Love and Abuse
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Helping you identify toxic communication, emotional abuse, manipulation, and other forms of bad behavior in relationships. Love and Abuse gives you the perspective of both the victim and the perpetrator. Full of tips and advice for your friendships, family, love life, and marriage.
You'll learn about covert abusive communication that takes away your power. And you'll discover how to pinpoint the specific toxic behaviors, such as narcissistic abuse and verbal abuse, before you are dragged into a game so deep you come out a shell of your former self.
Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook, an assessment and healing guide to help you evaluate the emotionally abusive and manipulative patterns in your relationship. Get the guide that will tell you exactly what's happening in your relationship over at loveandabuse.com.
Transcripts available upon request: https://loveandabuse.com/contact/
You'll learn about covert abusive communication that takes away your power. And you'll discover how to pinpoint the specific toxic behaviors, such as narcissistic abuse and verbal abuse, before you are dragged into a game so deep you come out a shell of your former self.
Love and Abuse is the official podcast of The M.E.A.N. Workbook, an assessment and healing guide to help you evaluate the emotionally abusive and manipulative patterns in your relationship. Get the guide that will tell you exactly what's happening in your relationship over at loveandabuse.com.
Transcripts available upon request: https://loveandabuse.com/contact/
125 Episodes
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When the emotional abuser apologizes and tries to make amends with their ex-partner after they've done a lot of personal growth and development, should they expect a response from their ex? Is that expecting too much? Or is it time for all to move on and start anew?
1You give, you adapt, and you change who you are almost to your very core... to what end? When you are overly compassionate to others, you might actually be taking away from yourself. This is as harmful to your mind as a lack of sleep is to your body.
Victims of emotional abuse can experience physical pain from all the trauma, potentially leading to increased tolerance and resilience of harm. They can gradually lose their identity due to the abuser’s actions, becoming a shell of their former selves.
Some emotionally abusive people don't change, no matter how much the victim of their hurtful behavior changes for them. Is there ever a point where they will be the person you want them to be? Or does anything you do really matter at all?
There's a clever manipulation that can happen in some emotionally abusive relationships. It starts with superficial kindness and vague promises and leads to blameshifting and avoiding true accountability. This very subtle form of gaslighting will drive you crazy. I'll share with you how to spot it.
When you reach your breaking point with someone, you might make the decision to leave. During that time, you can regain your confidence and feel your power again. You might even decide to give the relationship a second chance, knowing that if you see any warning signs, you can address them right away. That is until you are once again coerced into staying in a situation that seems destined to go down the exact same path as before. Now what?
Sometimes, you can't see the red flags before you're hurt. Emotional abuse can be like an infection that enters your body. You may not know it's there until a lot of time has passed, and you've invested a lot into the relationship. In this episode, I share how emotional abuse acts like an infection entering your body and mind and help you understand the environment in which such an emotional infection thrives.
It can be hard to draw a line in a toxic relationship. Don't make your emotional resilience a prison of your own making. Your personal boundaries are there for a reason. Often, the only way things will change is if you do something because they won't
When the emotionally abusive person goes silent in order to make you feel guilty and give them the attention they want, do they have a deeper motive of self-preservation? When abusers use silence to control you, there's a lot going on under the hood. In this episode, I share my personal history of using the silent treatment to control the people I claimed to love.
Some people are so wrapped up in their need to control you that they completely overlook your worth and importance. They can be so busy keeping you focused on yourself and everything you're doing "wrong," that you might actually start to believe what they're saying about you.
The emotionally abusive person can have a traumatic past. Their abusive behaviors can have an abusive origin. Is it better to help them address their past to stop their behaviors toward you? It's an important question that you should definitely want to know the answer to.
The victim of hurtful or emotionally abusive behavior has a threshold. When they reach that threshold, their heart can seal permanently, never letting the hurtful person back in again. In this episode, I help identify when your heart is sealed permanently. Before that happens, there's always a chance to repair a relationship that's been damaged. After that, however, the relationship may never get another chance.
The thought of breaking up or separating from a toxic person can be a difficult decision to make. But taking a break before a breakup can bring clarity and perspective in a problematic relationship, helping you rediscover something you lost and even help decide if you really want to make that difficult decision or take a different path.
The language you use to describe your relationship and how you're getting along with the other person says a lot. If you've ever wondered if you are the hurtful one or they are, the words you use can reveal just what role you play in the dynamic of an emotionally abusive relationship.
What would happen if you decided to write them a loving, supportive letter outlining all of their hurtful behaviors in hopes they'll read it and finally realize they need to change? Will it backfire on you? I talk about that in this episode.
The cycle of high ups and deep downs in a relationship is like being trapped in an emotional prison. There are moments of freedom and happiness, followed by a constant underlying fear or worry of being trapped again. The emotional prison is created by the manipulative and controlling behavior of the person who wants to keep the person in a disempowered state. This cycle of ups and downs often forms a trauma bond, where the person seeks love and support from the same person who is causing them emotional harm.
