Living with Heart: From Birth to Death

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    2 Helpful resources along the parenting journey: Link to 8 Feelings for Children Chart How Are You Feeling Today   The focus of this season on “Living with Heart: From Birth to Death” is parenting. Some of the content in these episodes loosely connects to the book, Parenting with Heart by Stephen James and Chip Dodd.    Taking responsibility as a parent is referred to in several ways: “Dealing with unfinished business”  “Doing your own work”  “Owning your own problems” “Self-care to care about others”   Taking responsibility as a parent means that a parent accepts that they are a work in progress, as is every child. We are all WIPs (works in progress).    A WIP recognizes that humility is an essential factor to be a healthy, responsible parent.   A WIP has healthy shame, identified by five basic recognitions: I make mistakes; so do others. I need other grown-ups and others need me. I don’t have all the answers, but I will share what I do know. I ask questions when I don’t know how to do something; I support others in doing the same. I am not God; I am in need of God.   The responsible parent is a WIP who: has humility has a willingness to grow and change  and recognizes that they are just as human as their children   The responsible parent also faces and is humbled by these realities: The best we ever become is clumsy. We have to live life on life’s terms. Everything in life is practice. It takes a lifetime to learn how to live. These four realities that are faced by the parent, give permission to the parent, and child alike, to live with imperfection and still pursue excellence. Basically, there is no finish line.    By having an attitude and disposition that focuses on growth, not perfection, parents create a healthy environment of children.   Ultimately, the responsible parent is a person who lives the Golden Rule. Jesus said, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12, NIV).   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    What is the meaning of remember? We tend to think that remember only means to recall facts, a place, an occurrence, or a time period. It is that and much more.  Remember also means to take into account the emotional impact of what we recall. It is the need to integrate all the experiences of living. “Re-member” can mean to keep your thinking, feeling, and behaving congruent with your environment and the people who live in it.  For a parent, the definition of remember that also includes “re-member” is a need for the parent to recall and integrate what it was like to be a child, regardless of what age. The parent who does not “re-member” will forget the difficulties, and even the joys of growing up. They will not parent the way a child needs to be parented, or the way the parent actually wishes to do.  Many parents run from “re-membering” because it requires that we feel and integrate “the good, the bad, and the ugly” of our own lives.  To remember requires that we face, feel, and deal with the pain of failure and the sweet memories of success. If we don’t have the courage or willingness to remember, our children have to miss richer connections that they were made to have. Parents who are not willing to grow, have difficulty tolerating their own feelings, and their own inherent neediness; the effect is that they will have lower tolerance for the feelings and needs of the child.   Three helpful attitudes to develop to help parents “re-member” Acknowledging distance Doing the work of daily remembrance Facing the impossible   What is distance? Distance is to remember that the parent lives in another “time-zone,” called the future in relation to a child.    A child struggles in a place that the parent has gone beyond. Either the parent can recall the heart ache or the heart delight, and can relate to the child, or the parent’s need to ignore or suppress their experience will block emotional and spiritual connection to the child.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    2 Helpful resources along the parenting journey: Link to 8 Feelings for Children Chart How Are You Feeling Today Four realities that no one will defeat, this side of heaven. The best we ever get at living is clumsy.  No one can become perfect, even though we carry a picture of it in our hearts. Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV) says, “He has set eternity in the human heart.” No matter our determination or information, we humans will always have to struggle with mistakes and sin.  