Lights On with Carl Lentz

In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with Blaine Bartell for round two of a conversation that sparked hundreds of messages from pastors in secret crisis. Blaine, a former megachurch pastor who led one of America's largest youth ministries, reveals the unspoken rule destroying leaders from the inside: "Thou shalt not get caught." For the first time, he shares the shocking moment when a well-known pastor looked him in the eye after his exposure and said, "You know what the difference is between you and me? You got caught." They dive deep into a buried Focus on the Family study revealing 68% of pastors struggle with porn, why that number is likely closer to 85% today, and why the church has created a system that disciplines men into secrecy rather than healing. From the identity shift that finally broke his 23-year addiction to why porn is never the real problem, this conversation exposes the epidemic nobody in church will talk about. Whether you're a pastor hiding in plain sight, a man who can't break free no matter how hard you try, or someone who loves a person trapped in secret shame, this episode offers a roadmap to the freedom of having nothing left to hide.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana - https://plana.org/CHAPTERS:00:00 - INTRO: "Thou Shalt Not Get Caught"01:08 - Blaine's Story: 23 Years of Secret Addiction Behind Ministry Success05:10 - Good Friday 2010: The Day Everything Was Exposed09:50 - "You Got Caught. I Didn't." — What a Megachurch Pastor Told Him14:52 - The Buried Study: Focus on the Family Found 68% of Pastors Struggle20:26 - "When We Punish Honesty, We Disciple Secrecy"23:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership25:33 - How Jesus Restored Peter: Breakfast, Relationship, Mission32:54 - Stop Raking Leaves: Why Porn Isn't the Real Problem36:55 - "I Am a Beloved Son" — The 6 Words That Changed Everything38:17 - Plana Partnership41:10 - The New Pornography: DMs, Text Threads, and What Pastors Hide47:07 - The Greatest Gift: Going to Sleep Without Secrets56:16 - 4 Steps to Freedom and Sacred RitualsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.comIn this raw episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with his 21-year-old daughter Ava for the conversation most dads are too afraid to have. What does my daughter actually need from me? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about strength, protection, and what it actually takes to lead your daughter well.Drawing from their own journey of rebuilding after public failure, Carl and Ava expose an uncomfortable truth. Your daughter's inner world is far deeper than you realize. And two things can be true at once. A dad can be trying his best AND his daughter can be starving for real connection.Ava shares what she needed most as a little girl but never said, including the moments Carl's "strength" actually created fear instead of safety. Carl delivers the perspective most dads never hear. What it is actually like to let your daughter see you broken, and why that vulnerability became the foundation of their relationship today.From the power of the words that follow "you are" to why your best parenting will feel like friction in the moment, to the question every dad should ask his daughter, this episode delivers practical truths for fathers who want to stop performing and start connecting.This episode will challenge any dad who believes he needs to have it all figured out.Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Ava at https://www.instagram.com/avaangellentz/Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comCHAPTERS 00:00 The Conversation Most Dads Avoid02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Presence 05:18 What Ava Needed Most As A Little Girl 10:07 Why Vulnerability Made Them Closer 14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership 16:02 The Worst Advice Dads Receive 19:26 Your Words Become Her Inner Voice 22:00 The Dad Mistake That Creates Fear Not Safety 25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Daughters Need Honesty 29:50 Confrontation Is Not The Enemy Of Connection 31:01 Truth 1 Her Inner World Is Deeper Than You Know 34:24 Plana Partnership 36:22 Truth 2 Your Best Parenting Feels Like Friction 38:59 Truth 3 Humanity Strengthens Leadership 43:26 Truth 4 The Power Of You Are 45:07 Truth 5 Legacy Should Always Be Growing 46:59 What Daughters Wish Their Dads Would Ask 49:49 Final Words For Dads Ready To Lead Differently 54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls YouSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com---In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the conversation most couples recovering from betrayal are too afraid to have. What do we do about sex? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about protection, connection, and what it actually takes to rebuild.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth. Intimacy is not a reward system. It is a connection system. And two things can be true at once. A betrayed wife can be protecting herself AND the relationship can be starving for connection.Laura shares why she chose to pursue intimacy with Carl despite the trauma, including the moment she shook so badly he had to leave the room. Carl delivers the perspective most men never hear. What it is actually like to rebuild your sexuality without any hope of intimacy at home, and why white-knuckling is not recovery.From the Gottman framework of Atone, Attune, Attach, to the 5-level ladder for rebuilding physical connection, to why compliance is not intimacy and consent is, this episode delivers practical frameworks for couples who want to stop avoiding the hardest conversation in recovery.This episode will challenge any couple who believes removing intimacy has no cost.---Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---Supported by Plana https://plana.org/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com---CHAPTERS00:00 The Conversation Betrayed Couples Avoid02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Options05:18 What Recovery Actually Looks Like For The Man10:07 Why Laura Chose Intimacy Despite The Trauma14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership16:02 The Worst Christian Advice Women Receive19:26 The Science Of Bonding Stress And Well-Being22:00 The Best Way To Stop Fighting25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Couples Need Reconnection29:50 Healthy Sex Is Not A Replacement For Recovery31:01 The Gottman Framework Atone Attune Attach34:24 Plana Partnership36:22 Attunement Tuning The Guitar Before You Play38:59 Non-Sexual Affection And The 5 Levels43:26 Relearning Touch With No Goal And No Pressure45:07 Erotic Connection Only When Both Can Say Yes46:59 Weapon Reward Or Reconnection Which Are You Using49:49 Final Reminders For Couples Rebuilding54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls YouSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.comIn this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks during the holidays: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about keeping the peace in your marriage.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed who obsesses and the betrayer who avoids are both destroying the peace faster than the affair ever could.Laura shares why she had to stop being the "peace keeper" in her marriage and become a "clarity seeker"—even when it was messy. Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: If you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to calm down before you get honest. An honest man tells on himself.From the difference between "clearing things up" and "letting things go," to why resentment accumulation destroys more marriages than the original betrayal, to their personal story of surviving Carl's rehab during Christmas with three kids—this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.This episode will challenge any couple who believes avoiding hard conversations is how you keep the peace.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/Supported by Plana https://plana.org/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com CHAPTERS:00:00 - If You Dread The Holidays, This Is For You01:57 - The Stats: 64% Depression Increase + 300% Conflict Amplification04:32 - Carl In Rehab On Christmas: How We Survived08:24 - The "Keep The Peace" Trap11:33 - Peace Is NOT The Absence Of Conflict14:53 - The 24-Hour Repair Rule (The #1 Marriage Predictor)18:28 - Clear Some Things Up: The Framework22:16 - Repair Attempts Within 24 Hours25:02 - Vulnerable Ownership Lowers Defenses In 90 Seconds28:09 - How To Bring Up An Issue Without Attacking31:44 - Plana Partnership32:10 - Clear Up The Rules Of Engagement34:43 - The Power Of Short Accounts38:59 - Let Some Things Go: Celebrating What Annoys You40:14 - Laura's 4 Annoying Things About Carl44:00 - Carl's 5 Annoying Things About Laura49:07 - What Can You Let Go Of Today?53:16 - Final Questions Before The Holidays EndSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I visited Angola Prison, one of America's largest maximum security facilities, and what I witnessed broke me in the best way possible. This is Yogi. He's serving 65 years. He might be the freest man I've ever met.I went with my friend Jake Bodin from God Behind Bars to experience the first-ever daddy-daughter dance inside a maximum security prison. Men serving 40 years to life, some who hadn't hugged their daughters in decades, slow dancing with their little girls.I wasn't ready.We walked through death row. We talked to men who will never leave. And what I found wasn't despair. It was faith, peace, and freedom I've rarely seen outside these walls.Yogi got denied parole after doing everything right for 25 years. His response? "Maybe it's for one more."One more person to reach. One more life to change.This episode will challenge how you think about freedom, faith, gratitude, and what it really means to be stuck.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/—// SUPPORT GOD BEHIND BARS: https://godbehindbarsnow.com__🙏 PRAY FOR YOGIHe's been incarcerated for 25 years and leads men spiritually every single day at Angola. Add him to your prayer list.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com!In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks after betrayal: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about recovery.Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed wife often has to work harder than the husband who cheated. Not because it's fair—it's absolutely not—but because staying stuck in suspicion will destroy you faster than the affair ever could.Laura shares why she had to stop being the "police officer" in her marriage and become a "peaceful observer of change." Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: if you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to ask the right questions. An honest man tells on himself.From the difference between "spotlight work" and "shadow work," to why demanding honesty when you can't handle the answers creates a dangerous cycle, this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.This episode will challenge any betrayed spouse who believes healing is the cheater's job alone.