Lost or Found

Join us today, as Pam Tuosto is here to talk about Divorce care! Coping with a breakup or divorce can be intensely painful and many different emotions show up throughout the process of divorce: sadness, anger, fear, guilt, shame, relief, contentment, happiness, and joy. Most people will tell you that separation and divorce are the most painful and stressful experiences they've ever faced. It's a confusing time when you feel isolated, and have many questions about issues you've never faced.  DivorceCare Groups meet weekly for 13 weeks to help you face these challenges and move toward rebuilding your life. It is also offered locally in our community as well, at Twin Lakes Church, Santa Cruz, CA. And Pam is here to talk about it!

On today’s episode- I’m joined by my friends Oriana Gliessman and Carla Roa- as we ask each other hard questions and tough silly questions.  Join us as we get frank, laugh, and spill some of our beans.  For growth of course!

Back from our summer break, and today we start off with this touching episode with Tim Erwin! I've admired Tim Erwin for a long time now, as our boys are the same age, and over the years, I've had the chance to observe his undeniable connection with his son. Sometimes I wonder if it is more common to have a mom who is more present in her child's life. But since Bryson has been born, it really has been Bryson and his dad. And well, they share pure love.  Join us today, as we talk to Bryson's dad about what his journey has been like as a single dad. This interview will make you laugh, melt your heart, and perhaps believe in our humanity a little bit more. When we think about things, we can better things.

On today’s show, I will be sharing with you a chapter from my book, Untangling. It’s about my daughter Rose. I wrote it because oftentimes we honor people and their lives when they’re gone, but I wanted to honor her life because she is alive. Her impact on my life knows no bounds. When I see her, I rethink the patterns learned in my life, I think about my pain and what kind of parent I want to be, and the person that I am. We will be taking a short break for the summer.  Lost or Found podcast will resume after Labor day.  Have a great summer, and I hope that you get to enjoy some moments of time! Take Care of yourself!

Hello, Happy summer, and welcome back to the show! We have an interesting show today as Dr. Toni Liu is here to share her story. She brings up developing a harsh, high-achieving inner critic, which became associated with emptiness, confusion, guilt, and shame, as she learns to honor herself, to find out who she truly is.  Dr. Toni Liu is a nomadic cartoonist, ex-gynecologist, relationship coach, sex educator, podcaster, and advocate from Asian mental health. Check out her website drtooni.com and her book, “Why You No Doctor Anymore?!”

Join us on this episode as my friend Oriana Gliessman asks ME questions about my book, "Untangling: Liberating Myself from an Enmeshed Family and Impossible Medical Career." My book came out last week! Find it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. We may have looked like hell recording this interview, but isn't that the first sign of friendship? Oriana comes clean and states that she errrr, she doesn't generally like self-help books nor memoirs. I had no idea. But she therefore may be the perfect person with whom to review the book. She's going to be real. I've also been feeling vulnerable about the book's release, and, quite frankly, a little afraid. Join us as we of course laugh, talk about vaginas, and my vulnerabilities, as I choose to less afraid. My book starts off with my midlife crisis when I acknowledge the harsh realities of corporate medicine and don't like the person that I'm becoming. Starting the podcast and learning about what health and wellness really entails has been a journey, as I also ended up exploring the deep wounds of generational trauma. My own wounds that I've carried. But letting go of everything that I thought was important helped me to see the patterns in my own life, within my family of origin, and in my career. I choose my life. And, of course, let's be honest, I'm not going to write a book without cursing, mentioning bowel movements, and laughing. This is not your typical doctor book.