We have to live on life’s terms, not our terms. Death and the unpredictable are a part of this life. We cannot know the future. We are dependent upon our need of each other and God. If we do not face, feel, and deal well with our neediness in a healthy way, we will become defended against the pains that come with love. No one can change or defeat this fact about life. If we don’t learn how to need others and God, it increases the negative consequences we don’t want for ourselves or those we love. Everything in life is practice. Doctors are practicing, and lawyers are practicing. Parents are also practicing, as are children. We are not works of perfection. We have to keep learning and risking without knowing all of the outcomes. We are in this life together; the more proactive everyone is in helping each other practice living fully and loving deeply, the better the outcomes.  It takes a lifetime to learn how to live.  Whether we are eight, twenty-eight, or eighty, we are still asking many of the same questions throughout our lives, like, “When will we get there?” “How much will it hurt?” or “Will you be there to get me?” No one has all the answers to life. We have to keep learning how to live, even as we gain wisdom about doing so, hopefully. There is not a destination of “having it all together.”   We are all works in progress. Rather than the facts of reality defeating us, they can actually give us permission to gain more humility.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    2 Helpful resources along the parenting journey: Link to 8 Feelings for Children Chart How Are You Feeling Today   The focus of this season on “Living with Heart: From Birth to Death” is parenting.   Some of the content in these episodes loosely connects to the book, Parenting with Heart by Stephen James and Chip Dodd.    The content of episode #86, “Big Results from Simple Actions,” comes from a free resource that can be downloaded at chipdodd.com.   Big Results from Simple Actions - Chip Dodd, Ph.D.   The following is a list of eleven qualities that make leaders worth joining and make participants valuable to leaders. These eleven simple actions are what leaders and participants do who create vibrant, sustainable, productive environments in which excellence is the norm. The list also speaks to what parents hope their children will learn and what children hope their parents already practice.    In addition, the list speaks to how friendship is honored, and how marital partners express respect for one’s self and their spouse. The driving force of these qualities comes out of what psychology calls an internal locus of control and what the rest of us call being responsible because it feels good and it’s good to do.    Simply put, the action-oriented qualities listed below show that a person brings ability, effort, and excellence to what they do.   If you open it—close it. If you unlock it—lock it back. If you drop it—pick it up. If you borrow it—return it. If you use it—take care of it. If you break it—fix it. If you can’t fix it—call someone who can. If you mess it up—clean it up. If you give your word—keep it. If it is your responsibility—own it. If it encourages someone—say it.   To summarize, I end where I started. The actions listed above are what make leaders worth joining, and make participants valuable to leaders. The actions speak to what parents hope their children will learn, and what children hope their parents already practice, so they can learn. In addition, the actions speak to how friendship is honored, and how marital partners express respect for one’s self and the other.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Parenting is the focus of this season on “Living with Heart: From Birth to Death.” Some of the content of the following episodes connects to the book, Parenting with Heart by Stephen James and Chip Dodd.    Parenting with heart is more about the parents than the children: Parents know their own hearts’ feelings and needs. Parents remember the struggles of being a child and the fullness of hope and imagination before “reality” tends to tarnish both hope and imagination. Parents not only perform the great duties of providing and protecting; they are able to remain emotionally relatable. Parents know that they themselves are only older, “growing up” versions of a child.  Parents are emotionally present as they continue to perform the tasks of love. Parents face the reality that the best outcomes and greatest hopes still will be riddled with clumsiness, mistakes, and regrets, but continues to persevere with heart.    Parenting with heart is for young parents and grandparents, “failed” parents and “successful” parents, and couples who desire to be parents, but has nothing to do with the “perfect” parent.    The “perfect” parent checks a list to see if they have fulfilled some magical formula that guarantees “perfect” children who never mess up and never have to face pain.    “Perfect” parents attempt to produce an outcome that is for their own self-images.   Children want parents who can relate to the struggles and joys of being a child; they want parents who know the feelings of living and the needs that come with living.   Children also desire their parents to know how to face, feel, and deal with struggles, as they seek the joys of life.   