-----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---Supported by Planahttps://plana.org/-----## CHAPTERS:00:00 - Is This The Right Kind of Hard?05:33 - The "You Cheated" Trump Card09:49 - Why This Takes Constant Work13:04 - Spotlight Work vs Shadow Work20:21 - The Betrayed Wife Has To Work Too27:21 - Police Officer vs Peace Observer38:59 - Plana Partnership39:54 - What An Honest Man Will Tell You51:22 - Patterns Over Promises55:47 - The Right Kind of DifficultSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Email us:hello@carlandlaura.comIn this urgent conversation, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle an email that made them immediately stop everything and record: a woman whose husband has had over 200+ sexual encounters with prostitutes, massage parlors, and emotional affairs—yet he's calling HER controlling for asking him to stop chatting with younger women at the gym. Drawing from their own five years of rebuilding trust after infidelity, they expose the dangerous pattern that destroys second chances: the betrayer who refuses to see what's obvious. Carl reveals why any man who's broken his marriage vows cannot ask anything "outrageous" from his wife ("You could ask me to build a papier-mâché dragon and I'm doing it"), while Laura opens up about the exhausting reality of being told you're crazy when your intuition was right all along. They demolish the myth that boundaries after betrayal are "controlling" when the brutal truth is: if you cheated, you created this—every single boundary she asks for is sacred, not crazy. From why "I'm just being friendly" is the most dangerous phrase a cheating husband can say, to the therapist who tricked Carl into humility by making him assume everything he heard was right for one week, this episode validates every betrayed partner who's been gaslit into thinking their needs are unreasonable. They reveal why the betrayed person gets to be "selfish" for a season (and why that season might be 10 years), how tolerance is conditioned over time starting way before marriage, and why Carl still reports when there's a woman receptionist at his doctor's office five years later. The frame that changes everything: You can't rebuild trust while the behaviors that broke it are still being defended. And if you're the one who cheated and you're sitting there thinking "but she's being unreasonable" while defending your right to talk to other women, this conversation exposes why you're not ready to change and what that means for your marriage. Warning: This episode will challenge men who think they've apologized enough and may trigger those who've weaponized the word "controlling" to avoid accountability for their betrayal.---------Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---------CHAPTERS:00:00 - Urgent Pod: The Email That Made Us Record Immediately03:33 - 200+ Affairs And He Says She's Being Ridiculous07:16 - Nothing You're Asked Is Outrageous After Betrayal11:48 - You Created This Pattern Over Hundreds Of Decisions15:00 - The Receptionist Story: Why Carl Still Reports Everything17:09 - You Can't Rebuild Trust While Defending Old Behaviors22:00 - "I'm Just Being Friendly" Is Feeding An Old System27:40 - Controlling vs. Protecting: How To Know The Difference32:14 - Shaming vs. Setting Boundaries: The Dignity Question36:07 - What You Tolerate: Trauma, Fear, And Fatigue40:43 - What Pattern Of Mine Keeps Me Stuck In Their Pattern?43:19 - The College Boyfriend Story: How Tolerance Gets Conditioned45:40 - If Love Costs You Peace, Is It Love?47:21 - The Question Every Husband Should Ask About BoundariesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

At 47 years old and 23 years into marriage, Carl and Laura Lentz drop the most uncomfortable truth about relationships: your marriage doesn't need more love, it needs more PROOF. After surviving public infidelity that should have ended everything (200+ affairs, strip clubs, massage parlors), they expose the lie you're living: that talking about your marriage mattering is the same as proving it matters.Carl gets brutally honest: "If I looked at your phone, your calendar, your actual schedule—would it prove your marriage is your priority? Or would it prove you're full of shit?" Laura reveals how she literally set three daily phone reminders to text Carl encouragement because her brain was so rewired by betrayal that thinking positive thoughts about him required literal alarms. Consistency compounds connection. What you feed grows. And your spouse is getting the leftovers after everyone else gets your best.They reveal three investments that build marriage safety: your healthiest thoughts (stop thinking ABOUT your spouse, start thinking FOR them), your most intentional time (your schedule is a receipt showing what you actually value), and yourself (you can't give what you don't have). Carl starts every morning thinking "What does my beautiful wife need today?" before checking his phone. Laura's lock screen says "My husband is obsessed with me" to rewire her traumatized brain. Their non-negotiable 6:30pm walk: 10 minutes her, 10 minutes him, no phones.The confrontation that will expose you: "What's your most dominant thought about your marriage?" Not what you say in therapy, the actual thought loop running 24/7. Because as Carl learned: "My dominant thought for years was 'I've messed this up and it's matter of time before it explodes.' I got exactly what I thought."The truth nobody wants to hear: You didn't "fall out of love." You stopped choosing to invest. You didn't "grow apart." You fed different things. Warning: This episode will challenge the dad using "I'm too busy" as an excuse and the mom using "I'm too selfless" as a shield for staying stuck.Seven-day challenge Carl guarantees will transform your marriage: Every morning for seven days, choose one generous thought about your spouse and do one small action from that thought. Small investments made consistently build a foundation nothing can touch.—----Follow Carl: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/—---CHAPTERS:00:00 - 47 Years Old: What We're Convinced About 05:12 - Investment #1: Your Healthiest Thoughts 12:35 - Laura's Daily Text Reminders 17:29 - What's Your Most Dominant Thought? 