Sometimes an abusive relationship changes into a non-abusive one. Sometimes the abusive person has an epiphany and stops the behavior. Often that happens when the other person reaches their breaking point, which may be too late. But if there's still love, there's a chance. The questions are, what are the chances that the healing emotional abuser will stop the behaviors? And can the relationship heal?
Why do people who claim to care about us hurt us when they see that we're suffering? Shouldn't our suffering be enough for them to stop the behaviors? It's one of the most common questions I receive: If they really love me, why do they hurt me?
Dealing with a hurtful person is often hard enough. When they have hurtful parents, however, it gets even harder. Especially when you thought you had a somewhat good relationship with them. When their parents can't see their own child being hurtful toward you, you may not get the compassion and support you're looking for.
Your religious or spiritual beliefs are supposed to help uplift and inspire you, not make you feel oppressed and exhausted. Religious abuse happens when people who claim to love you use your own beliefs against you to keep their power over you.
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Amazing podcast and delivery. Paul you're a gem.. can you pls let me know the web site hig mention for the "abuser" ?
your show has been an absolute game changer for me. Thank you so much for working on yourself, so that you are able to share such valuable information with the rest of us. I appreciate you Paul!
it was really great, Thanks a million ♡
useful:)))))
this is so spot on! what I'm experiencing this exactly right now! I just bought your workbook! can't wait to read it!
I appreciate that Paul is willing to share things from his past, like the emails he mentioned he wrote in 2005-2006, that show his vulnerability and human-ness (if that can be a word!). It brings me hope that I too can be rid of the toxicity I feel in myself from the many years of being in a toxic and manipulative relationship. This podcast is so insanely helpful, I cannot express enough gratitude to Paul!
my Young wife I gave her all love m attention n she uttered "u don't really love me this is all a show " broke my heart, I told her it's Untrue how can she neglect my efforts n sincerity. Now I m keeping distance not joking n making her laugh or any informal conversation, so she can realize the VALUE of what I was giving her before. it's been 1 week,.it is so painful to be doing this to my love but I have to so she understand VALUE of what she took for granted. I miss making her laugh, I always ignored her flaws out of love but this time it was direct attack on my sincerity. She is 24 what does she know about love? but a lesson has to be taught somehow for deterrence in future..hope I'm not mistaking..I'll give cold shoulder 2 weeks n then debrief n forgive her yet again, true love is sacrifice n education to the weakest link in relationship -Alan de botton
Paul, you always make me feel so much better about life and myself. You give me strength in times when I thought I had none left. I appreciate that you put yourself out there all in the name of helping others. I'm not sure if I would've ever found the strength to get out of the bad relationship I was in if I hadn't found your podcasts. I'm forever grateful! Excellent episode!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎
A wonderful and very helpful episode today, Paul! 👍 I recognise my past self and old relationships in some of the things that you covered today so it's good to see I have grown immensely since then.
Hi Paul, just wanted to let you know that I LOVE both of your podcasts and am very happy to have found you! ❤️❤️❤️👍👍👍 And to that person writing this letter: he sounds like a very jealous person to me... Greetings from Turkey & Germany 😊 Gülay
Another great episode packed with useful advice for anyone who deals with toxicity in relationships be they romantic or otherwise. ✌️
I did the hard job of leaving my 16 yr relationship with 4 children it hurts I thank you for this podcast
There's a lot of sound advice here especially for anyone who has dealt, or deals with, toxic interactions. This is something I wish I'd have discovered several years back if only to spare myself the wounds gained from toxic people. But you live, you learn.
Thank you for your insights today. I learned a lot 👍
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on such a sensitive issue. The tips today will help me identify when I'm being gaslit and also when I'm doing the gaslighting so I can break away from the people and habits causing it.
Thank you so so much for your wisdom today, Paul! 👍 I have been following your Overwhelmed Brain podcast for a while now and really felt that I would benefit from this one too as I've experienced my fair share of toxicity in relationships and am still healing today.
thx for being transparent n showing how to bravely face criticism even though all of it was untrue. It teaches us some people suffering may pass on their pain to others with these untrue hurtful comments. Its such a wrong way to cope with personal problems. You cant find some1 more polite, friendly & decent as paul here n its for free. Therapist/psychologists charge arm n leg for this n Here mr. paul is taking time out of his life to contribute n making conscious effort to ease pain n suffer of people with effective sound advice n sharing valuable experience. imagine a teenager listening in n learning the ups n downs of relationships. Purely valuable, imho. To the complainer, i forgive you for failing to hurt a decent human being. May god ease your suffering for you are obviously suffering.
Don't feed the trolls. You are doing a great job. I learned so much from you. I've had therapist with a PHD and it was horrible. Thanks so much for helping me mentally. I finally left this emotionally abusive after 15 years.... After I started listening to you. I know it was long overdue. Thank you so much.
my prblm is my wife is young23 n stubborn n does not want to learn anything. i want her to learn n become better person. she is oblivious about life..naivwe n she just wastes time entertain herself 24 - 7 on tiktok or youtube. so i m wanting her to change n become responsible so we can grow family n move fwd..
can you do something on co-parenting with your abusive ex?