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NOBODY LIKES ONIONS
NOBODY LIKES ONIONS
Author: Patrick Melton
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© PATRICK MELTON
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For over FIFTEEN YEARS, Nobody Likes Onions has been making audiences laugh at the absurd, the obvious, and the wrong. Comedian Patrick Melton, along with other entertainers from around the world, gather around microphones three times a week to present their unique observations and opinions about current events, pop culture, and real-world experiences in their personal lives.
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With the lowest numbers he’s ever had, and hypocrisy galore, things just keep getting better for Steel Toe! Join Patrick and Moody as they discuss the hilarity of the week from Aaron Imholte and his Steel Toe Morning Show. The man who refuses to get a job never ceases to captivate while ratcheting up his lies and sperg-sessions for our amusement.
Patrick has been busy with the launch of the new Supertip system, and now you and your favorite show can sign up to use the system! Kevin Brennan is losing his mind! Watch as a 65-year-old man tries to figure out how to bring his enemies down with his old dumb brain! Karmic can’t stop spiraling after the loss of his simpleton comedian girlfriend, and everyone is catching his anger. Chad Zumock, after losing his imaginary girlfriend, is bored and has brainstormed a new event for the Dabbleverse that could RUIN anything Melton and the puppet are trying to do in Atlantic City!
Scarlett Hampton is mentally ill and as dumb as they come, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to be happy. She is surrounded by people without her best interests in mind, including her friend Keanu who seems to be turning a blind eye to her living situation with an apparent chronic abuser named Matt Mead. What unfolded on a recent stream seems unhinged and building towards a nightmare scenario. Michael Ray Bower has thoughts on the Dabbleverse and seems to hint that Patrick may be the one who sent him highly illegal material.
There’s been a lot of little things going on outside of just the Karmic and Felicia drama, so let’s do a show to catch up on what’s been happening. Keanu and Geno have been spinning gold while striking channels, apparently Dick Masterson and Vito are fighting about Hackamania again, , Chadboozemock kills it with another Wet-Brained follies, and Mersh is mad at boomers or something. Come join Patrick for a show that could be anything!
All good things must come to an end, and the short-lived emotional love affair between KarmicX and pretend comedian Felicia Gillespie is no different. After months of back an forths from Minnesota to Ohio, countless chicken sandwiches, roller coasters, aquarium visits, orchestral escapades, and late night scream streams, what we all knew was coming has finally happened. Karmic flew home last week and immediately depression and anxiety overcame the poor boy, and now sparks are flying between the two white trash transients. Let’s explore the HOURS of footage from the weekend and try to make sense of what was and what is to come for these two awful humans who deserve whatever is coming their way.
Patrick’s internet really sputtered around last night, and there was no Members Only show! So join Patrick on this special Saturday to hang out, catch up with some things that fell through the cracks, as well as some of the latest breaking news in the Dabbleverse. Plus some fats, some dorks, and maybe even some body cam videos. Anything can happen, because it’s Saturday!
Aaron’s riding high after his big win last week, but will it end up coming back to bite him? Join Patrick, Karl from Who Are These Podcasts? and Moody as they discuss the hilarity of the week from Aaron Imholte and his Steel Toe Morning Show. The man who refuses to get a job never ceases to captivate while ratcheting up his lies and sperg-sessions for our amusement.
Chad Zumock is predictable as usual. He’s pretending to accept the terms of Patrick’s offer while making demands he knows aren’t practical. The problem for Chad is that he is a loser with no heat, and demands are not something people with no leverage can throw around. Come spend a cool casual night with Patrick and the Onions while we mope around the internet and see what’s what!
Hopefully your Thanksgiving weekend was full of relaxation and time spent with your family and friends. Not everyone has that luxury, and you should be thankful for it. Chad Zumock, flailing and failing comedian, has spiraled in a spectacular manner over the past ten days, lashing out and dealing with detractors in a manner worthy of chronicling for future scrutiny. From his pretend girlfriend to his new apartment, his lies are catching up with him as fast as he can spin up new ones. The spectacle of this man’s end-of-life crisis is something we all just can’t get enough of, and Patrick wants to watch it with you.