24:16 - Investment #2: Your Most Intentional Time 30:45 - You Didn't Fall Out of Love 36:08 - Investment #3: Invest in Yourself 41:52 - Why Moms Must Put Themselves First 47:33 - Seven-Day Challenge: Be the Solution 52:14 - Outpace Each Other to Change 55:40 - Proof Not Ideas: Show Me Your ScheduleSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this honest conversation, Carl and Laura Lentz rip open the facade of "perfect marriages" to expose the unspoken epidemic: couples who love each other but can't stand being in the same room. Drawing from their own marriage reconstruction after losing everything publicly, they reveal why "liking" your spouse is actually harder—and more important—than loving them.Carl shares the moment five years ago when Laura looked him in the eye and said "I hate you right now," while Laura opens up about how they went from tit-for-tat scorekeeping to becoming best friends who can't wait to get home to each other. They expose the comfortable lie that love alone keeps marriages together, when the brutal truth is: without "like," you're just roommates with rings.From the Ben Franklin marriage hack that rewires your brain to like your spouse again, to why Carl leaves hats scattered across the house like breadcrumbs and Laura just stopped caring, this episode demolishes the Instagram marriage fantasy. They reveal why successful couples make "reasonable concessions" (translation: accepting your spouse's annoying traits because you actually like them), how doing favors for someone literally changes your brain chemistry to like them more, and why Carl starts every single day texting Laura before checking anything else.The frame that changed everything: Love is a commitment you make once. Like is a choice you make daily. And if you're sitting there thinking "I love my spouse but..." while your partner's jokes don't make you laugh anymore and their presence feels like work, this conversation reveals the exact path back to actually enjoying the person you're building a life with.Warning: This episode will challenge couples who've accepted mediocrity as "just how marriage is" and may trigger those who use love as an excuse to avoid the harder work of actually liking their spouse.---Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/---CHAPTERS:00:00 - "I Love You But I Don't Like You Right Now"00:27 - Love Is Easy, Like Takes Work01:14 - You Can't Fall Out of Love (You Just Stopped Thinking)02:26 - The Week Everything Fell Apart03:29 - Why Liking Each Other Saved Our Marriage04:04 - From Fault-Finding to Beauty-Finding Glasses10:00 - We're A Team: The Gift of Different Strengths13:01 - Making Reasonable Concessions (Carl's Hat Trail)16:49 - The Ben Franklin Marriage Hack19:56 - Our Actions Shape Our Feelings21:00 - Do Nice Things to Like Them (Not the Other Way Around)23:02 - Laura's Text Reminders to Encourage Carl25:03 - Carl's Daily Morning Text Ritual26:20 - What Have I Done For Her Lately?27:01 - Compassionate Curiosity Builds Connection28:02 - Rupture, Repair, Build Cycle30:38 - The Like Is What Makes Marriage Fun31:43 - What Might I Discover About You Today?See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Have you ever looked at your relationship or your spouse and quietly wondered, did I settle? Most people think settling means picking the wrong person, but it usually means somebody has stopped growing. In this episode of Lights On, we make the case that settling starts in the mirror, not your marriage.We explore what settling really means, how to avoid it, and how to reignite the spark in your relationship. We discuss the importance of self-growth, curiosity, and novelty in keeping love alive. We also share practical challenges to help you and your partner reconnect and grow together.Featuring:Carl Lentz https://instagram.com/carllentzLaura Lentz https://instagram.com/lauralentzChapters:00:00 - Introduction: Did I Settle? 01:28 - The Danger of Unspoken Thoughts 03:05 - Do Women Settle More Than Men? 04:47 - Have You Stopped Surprising Each Other? 06:28 - Are You Being the Right Person? 07:30 - The 5-to-1 Ratio for a Thriving Relationship 09:03 - The Myth of the Perfect Partner 11:53 - The Importance of Novelty and Shared Goals 13:55 - The Power of Commitment 16:12 - What Settling Really Means 17:27 - Self-Care and its Impact on Your Relationship 21:30 - Did You Settle on You? 24:10 - Why Men Cheat: The Trap of Novelty 26:29 - The Four Horsemen of a Failing Marriage 28:01 - The Power of Micro-Surprises 32:35 - Redefining Intimacy 34:20 - How to Rebuild Intimacy 36:31 - Putting Your Marriage First 39:06 - Challenge 1: Consistent and Concrete Connection 41:21 - Challenge 2: Novelty ExplorationA huge thank you for tuning in to Lights On. We believe that when you grow, your love grows. And when you shrink, love suffocates. Keep your lights on.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when one of the most influential pastors in America falls from grace? And what does redemption look like on the other side of scandal?As lead pastor of Hillsong Church NYC, I preached to thousands every Sunday, counseled celebrities and athletes, and became the face of a new generation of church leadership. Then, in November 2020, everything came crashing down.I was fired from Hillsong Church following revelations of moral failures and breaches of trust. What followed was a media firestorm—tabloid headlines, public shame, and the dismantling of everything I'd built over two decades of ministry. My marriage was on the brink. My reputation was destroyed. My calling was questioned.But this isn't just a story about a fall. It's a story about what comes after.In this conversation, I'm sitting down with my wife Laura, and our friends Mike and Natalie Todd from Transformation Church, to talk about everything. The scandal. The restoration process. The accountability. The pain our family endured. The friends who stayed. The critics who won't forgive. And the biggest question: Should I return to ministry?We're not avoiding the hard questions. We're talking about disqualification, forgiveness, celebrity pastor culture, what real restoration looks like, and whether someone who failed publicly can lead again. This is raw, unfiltered, and honest.Whether you believe in second chances or think some lines can't be uncrossed, this conversation matters. Because at the end of the day, we all mess up. The question is: what happens next?