Generational trauma is trauma that extends from one generation to the next and can sometimes include cultural trauma. Cultural trauma begins when a group experiences a traumatic event that causes economic, cultural, and familial distress.  In response, people belonging to that group develop physical or psychological symptoms.   Today, we have Jordan Thorpe on the show to get the conversation started on cultural trauma, as he brings up his Native American heritage and the ethnic cleansing that occurred in America's past. The marginalization and violence imposed upon Native Americans is unfortunately one of many aspects of American history where populations have been suppressed and demoralized. Our legacy of injustice has created populations of very hurt people, such that they've carried the pain and anger for generations. But is the answer "an eye for an eye?" Or are there other ways in which we can heal our past wounds with compassion and understanding, and remember fully- so that we stop repeating past mistakes- and don't become like "them." Jordan Thorpe is a Santa Cruz native and entrepreneur, is a dedicated Real Estate Broker known for his local expertise and client-focused approach. Outside of work, he treasures spending quality time with his family, indulging in his passion for cooking, and diving into captivating books, embodying a balanced lifestyle of professional success and personal fulfillment.

The reality of having a teenager in the household has hit us hard, and to be honest with you, I feel like I am practicing restraint by not automatically being an ass back. I thought my daughter was gonna cause me more problems because she’s a girl, but I have to say, my teenage boy is much more irritating that I anticipated.  You see the surges of testosterone in his behavior, and I realize it’s hard to maneuver something new, but man, I often remind him to check himself.  Cute during certain moments, a raging maniac others, and then always horney.  O, M, God.   Here today to help us is the amazing Colleen Murphy! She is a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator as well as Parent Coach, and now teaching parenting classes and workshops at the Live Oak Family Resource center,  You can find her at fromtheheadtotheheart.com.

We are doing it!  Today on the podcast, we are discussing difficult moms. One of the ways in which I've been able to find purpose in, and add some reason to, my difficult relationship with my mom has been by talking with others with less than idyllic mom relationships. The mother-child relationship is a difficult one to begin with, don’t you think?  And sometimes, it can be even more messed up!?!  And I like speaking with my friend, Dr. Esther An, because well, we are both mostly past the angry phase and we see the relationship for what it is, as women, as daughters, and as moms. Let’s breathe together. Dr. Esther An was born and raised in Cincinnati, Ohio, and she still considers herself a Midwest person at heart.  She moved out to California in 2006 and has been enjoying the sun and fun ever since.  She is a Pediatric Critical care doctor here in Northern California and she is married with one child and two quirky cats.

Hello friends! For this episode I'm going to share the first two chapters of my upcoming book Untangling: Liberating Myself from an Enmeshed Family and Impossible Medical Career.  It's really been a long ass journey, but I'm still standing! And I'm super excited that this book is close! And if you're enjoying the podcast, don't forget to rate the podcast, however you get your podcasts! I had been working as a doctor for almost 15 years when I had a full blown midlife crisis. I was supposed to have reached the promise land of success, and yet I found myself so unhappy, angry, and becoming someone that I was not. And then I threw it all away to become a podcaster. It was during this time that I thought about the reoccurring pattern in my life. I was enmeshed. At my corporate medicine job, I smiled, never complained about the increasingly impossible workload, didn’t cause any problems, and was becoming the kind of doctor I never wanted to be.  But my enmeshment didn’t start at work, I also had been enmeshed with my family of origin. Enmeshment happens when parents are unable to see their children as separate entities, when being “too close” can lead to a form of trauma. So much of my energy as a child was spent on making my dysfunctional parents feel better, being the only friend to my mentally struggling mother. I became a doctor for their approval! And for too long, I did not have a strong sense of who I was.  And well, like Humpty Dumpty on the wall, I fell hard but I decided to look at all the pieces.

Today, we talk about generational trauma with Ken Robins! Dr. Bruce Lipton, the author of The Biology of Belief, notes that we are programmed to live a certain way by those who take care of us. In turn, this affects how we live, a lifestyle we may not have knowingly chosen for ourselves. Glennon Doyle, in her book Untamed, calls it an unnecessary burden that is passed on. Some people call this family karma or family patterns. Others call it generational trauma. Because of the issues of the parents, siblings, or generational forefathers, there’s a certain energetic pattern that develops within the family at large as pain continues to get passed on. It’s remarkable how this traumatic bundle is unknowingly passed down for lifetimes. It could have started with one person, but others subsequently continue to follow the pattern and forget its origin. We are still connected to past generations and generations of people we never knew through dysfunction. Really kind of crazy if you think about it. Not only are we physically related to our distant and immediate family members, but we can still be living with their learned patterns and pain.  What sucked in their lives could be what sucks in our lives.  Ken Robins was born on 9/11/1944 during a bombing raid in London and grew up in extreme poverty and violence and has been seeking the safety and healing of healthy relationships ever since. He is fascinated by the potential for suffering to become a blessing and specializes in the healing of trauma and the promotion of ”safe attachment” in intimate partnerships. Ken was a group, couples and individual process leader at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur for 30 years and continues his private practice in Carmel Valley California.