Children do not actually want a perfect parent; they want a relatable, human parent who takes a long view of life.    It takes a lifetime to learn how to live:  Children need parents who know this truth, and this truth creates great tolerance for a child’s struggles.   A child just simply wants a “good enough” parent, a human parent who needs others and God, the same way a child needs them and God.   Two responsibilities of a parent: Parents need to help their children “climb the mountain of their dreams.” Parents need to help their children “hold the flag brave and true.”   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Keeping Heart, a book by Dr Chip Dodd, is written in short sections that are self-contained as specific pieces. Each section focuses on a dimension of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that leaves a legacy of goodness.    Please visit chipdodd.com to download a free resource of the “Feelings/Needs Chart.” The chart integrates the essentials of The Voice of the Heart and Needs of the Heart that leads to experiencing the Gifts of the Heart.   The Equation for the Gifts of the Feelings By practicing the equation, we can live fully; we can love deeply; we can lead well.   By practicing the equation, we discover that core feelings lead to genuine relational needs, which move us to admitting the desire of our hearts, as well as our longings and hope.   Feelings > Needs > Desire > Longings > Hope, as explored in Episode #80 and Episode #81.   The equation requires courage, that is, bringing your heart to who and what matters to you.   WILLINGNESS + PATIENCE + WORK + TIME = GIFTS   Willingness: Willingness is the courageous energy of allowing your heart to be given over to hoping again. Hope has become dangerous to many of us because of past experiences that turned out very differently than what we had hoped. Taking the risk of hoping again is fearful. We need help in risking hope, but we must take the risk if we are to experience new, better, or improved outcomes. Running from hope makes us sick.    Patience: Patience is ability to persevere amidst the struggle that comes with your desire to live fully. Patience literally means, “burden of hope.” So often what we seek and what we desire requires the ability to wait—to delay gratification—as we continue to move towards fulfillment. Waiting means that we continue to hope even though it is painful. Waiting requires feeling and needing, and means that our hearts carry the “burden of hope,” as we persevere, with the encouragement of others and faith in God.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights. 

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Keeping Heart, by Dr Chip Dodd is written in short sections; each section focuses on some dimension of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that leaves a legacy of goodness. It can be used as a daily form of orienting yourself for the day ahead of you or a book to read cover to cover.    Visit chipdodd.com to download a free resource of the “Feelings/Needs Chart.” It integrates the essentials of The Voice of the Heart and Needs of the Heart that lead to the experience of the Gifts of the Heart.    On page 23 of Keeping Heart, there is a sentence that shows the dark side of avoiding love’s requirements: “Avoiding love’s demand, though, requires that we hide our hearts, and, therefore, remove ourselves from living this life.”    Contact is not connection We experience a vast array of what we call “connections” through all forms of technology that has given us the internet and its multiple forms of social media that offers the illusion of “connection.” We call it “interconnected.”    However, it does not actually give what it says. We are “inter-contacted,” not actually connected.    There are multiple forms of contact, but we still remain disconnected from each other, and even ourselves.    Sadly, loneliness and relational isolation are two of the most talked about forms of misery in our society today, even though we have more pervasive contact than ever before in the history of humanity.   When Caesar connected the Roman Empire with roads, it led to people groups being connected—for better or worse. The technology of today is not a road to connect us. It is the technology that actually keeps us from “facing each other,” which is where genuine connection begins.   Contact is like watching a movie. In a movie, we experience life vicariously, which means “not really in it.” Even more, if we watch it alone, we experience life vicariously in isolation. We do not share a lived experience in reality True connection is a shared experience in reality.   Contact does not feed the heart. Connection feeds the heart. Connection requires that a person shares the experiences of their emotional and spiritual lives with another who is capable of doing the same.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights. 

