On a recent road trip, we were listening to the Bible Project's Sermon on the Mount Series.This episode: Episode 10, March 4, 2024, Bible Project Sermon on the Mount Series: How is Anger the Same as Murder? Spoiler alert- when Contempt enters the picture. What does the Bible say about Contempt?https://bibleproject.com/podcast/how-anger-same-murder/Short animated clip: Anger, Wrath, Contempt: When is Anger the Same as Murderhttps://bibleproject.com/explore/video/matthew-521-22-murder-and-contempt/When does the Bible equate anger to murder? When does anger cross into criticism and contempt? What is the difference in giving a complaint when there is hurt and harm and criticism?Gottman offers some antidotes to the 4 Horsemen:https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/To Criticism: A Gentle Start-Up with How Something Makes You FEEL vs. Commentary on the personContempt: Build a Culture of Appreciation; Wilder would call this gratitude and Joy BuildingDefensiveness: Set aside your intentions and explanations- take responsibility for the hurt/harm caused, even if only partialStonewalling: Psychological Self-Soothing: Self Care- take a break, work through your issues, come back to the discussion/argumentQuote from Gottman Institute: "Another way that we explain this is our discovery of the 5:1 “magic ratio” of positive to negative interactions that a relationship must have to succeed. If you have five or more positive interactions for every one negative interaction, then you’re making regular deposits into your emotional bank account, which keeps your relationship in the green."Other clinicians or counselors have called this "keep short accounts".2 min short clip to explain Gottman's 4 Horsemen that are predicted to kill your relationship: Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness & Stonewallinghttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o30Ps-_8isFind out more about your NeuroDiverse Christian Marriage and resources at:https://www.christianneurodiversemarriage.com/courses
Join Dr. Holmes as she interviews Robin Tate, a life coach and NeuroDiverse Couples' coach. Today, we discuss Neurodiversity and strategies for executive functioning.We talk about the chapter in which she contributed to our new book.Find out more here:https://www.christianneurodiversemarriage.com/uniquelyusRobin describes a little about herself:I am a professionally trained teacher and coach passionate about providing my clients with the best experience. As well as training, I have an in-depth understanding of the impacts of living with an Asperger's Profile and/or ADHD in a neurotypical world. My approach to coaching is client-centered and strength-based. I join with clients to work through obstacles and meet self-determined goals. For Neurodivergent adults, challenges are often rooted in neurological differences, which impact communication, executive function, and/or sensory regulation. As an experienced educator, I also understand learning disabilities, learning styles, accommodations, and a toolbox of strategies.Coaching and education services complement a variety of other professional services. When needed, I easily collaborate with other professionals and family members.I meet with clients via online video calls (worldwide). I also meet with clients in person, as agreed to be necessary and safe on a case-by-case basis.Find her at: https://robintatellc.com/
While Dan usually joins me, I am solo today with Rev. Iris Knapp as we talk about abuse in the neurodiverse marriage. We cover Leslie Vernick's signs of repentance and why apologizing is difficult for people on the spectrum.About our Guest, Rev. Iris KnappWomen’s Life & Discernment CoachIris has over 50 years of ministry experience and is now a Life Coach. She was raised Jewish and came to know Jesus as Messiah in 1969 during the “Jesus Freak” revival.She is certified with Light University, AIFC Australian Institute of Family Counseling, Ministerial Licensed with IAOG International Assemblies of God Fellowship, and ND Training with the International Association of ND Christian Couples. She has personal family ties to the autism spectrum. Her passion is to see women fulfill their potential in their God-given calling, and her heart is to lead women through restoration, growth, and purpose so that they can be all that God has created them to be.Iris has contributed to a chapter of the book Uniquely Us. Follow the launch and how to order it at:https://www.christianneurodiversemarriage.com/uniquelyusWant to work with Iris or join a group:https://coachingwithiris.com/The article we mentioned about apologies is:https://www.thearticulateautistic.com/why-many-autistic-people-have-trouble-apologizing/
Dan Holmes, the Just the Guys host today with Perry, Jeremy, and Greg, discusses learning to get things with executive functioning differences. Sometimes, it is now or never!
