Claim OwnershipMotherhood Later in Life: Celebrating Our Joy!
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I began my journey into motherhood at the age of 40. I quickly discovered that starting motherhood later in life was a lonely place. The truth is that I had very little in common with other mothers who had children my girls’ age, and that has not changed over time. It was apparent that mothers in my situation need a place they can find honesty, a place where perfection is not required, a place where you don’t need to feel alone. If you were looking for that place, you have found it!
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I’m a woman of color in an interracial marriage. My mother passed for white because of her features. People often say that I couldn't possibly be her child. My own family also treated me differently. I've had lots of painful experiences because of racial discrimination. My daughters have very white features but they could still have babies that look like me. I have to show my children that despite the fact that some people feel that way about racial differences, there are a lot of people that do not.
What kind of mother do I really want to be? A mother that can lose her temper? A mother that nags? Kids can suck the nice out of you. It makes me feel a bit better about my kids because I know the way they’re behaving is normal. Gentle discipline isn’t always effective. I’m not their friend. I’m their mother, first and foremost. My job, as their mother, is to help them be the better version of themselves and to help create self-sufficient, happy adults that could contribute to society.
So, I got into the most interesting discussion with one of my friends. She knows that we attend church on a regular basis. And by daily, I mean two to three times a month. I would love to tell you that I’m dedicated and get up every Sunday, but unfortunately, that has never been me. Two to three times a month is about as regular as I seem to get. In any case, she wanted to discuss with me whether or not I should choose my children’s religion.
Most of our family traditions begin organically. For our girls, being the Buckeye lucky charms has been a tradition since they were 6 years old. But at its core, our real Buckeye tradition is to love dad. To love him and support him whenever we have the opportunity to do so, just as we do for everyone in our family -- we are always there for each other.
Through her peers, my daughter had to learn that society teaches women to tear each other down at an early age. It is important to change this culture by teaching our girls to lift each other up! We need to teach out sons that girls don't do things exclusively to attract them. This is a cultural misconception that hurts the relationship between both genders.
Since it's Christmas Eve, I would like to share with you a family tradition that we have. When my girls were young, I would read "It Was The Night Before Christmas" to them every Christmas Eve. Today, I'd like to read it for you. I hope you enjoy!
Ariana Grande's lack of responsibility and sense of entitlement has made the pitfall of not teaching our children self-accountability or responsibility. Children need to travel through the self-centered years that is adolescence. However, we should use their mistakes as teachable moments to help them become well-rounded adults.
My girls were exposed to musicals before they were four through Disney productions. I felt that although these were great, they were missing the extravagance of theater musicals. When we took them to see Mama Mia, they were hooked. We all were. We bonded over the songs and the movies over the years. It's wonderful to see my girls passionately appreciate this dying art and I'm really hoping that when they have their own families, they shouldn't have to convince them to see Mama Mia in the theater as we did.
Adopting new kids into our family is challenging, especially since they have already developed their unique individualities and the kids speak a different language than us. As a mom, I need to be patient, understanding and be the bridge to connect the social gap so they can get along. Getting along and learning a new language will come naturally when the kid is willing to do so. Adopted kids need to understand and accept their situations so they are willing to figure out how to get along.
This was the first Day of the Dead we had without my mother. I wanted to put up a shrine on her honor. As I struggled with this, realizations about my mother's own struggles in our relationship dawned in on me. While I felt that she didn't love me enough, it was her own way of saying that she loved me so much that she wanted for me to become the best version of myself. And as I'm raising my own children, I see my own struggles in them. I now understand how she had made me the best version of myself.
I am teaching my children to accept that disappointment happens to everyone.No one gets through life without disappointment, some are bigger than others.I want them to know that when you accept that perfection is impossible, they will be able to appreciate the good things in life.
It doesn’t matter how you became an older mom. Whatever your story, it’s your journey and has value because you have traveled that road. Never forget, you are a great mother in your perfect imperfection because you love your children and you do best you can by them. And, finally, however you got unto this crazy older mom journey, thank you for traveling this road with me.
This last year has been an interesting journey. I learned a lot about myself and I'm grateful to everyone who shared my journey with me. But I now find myself struggling between my family's needs and my endeavors. And if you've been listening to the podcasts or watching the vlogs for a while, you'd know that my family will always come first. So sadly, Older Moms' journey must come to an end.
After getting our child diagnosed with ADHD, the experts didn't really provide any directions for us. We find the support we expected from the school system, the community, or our pediatrician. Getting the resources to meet my child's needs was very difficult, so we learned to advocate for her. And the challenges didn't get easier with time—they were just different with time. But in spite of all these, I can't picture my life without my ADHD, OCD, Tourette's superhero!
The social component can be absolute hell for a child with an invisible condition or disability. People can be so cruel and unkind when they don't see another person's challenges. The key to helping your child find a space in society is to find an accepting social circle. Be with people who will be tolerant and accepting of their challenges and will appreciate their great qualities!
There's a lot of criticism on the issue of whether or not to medicate a child with ADHD making a challenging situation even more difficult. ADHD is different for every child, so it's not just a matter of finding the right medication—but also the right dose for your child. Over time, we learned that a combination of minimal medication and behavioral therapy worked for us.
We knew that Andy was probably going to have ADHD since the day she was in the NICU, but we were told was that children could not be diagnosed with ADHD until they turned six. When we were finally able to have her tested, it took three days for specialists to confirm what we knew all along—my child had ADHD.
The main focus of my middle years is to continue to have a purpose in my life: make some changes in my habits, enjoy my age without fear of the future, and continue to find a way to contribute to my community. I'm giving myself permission to be me. I really want to be present. Often, we don't take the time to breathe in and enjoy the moment. Yes, we live the moment. Yes, we participate in it. But we don't take a moment to savor it. And I plan on doing that. That's what I call successful aging.
I recently discovered that several people on my father's side of the family suffer from dementia, so I'm preparing for the possibility that I may develop dementia or Alzheimer's. I'm doing research to better understand dementia, applying for long-term care insurance coverage, and researching how I can remain healthier longer. I'm handling this possibility with optimistic realism.
I recently found out that my grandmother developed dementia. While she was not aware of the familial connection, I have the advantage of knowing that it's a possibility for me. This awareness means I could change my habits and change the outcome. I need to take care of myself to meet some of my grandchildren and make memories with them.
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