Let's Talk with Kaitlin Reagan

I'm glad we got to catch up Francesco, I love you. Until our souls meet again. Sincerely, Kaitlin

When something happens to us that causes deep pain, we go into a state of survival. It’s not a good state to live in, but it is an important part of the process. The goal is not to to avoid survival mode, it’s to learn how to get out of it. You don’t deserve to survive, you deserve to LIVE. Time Stamps: Introduction to survival mode 0:00- 1:42 My experience in survival mode 1:44-3:58 Recognition 4:00- 4:53 Write out a list 4:45- 6:22 Face those fears 6:24- 8:42 Be a long term thinker 8:43- 10:25 Step out of your comfort zone 10:27- 12:12 Get rid of the victim mindset 12:13-12:55 Finding the strength within 12:57- 15:00 Allow yourself to feel 15:03- 17:29 Your choice 17:30-18:10

My first day navigating life without my significant other alive. 

This is the story of how Francesco and I met, and our history over the last 10 years plus. Timing is key.  Sometimes we are with the right person, but it's the wrong time. Let this story be a reminder that if it's meant to be, it WILL be. 

Sharing Francesco and I's journey with the world was a BIG decision we had to make as a family. At the time, it was scary to show our vulnerability while we navigated through our lowest points. Although it ended up being the best decision we could've made, it came with a big price to pay as well. 

In less than a year, our entire lives flipped upside down, and all we really had to keep each other sane was each other. 

The moment the doctors told us that there was nothing more they could do for Francesco, was the moment I slowly started to fight demons in my head. The internal struggles of being in denial - trying to convince myself that he was not going to die. I lived in a world tortured by both extreme thoughts eating away at me, and didn't know which one was going to be the outcome. Francesco and I both struggled in different ways, yet continued to show up for one another however we could. In the end we never gave up on each other.

The week before Francesco passed away, Francesco and I had to accept that he's not going to be here much longer. We had the realest, most intense conversations with each other. I talk about what it is like to talk to the person you love from a perspective of knowing you may never see each other again. We had so much time to reminisce, and to be really be present in the moment. If only humanity could learn how to be so real with one another, other than in times of distress. Why does it take death for us to appreciate the best parts of a person?

The day that I lost my boyfriend to cancer, was the day that I truly felt my life was over; a pain that is indescribable. For a while I ran from this day, trying to pretend that it didn't happen just to get by. It hurt too bad to resurface. Once I found the strength, and realized I no longer wanted to hide from my truth, I felt empowered.  Sharing your experience with trauma is powerful, and I want more people to understand that it's okay to do so.