It’s time for turkeys! Let’s watch Keanu and Geno prepare poor Thanksgiving for themselves sans-turkey! Let’s watch Josh and Momma tell us what the holidays are really about. We’re on a watch for Chad to show back up at Mersh’s house this afternoon! But most of all let’s just get together for some laughs before all the aggressive family fighting!
Chad Zumock, completely out of ideas and tired of losing battle after battle, has taken to challenging detractors to come on his show for a debate as a cover for using them to earn money for himself. Join Patrick as he watches the Dudshark and Cardiff Electric engage in we don’t even know what. What is this? Who asked for it? And why? All Supertips will be split with Cardiff and Rocco because Chad doesn’t make enough money to pay them.
Chad Zumock has been wrecked by his own lack of content, letting the likes of Tommy Jordan and Lady KayBee get him in his feelings. The destabilized wannabe comedian is starting to make life-altering mistakes and it’s sure to end well! Karmic has decided not to come to Hackamania, much like Michael Ray Bower, because he doesn’t consider the offer to be worthy of his presence. Richard Leland Neal is still reeling from his failed copyright strike on this channel, and likens giving Patrick a chance to a rectal invasion.
Kevin Brennan is an American retired stand-up comedian, podcaster, and writer. He is the host of the Misery Loves Company podcast, and is best known for his work on Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update in 1999 and 2000.
Hackamania has a lot of creators in the Dabbleverse in their feelings and coming out of the woodwork for a free long weekend trip to Las Vegas! Mersh melts down about his perceived lack of respect! KarmicX goes back and forth between melting down and being gracious. Patrick attempts to make him an offer that’s going to hurt to refuse. Keanu gets defensive on Hughzey’s show about her nasty nudes being plastered on the internet. Chad Zumock gets busted on one of his stupid debate streams. Michael Ray Bower attempts to worm his way in to the Dabbleverse even more, and it ain’t gonna go how you think it’s gonna go!
There’s a battle going on for the biggest lolcow baby in the Dabbleverse, and the competition just keeps getting hotter and hotter! Chad Zumock is out in these streets demanding to “debate” people with her tiny intellect, even though she doesn’t even know what he wants to debate about! Watch the cope and see Lady Z herself run from Mersh on MLC! Geno Bisconte is finally crumbling under the constant reminder that he has no fans and nothing going on in life. KarmicX debuts his Katty Z character and proceeds to declare he’s done with this world yet again.
Aaron’s riding high after his big win last week, but will it end up coming back to bite him? Join Patrick, Karl from Who Are These Podcasts? and Moody as they discuss the hilarity of the week from Aaron Imholte and his Steel Toe Morning Show. The man who refuses to get a job never ceases to captivate while ratcheting up his lies and sperg-sessions for our amusement.
It’s Keanu’s birthday! So come watch her stream to 33 people! One for every year she’s had on the planet! How UNTOWARD! Weeeeee!
Chad Zumock is always good for a laugh. Not on stage, but in his daily life. Let’s watch the hypocrisy and cluelessness together, shall we? Richard Leland Neal is big mad, and he’s forgone his normal one-year-old video release schedule to make a video coping about his recent failure of copyright striking Patrick’s video. There’s only two episodes of Metropolitan Detective left, and Patrick can’t think of a better way to spend his birthday than popping the cork on one of them. Charles Chance is gearing up for Hackamania in April in Las Vegas – are you?
Aaron Imholte hasn’t had a win in so long, he’s forgotten how to do it! We return to some good old fashioned RUNG DUNG today as we watch Aaron spin the Friday This Little Piggy episode in to a complete redemption for his insane behavior over the past few years. It’s a sight to behold! Matt Mead, who is Geno Bisconte’s best friend and sidekick on a show nobody watches, has been piping a drugged-out pornstar. Mersh has been joking about stealing her from him and she secretly filmed him losing his mind and abusing her in a paranoid crash out. Michael Ray Bower aka Donkeylips says he’s quitting his popular Anxiety Files videos. Is he cured? Is his mental finally fixed?
Karmic has been on the outs with Kevin Brennan, as the old man has begun to play with the northern Minnesota slow like a cat with a ball of redacted yarn. Pat Dixon got the link for MLC with Kevin Brennan again recently to help pile on to KarmicX. This could signal another turning for the podcast most popular for parading loser’s lives out for our amusement. Michael Ray Bower has some reflections about his life, and compares himself to comedic genius John Candy.