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Keeping Heart, by Dr Chip Dodd is written in short sections; each section focuses on some dimension of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that leaves a legacy of goodness. It can be used as a daily form of orienting yourself for the day ahead of you or a book to read cover to cover.    Visit chipdodd.com to download a free resource that describes The Spiritual Root System. This resource identifies each “root” of how we are created as feeling, needing, desiring, longing, hoping people who seek to live fully in relationship with ourselves, with others, and with God.   A path not a pill So often, people offer a “pill” (metaphorically or literally) to a person who is struggling with life’s difficulties. The struggle could be anxiety, depression, or addiction. Most people, however, need a path instead of a “pill.”   This podcast is part of the path we are created to walk in life’s struggles.   The Voice of the Heart, Needs of the Heart, and Keeping Heart, also, are part of the path.    This podcast and the books speak to the need for relationship and its power to help and heal us through relational connection.   Communion connects to community We quickly think of communion as a religious experience only. It also means to share; it is where we get the word community and communication.    We are created to be in communion with each other—a group of people who share the truth of their hearts.   In Genesis 2:18, God declared for the first time that something was “not good.” This declaration clearly made reference to a man and a woman. It also speaks to how we are created for fellowship; the fellowship of truth telling about our struggles and celebrations that connect us to each other. Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18 (NIV)   When Adam & Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, they not only hid their physical bodies, they also hid their hearts from God. In the cool of the day, God comes to His creation and asks them, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9) This phrase in Hebrew is “ayeka” which is a lament and a question.    Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Keeping Heart, by Dr Chip Dodd is written in short sections; each section focuses on some dimension of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that leaves a legacy of goodness. It can be used as a daily form of orienting yourself for the day ahead of you or a book to read cover to cover.    Visit chipdodd.com to download a free resource that describes The Spiritual Root System. This resource identifies each “root” of how we are created as feeling, needing, desiring, longing, hoping people who seek to live fully in relationship with ourselves, with others, and with God.   To read a short encapsulation of episode #81, go to pages 28-29 of Keeping Heart.   We are created to BE, DO, and HAVE In order to live fully, love deeply, and lead well lives that leave behind good legacy, we must: admit that we don’t control how life works. we don’t have power to change how we are created as relational creatures.   We only find fulfillment by living fully in relationship with  ourselves others God  (The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd)    Surrendering to the process of how we are created occurs through three developmental movements: Being - who we are created to be as relational creatures. We are created 99.9% like everyone else on an emotional and spiritual level. We seek connection through feeling, needing, desiring, longing, and hoping. We are created to respond to life accordingly.  Doing - what we are created to do by participating in the actions of producing, shaping, making and caring about creating “good.” We take action in daily life by using our internal awareness; we are “response-able.” Having - what we are created to experience if we live according to how we are created. We have relationships, connection, provision, bounty, and prosperity. We risk giving ourselves to and attaining the experiences of life that create relational and experiential fulfillments.   Be-Do-Have vs Do-Have-Become If a person is raised in an environment that diminishes his/her essential makeup and places too much emphasis on performance in order to be accepted, the person’s worth becomes wrapped up in the constant need for approval of others and in competition with others.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Keeping Heart by Dr Chip Dodd is written in short sections. Each section focuses on some dimension of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that leaves a legacy of goodness. It can be used as a daily form of orienting yourself for the day ahead of you or a book to read cover to cover.    Please visit chipdodd.com to download the free resource, The Spiritual Root System. This resource describes and illustrates the specifics of each “root” of how we are created as feeling, needing, desiring, longing, hoping people who seek to live fully in relationship with ourselves, with others, and with God.   Spiritual Rot System (SRS) = Feelings - Needs - Desire - Longings - Hope   Basic premise of The Spiritual Root System:  Feed the roots of a tree, it will grow to produce much fruit.  Moving the metaphor to human behavior, a child reaches out to be affirmed as belonging and mattering by connecting to his/her caregivers.  The need to belong and matter is met by his/her caregiver responding by reaching back and affirming and attending to the child’s heart, made up of feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope.  This process grows the child’s confidence in being created as a feeling, needing, desiring, longing, and hoping creature. Through the confidence of being able to depend on connection, the child grows into a competent human being, who can use his/her mind to express their heart’s makeup as they grow into their giftedness. Every human being is gifted and the world is in need of the “fruits” of those developed gifts.    Understanding the connections of the roots: Reading the “roots” from left to right:  Feelings awaken a person to needs.  Needs connect to desire within the heart Desire moves a person to longings Longings draw a person toward hope. Hope will return a person to feelings; hope is wishing or planning to achieve something a person doesn’t know for sure will happen. Hope requires the action of risk, which circles back to the need to deal with feelings.  The Voice of the Heart and Needs of the Heart offer specific details about The Spiritual Root System, as does this podcast Living with Heart: From Birth to Death.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights. 

