Don't Give Me Cardinal Directions. I Don't Know What It Means. Everyone Now Has Friends They've Never Met. Which Is Nonsensical. The People Whom You Haven't Yet Met Are Strangers. They Are Not Friends. Life On Other Planets? Who Cares. I Tried Calculating Something Having To Do With The Speed Of Light. Please Ignore. What Are Life Forms Exactly? Nothing Remotely Resembling Life Has Been Discovered In Space. Zero. Driverless Cars? No Thanks. Everything You Use Was Invented In The 20th Century. Technological Complexity Is Annoying Plus We're Making Ourselves Obsolete. Which Doesn't Seem So Smart. Modern Plumbing Is Spectacular But The Japanese Toilet Goes A Bit Too Far. Mountain Dew Murder.
I Want My Wife And I To Stay Together, She Doesn't. I Don't Quite Know Why. She's Very Neat Though. Is It Wholly Unreasonable To Want A Few Words Of Encouragement Every Now And Again. The Acceptance Of Men Expressing Their Feelings Has Yet To Become A Thing. Feeling Good About Oneself Is A Superpower. Why Are Men Required To Be Ok Without Being Acknowledged As Human Beings. Things I Think Are Better Than Sex. Do Clubs Work Anymore. There Seems To Be Three Genres Of Music Left. What Happened To Rock.
I Haven't Had Many Dates In My Life. But I've Had Plenty Of Women And I'm Not Entirely Sure How. Where Should One Go On A Date And How Much Money Should One Expect To Spend. I Didn't Go To Prom Thereby Ruining Myself Altogether As Far As My Future Romantic Endeavors. My High School Career Was Unsettling. Chinese Food Is Difficult To Identify. Why Can't You Take A Woman To Chick Fil A On A Date. Is It A Tom Arnold Or An Arnold Palmer? What Exactly Is A Nice Shirt For A Man? Tucked In Or Not? What Are Slacks For That Matter? Don't Get Me Started On Shoes. I Love Stationary Shops. Frisbee Golf.
Okay So It Wasn't Actually A Date Date. But We Did Have A Pretty Good Time Doing Our Scene Together In Her Record Breaking Film "The Idea Of You". She Was Smart, Warm, Personable, And Very Very Pretty. She Has Great Teeth Too. I'm Pretty Sure We Eye Kissed. So What Do I Do Now. Or Next. Or Ever.
Hip Hop Beef Used To Be Cool I Guess But I Can't Get Into Beef Of Any Kind Any More. Even With My Wife. Are We In A Time Machine. 30 Years Ago Seems Like It Was Just A Few Years Ago. What Is Friendship. Unless You Somehow Forget About Your Friends' Existence You Should Contact Them Otherwise They Obviously Don't Mean Much To You. All Anyone Really Wants Is A Little Giggly Bubbly. Which Of Course Is Direct The Opposite Of Biggly Gubbly.
I Can't Figure Out How To Make Either Myself Or My Wife HAPPY. I'm Not Sure If I'm Lonely, But To Show And Share Your Emotions And Feelings Is An Act Of BRAVERY. Give Away All Your S.P.L.E.E.N.s. (Sparkling Pristine Love Emotion Energy Nuggets) Kindergarteners Are Pretty Cool Actually Mostly Because They Know That They Don't Know Anything. NY VS LA VS TOKYO.
Spiders Are Benign. Mostly. Roaches Are Something Else Altogether. Don't Feel 'Bad'. What Exactly Does Bad Mean Anyway. Packaging Gives Me Fits. I Wish She Were More Curious About Me And My Stuff. Dark Chocolate Over Milk Chocolate Every Day. Codependence Is Your Ruination.
Have You Ever Tried Silence. What Are Dreams. English Muffins Or Bagels. Cold Showers Work.
In This Episode I Discuss The Competition Between MJ AND PRINCE During The 80's. I Also Talk A Little About Monkeys. I Don't Think I Like Monkeys. A Lot Of It Has To Do With Their Posture. A Little About Dhamma, Teachings Of The Buddha. Oh And Sardines Are Wonderful.