——Featuring:Mike Todd https://instagram.com/iammiketoddNatalie Todd https://instagram.com/natalietoddCarl Lentz https://instagram.com/carllentz Laura Lentz https://instagram.com/lauralentz—Chapters:00:00 - Introduction: First Time on Stage in 5 Years 04:10 - The Importance of Friends in the Fire 09:03 - The Night Everything Changed 14:30 - Why Mike & Natalie Stepped In When Everyone Else Left 24:20 - Laura Speaks: Walking Through Public Scandal 32:40 - The Biggest Mistakes We Made & What We'd Change 37:10 - How We Rebuilt Our Marriage After Everything Fell Apart 41:25 - The Celebrity Pastor Problem Nobody Talks About 45:30 - Lessons From the Fire: What We Learned in the Darkness 49:15 - Don't Wait Until Everything's Burning Down 52:56 - Be the Church Outside the Building 54:33 - When Friends Saved Mike: The Spit Hit the Fan Story 58:23 - Final Prayer: Friends Who Step Into the Fire—A huge thank you to Mike and Natalie Todd for creating the space for this conversation.Their friendship, grace, and willingness to step into the fire with us has been one of the greatest gifts of our lives. This is what real friendship looks like.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com!In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz sit down with 24-year-old Phoebe Enterman, founder of Plana - the app that's quietly solving America's adoption crisis. Moving from Brisbane, Australia to Las Vegas with nothing but conviction, Phoebe reveals the shocking truth: while 2 million couples desperately wait to adopt, less than 1% of unplanned pregnancies result in adoption. She exposes how both Planned Parenthood's structure and the pro-life movement's judgment have failed women who need real help, not politics.Laura and Phoebe dive deep into the reality facing women with unplanned pregnancies - from the 65% of Christian women who hide pregnancies from their church out of fear, to the Harvard study showing 80% of women reconsider abortion when fathers stay present. They demolish the myth that adoption isn't chosen due to lack of families (there are 36 waiting families for every adoptable infant) and reveal the real problem: women don't know adoption is even an option in the digital age.From Phoebe's personal story of why her grandmother's teenage pregnancy drives her mission, to Carl's explosive take on Christians who picket abortion clinics but won't pay a single mother's rent, this conversation transcends the tired abortion debate. They unveil how Plana's beautiful, wellness-focused app is replacing crisis-branded shame with actual solutions - connecting women to families, resources, education, and support all in one place.Warning: This episode challenges both pro-life advocates who stop caring after birth and pro-choice supporters who only offer one choice. If you're more invested in your political stance than actually helping women and babies, this conversation will make you uncomfortable.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/CHAPTERS:00:00 - Opening: Beyond Politics to Real Solutions04:20 - Meet Phoebe: Why a 24-Year-Old Left Australia for This Mission08:26 - The Personal Story Behind Plana12:07 - Carl's "What's Your Name?" Moment on The View15:36 - Inside an Unplanned Pregnancy: What Women Really Face22:51 - The Church Problem: 65% Hide in Shame27:05 - The Adoption Mystery: Less Than 1% When Millions Wait32:16 - Why Adoption Lost to Better Marketing38:59 - How Plana Works: The App Tour43:15 - Planned Parenthood's Business Model vs. Plana's Approach48:33 - The Father Factor: 80% Reconsider When Men Stay52:40 - A Call to Churches: Beyond Voting to Action57:14 - How to Support: The $9 MovementSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When your husband's family enables his affair and makes you the villain, the betrayal cuts twice as deep. In this raw and essential episode, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle one of the most painful questions they've received: what do you do when your in-laws collude with the affair partner, feed them information, and blame you for the infidelity? Drawing from their own experience of distancing from family during recovery and counseling countless couples through ministry betrayal, they reveal why you don't owe anyone access to you during healing, how to take control of your narrative when everyone's telling a different story, and the exact boundaries you need to protect your recovery. Laura opens up about why they separated from Carl's family (not due to collusion, but for space to make decisions without outside opinions), while Carl exposes the insane pressure to control narratives in ministry contexts. They break down the brutal truth: if you're trying to help your in-laws grieve while you're still bleeding from betrayal, you're abandoning yourself. From wives being vilified by their husband's entire family to mothers developing relationships with affair partners, this conversation reveals why collusion is so common in ministry marriages and what to do about it. Plus: why Christian couples should stop being embarrassed about sex therapy, the difference between "fine" and "thrilling" intimacy, and how religious trauma keeps couples from having honest conversations about their sex lives. Whether you're the betrayed spouse dealing with toxic in-laws, trying to figure out if you should cut off family members who enabled infidelity, or wondering how to heal when everyone's against you, this episode gives you permission to disconnect from false narratives and reconnect with who you really are. Warning: This conversation challenges the evangelical pressure to "keep the peace" with family at all costs and may trigger those who've built their identity on being the peacemaker instead of protecting their own healing.