Moral injury exists in the practice of medicine, and it's not discussed.  It was originally coined by a psychiatrist to describe the wounds that form when a person's sense of what is right is betrayed by leaders of high status. Whether or not we think about it, we all hold a moral compass and sometimes we see this being jeopardized by what we partake in, witness, or fail to prevent. This is especially true in the practice of medicine, as people's health and lives are at stake. Some doctors call it burnout, and some may really be burned out, but unfortunately in medical practice, it's not just the doctor's problem. As healthcare has become corporatized, and the majority of doctors work for corporate, there is a bigger problem at large. When Dr. Wendy Dean noticed that the rate of suicide in doctors were higher than active military members, she surveyed docs to see how they were doing.  And she found that many were not unhappy due to burnout and working too hard, but because the healthcare system made it so difficult for them to care for their patients.  If you know a doctor or nurse, if you are a doctor or nurse, if you know a doctor who committed suicide, if you are a little or a lot unhappy, please consider listening to this episode. You may realize that you are not alone.  And, unfortunately, it's a topic that doctors cannot openly talk about at work. They're still calling it Burnout.  Dr. Tara Sood is a seasoned physician holding dual board certifications in Emergency Medicine and Lifestyle Medicine, boasting 18 years of experience in high-volume Emergency Departments. Complementing her clinical work, Dr. Sood extends her passion for healing to international humanitarian aid. With 7 years of hands-on experience in disaster relief and refugee care, she serves as a technical consultant for the International Medical Corps (IMC), leveraging her skills to enhance healthcare access for vulnerable communities worldwide. Outside of her medical practice, she finds joy in fostering dogs from a local rescue organization. Specializing in rehabilitating psychologically withdrawn dogs who have endured abuse and neglect, she provides them with care and attention, helping them heal and rebuild trust in humans.

Hello!  Welcome to the first episode of Lost or Found podcast for 2024!  It's been a minute and I hope that you all know that I've really missed talking, learning, and laughing on air. I had a lot to focus on, including working on my upcoming book, Untangling, as I still continue to work on it. I hope it will become something that many people can relate to, as I bring up untangling from what has brought me a lot of pain. As Martha Beck has said, "you can tell it's enlightenment because enlightenment always tastes of freedom. Not comfort. Not ease. Freedom." What a powerful statement! And on today's episode, I am happy to introduce Tai Kuncio to the show. Tai Kuncio is a chronic pain coach, who specializes in Pain Reprocessing Therapy - a ground-breaking new way to treat (not just manage) chronic pain and symptoms.   1.2 billion people on the planet suffer from chronic pain.  They go from doctor to doctor looking for answers, trying every treatment they can find without much success and are often left demoralized, depressed, and without hope.  Thanks to recent breakthroughs in neuroscience, researchers have gained a deeper understanding of chronic pain and how to treat it.  By working on where pain originates - in the brain - patients can significantly reduce or eliminate their symptoms and get their life back. You can find Tai at retrainyourchronicpain.com.

