Mistakes Were Made

Has a relationship ever made you feel like a scared little kid? You might be resurfacing trauma from an earlier life stage. In the Season 5 premiere Sarah and Alex welcome spooky season with a deep dive into the many ways unexplored trauma could be what's messing up our relationships. Eek! 👻👻👻 Mentioned in the episode:  Erikson's Stages of Development | True adolescence disrupted by Queer phobic context | Performative Male | Extended Adolescence | Parts Work | Dr. Gabor Maté | DARVO | SCFRE Follow us: mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

What are my boundaries? What are my needs? How do I share them with my partners? Sarah and Alex try to understand the differences between rules and boundaries, needs and desires. Mentioned in the episode:  Glitter & Greed: The Lisa Frank Story mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links.

Hollywood made a movie about open relationships (sort of). We watched it so you don't have to! Mentioned in the episode:  Splitsville | Together | Together's free couples therapy gimmick |  mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Sarah and Jessica are fasting this week, so we're sharing an episode that first aired in the spring of 2024. Is polyamory inherently apolitical? Is it just an excuse for rich people to avoid thinking about climate change? Did Sarah accidentally make out with a Trump supporter at the ferry dock??? Tune in to find out!  Mentioned in the episode:  Parents Fast for Gaza | @parentsfast4gaza on instagram | @stute on instagram | The Atlantic - Polyamory, the Ruling Class's Latest Fad | Time Magazine - Polyamory isn't just for liberals: The Surprising Political Evolution of American Polyamory | More: A Memoir of Open Marriage | Stranger in a Strange Land   mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links.

Sarah and Alex talk with therapist and 'Crush Coach' (it's not what you think), Calvin Burnap, about mindfulness, queerness and the gift of bad sex. Mentioned in the episode:  The Crush Coach | The Crush Coach on Instagram | All About Love | Esther Perel | The Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin | Jenny Hayo | Dan Savage  mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org LInks to bookshop.org are affiliate links.

Sarah and Alex unpack the mournful refrain: "if only I was into girls," and question whether modern relationships between men and women are fundamentally doomed. Mentioned in the episode: The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward | Midsommar (film) | The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood | If Hetero Relationships Are So Bad, Why Do Women Go Back For More? On The Cut mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!  

How does death, loss and grief impact our relationships? After a year filled with loss, Sarah and Alex talk to a trauma-informed spiritual care provider about the taboos around death, and what happens to our desire when people around us die.  Mentioned in the episode: Close to the Knives: A Memoir of Disintegration by David Wojnarowicz | Without: Poems by Donald Hall | Wayward Lives, Beautiful Experiments: Intimate Histories of Riotous Black Girls, Troublesome Women, and Queer Radicals by Saidiya Hartman mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!  

Are the same dynamics screwing up our relationships also hampering our social movements? Sarah and Alex talk to activist and law professor Dean Spade about the romance myth, capitalism and love in this f*cked up world. Mentioned in the episode: Love in a F*cked Up World | DeanSpade.net | The Death Panel | Movement Memos Also by Dean Spade: Mutual Aid | Normal Life: Administrative Violence, Critical Trans Politics, and the Limits of Law mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!  

Encore episode Romance: what does it mean?? Sarah, Alex and Jess talk about their favorite romantic movies on the hottest day of the year. And finally answer the question: what IS romance? Or, do they just come up with 5,000 new questions? Listen to the end to find out! This episode first aired in August 2024. Mentioned in the episode: Say Anything (Cameron Crowe, 1989) | The Graduate (Mike Nichols, 1967) | Wayne's World (Penelope Spheeris, 1992) | John Mahoney | Limerence on Wikipedia | In Your Eyes mistakescast@gmail.com | https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by eroyn franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Last episode we started to talk about race in dating, and tbh…mistakes were made. So this episode we're doubling down! Ramsey shares his experience dating as a Black polyamorous man in Seattle, offers advice for white people dating other races, and asks us "taboo" questions about our own experiences.   Mentioned in the episode: Pacific Northwest BIPOC Polyamory group TV Shows & Movies Recommended by Ramsey: Atlanta Insecure A Million Little Things Moonlight I Am MLK Jr. The Boondocks Kindred This is Us Season 1 Match's 2023 Singles in America Study Facebook - Free Emotional Labor Club mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

We had such an interesting side conversation with Reagan about her experience working with a dating coach that we had to make a bonus episode all about it. Mentioned in the episode: Still True Reagan Jackson Anwar White, Dating and Relationship Coach Get Your Guy Podcast with Anwar White mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org  Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!