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Keeping Heart by Dr Chip Dodd is written in short sections. Each section focuses on some dimension of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that leaves a legacy of goodness. It can be used as a daily form of orienting yourself for the day ahead of you or a book to read cover to cover.    Please visit chipdodd.com to download the free resource, The Spiritual Root System. This resource describes and illustrates the specifics of each “root” of how we are created as feeling, needing, desiring, longing, hoping people who seek to live fully in relationship with ourselves, with others, and with God.   The Spiritual Root System (SRS) explains: When we “feed” the “roots” of how we are created, we will grow the “fruits” of a full life, one that blesses one’s self and others.  We feed the roots through relationship. That is the most complete nutritional support for human beings. The nutritional support encourages us to “keep heart” amidst an exhausting pace that can wear us out, drain us, and lead us to experience the discouragement of “losing heart   Spiritual Root System = Feelings - Needs - Desire - Longings - Hope   Feelings awaken us to being fully alive, and they push us toward our needs.  If I feel, I will need.    For example:  When a person is sad about a loss, they often need comfort, or they need a listening person in their lives to help them. When a person is fearful about some difficulty or danger, they often need help to deal with a challenge, or they need to be rescued from a danger.   The identification of feelings, leads to the needs of others and God.   Having needs lead a person to communicate their desire. Desire moves a person to ask for some form of connection that brings them to greater capabilities of living fully and loving deeply, even when life hurts.    The book Needs of the Heart describes the many essential emotional and spiritual needs that we are created to have met through expressing them.   Desire expresses the inborn energy of our craving to survive and even more, to thrive. We desire survival, of course, but we were created for more. We were born to crave a level of fulfillment that we can numb or deny; however, it still remains a part of how we are created.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights. 

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    The Pitfalls of Leadership are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects.    Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.”    The descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others.    The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things.  To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.    These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them.    Living in freedom from the Pitfalls is work. It is a daily activity and a lifestyle.    In the Pitfalls, we are driven by what we are running from. Essentially, we are running from:  Feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope that expose our vulnerability; Telling the truth about our hearts that expresses our need of others; Trusting a process that we are not in control of, which expresses our distrust of God.   The daily activities that become the recovering leader’s lifestyle are: Confession - the acknowledgment of my own healthy shame, and need of others and God. Admission - the full awareness that I do not have control over life, and the more I attempt to get control, the more unmanageable my life becomes. Surrender - practicing believing and trusting that God has control; therefore, I give myself to God and the way God works, because my attempt to control life hasn’t worked. Acceptance - the practice of turning my heart and life over to God who cares for me, knowing that whatever happens, God wants good for me because I am loved.   Daily activities have to be practiced until we see the results and their benefits;  The daily practices become a lifestyle.  The leader eventually desires for his/her life to be different and adopts the new lifestyle because it is “better” than what life was like in the Pitfalls.   Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things.  To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.    These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them.    Out of the Pit Hopeful Truths: Freedom is not only possible; we are created for it. The descent into the Pitfalls can be stopped at any time. When the leader who is descending into the pitfalls experiences an intervention from others whom the leader listens to and healthily responds to, the descent can be stopped. Also, if the leader comes to an awareness of his/her descent and cries out and is heard and responded to by others, the descent can be stopped.  There is a path that takes us out of the Pit; we can ascend. Freedom is not only possible;  we are created for it. The people who dare to “come back to life” are some of the greatest blessers in this world: They have humility and passion.  They have compassion because of empathy. They are doers who are relational.  They are witnesses to what God can do with a person who dares to be in need. Their “loss” can become many others’ gains. They are witnesses of John Newton’s hymn, Amazing Grace.   That which we think has destroyed us has opened up a future before us. Listen to Episode #26 “Becoming a Portable Sanctuary.   The woundedness of the leader, coordinated with their healing, becomes the leader’s newly discovered productivity.   Liberation from bondage is available. If there is breath, there is hope.    Recovery from addiction to control begins with: Confession: the recognition of and “fessing up” to being human, which means that I feel and I need more than I can handle or manage without relational help. Admission:  The acknowledgment of powerlessness over life  The profound awareness that the more I have attempted to do it alone, the more unmanageable my life has become.  In these two beginning steps, the impaired leader must admit the specific nature of his/her secrets in order to get relief.