What Exactly Constitutes Art. Is It Sneakers? Foil? Bricks? Crawling? Dirt? Made A List Of Stuff I Like. I Know Why We're All Traumatized. It's Mother Goose. Upon Further Inspection They're Replete With Death, Destruction, Gore, Murder, Sadism, Animal Cruelty, Ageism, Pain, Perversion, Poverty, And Absolute Pathos. Is It Too Late To Charge Mother Goose With The Downfall Of Western Civilization?
I Shouldn't Be Afraid Of My Wife. Should I? Do Women Think Men Are Robots. Are We? Is It Ok For A Man To Feel Insecure And Needy. Or Wait, Is He Then A Woman? Maybe I Just Need A Hug. Or Something To Eat.
How Much Water Can The Sky Possibly Create. Stomach Aches Are Explainable But Headaches? Weird. Pillows Don't Get The Credit They Deserve. Folks Are Proud Of Their Couch But Pillows Not So Much. 4 Goals I've Come Up With. I Guess I Need More Stuff. I Want To Be Of Service To Humanity But I Don't Want To Teach Kids Even Though It Creates Good Karma.
It's 6:21 PM And And I'm In Bed. Why Am I So Tired. 50 Straight Push Ups Is Good. The Art Of Not Being An Asshole. Today I Wanted To Be Tender With My Wife And Son. I Think I Succeeded. Even If She Didn't Notice. What Kind Of Word Is Squoze. On Trying To Mend My Relationship. I Might Be Beta. How To Change.
Allergies Are The Devil's Playground. Why Did No One Tell Me I Was On The Allergy Line. What Is Success. Is It A Feeling Or A Car. How Does Anyone Know Exactly What They Want. Who Decided Which Fruits Could Become Fruit Juice. Frozen Blueberries Are So Much Better. Pulp Free Orange Juice Is The Equivalent Of Non Chew Meat. Bananas Offer No Resistance And Yet Require So Much Chewing. Plus I've Forgotten How To Peel Them. Watermelon Is The Fruit Equivalent Of Pizza. Vegetables Are The Dark Alter Ego Of Fruits. What Is An Eggplant. Okra Is A Horror Movie. Bert's Hands.
My Shoelaces. Spoons. The Faucet. Wind. Calendars. Lint. I Talk To All This Stuff. Too Many Things Are Being Documented And We Still Don't Believe Any Of It. What Is FOBLO. I Enjoy Being Left Out. I Don't Follow Anything Or Anybody. How I Fought Off Depression. Avoid The Heinous Cacophony Of Social Media. Is Jangle A Word? Buddhism Keeps Me Sane. I Don't Mind Not Knowing How To Do A Power Point Presentation.
What Exactly Is Cold Weather For? Dark Chocolate Over Milk Chocolate Every Day Of The Year. What's The Male Equivalent Of Stockings. Is Toe Cleavage A Thing. How Do Airplanes Collide On The Runway. Or In The Sky For That Matter. I Want To Stare More. Develop A Super Hero Alias. Now.
Is There A Solution? Is Coffee Good Or Bad For You? Does Anyone Know Definitively? What Happened To Cookies? The Fig Newton Dilemma. I'll Never Click The Link In Your 'Bio'. My Desktop Is Clean Enough, Thank You. I'm Not Interested In Entertainment Because It's Not Entertaining.
I Allowed Myself To Buy Myself Some New Boots And It Changed My Life. Kinda. Not Many Things Are Better Than Walking. I Need That Rust Sweater. I'm Not Good At Socializing But I Don't Know Why Because I'm Good At Socializing. You Can Change So Many Things About Yourself. Zazen Was Great Except For The Earthquake. But Even That Was Pretty Good.
Why Are Kangaroos So Aggressive. The Characters In Winnie The Pooh Deserve Better Names. The Cat In The Hat Staged A Home Invasion. Mother Goose VS Aesop's Fables. Hippopotamuses? Can We All Agree That Motorcycles Are Annoying? The Godfather.
I Keep Thinking I'm Doing Something Wrong. Are Vegetables Trying To Kill Me? I Don't Drink Alcohol, Steal, Curse, Or Masturbate, And Yet I Must Be Doing Something Wrong. Do Children Worry? About What? I Noticed That My Head Was Tilted During The Google Meets Meeting. Maybe I Should See Barbie?