Loving Parenting

The Grand Finale! This final episode presents a summary of the topics and takeaways from all of the episodes of the Loving Parenting podcast. Each topic is referenced to a particular episode number, so that you can easily find and listen to the episode that discusses that topic in more depth. Thank you, dear listener, for listening to the episodes that I have presented. May G-d very soon have mercy on all of us, and show us His kindness in a pleasant way, as the verse says (Psalms 31:8), “I will exult and rejoice in Your kindness; that You have seen my affliction, You have known of the troubles of my soul.” All the best to you and your family. 

It is tragic for parents when a child blocks them from communicating with their child. How can you deal with this? Although you cannot control the situation, you can control your attitude. Begin with acceptance of the situation. Then, think of what you could do, if anything, to improve the situation. Finally, learn to feel empathy for your child - this episode gives ideas on how to do that, drawn from an excellent article at this website: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/estranged-from-your-adult-child-5-things-you-can-do/ Feeling empathy for your child can reduce your pain, and lead to greater understanding on your part. 

What if you've followed all the good advice that you've gotten from this podcast and from counselors that you've consulted, and you still don't see any improvement in your relationship with your child? You might feel that your efforts are futile, but consider this: Your child might actually feel positively toward your efforts, but may not show it, especially if he lives far away from you. In any case, the love you feel for your child, when you keep acting loving toward her even though you see no results -- that is a pure and true love. It is an admirable and exemplary love, a selfless love that has no expectation of return on investment. 

Jealousy of other parents' children is something you might feel when you hear other parents bragging about their children, and you feel that your child doesn't measure up to the other parents' standards. To overcome these feelings of jealousy, (a) Realize that these parents may be exaggerating their children's good qualities, (b) Be very proud of yourself for the efforts that you've made to deeply and unconditionally love your child, and (c) Contemplate the very fine qualities that your child certainly has, and feel very proud of your child for having these qualities. If one of these parents says to you, “I’m so thankful that my child is ...”, you can reply, “I’m so thankful that I have discovered such a deep love for my child.” You truly do have much to be thankful for! 

If your child blames you for poorly parenting him, you should empathize with him as much as you can. But you also have to evaluate what he is saying. On one hand, you sincerely made your best effort to parent your child in the best way that you knew how. On the other hand, you apparently did cause some lasting emotional harm to your child. How can you evaluate your contribution to this situation? Are you innocent or guilty, or both? The Torah provides guidance on how a person who killed another by accident should be dealt with. The case of the sincere parent is similar and analogous to the case of the accidental killer. This episode examines the analogy in detail and describes actions, derived from this analogy, that the parent can take to rectify the situation to the degree possible. Link to King Menashe's prayer (which is referred to in this episode):  https://www.sefaria.org/Prayer_of_Manasseh.1?lang=bi