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/CHAPTERS:00:00:00 - Lights On: Introduction and Birthday Banter00:02:22 - Sex Therapy for Christian Couples: Breaking the Taboo00:08:34 - Letters from Our Readers Introduction00:09:31 - Today's Topics: Family Collusion After Infidelity00:09:55 - Defining Collusion: What It Means00:11:05 - Reading the Listener Letter: Mother-in-Law Enabled the Affair00:13:18 - Laura's Story: Why We Distanced from Carl's Family00:14:28 - Ministry Betrayal: Narrative Control is Insane00:19:40 - Step 1: Change Your Position - You Don't Owe Anyone Access00:20:20 - Forgiveness Does Not Mean Friendship00:21:14 - Secure Safety First Before Any Reintegration00:22:39 - Require Full Disclosure, Not Drip Disclosure00:26:24 - You Get to Define All the Relationships00:27:18 - Family Boundary Contract with Clear Repair Requirements00:33:36 - Picking the Right Therapist: Why Betrayal Trauma Specialists Matter00:35:56 - Step 4: Your Husband Needs to Step Up and Set the Story Straight00:37:01 - When a Man Gets Married, He Starts His Own Family00:39:27 - Protecting Your Children: Who Gets to Tell Them What Happened00:42:16 - Integrity Example: The Phone Call Story00:43:54 - Disconnecting from False Narratives About Yourself00:45:15 - Final Thoughts: Take Control Back One Step at a TimeSponsors:Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/LIGHTS #rulapodDripDrop is offering podcast listeners 20% off your first order! Go to dripdrop.com and use promo code LIGHTS. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this urgent wake-up call, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the silent epidemic destroying modern life: consumption addiction. Drawing from their own dramatic reconstruction after public crisis and counseling countless people stuck in endless scrolling, they reveal why being the last to know current events is actually a power move, how "mental obesity" is filling your mind with garbage you don't need, and why your brain's unemployment is forcing it to find the worst possible jobs. Carl shares why he lost an hour to a Nicholas Cage conspiracy theory and immediately knew something was wrong, while Laura opens up about blocking all consumption just to survive her darkest season. They break down the brutal truth: if you're busy consuming, you're avoiding creating your actual life. From couples escaping each other through ESPN and Pinterest to parents teaching their kids that presence means distraction, this episode exposes why creation is the only path to peace. They reveal the frame that changed everything: remove 30% of what you consume and watch your life transform. Whether you're a Karen policing hiking trails because you have nothing else going on, a virtue signaler who cares about issues for exactly one post, or someone comparing your life to people you don't even like, this conversation reveals why that phone in your hand might be the very thing keeping you stuck. Warning: This episode challenges the cultural addiction to having opinions on everything and may trigger those who've built their entire identity on commentary instead of creation.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - The Quiet Revolution: Creation Over Consumption01:42 - Why We're Always the Last to Know03:04 - Mental Obesity Is Real04:45 - Give Your Brain a Job or It Finds the Worst One08:01 - Sobriety Isn't the Goal, Building Life Is10:44 - Why Successful People Never Know What's Happening13:19 - The Orchestra Story: Build Something Undeniable15:01 - When Your Hands Are Free, Your Mind Fills It18:29 - 77% of You Are Consuming Passively21:08 - Identity Shift: Stop Being Who You Observe24:57 - The IKEA Effect and Creation Reward27:52 - Three Signs You're Over-Consuming31:43 - Nobody Doing Better Than You Will Hate You34:45 - Create Before You Consume Rule37:27 - The Parent Phone Problem40:03 - Collaborate With Your Spouse on Something Creative42:43 - Carl's Rehab Painting BreakdownSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this crucial episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz provide a survival guide for women navigating the aftermath of betrayal. Drawing from their reconstruction journey and counseling hundreds of couples, they reveal the six essential steps every betrayed spouse needs to take immediately after discovering infidelity. Laura shares her own early choices - from refusing to weaponize shame despite having every right to, to her intensive identity work at OnSite that revealed she'd lost herself long before the affair. They expose the dangerous trap of trying to police your spouse's recovery while ignoring your own healing, why poorly trained therapists can do more harm than good, and the power move of creating firm boundaries with real consequences. From why separation isn't punishment but protection for your nervous system, to the surprising statistic that shame-based communication cuts reconciliation rates by 50%, this episode is required listening for any woman asking "What now?" after betrayal. Whether you're deciding to stay or go, these six steps ensure you're making that choice from strength, not trauma. Warning: This episode challenges the common advice to "just forgive and move on" and may trigger those invested in remaining victims of their circumstances.