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Remember that the Pitfalls are descending steps; one connects to the other with predictable effects.    Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.”    The descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others whom the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others.    The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things.  To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.  These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them.    # 5 Secrets sap the leader’s passion and purpose Once the leader’s true self is isolated, the “getaway” or “cure” is usually a closely held secret.       A secret is anything one withholds from appropriate people because they       fear rejection, judgment, censuring, or being controlled.    Secrets:  require a person to withhold emotional and spiritual struggles from the people who hunger to know them and care about them.  block the intimacy, or “into-me-see,” that is an essential part of human encouragement and fulfillment.  make a person sick because they are not connected to relationship with others.    At this point, a leader begins to survive in a cycle of work, performance, isolation, and secrets that increase toxic shame and guilt.    To dissipate the shame and guilt, the leader tries to work harder, perform better, which cycles into a repetition of isolation and secrets.    As the cycle continues, a leader will begin to experience symptoms of burnout, depression, excessive anxiety, addiction, and other forms of impairment.   Jesus says in John 10:10, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (NIV) To many leaders who are caught up in the swirl of Pitfall #5, this scripture reference seems like a long-lost illusion.    By Pitfall #5, the leader is far away from everything they had once hoped and believed.    Jesus also says in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” (NIV) This reference is a living, breathing experience for the leader. He or she is being robbed of every blessing they were created to experience in the passion, struggle, and joy of getting to do what they were created to do.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    The Pitfalls of Leadership are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects.    Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.”    The descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others.    The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things.  To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.    These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them.    #4 To be an example to others, the true self is isolated   Leaders often put pressure on themselves to:  continually be of service to appear a certain way to always be an example—as expected by others   This demand for perfection sets up a leader to deny his/her own feelings and needs.    Denial does not stop needs, but instead arouses toxic shame when the leader has a need. Isolating the heart from being known from the inside-out leaves a leader hungry to get needs met and yet unable to need people to meet the needs.    An inanimate source of fulfillment can become the “getaway” or “cure” for the leader at this point. Therefore, counterfeit fulfillments for needs take the place of relational fulfillments.   Problems that trap leaders are so widespread and repeated that they are considered normal, but they are not.   The Pitfalls are not normal, but they are so abundantly common that we can easily relate to them, and often get trapped by them.  We must not confuse what most people consider as common, with what is normal.    The book Keeping Heart by Dr Chip Dodd is a series of meditative “pearls” on what true normal is.   In the description of Pitfall 3, “People Become Things,” the drive for perfection in the leader begins to emotionally and spiritually drain the leader because he/she is not addressing their need for replenishment. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    The 5 Pitfalls are descending steps. One step connects to another with predictable effects.    Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.”    The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things.  To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.    These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one finds freedom from them.   People Become Things Leaders enter the world of doing good because they wish the pain of the world to be treated, bettered, or healed.    However, as the leader slips into the pitfalls:  the people that the leader wishes to serve become burdensome objects that have to be dealt with the people that the leader works with become objects that have to be manipulated his/her family members become burdensome objects of needs that have to be met the leader who originally planned to benefit others reaches a significant crisis point they must move into neediness as human beings or fade into despair as “human doings.”   The leader whose worth is trapped in work, and whose performance is valued more than their presence shows symptoms of people becoming things   They experience “feeling drained” of the passion or energy that had compelled them in the beginning.    Whether slowly or rapidly, the leader becomes restless, irritable, and discontent.   Indicators of restlessness and irritable can be overt or covert, but the symptoms are “known” to the leader, but not accurately taken responsibility for.    Compulsivity takes over for “being compelled.” Blame, projection onto others, and denial are hallmarks of the impaired leader at Pitfall #3.   *The family is usually affected first and foremost, before the signs are noted by others who the leader influences.   In the name of loyalty the family members begin to take on feelings of “self-blame” and toxic shame that comes with the leader’s self-negligence.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    The Pitfalls are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects.    Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.”    This descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others.    The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things.  