I met Kelley Ryals at the AACC conference during her poster presentation on Autism and Trauma. I wanted to have her as a guest to discuss when it is autism & trauma and when trauma is misdiagnosed as autism.Kelley's bio in her own words:Her focus is on helping you navigate the difficult times in life. Her biggest joy is watching an individual become happier, healthier, and more productive. She is 58 years old, a mother of five, and a grandmother of 2. She is pursuing a Ph.D. in Counselor Education and supervision with Liberty University to see as many well-trained therapists as possible.My training and specialties are listed below.Autism Specialist, EMDR, Depression, ADHD, Anxiety, Autism and ADHD testing, Couples, Children, Play therapy, Foster Adoptive issues trained in TBRI. IFS Level 1 trained, Level 2 Sand Tray Therapy, Level 2 Gottman trained, member of EMDRIA , the ACA and the AACC. Free Trauma and Grief groups are offered.Find out more at: https://krcounseling.org/
Today, Stephanie and Barb talk about Shame, Blame, & Trauma. The key point is that all of us deal with shame at some point in our life, but not dealing with shame will ultimately lead to the death of something.About Barbara Grant:Barbara Grant, CAS, NCC, is a Certified Autism Specialist (IBCCES) and certified Neurodiverse Couples Coach (AANE) and has completed her Master's in MFT (Marriage and Family Therapy.) She has been trained through the International Association of ND Christian Marriage. She has been coaching and offering Biblical counseling since2005, working with individuals, couples, and groups. Her current coaching practice focuses on neurodiverse couples, individuals, and families and offers support groups forneurotypicals. Barbara enjoys people! She herself is neurotypical; her first marriage (of 20 years) was to a neurodiverse partner, and she had a neurodiverse adult child from that marriage.She brings a lifetime of experience, compassion, and understanding to all her clients and is becoming a significant voice in the growing dialog about how to best support and strengthen neurodiverse relationships.NT SUPPORT GROUPS (2 kinds):1. Strength for saying in the Marriage2. Healthy Separation/ DivorceAdvantages of group therapy:• Safe, confidential Zoom group (8 max)• “Solution-focused” therapy model• Incubator for change and growth• Supports movement through stages of change• Cross-sharing, learning from others• Healing experience to share and be validated• Multiple prayer partners - friendships• Goal setting and homework• Best value for time/moneyHOW TO WORK WITH BARBARA: Free 25 min Consultation online coaching agreement and intake questionnaire 90 min intake session Goal setting ongoing 55 min sessions (weekly, bi-monthly, etc.) HOMEWORK (customized for each client) Option of support group (better value for time/money spent) Req. a free consult: www.HopeForCouples.netBarbara's website: https://bg-hc.com/Resources:Where to Learn more about Interpersonal Neurobiology & Christianity⁃ Attachment (your 3 NDCC podcasts with Dr. Gill - share these episode links)⁃ “Attachment to God” podcasts (various shows)⁃ Tim Fletcher (Healing Complex Trauma website resources: https://www.timfletcher.ca/,YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeaEF2gpMi_hkXvrhAVwltg)⁃ Jim Wilder (your NDCC Enemy Mode podcast - share episode link, Life Model Workswebsite resources: https://lifemodelworks.org/, book: Escaping Enemy Mode)⁃ Curt Thompson (Book: The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe AboutOurselves, “NeuroFaith” podcast, “Being Known” YouTube channel:https://www.youtube.com/c/BeingKnownPodcast)⁃ Geoff & Cyd Holsclaw (discussions of trauma, neurobiology, and healing attachment intheir “Embodied Faith” YouTube channel:https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLoTshjA7gm4rKtxPuMelx8DqrT7Rzs0UT)Links to specific things I mention:Spectrum Magazine: At the Intersection of Autism and Trauma (2018)https://www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/intersection-autism-trauma/Tim Fletcher Understanding TraumaResults of ShamePart 1https://www.youtube.com/live/-fTAJiocAYk?si=0dvVsHcmTJnilqkEPart 2https://www.youtube.com/live/jfhQ_3kQ2GM?si=LebFr40ME1vb2xbqShame: Curt Thompson- Being Known YouTube playlist (S2, Ep 1-11)https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHwplwueDVOFXIFbjJQ1STzUCnMUXHGNP&si=TE6H5pPHMlKRyVak“SIFT B” concept, discussed by Curt Thompson in Being Known YouTube podcast (S2 Ep1)https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tXXUs-5zc1I&list=PLHwplwueDVOFXIFbjJQ1STzUCnMUXHGNP&index=3&pp=iAQB
In June, we talked about what we have learned on our road trips about ourselves, each other, our faith, and our relationship with God. We got some requests about actually handling or navigating the traveling as a neurodiverse couple and family. To see why Stephanie sticks out her tongue at Dan, you will have to see the YouTube video.In this podcast, we discuss:Accommodating each other, seeing the marriage/family as a system, and sharing the mental load. Breaking down the steps of planning, having a vacation, and returning home from vacation.