Sarah and Alex's skeptical monogamous friend Reagan Jackson is back to grill them about sex, jealousy, and whether they're just dating other versions of each other over and over. Mentioned in the episode: Still True Reagan Jackson Sarah's interview in Psychology Today: Societal Implications of Consensual Non-Monogamy The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love. bell hooks Queer and Questioning Men of Seattle Meetup Group mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org  Links to bookshop.org are affiliate links. Any proceeds will support this podcast!  

Lissa joins the podcast to help us parse out the difference between polyamory and swinging. And Alex opens up about his not-so-hot sex party experience. Mentioned in the episode: https://seattle-inclusive-matchmaking.square.site/   Reach out to Lissa: weekdaypineapple@gmail.com  mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Sarah and Alex make sense of the election results by talking about developmental stages, anti-social behavior, and oh yeah and also polyamory. Mentioned in the episode: Voting patterns by income Thoughts vs Feelings Polywise Polysecure More about Kegan and "The Evolving Self"  Winnicott on the Psychology of Democracy More about Winnicott (and the ideas he stole from his wife) People with more privilege have less empathy mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Welcome to season 4 of Mistakes Were Made! Today we're asking: How much conflict should you expect in a healthy relationship? In this episode Sarah, Jessica and Alex explore how to fight better (rather than avoiding fights altogether) by understanding our internal patterns and reaction styles. Logo design by Roy Franklin: http://whateverfactory.org. Mentioned in the episode: The Waterline Model Talk to us: mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast  

Which fork should you use on a first polyamorous date? Do you have to let your partner be the little spoon all the time? We pondered these and other burning questions in the Finale episode of Season Three. Srsly though, here's the etiquette and advice we gathered for this episode, if you don't want to listen to 80 mins of our charming banter: Let your partners consent into information about your interactions with other partners (esp sexy stuff) Be careful of collecting too many partners/spreading yourself too thin.  Try not to over-curate yourself. Be authentically who you are and let partners meet you there. Everyone is tender. Treat them as human, not just means to the experiences you want.  Take responsibility for ending relationships when they aren't working anymore. Be kind but direct. Be honest up front about your capacity. Talk about the parameters of the relationship early and often. Make sure your partners know how 'out' as poly you are (so you don't embarass them when you run into acquaintances in public together). Seek deeper connections, rather than more; the relationships that you're yearning for might be the ones that you're already in. TikTokers we mentioned who you should follow:  @newtononmonogamy @polyphiliablog   mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by roy franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Romance: what does it mean?? Sarah, Alex and Jess talk about their favorite romantic movies on the hottest day of the year. And finally answer the question: what IS romance? Or, do they just come up with 5,000 new questions? Listen to the end to find out! Mentioned in the episode: Say Anything (Cameron Crowe, 1989) The Graduate (Mike Nichols, 1967) Wayne's World (Penelope Spheeris, 1992) John Mahoney Limerence on Wikipedia In Your Eyes mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/ Logo design by eroyn franklin: www.whateverfactory.org

Special live episode featuring some of our favorite mistakes. Recorded May 9, 2024 in Seattle, WA. Check out the slides from the live episode: https://www.mentimeter.com/app/presentation/n/alkskyvkpq54ehb844w3r2oejcjo4d6a/present  Evergreen hearts on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EvergreenHeartsOrg  Brand new logo by eroyn franklin! www.whateverfactory.org  mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

We finally get to learn about relationship anarchy. Hope you're hungry for a smorgasbord!  Maxx Hill, curator of the Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord, joins to talk about the infinite possibilities of how you can "customize your commitments" when you let go of societal expectations. Open the link and follow along! Mentioned in the episode: Relationship Anarchy Manifesto Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord [https://tinyurl.com/rasmorgasbord] Maxx Hill, @maxxhillcreates, on Instagram More about Mistakes Were Made: logo design by by eroyn franklin * mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/

Mentioned in the episode: The Atlantic - Polyamory, the Ruling Class's Latest Fad  Time Magazine - Polyamory isn't just for liberals: The Surprising Political Evolution of American Polyamory More: A Memoir of Open Marriage Stranger in a Strange Land Brand new logo by eroyn franklin! www.whateverfactory.org  mistakescast@gmail.com * https://www.instagram.com/mistakescast/