To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.    These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them.    Pitfall #2: Performance Begins to be Valued More than One’s Presence: When a leader’s primary personal value is associated with performance, they become someone they are not—"human doings.”    To be present means to be able to present the truth of our inner selves as human beings to others.  Presence is the ability to speak the feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hopes of one’s own heart.    People who are actively present can be “in need” and be led.    Performers develop contempt for their neediness. They also eventually develop secret contempt and fear towards the needs of others because they see others as the ones who demand that they perform.    The “ease” of being one’s true self is lost in the “dis-ease” or stress of believing that one is only valuable for their performance.   People who are performers can be driven by anxiety A leader who believes that their performance matters more than their personal presence is actually driven by anxiety, more than they are compelled by inspiration or mission/calling.   These performers: compete and compare, more than they are called and compelled tragically believe that they are only measured by their last mistake, or the mistakes they haven’t made yet have pride and arrogance, rooted in toxic shame, can drive the leader away from being in need   A leader is expected to be effective and productive  A leader is expected to perform and meet the needs of those they are on mission to help, which is good. However, every leader needs a place to go where they can honestly share their own needs, without toxic shame, and where others can do the same.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click Here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    There are 5 Pitfalls of Leadership. These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one finds freedom from them.    The 5 Pitfalls of Leadership Are Interconnected and Work in a Descending Order: One’s work becomes confused with one’s worth. One’s performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things.  In order to be an example to others, one isolates his/her true self. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.    This episode will focus on Pitfall #1: One’s Work is Confused with One’s Worth.   Leaders can draw crowds, get things done, or set themselves apart from others through accomplishments or talents. This work can be good and true. However, a leader can confuse the crowds, the feedback, and accomplishments with his/her worth as a person.    Sadly, A leader’s sense of confidence and value can begin to go up or down based upon the applause they receive.    While pursuing one’s worth in the “workplace,” being a “Dad” or “Mom” loses its importance and sense of value/purpose.    This effect can happen to professionals, little league coaches, church volunteers, and PTA presidents.    A leader can easily forget that their worth comes from being human. Worth is inborn; we don’t lose it.    The crowd looks for what the leader can give. God and loved ones look for the heart of who the person is from the inside out.    Worth tied to the crowd can mean loss of recognition of worth as a person. Finding Methods of Prevention When leaders fall or fail, so often they are simply replaced to keep the mission or agenda going. That is not a bad thing related to the responsibilities of the mission; however, we need also to be curious enough about what created the fall or failure to find prevention methods that can reduce negative, even tragic, outcomes.    There is Always Hope If a leader doesn’t catch himself/herself in the early stages of Pitfall #1, it isn’t the end. Very often, the failure becomes a “doorway” into a new world of a new life, even a better life. This “better” life requires a recovery process with guides and helpers; otherwise, the negative process usually continues.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.   The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Leaders Have a Need for Help: Everyone, believe it or not, is created to lead. Everyone who cares about something and is investing themselves in what they care about is leading. Leaders find much fulfillment in serving others.  Whether it’s serving as a CEO or a parent, the most significant moments for leaders come when they are giving their gifts, abilities, passion, and creativity.  Leaders who pour out great energy doing what is fulfilling also need to refill.   *Leaders need to be able to receive restoration and replenishment so they can continue to serve well. They refill by being humble enough to know their limits, to recognize their needs, and to ask for help.    I have worked with leaders for more than thirty-five years. I have recognized five common pitfalls that block leaders from receiving the replenishment that is essential to lead well. These pitfalls can stymie a leader’s passion and purpose. As a result, the people the leader wishes to help ultimately do not receive what they need.   Pitfalls of Leadership Life is full of struggle, and the struggle is not preventable. Samuel Beckett wrote, “You are on earth. There is no cure for that.” Life’s struggles are inevitable, but the Pitfalls of Leadership are preventable.   The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things. To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.   These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them.    Everyone always wonders, “What happened to them? How did this self-destruction happen?”   These episodes on the “Pitfalls” are about preventing those questions from being asked. Whether you are a parent, a pastor, a plumber, or a pulmonologist, these episodes are for you.   These episodes are also about what to do when you find yourself in the “Pitfalls” or when the consequences have already impacted your life.   Hope in spite of the Pitfalls: The beauty of life and the beauty of God in our lives gives us the hope of: redemption recovery restoration   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.