Middle Man

When Middle Man was conceived earlier this year it was with a hunch that if I felt the way I did in midlife, then other men must be feeling the same way. Little did I know that quite so many men were feeling quite so disconnected, frustrated and alone. This week’s episode provides some tips on using the holiday season to put yourself in the best possible place for positive change in 2025, and it also revisits those first couple of episodes to look at how things have progressed since then, both for me and for Middle Man’s listeners. I’m sharing a little more about the ups and downs of my own journey out of the midlife funk I talked about back in the summer. And I’m re-introducing three guests who have featured on the show before: Andrew Waddell, Daniel Glyde and Nick Edgar. Each offers advice for using the holiday period to set positive goals for next year, providing valuable strategies, from writing a future self letter to engaging in physical activity and having meaningful conversations. If you’ve found Middle Man insightful or interesting or helpful, you can support the show at www.ko-fi.com/middlemanpodcast You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-reflection-rest-rediscovery I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Shifting dynamics around masculinity have meant that it has come under fire in recent years, largely due to the unrepresentative viewpoints of an extremely vocal minority of outspoken public figures. But there are also those out there seeking to redefine modern masculinity in positive terms and to help men to navigate life’s complexities with authenticity and accountability. Tom Stroud appeared on the Netflix show ‘Love is Blind UK’ in the summer, and has since chosen to use the platform he’s been given to challenge perceptions of modern masculinity rather than pursuing brand deals. This week Paul talks candidly to Tom about his personal journey, including the impact of his childhood and recent spells of introspection, and about why he feels a passion for helping men to improve their relationships and their mental health. Tom shares insights into the challenges men face in embracing vulnerability and self-awareness, highlighting the importance of redefining traditional gender roles and expectations. And he emphasises the importance of men understanding themselves and their roles, advocating for a balanced approach to gender equality. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-midlife-stories-tom-stroud I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com If you enjoy this episode you can support the podcast by buying me a coffee at Ko-Fi

Many men report feeling ‘stuck’ in midlife. Trapped in their lives, no matter how ‘successful’ they may be, with no idea how to change their circumstances and lead lives that are more rewarding and fulfilling. But by exploring emotions, behaviours and values with curiosity rather than judgement, things can change fast. This week Paul talks to Nick Edgar about self leadership, and about the value of self awareness and emotional agility. While the path to self-leadership may seem at first to be a somewhat alien concept and therefore, feel daunting, meaningful change begins with small, consistent steps toward curiosity and compassion, rather than huge life changes. Offering a roadmap for men seeking to reclaim their identity, purpose, and fulfilment, Nick also introduces the concept of self-soothing behaviours, and discusses how to identify these patterns and understand their root causes. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-self-leadership I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Shame is an incredibly powerful and complex emotion that is often overlooked in the therapeutic environment. But particularly during midlife, unresolved shame could be one of the biggest emotional instigators of what is referred to as the midlife crisis. This week Paul talks to Rob Etherson, co-creator of Shame Containment Theory, about the concept of shame and about how and why it may negatively impact men in midlife. Rob explains how shame contributes heavily to the feeling of unworthiness that many midlife men report, resulting in an emotional crisis of behaviour and mental wellbeing. Shame plays a central role in shaping our behaviours, relationships, and sense of worth, and left uncontained, the self judgement and criticism that can result from this can be extremely harmful. The need to understand and address shame to mitigate its impact on mental health and behaviour is therefore incredibly important. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-shame-midlife-crisis I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Self doubt and lack of confidence plague many midlife men. It is among the most prevalent challenges men face as they transition into the second half of life, contributing to a sense of a lack of purpose, loneliness and poor mental wellbeing. This week Paul talks to Simon Burgess, the host of Life’s Second Act, who shares his journey of rediscovering purpose and meaning while navigating self-doubt, and explains how speaking with others on his podcast has broadened his understanding of what it means to embrace change. Simon reflects on how conversations with others have highlighted common themes, including the role of intuition, self-awareness, and the courage to make transformative life changes. He talks about how these individuals have often found meaning by stepping beyond self-limiting beliefs and embracing uncertainty but how, for him, the process of change is ongoing and challenging. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-midlife-stories-simon-burgess I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Long-term exposure to chronic stress can reduce life expectancy by anything from two to twenty years. It is estimated that one in nine UK adults feels stressed every single day, while three-quarters have felt overwhelmed or unable to cope at some point in the past year. This week Paul talks to stress expert Katie Maycock about the harsh realities of burnout and the impact it can have on the physical and mental health of midlife men. Katie takes Paul through the six stages of burnout, revealing how seemingly small behaviours can escalate rapidly from heightened productivity to full physical, mental and emotional shutdown. As well as sharing her own uniquely personal experiences, Katie also shares her proven three-pillar approach to building resilience and, for those beginning to feel the weight of burnout, Katie provides practical tips for daily self-awareness and simple, impactful routines to break the cycle before it escalates. This is a must-listen show for anyone seeking actionable strategies to manage stress, boost resilience, and improve overall wellbeing. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-stress-anxiety-burnout I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Many midlife men struggle with emotional pressures, feeling frustrated, lonely, stressed and lost. And they often feel unheard, reluctant or unable to speak up for fear of ridicule or rejection. But when it comes to self-help, there is a question that looms large: is there a lack of information for midlife men, or is it that they’re not interested in accessing it? In a bid to answer this discussion, Alice Kearney conducted research into what resources are available for midlife men and into what men’s feelings are about the topic. The results seemed to highlight that there’s a lack of interest in seeking help until such point as there is no other option. This is in contrast to women, who actively seek support. The research also highlighted a lack of midlife role models for men, a dearth of online communities despite an apparent willingness to embrace these, and the need for more information and support tailored to midlife men. Could it be that addressing this gap could help men better navigate midlife challenges before they reach breaking point? You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-why-men-help-themselves I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