Today, Dr. Stephanie Holmes speaks with Pastor Craig Johnson of Lakewood Church about creating inclusion for kids, teens, and adults with needs and differences. Their core value is "We never ever turn away a child no matter the need!" Find out about your church or organization that can be trained and host a Champions. Club. Dr. Stephanie reads an excerpt from her daughter's chapter in their new book about her church experience; you can get that book at https://amzn.to/46W7LgNAbout our Guest: Pastor Craig JohnsonCraig is currently the Associate Pastor at Lakewood Church with Joel Osteen and Co-founder of the Champions Foundation and Champions Club Developmental Centers for Special Needs, with over 110 centers in 23 countries across the world. Craig is currently serving on the US Congressionally Mandated “Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee” in Washington, DC. This committee was formulated by the Presidential signing of the Autism Cares Act. This committee gives advice and recommendations to Congress and the President regarding Federal activities related to autism spectrum disorder. He is the author of the book “Lead Vertically” Inspire People to Volunteer and Build Great Teams That Last, “Champion” How One Boy's Miraculous Journey Through Autism Is Changing the World, and “Unrehearsed Destiny” It’s Intermission, Your Second Act Is Coming.” Craig & His wife Samantha co-wrote the children’s book “You Are Extraordinary.” His greatest honor is husband to his wife of 33 years, Samantha, and father to Cory, Courtney, and Connor.
This week is Juneteenth! It feels most appropriate to discuss autism and special needs from the perspective of people of color. We welcome back Dr. Mary for this discussion.Today, our guest is a pediatrician and mom who will give us great insight into this perspective through lived and professional experience.About Dr. Mary Jones:I am a physician and PCCI-trained life and leadership coach.I believe there is greatness in each of us, and I’m passionate about equipping and empowering women to reach their fullest potential.Throughout my life and career, I have had the privilege of working to empower and equip women and girls to be their best selves.Each day, I have the privilege of spending time coaching amazing women who are reaching goals and fulfilling a compelling vision for their lives.My vision is to see women living out their purpose and effecting change in their own spheres of influence.Dr. Mary has contributed to a chapter in our newest book on this very topic! Follow the countdown of Uniquely US at www.christianneurodiversemarriage.comContact her at:https://maryjonescoaching.coachsolutions.cc/drmaryspeaks@gmail.comArticle Dr. Mary mentioned:https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/145/Supplement_1/S35/11550/Disparities-in-Service-Use-Among-Children-With?searchresult=1?autologincheck=redirected
You asked for it! We are answering listener requests. In 2022, the original JTG crew did a show on processing a later-in-life diagnosis. Several listeners asked that other men and women be on to process their later-in-life diagnoses.Don't worry—the original JTG crew will be back! This Special Edition looks at Greg, Brian, and Kevin's later-in-life Autism Identification.Check out Brian's bookIntentional MarriageANDKevin's wife, Shawna Meek's book: Determined for More
Today's guest has been on the podcast before when we discussed predictive error coding and the autistic brain; Dr. Peter VermeulenPeter is the founder, director, CEO, lecturer, consultant, website developer, and secretary. Occasionally, Peter even cleans the office of Autism in Context, the senior Autism lecturer and consultant for Autisme Centraal, and the Chief Editor of “Sterk in Autisme!”, a bimonthly magazine of Autisme Centraal. Autisme Centraal is responsible for autism awareness campaigns and ‘autism friendliness' support activities throughout Europe. He is a Member of the Editorial Board of ‘Tijdschrift voor Orthopedagogiek, Kinderpsychiatrie en Klinische Psychologie” (Journal of Special Education, Child Psychiatry and Clinical Psychology of the University of Leuven, Belgium) (currently Chief Editor of that Journal), a reviewer for Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders; Journal of Intellectual Disability – Diagnosis and Treatment.When Peter is not presenting, writing, driving or flying around for his job, he can usually be found on one of his 4 bicycles, trying to imitate Tour de France winners, hereby being oblivious to his age and physical state. When tired from cycling, he can be found at home with his wife and their dog (which actually is more a Gremlin than a dog). Or he is playing with his grandchild. Because the Gremlin loves the beach, Peter often spends his weekends at the seaside, savoring seafood and enjoying a good beer as a descendant of a brewing family.www.petervermeulen.beOur other podcast with Dr. Peter on predictive error coding is found here: https://www.spreaker.com/episode/predictive-coding-dr-vermeulen--50520574Disclaimer:When we have guests on the ASR podcast, they are recognized for their expertise in autism as advocates, self-advocates, clinicians, parents, or other professionals in the field. They may or may not be part of the faith community; having a guest on the broader topic of autism does not reflect complete agreement with the guest, just as many guests may not agree with our faith perspective. Guests are chosen by topic for the chosen podcast discussion and not necessarily in full agreement with all beliefs of the chosen guest(s).