Alex Soto is back on the show to talk about his incredible work as a fitness and functional trainer, as well as the profound body work that he does for his clients. While many would be turned off by the idea of fitness training, as we are more prone to injury as we get older, it's important to actually feel strong in our bodies while also appropriately addressing the painful and weaker areas.  It's preventative and perhaps curative. Last week, Alex was on the show talking about his history with pain, as well as the emotional and physical pain that he sees in his clients.  On this week's episode, Alex begins to tell us what we can do.  Perhaps the most intuitive trainer I've ever met, I can't help but really know that he gets pain.  And well, I think there's so much that one can do to help you, if they get it.   Check this episode out if you have pain, or you've thought about the possibility of a physically, and perhaps emotionally stronger YOU! You can find Alex on instagram @alex2636 or you can email him at Ealexsoto85@gmail.com. Also, We will be taking a short break for about 6 weeks.  We’ll be back in the middle of September.  I’ll miss you, but I need some time to chill.  And don’t forget to check out some older episodes that interest you.  And don't forget to rate this podcast.  On Apple podcast, you have to scroll to the bottom of the page of episodes- to see the 5 stars. For Spotify, the rating is usually at the top. Have a wonderful rest of your summer.  And be kind to yourself.  Because, if not for YOU, where would you be?  And I thank you.  I also wanted to thank Katherine Hallissy Ayala, my beloved Webdesigner, you can find her at CodeByKatherine.com, and Will Mitchell, my beloved Sound producer, who makes everything sound easy and definitely Ups my game- you can find him at hands-on-sound.net.

Alex Soto is on the show to talk about his journey into understanding the pain that people carry in their bodies.  He is a physical trainer and functional trainer, and does excellent body work, such that his clients, once they find him, stay with him, and continue to work with him as they find themselves getting stronger in their bodies.  His mission is to decrease acute and chronic physical pain. I find him super interesting because you can tell he has an intuitiveness when he works with his clients, and I think that intuitiveness oftentimes comes from one's understanding pain, to be able to understand someone else’s pain so well.  And today is about his journey into understanding. You can find Alex on instagram @alex2636 and you can email him at Ealexsoto85@gmail.com.

Okay, so I'm going to do something different this week.  Today's episode is all me.  I feel like it's a pivotal moment in my life, considering I still carry that super shy person inside of me.  I'm excited, a little scared, and well, Why not?? I’ve been mentioning in the last few episodes the imaginary letter that I wrote on behalf of my mother- by me, for me, to me.  And it originally started off as a monologue way-back-when on episode 50, as I delved deeper to include it in my upcoming book.   On last week’s interview, I became especially interested in something that Dr. Chris Fahrenbach said.  We were discussing Jennette McCurdy’s book, I’m Glad My Mother Died, and we were talking about how enmeshment- when parents are overly reliant on their children for support- can lead to emotional trauma. I asked her towards the end of the interview, how do we HEAL from enmeshment?  And she brought up differentiation - to essentially separate yourself from the destructive environmental influences. In order for us to live our own lives and fulfill our own destinies, we must differentiate ourselves from destructive family and societal influences.  Differentiating from negative influences and identities from our past allows us to become who we truly are, rather than following a prescribed identity from either our family or our society.   So friends,this letter has become a part of my process of differentiation from my pain. With this letter, I can understand my pain, and I can understand my mother's pain. I don't have to hate her, nor do I have to like her. I can see things clearly. I choose my own future. I present to you a chapter from my book. My Imagined Letter. By Me, For Me, To Me

Today we discuss Enmeshment based on Jennette McCurdy’s bestselling book I’m Glad My Mom Died.  What can happen when perhaps...you’re too close. When you think of childhood emotional trauma, one might think of neglect, but the opposite, being “too” close can lead to enmeshment trauma.  A child can become the “parentified child”, where the child takes on caring for the parent’s emotional needs, such that their parents’ lives center around theirs, they are their parent’s best friend, their parent’s self worth is hinged on their child’s success, and they are guilted when they want less contact. And enmeshment trauma can manifest as being afraid of conflict, difficulty in relationships, low self-esteem while deeply relying on approval of parents, and lack of self identity such that they do everything to keep others happy and “please” them.  Does this sound like anyone you know?  Unfortunately, I wonder if this is more common than not. And who better to discuss this with, than our favorite clinical psychologist Dr. Chris Fahrenbach.  She’s been on the show in the past, and I just LOVE her.   And if you’re loving the podcast, don’t forget to give us a great rating, write us a review however you listen to podcasts, and send a favorite episode to your friends.