A couple of years ago a trend called ‘the soft life’ started to emerge on the internet. But unlike most other internet trends, this one has particular relevance to midlife men, focusing as it does on emotional wellbeing and self-care. A strong advocate for the soft life is Dr Sarah Nicholls, an A&E doctor, burnout coach and YouTuber who embraced this way of living after experiencing her own spell of burnout. This week Paul talks to Sarah about living a life that reduces stress and instead priorities mental wellbeing, ease and personal fulfilment.  Sarah explains how adopting a soft life helped her manage anxiety and insomnia, and allows her to navigate stressful situations more calmly and productively. She talks about the value of making time for oneself and practising self-compassion, and about how adopting small daily habits can make a significant difference over time.  The conversation also addresses the need to recognise and address chronic stress, which can lead to a loss of identity and joy. And it discusses how living a soft life is about making mindful decisions to create a more balanced, joyful, and fulfilling existence. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-soft-life I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Adam Cranfield is typical of many midlife men in that he’s gone through most of the life events that society expects of a 48 year old man, such as marriage, children and jobs, but not without a growing sense of unease. Not least of this is the way that creating and maintaining meaningful connections has become much more of a challenge than it should be. This week Paul and Adam discuss the stereotypical male focus on needing an activity to bond, and why men struggle to organise and sustain deep relationships compared to women, who are generally better at maintaining social networks. Adam also talks about his own view of the workplace and about how workplace pressures and societal expectations can lead men to feel disconnected from their true selves, and about his role as a father in guiding his children to be more open. And he shares his experiences with therapy, both the benefits in navigating depression but also the drawbacks compared to the mutual support found in friendships. The conversation highlights the differences in how men and women form connections and the potential for men to learn from women’s openness and social dynamics. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-midlife-stories-adam-cranfield I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Poor mental health among men is a common and complex issue. It has many causes and, arguably, a serious lack of positive practical action to solve. But things are starting to change, albeit slowly, and there are some calling for society to support men's mental health more effectively. One such person is Katie Goodrum, founder of men’s underwear brand And Then. This week Paul talks to Katie about her mission, inspired by her partner's struggle during a long divorce, to encourage men to become the best versions of themselves and to break the stigma surrounding men’s mental health. The show explores the unique challenges men face, such as the pressure to conform to outdated stereotypes, the lack of support during crises, and the societal expectation to suppress emotions. It also discusses the struggles of modern parenthood and how to raise boys to be emotionally open and empathetic, despite the pressures to appear ‘tough.’ And it unpacks the importance of creating spaces for men to communicate and the need for society to normalise discussions around mental health. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-mens-mental-health I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Many midlife men have a problem with saying ‘yes’. In that they do it all the time out of habit, regardless of what’s best for them. They want to be seen as supportive in their professional or their family life and, though it comes from a good place, they end up overcommitting and never saying ‘no’ to anyone or anything.  Over time, this ‘people pleasing’ behaviour of consistently valuing others above yourself creates a disconnect between a man’s values and his actions that lowers his self-esteem and damages his mental health. This week Paul explores people pleasing with Daniel Glyde, a coach who works with men on bettering themselves. They discuss how people pleasing can stem from a deep-rooted sense of not being enough, and how setting appropriate boundaries can have a hugely positive impact on a man’s mindset.  The key to correcting people pleasing behaviour likely lies in building self-trust and taking a pause before responding to requests to ensure choices are based on personal priorities rather than obligations. Aligning actions with values leads to a healthier, more fulfilled life and improves overall life satisfaction. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-people-pleasing I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Lack of purpose is very often cited by men in midlife as a key driver of unhappiness and an area with which they really struggle. Many men’s sense of identity is often tied to their jobs or their family, and when these change or they lose the passion for their career or their relationships ends, it leaves a gaping hole. This week Paul talks to Dr Ed Rainbow, a GP who believes that making scientifically proven changes to your life to improve your sense of wellbeing can often be better than medicine. He highlights the importance of understanding personal values and of making small changes to shift from feeling stagnant to purposeful. And he talks about identifying what drives a man personally in order to align their lives better with their true selves.  The conversation stresses the need for men to take proactive steps to address their mental health and sense of purpose, and looks at how a newly identified purpose in midlife can have significant benefits both mentally and physically. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-purpose-wellbeing I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

