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© 2025 My Inner Torch
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My Inner Torch offers direct and personal insight with help for those of us in a relationship with someone who is undiagnosed/diagnosed with a Cluster B Personality Disorder. This is a safe place to come for words of inspiration that draw from my personal experiences and is produced to gain understanding and to find direction as we navigate through the often difficult relationships with those we love who suffer with a Cluster B personality disorder that includes BPD and NPD. PLEASE NOTE: This podcast is NOT for those who suffer with these disorders. This podcast is for survivors of these challenging and difficult relationships.
267 Episodes
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Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: My love for my Cluster B wife is real and valid, even though her “love” isn’t healthy or reciprocated.My urge to rescue or fix her comes from my past and a natural human desire to heal.What feels like deep connection is often just their neediness, not genuine emotional intimacy.I’m learning to redirect my healing energy inward, toward myself.My compassion and empathy deserve to be turned toward my own growth and recovery.My capacity for love isn’t a...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I’m learning to lower my expectations for holiday interactions with Cluster B individuals.I’m aiming for holiday neutrality rather than magical moments.I’m accepting that I cannot control their reactions; their behavior isn’t my responsibility.I’m creating a holiday safety plan with clear boundaries and an escape route.I’m letting go of the fantasy of a perfect holiday to protect myself from disappointment.I’m prioritizing my well-being and self-pre...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I’ve adapted to toxic environments by developing tolerance to harmful behaviors—a survival mechanism, not healthy coping.I recognize that normalizing abuse and emotional numbness represent damage, not resilience.My relationships with Cluster B individuals created trauma bonds, not mutual benefit.I’m healing by feeling the pain, acknowledging the dysfunction, and understanding it’s not my fault.I deserve environments built on genuine connection, not ...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: Behaviors like mirroring, intensity, and jealousy from Cluster B individuals are control tactics, not love.Love bombing feels intense but isn’t true intimacy—it’s a high that eventually crashes.Possessiveness stems from insecurity and fear, not affection.Intermittent kindness is psychological conditioning and trauma bonding, not genuine growth.Others may not love the way I do, and consistency may be absent.Naming dysfunctional behaviors clearly help...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: Staying with a Cluster B individual reflects a trauma bond—a powerful emotional connection that deserves compassion, not judgment.The “spell” combines charm, manipulation, love bombing, and sporadic affection used for control.Trauma bonds operate through intermittent reinforcement, creating addiction-like patterns driven by control, not genuine love.I can break free by recognizing the bond, seeing the person clearly, and rebuilding boundaries and se...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: My love cannot cure Cluster B disorders and can become harmful to my own well-being.Cluster B individuals prioritize survival and control over genuine emotional connection.I must distinguish between someone’s potential and their current reality.My self-love and well-being come before trying to change them.I accept them as they are, not as I hope they’ll become.I shift focus from their inability to love me to my own healing.🔍 Summary The Illusion of ...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: Cluster B individuals cannot offer unconditional love due to emotional deficits.Their “love” is an illusion based on infatuation, not genuine connection.Their past trauma explains behavior but doesn’t excuse emotional damage.One cannot “fix” a Cluster B partner; they need self-awareness and therapy.Prioritize personal well-being by stopping the pursuit of impossible love.Embrace peace by recognizing their limitations.🔍 Summary The Illusion of Love w...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I accept that it is okay to love a Cluster B individual. My real love does not simply disappear.I recognize the issue is loving at my own expense. I will protect my identity by separating compassion from self-sacrifice.I will set clear boundaries to safeguard myself. These boundaries will foster connection without self-destruction.I will practice emotional detachment. I will observe their behavior as a disorder, not a personal attack.I will stop try...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I understand that Cluster B individuals lack emotional permanence. Their emotions are fleeting, not constant. This means their feelings of “love” shift rapidly.I recognize that their sense of self is not stable. Love they show is often a temporary construct, reflecting what they need me to be in that moment.I accept that vulnerability is a threat to them. They mimic love externally, but remain emotionally guarded due to past trauma. True connection ...