-4165 CALL NOW!!! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Before Bernie Kolfeld. Before Heather Facts. Before Toilet Talk with Klem Stump. Before Legs & Eggs there was a man, a woman, and a plan. It was a canal. It was a house. An Anal House.Legs & Eggs presents an episode of Anal House, Klem and Fupa’s first podcast which became the L&E you know today. These aren’t available anywhere. But we’re making this one available to you right now! So come on up to the house. Anal House. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Is Jelly Roll a Government plant? Our sources say maybe? Does Bono sculpt his chest hair? Yes, and you won’t believe what sculpting product he uses. Does Bright Eyes suck their own nipples? Reply hazy, try again.Also, Mayor Eric Adams tells you what you can you experience in New York. President Joe describes things in terms of how many 9/11s they are. And Klem gives you the hot scoop with her Toilet Talk!And that’s not all! What the fuck are Hot Cross Buns? Gaveen’s tummy! Bernie Kolfeld assuages your prostate concerns. Plus more from Fox and Julio from Conspiracy Soldiers podcast!I am the pilot, folks. And we’re all going down together. Because there’s no parachutes on this plane.Follow us on Twitter! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Yenshee Baby, baby! It’s been a while. Time to squeeze this baby out.We are so back. Backer than ever. Fox and Julio from Conspiracy Soldiers are here! Yes they are! We fucking around and finding out.Heather has baking stories. Klem eats cheese. Everyone has intimate relations with John Popper of Blues Traveler. Doctor Penis. Medicine Penis.ABC’s Head Of The Class stars Dan Schneider and Howard Hesseman.Subscribe to our Substack! We put giant teddies in those. Teddies like the lingerie, which was a thing. Look it up! (I meant to say "tiddies" but "teddies" works).Feel like buying stuff? Buy this stuff!Legs & Eggs merch! Want Heather to watch you poop? Well now she can, kinda! Get your own Heather shower curtain and those private eyes could be watching YOU!Do you enjoy singing? Maybe you like listening to terrible singing? Join Klem (and sometimes Fupa) for some karaoke in The Loading Zone.All your other problems can be solved by putting a dick in your mouth. The End. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This weeks Legs & Eggs is WKNY FM 201.2! Tune in, turn off, and have yourself a good scratch.It seems like only a few short years ago when Eric Clapton was birthed out of a series of transistor tubes and shot out on the radio waves, but that was 47 short years and one dead toddler ago. Time sure does fly when you’re eating seafood specials and having prostate cancer treatments. Why, I can remember being birthed out myself. My mother, bursting at her seams, thrusting me out into the loving arms of Dr. Phil who took one look at me and said “I didn’t know it was turtleneck season.”But times change with the weather. Turtleneck Season turns to Crew Neck Season and Backstreet’s back all right. And if those crew necks aren’t working out for you then it’s time to go to the Dick Store and buy a bunch of dicks with Spaceman Dan. (Spaceman Dan, who also assisted my mother during my birth.) It’s a bowl of Christ for breakfast and the Witnesses don’t want you to know that.Hello World. We here at Legs & Eggs know that it’s a cold, lonely existence out here as we all take that slow march towards dementia and death. But it’s gonna be okay because we are here to hold your hand through all the pain! We’ll get you feeling good-slash-better because we’re not doctors, we only play prostate cancer survivors on TV.In fact, to show you just how not alone you are, you can ask us questions anonymously on NGL! Ask us there, and we’ll answer on twitter! Our favorite responses will go on instagram. A few might even become a substack. You can’t win if you don’t play! Just follow us @legsandeggspod on Instagram and Twitter, then ask away! We’ll answer. We may not give you the answer you want, but you’ll get the answer you deserve. Because you’re special. Not like that awful Netflix show Special where the dude freaks out about poop on his dick, but also not-not like that either.You know what else we do on Twitter? Send out links to our online karaoke room. That’s right. You can come sing with us. Theres’s no set schedule but we do it a lot. We do it a whole lot when Klem is menstruating which happens either all the time or not at all because peri-menopause AMIRITE! So, lots of karaoke and we’ll show you how. Bring the big pads. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

New year. New podcast. New activewear! Find out just how active that wear is with your friends at Legs and Eggs! Why does Jimmy Smits looks like that? Why does Nick Turturro look like a flushed turd but his brother is cool AF? Why do we kill everyone Sipowicz loves?These questions, and more, will be addressed like Lincoln addressed Gettysburg.Which reminds me! Legs and Eggs is proud to introduce — wait for it — DOCTOR PENIS, MEDICINE PENIS! Who dat? You’ll find out!All that AND: We’ll make scenes at an Italian restaurant with David Brooks! The difference between Riverdance and Deliverance! Mayor Eric Adams for President! Leggo this Eggo!Are you worried you missed an episode? Having trouble finding us on social media? Well, have no fear! We know your struggle and have wrapped everything up nice and neat and even put a fucking bow on it. Just visit our website shows.acast.com/legsandeggs where you will find everything your little heart desires. We even have a link for StarMaker where you can sing karaoke LIVE with Klem!Our Patreon is where all the action really is. Early access, bonus content, Legs and Eggs swag, and if you dare to go Inside the Actor’s Butthole, Fupa Jones, the actor, will send you a signed pic of his butt. That’s right! Fupa’s ass can be framed and hung in your home! What are you waiting for?Have questions for any of the hosts? Want some advice about dry jacking or whether it is ethical to refuse a load? You can email us at legsandeggspodcast@gmail.com or leave a message on our Google phone number 929-263-4165. Drunk messages encouraged because those have been funny af.Click here to get your very own JOPants! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.