In 2018 Caroline Roodhouse was bereaved by suicide. Over the past six years, she has struggled to come to terms with her husband Steve’s death and how it has affected her and her two young daughters. But she has also shown incredible strength. This week Caroline shares her personal journey of loss and healing. She tells Paul about the day Steve went missing and the subsequent two-day search, and describes how his sudden death left her in shock, leading to years of emotional turmoil, including anger, guilt, and severe struggles with her own mental health. She also recounts the impact of Steve’s death on their daughters, who have shown remarkable resilience in dealing with the stigma surrounding suicide. Caroline reflects on how societal expectations contribute to men’s mental health struggles, urging men to reject these pressures and focus on the people who love them. And she stresses the importance of living in the present, finding strength in family, and embracing moments of hope amidst tragedy. Through her writing and public speaking, Caroline hopes to raise awareness about the devastating effects of suicide and to encourage others to seek help. She has now written a book, Daddy Blackbird, which is available on Amazon. If you, or anyone around you, is affected by this episode, you can contact the Samaritans on 116 123 or text "SHOUT" to 85258. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-midlife-stories-caroline-roodhouse I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

One man dies by suicide every two hours in England and Wales, and the rate among men in their 40s and 50s is especially high. At a time when mens’ roles are changing so rapidly, cultural pressure for men to appear strong is unhelpful, and societal expectations of men, particularly stigma around vulnerability, prevent many from seeking help. This week Paul talks to Mike Flynn, a facilitator at Andy’s Man Club, a UK-based charity aimed at suicide prevention. Mike openly shares his personal experiences of mental health, including anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, and emphasises the importance of early intervention, encouraging men to reach out for support before hitting crisis point. Andy’s Man Club is founded on the premise that it’s okay to talk about mental health issues and to seek help. It provides a safe and non-judgemental space for men to share their feelings, with the aim of helping men well before they reach the stage of suicidal ideation. If you, or anyone around you, is affected by this episode, you can contact the Samaritans on 116 123 or text "SHOUT" to 85258. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-male-suicide-crisis I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Changing career in middle age is perceived by many to be incredibly challenging and even unwise. Societal expectations often shape our perceptions of success, leading some midlife men to feel trapped in careers they no longer enjoy. They become disengaged and unfulfilled, and unsure of how to make any sort of change. But it needn’t be this way. This week Paul talks to career coach Laura Allen, about navigating a midlife career transition. They look at the importance of aligning work with personal values and goals, and address common issues like burnout and the sunk cost fallacy.  They look at some of the constraints around changing careers, such as financial commitments, and talk about finding fulfilment through both career pivots and passion projects. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-change-career I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