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I accept the reality of a cluster B individual’s behavior without approval; they will not change. This stops my fruitless struggle.I adjust my expectations within the relationship, no longer seeking genuine apologies or emotional fulfillment from the other person.I practice emotional detachment by focusing on my personal boundaries, responses, and self-care, stopping their emotional storms from affecting me.I avoid reactive responses to provocations...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I now recognize the intense initial affection from Cluster B individuals as idealization, reflecting their desires rather than genuine love for who I truly am.I understand that Cluster B personalities often have an emotional void, making them unable to offer consistent, reciprocal, or lasting love.I observe that their “love” is conditional, serving their needs for validation and control; it disappears when my personal boundaries are set or expectati...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I understand that reactive abuse happens when I, as a survivor, respond to intense provocation from a Cluster B individual, which leads to my own regret and makes me appear abusive.I recognize that reacting to Cluster B provocation is a trap that fuels their narrative and strengthens their control.I will avoid engaging in unwinnable arguments or using “JADE” (justifying, arguing, defending, explaining) as these tactics are ineffective.I choose to cu...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I now recognize Cluster B relationships as “Ponzi schemes.” They start with intense love bombing, mirroring, and promises that feel tailor-made to me.I understand that early “returns” in these relationships are illusions. These are funded by my own emotional investment, not a genuine connection.I’m aware of intermittent reinforcement used to keep me invested. This involves alternating cruelty with small acts of kindness that manipulate my emotions.I...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I now understand that Cluster B relationships start with idealization, making me feel deeply understood, but it’s a false persona, not real love.I recognize that trauma bonding keeps me in the cycle, confusing intense highs and lows with love, similar to addiction.I’ve learned that the hope that the idealized person will return fuels the cycle, despite that person never existing in reality.I now see how my familiarity with chaotic dynamics from chil...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I’ve questioned my Clustered B partner’s love because of the deep pain I’ve experienced and my desperate desire to understand if their behaviors could coexist with genuine affection.What I once believed was love was actually an allure - a manipulative tool used for control, supply, and validation, not a genuine connection of mutual care.Their version of “love” was always conditional and transactional, entirely dependent on my ability to fulfill thei...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I recognize the cycle of abuse: love bombing, devaluation, discard, and potential hoovering. I am aware that these patterns can still affect me even if hoovering is not present.I understand that letting go is a process. It requires my mental, emotional, and physical preparation.I acknowledge my trauma bonds and lingering hope. I understand that these can tie me to the abuser. Leaving means breaking free from the belief that I deserve the abuse.I pre...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I need to shift my focus from forgiving the cluster B individual to forgiving myself to start my healing process.I acknowledge that I may have made less than ideal choices, like ignoring red flags or hoping for change, without blaming myself for the abuse I received.I recognize the cycle of abuse, gaslighting, and manipulation inherent in my cluster B relationship.I will verbalize self-compassionate statements, such as apologizing to myself for aban...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I’ve learned to recognize that Cluster B individuals prioritize themselves in relationships. They view relationships as transactional, focusing on extracting resources from me. I now understand that loving gestures from a Cluster B individual often have ulterior motives. Their promises are conditional and used to maintain my investment until I’m no longer useful. I accept that Cluster B individuals struggle to be love, not just show it. Their expr...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I recognize the “false self” in Cluster B personality disorders as a constructed persona used for manipulation, control, and validation.I understand that love bombing is a tactic used to create an intense initial connection, but it’s unsustainable and not genuine.I acknowledge that the idealized version of the person with Cluster B traits never existed, and grieving this loss is essential for my healing.I will shift my focus from trying to fix or ch...
Send us a text 🎯 Key Takeaways Core Points: I now recognize when I’m in a one-sided relationship where I consistently give without receiving.I prioritize my well-being; I’ve stopped trying to fix someone who doesn’t want to be fixed.I’m reclaiming my identity. I’m rebuilding myself on my own terms, not trying to be who I was before.I set boundaries. I speak up for myself. I say no without guilt.I grieve the relationship I wanted; I understand healing is not about going back. It’s about moving...
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