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Barshttps://godbehindbars.comSupported by Planahttps://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - What Every Betrayed Woman Needs To Know01:10 - Our Email: hello@carlandlaura.com03:12 - What She CAN'T Do (Stop Being A Shame Dealer)05:22 - "Shame Corrodes The Part That Believes We Can Change"08:06 - Why Shame Cuts Recovery Success By 50%09:56 - Step 1: Get The RIGHT Therapist (Not All Are Equal)11:12 - Warning: Bad Therapists Can Make Things Worse16:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership17:23 - Step 2: Create Separation For Your Nervous System19:30 - "Safety Must Precede Intimacy"22:51 - Step 3: Clear Expectations & Boundaries27:26 - Step 4: Be Firm On Consequences33:22 - Step 5: Invite Trusted Eyes & Ears38:21 - Plana.org Partnership38:59 - Step 6: Work On Yourself (The Game-Changer)39:52 - "The Betrayed Partner Rebuilds Identity"42:30 - Your Action Plan: Tangible Next StepsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this raw and essential episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz delivers the uncomfortable truths every man needs to hear after betraying his marriage. Drawing from his own journey through infidelity and the reconstruction of his marriage with Laura, Carl breaks down the exact roadmap that works - and exposes what doesn't. From why you should embrace lie detector tests to the power of having zero secrets, zero private conversations, and zero contact with anyone who threatens your marriage, this episode is a masterclass in accountability. Carl reveals why forgiveness took Laura three years to give (and why he didn't need it to do the work), the 24-hour grace period they instituted for catching lies, and why your response to her triggers determines everything. He shares the canned response that saved him: "I hear you, I'm sorry, I'm not going anywhere." Whether you're dealing with a full disclosure, learning patience proportional to your years of deception, or understanding why "water under the bridge" is permanently off limits, this episode provides the blueprint for men serious about redemption. Warning: This episode will challenge men who want reconciliation without radical transparency and may trigger those still hiding behind privacy in marriage.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/Chapters:00:00 - Intro00:49 - The Question Every Betrayer Asks03:18 - What You CAN'T Do (Force, Heal, Convince)05:44 - You're Not Looking For Forgiveness08:01 - Laura: "It Took Me 3 Years To Forgive"09:32 - The Full Disclosure Requirement12:39 - Step 1: Be Honest About Everything16:39 - The 24-Hour Grace Period For Lies19:03 - Step 2: Zero Contact With The Qualifier22:54 - God Behind Bars Partnership28:41 - Step 3: No Private Conversations Ever32:39 - Step 4: Patience With The Past (18-36 Months)36:27 - Step 5: Extreme Grace When She's Triggered39:55 - "I Hear You, I'm Sorry, I'm Not Going Anywhere"42:07 - Plana.org Partnership42:52 - Step 6: Live With Zero Secrets49:27 - Why Lie Detectors Are Your FriendSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the one factor sabotaging most couples' healing from infidelity: alcohol. Drawing from their own reconstruction journey and counseling countless couples through betrayal, they reveal why drinking delays recovery, blocks the exact brain functions needed to rebuild trust, and turns an already burning house into an inferno. Carl shares why he hasn't had a drink in over 2 years after realizing alcohol was filling the same void his addictions once did, while Laura opens up about how drinking amplified her triggers and suspicions. They break down the science: how alcohol reduces frontal lobe function (killing empathy and self-control), activates fight mode in your amygdala (making everything a threat), and blocks oxytocin (the bonding hormone you desperately need). From couples throwing punches after two drinks to the betrayed spouse pouring gasoline on their own fire, this episode exposes why any couple keeping alcohol in the picture struggles significantly more. Whether you're the betrayer numbing guilt or the betrayed drowning pain, this conversation reveals why that glass of wine might be the very thing keeping you stuck. Warning: This episode challenges the cultural norm that alcohol helps you "loosen up" and may trigger those committed to avoiding the real work of healing.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Barshttps://godbehindbars.comSupported by Planahttps://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - Why Alcohol Makes Healing Impossible03:16 - The Truth: Betrayal Pain Never Fully Goes Away05:47 - Why Couples Who Drink Struggle MORE10:15 - Trading One Addiction For Another14:36 - "I Lost Everything - Don't Take My Wine!"21:47 - We Found ZERO Studies Showing Alcohol Helps23:43 - Your Brain On Alcohol: The 3 Effects24:44 - God Behind Bars Partnership29:15 - When Drinking Leads To Physical Fights35:34 - "Sit In Your Sh*t" - Rehab Wisdom40:08 - "Alcohol Doesn't Help You Feel, It Helps You Rehearse"43:51 - Plana.org Partnership49:07 - Laura's Message To Women In PainSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz sit down with James Sexton, one of America's most renowned divorce attorneys, for a conversation that could save your marriage. After 25 years representing high-profile divorces, James reveals the three guaranteed ways men destroy their marriages - and why 56% of all marriages end in his office. This isn't your typical relationship advice; it's a masterclass in reverse psychology from someone who's seen thousands of marriages collapse.James breaks down the death spiral that leads couples from "I do" to "I'm done," the shocking statistic that 86% of divorced people remarry within 5 years, and why most people love their choices more than their children. From the simple act of "seeing" your spouse to the dangerous habit of keeping score, this conversation exposes the patterns that predict divorce with startling accuracy.Whether you're newlyweds, struggling in your marriage, or simply want to understand what really makes relationships work, this episode delivers hard truths wrapped in hope. Carl and Laura share their own journey through infidelity and recovery, while James provides the roadmap to avoid becoming another statistic.Warning: This episode contains frank discussions about marriage failure, infidelity, and the kind of honest conversations most couples never have about what it really takes to stay together.Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Follow James at: https://www.instagram.com/nycdivorcelawyer/Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana - https://plana.org/CHAPTERS:00:00 - INTRO02:08 - The Shocking Marriage Statistics Nobody Talks About11:25 - The 3 Marriage Killers Every Couple Does20:10 - God Behind Bars Partnership20:47 - Stop Seeing Your Wife: The First Marriage Destroyer26:41 - Frame Everything Critically: The Communication Killer34:55 - Keep Score: The Transactional Marriage Trap40:25 - Plana.org Partnership41:06 - The Death Spiral: How Marriages Collapse Slowly, Then All at Once49:23 - When Do You Feel Most Loved? Laura's Answer Will Surprise You57:38 - Marriage as Ecosystem: Why It's Not About Fairness1:04:50 - Who Gets Screwed Most in Divorce? The Uncomfortable Truth1:09:32 - Rolling Your Eyes: The Silent Marriage KillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this powerful episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the brutal reality of living under constant criticism and reveal the mental framework that saved their sanity. For the first time, they share why they almost didn't start this podcast – paralyzed by fear of opinions – and how one harsh comment from a stranger about their vacation nearly derailed their confidence. Laura opens up about her unshakeable ability to see past cruel comments to the pain behind them, while Carl admits to DMing his haters (and why he stopped). They discuss the shocking science that your brain processes criticism like physical pain, why it takes 5 positive interactions to heal from 1 insult, and the "Access to Influence Filter" that changed everything. From the MLB player who wept on the field after an insult about his deceased mother to JK Rowling's 12 rejections before Harry Potter, this conversation reveals how the wrong feedback can imprison you while the right feedback can launch your destiny. Whether you're drowning in family criticism, paralyzed by social media comments, or trying to protect your kids from a harsh world, this episode offers the exact tools to stay soft-hearted without being destroyed.----Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/----Supported by God Behind Barshttps://godbehindbars.comSupported by Planahttps://plana.org/----CHAPTERS:00:00 - The Science: Your Brain Treats Criticism Like Physical Pain06:52 - Why We Almost Didn't Start This Podcast (Fear of Opinions)10:21 - The Vacation Photo That Triggered 1000 Critics15:31 - God Behind Bars Partnership16:08 - "You're Not Soft, You're Human" - The MLB Player Who Broke Down19:27 - The 5-to-1 Rule: Why Criticism Hits Harder Than Praise24:15 - Laura's Superpower: Seeing Past Comments to Pain29:33 - Plana.org: Help for the Unexpected30:14 - The Access to Influence Filter (5 Questions That Changed Everything)35:48 - JK Rowling's 12 Rejections & Pharrell's "Happy" Almost Never Happened40:22 - "Don't Prepare Kids for YOUR Negative World" - The Parenting Truth45:36 - Why Carl Used to DM His Haters (And What Made Him Stop)50:18 - Building Boundaries: You Don't Have to Drink Every Opinion Offered53:41 - The Final Truth: Critics in the Stands vs Players on the FieldSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this raw and unprecedented episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down for an exclusive interview with Blaine Bartel, a former megachurch pastor who built one of America's largest youth ministries before losing everything due to a 23-year secret addiction. For the first time, Blaine opens up about the moment his double life was completely exposed, the "terrifying grace" that shattered his world in 24 hours, and the brutal honesty required to rebuild from absolute rock bottom. They discuss everything from the difference between recovery and resurrection, why churches abandon fallen pastors, and the uncomfortable truths about what really happens when ministry success collides with hidden shame. From the shock of losing his marriage and ministry to discovering what true freedom actually looks like, this conversation reveals how one man died to everything he was and found life again. Whether you're struggling with addiction, wondering if restoration is possible, or simply curious about what real redemption looks like, this interview offers hope without sugarcoating the cost. Warning: This episode contains discussions about sexual addiction, ministry failure, and the kind of honest conversations most people never have.---Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/---Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.comSupported by Plana https://plana.org/---CHAPTERS:00:00 - Blaine's Background: From Ministry Success to 23-Year Secret03:33 - "God Issued a Warrant for My Soul" - Complete Exposure in 24 Hours05:09 - "You'll Never Get Free" - The Doctor's Devastating Prediction06:45 - Recovery vs Resurrection: The Moment Everything Changed08:20 - "Jesus Makes Dead People Alive" - True Heart Transformation10:45 - Death Before Resurrection: Why the Cross Comes First12:43 - Why Pastors Fall So Hard and the Problem of Quick Comebacks17:34 - GOD BEHIND BARS PARTNERSHIP18:18 - The Loneliest Moment: When Everyone Cuts You Off24:28 - Carl's Story: Being Completely Shunned by Hillsong Church30:41 - Why Churches Choose Brand Protection Over Restoration36:14 - The Day They Finally Lifted Their Heads Again39:16 - PLANA.ORG PARTNERSHIP40:16 - Jesus Washing Feet: The Vision That Changed Everything43:37 - Understanding Addiction: The Three Greatest Fears of Every Man48:31 - Brain Chemistry vs Willpower: Why "Moral Failure" Misses the Point52:38 - Sacred Rituals: Bridging the Gap Between Inspiration and Transformation59:15 - Vision for the Man vs Vision for the Career: What Really Matters1:02:48 - How to Safeguard Your Life: Full-Throated Confession and CommunitySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.