In one of the most striking midlife career pivots you’ll hear about, Dirk Singer went from a 20 year career owning and running PR and social media agencies to become an expert in sustainable aviation. This week Paul uncovers the whys and hows of Dirk’s story. They talk about how Dirk lost his passion for the digital marketing industry and how he then made the pivot to climate tech. And they also discuss the challenges and rewards of such as transition, the importance of continuous learning, and the challenges of overcoming age prejudice and the notion that people in their 50s can’t learn new skills or change careers. The show also touches on areas as diverse as the financial and other demands on Dirk as he cares for his disabled son, the fact that retirement should now be on the horizon, and the importance of purpose and optimism in maintaining professional fulfilment and personal growth. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-midlife-stories-dirk-singer I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Midlife men often experience discontent and dissatisfaction, and it's important to take action to redesign this phase of life to maximise the future. Prioritising self-care, trying new things, and aligning personal growth with fun and momentum is an important step in this process. This week Paul talks to midlife coach, author and podcaster Greg Scheinman about the challenges that men face in taking back control over their time, and about why this is not selfish but instead essential for showing up better in all aspects of life. They discuss the importance of reframing perspective to find happiness and fulfilment, with an emphasis on being willing to try new things, embracing curiosity and making conscious choices in order to rediscover the fun in life. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-fun I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Some of the big challenges faced by midlife men are triggered by a creeping awareness of time passing and a desire to reclaim control over one's life. Awareness of our own mortality, normally prompted by the death of a parent or another loved one, can be confusing and daunting, whether consciously or subconsciously. Self awareness and acknowledgement of these feelings is critical when it comes to navigating this challenge. This week Paul talks to leadership coach Andrew Waddell about facing and embracing our mortality with a view to living a purposeful and rich second half of life. The discussion touches on societal taboos and attitudes around death, and highlights the importance of expressing emotions and seeking emotional support whether through friends, family, or professionals regardless of outdated expectations about a lack of open dialogue about feelings. By shifting our mindset, and being willing to confront difficult emotions, we can move from a place of feeling lost to one of possibility and fulfilment. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-facing-mortality I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Many midlife men feel trapped by societal expectations and the lives they've designed for themselves, leading to dissatisfaction with life and a loss of identity. But it doesn’t need to be this way. This week Paul and his special guest, author and midlife coach Dan Stanley, discuss the challenges of midlife crises and share personal experiences of self-discovery. They look at the importance of self-awareness and shedding masks to reveal one's true identity while living intentionally. Redefining success beyond external achievements and finding a safe space to express oneself without judgement are important considerations in midlife. And for men especially, the ability to engage in honest conversations, challenge outdated patriarchal models, and embrace a more compassionate and empathetic form of masculinity can lead to more purposeful and content lives. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-trapped-by-life I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com

Midlife men face many challenges, not least of which are emotional struggles and the stigma associated with being middle aged. We frequently feel disconnected, frustrated and lonely due to societal pressures to suppress our emotions. This period, marked by low life satisfaction, peaks in our late 40s, when divorce rates and suicide rates are also at their highest. This week Paul introduces three coaches to provide insights on navigating midlife; Dan Stanley, Greg Scheinman and Andrew Waddell. Together they talk about the inevitability of midlife reflection, discuss the common "is this it?" moment, and reveal the mindsets of those who thrive in midlife and those who struggle. As well as providing information on midlife transitions, the show encourages proactive planning and self-awareness. It stresses the importance of alignment in life, making conscious choices, and shifting mindsets to focus on meaningful experiences. By understanding and addressing these challenges, men can be more fulfilled and joyful in the second half of their lives. You can read the full transcript for this episode at www.middlemanpodcast.com/transcript-midlife-crash-course I'd love to hear about your experiences, so if you'd like to get in touch email me at paul@middlemanpodcast.com and let me know what's on your mind or sign up to the newsletter at www.middlemanpodcast.com