It's true that plant based lifestyles reduce the risk of heart disease, metabolic syndrome, diabetes, certain risks of cancer (specifically colon, breast, and prostate cancers), depression, and in older adults, decreased risk of frailty, along with better mental and physical function. Plant-based or plant-forward eating patterns focus on foods primarily from plants. This includes not only fruits and vegetables, but also nuts, seeds, oils, whole grains, legumes, and beans. It doesn't mean that you are vegetarian or vegan and never eat meat or dairy. Rather, you are proportionately choosing more of your foods from plant sources. Join us today as Crystal Robb is on the show to talk about plant based nutrition!  I think in order to make healthful changes into our lives, getting to the bottom of why this change benefits us leads to a habit that really becomes consistent.  And we’re not talking being a vegetarian, we’re talking about adding more vegetables and fruits to our diet.  It’s known that food is highly inflammatory, and why make the fires in our bodies worse? Join us as we talk about how to get started, and get inspiration for plant-based eating throughout the day! Crystal Robb has been actively working in the wellness community for over 10 years. She is a nutritionist, specializing in plant-based nutrition, culinary and sustainable agriculture. Crystal is also a registered yoga teacher, and professional surf instructor.  Crystal offers wellness consulting and coaching to inspire you to live your best life.  You can find her at crystalrobb.com

What if we all have something special within all of us, ready to be awakened, to be pulled out into our existence? Perhaps that is a fundamental truth that we continue to deny. You are already very special. But how do we start to really remember? Father Raniero is a Catholic monk from the New Camaldolese Hermitage in Big Sur and he is here to talk about our awakening and enlightenment.  He was one of my original interviewees when I first started, when we began the podcast talking about forgiveness on  Episode 2. And today, he returns to talk about Our Awakening, what he calls Our God within us, and all around us.  And we use the term God loosely, it could be our faith, whichever religion you practice, the universe, your light.  Your truest form. This conversation was very important and timely for me, because sometimes I also forget my light is there, dampening it. Father Raniero reminds us to never forget, to live with, and be guided by what is in all of us.  He begins by giving us a little homily, and check out the amazing conversation as we go at it.  And I really mean it, he is so insightful, speaks with joy always, and truly loving.  It was a conversation that I needed to hear at that very moment in time. On a side note, this is something that I've been noticing with truly spiritual people- it's like they remember and know the child-like Joy in life, and we can feel it. It's like, JUST CHILL. Like the Dalai Lama always seems like he's laughing or joyful. And if you like this interview - check out the other monks that I interviewed in the past: Cyprian Consiglio was in The Breadth of the Divine on ep 27 and Michael Fish was on the podcast in The Journey thru Life on episode 88. These monks are legit soul reaching, insightful, aiming for love at times what seems like a whole other level. Be inspired to live your best life! And don't forget to give us a great rating, send your fave episodes to your friends, and tell people about us! It helps so much, as this is a project of Love, as you advocate for your health and well being more.

Today, we're going to talk about our suffering.  We talk about suffering, because suffering has a lot of meaning for us. Yet a lot of times, we view our suffering as something to be ashamed of or to run away from.  Why does it seem like our initial response is to put our tears in a bottle? Could there be a purpose to our suffering? Does suffering just prove that we are real? How do we turn our pain into something that can help us? And who better to talk about our suffering with, than a practicing psychologist - especially Dr. Andre Decary!  And I’m so glad to welcome back one of my most fave psychologists, because he’s totally a safe place in which to discuss something that’s painful and scary...as we continue to make sense of it. And for sure, Andre Decary has certainly led a very interesting life- he was a monk in the Hindu tradition, survived a near death experience, specialized in trauma, and is in private psychotherapy practice in Berkeley, CA.  He states that he was wounded and had managed his wounds well until a breakdown in the Himalayas, which brought him to the field of psychology.  It was the beginning of his introspection into himself, as he now helps others.