We have been taking many road trips these past four years in the quest to visit all 50 states! We listen to podcasts, and podcasting and learning from podcasts has become a shared activity of connection!We start our discussion with the real definition of righteousness: returning to Eden and being naked and unashamed. What is an Ezer Kenegdo? Your neurodiverse relationship can be healthy when you first get in the right relationship with God and each other, rule together and not apart, and advance the Kingdom together! Two are better than one!Do you want your home to be your Eden or where the Chaos Monster lives?We mentioned:Eden Podcast (Bruce CE Fleming)The Bible ProjectThe Israel Bible Podcast
Today, Dr. Stephanie and Dr. Kevin discuss a few topics. The blogs Dr. Stephanie mentions come from Dr. Kevin's blogs on his site.We talk about:Autobiographical memoryIdentity and AutismNeuroplasticityVideogaming- the good, the bad and the therapeuticAbout Dr. Kevin Hull:Dr. Kevin Hull owns and operates Hull and Associates, P.A., a private practice in Lakeland, Florida. Dr. Hull is a licensed counselor who has worked with children and adolescents and their families on the Autism spectrum since 2001. He conducts weekly individual and group therapy sessions with children, adolescents, young adults, and families. Dr. Hull has been a professor for 18 years and is currently an Associate Faculty with Liberty University. Dr. Hull has published Play Therapy and Asperger’s Syndrome: Helping Children and Adolescents Grow, Connect, and Heal through the Art of Play (2011, Jason Aronson); Bridge Building: Creating Connection and Relationship between Parents and Children and Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum (2012, Liberty Press); Group Therapy Techniques with Children, Adolescents, and Adults on the Autism Spectrum (2014, Jason Aronson); and Where There is Despair, Hope (2015, Liberty Mountain Publishing), a novel about play therapy. He has also published several chapters for textbooks and journal articles. Dr. Hull specializes in using electronic devices in group and individual play therapy. His dissertation examined video/computer games as a play therapy tool with children with emotional difficulties. Dr. Hull enjoys open water swimming in the Gulf of Mexico, golfing, long walks, biking, and spending time with his wife, Wendy, and their four children.https://drkevinhull.com/Disclaimer:When we have guests on the ASR podcast, they are recognized for their expertise in autism as advocates, self-advocates, clinicians, parents, or other professionals in the field. They may or may not be part of the faith community; having a guest on the broader topic of autism does not reflect complete agreement with the guest, just as many guests may not agree with our faith perspective. Guests are chosen by topic for the chosen podcast discussion and are not necessarily in full agreement of all beliefs of the chosen guest(s).
Join Rev. Holmes and Dr. Holmes as they interview Bruce C.E. Fleming. This is our 3rd interview with Bruce an today we will discuss 1 Timothy and "let the women learn in silence." How does this reflect back to the creation of women and the role of women in the church world.About:Rev. Bruce C. E. Fleming holds three graduate and post-graduate degrees in theology: an M.Div. and Th.M. from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and a D.E.A. from the University of Strasbourg, France. Ordained by the Evangelical Free Church of America, he has been a pastor, professor of Practical Theology, and academic dean on the graduate-school level in French-speaking Africa. He has co-founded several churches and parachurch organizations. Bruce and his wife, Dr. Joy Elasky Fleming, have been married for more than 25 years and are the parents of Christy and Mark. They live in Minneapolis, Minnesota.Rev. Bruce C. E. Fleming has written books on the topics discussed in this podcast.God did not curse Eve or limit women in any way. Sadly, modern translations of Genesis 3:16 make it look like God did both. God didn't curse Adam either, but God did speak to him in a way exactly parallel to the other rebel in the Garden of Eden, the serpent-tempter. And two curses were imposed by God because of them. People have made up many myths and stories about what supposedly happened in Eden. They make it seem like God cursed the woman and that she somehow deserved it. She didn’t. They make it seem like God instituted the man’s bad behavior toward his wife. God didn’t. The Bible tells us what really happened.This book is all about what God really said, especially in Genesis 3:16. When these chapters in Genesis are rightly understood, and we gain a true view of what God really said to the woman in Genesis 3:16, many New Testament passages can be reinvestigated. They, too, can be cleared away of the bias we find popping up in translations of and commentary on several key passages in the New Testament that look back to Genesis 2 and 3. This book is based on the episodes of Season One of The Eden Podcasthttps://tru316.com/
Dan and the guys (Clay, Greg, Jeremy, & Mark) discuss their views of neurodiversity. What is it? Is this movement a good thing or not? How do you define it?Is the term useful?Dr. Holmes adds she prefers the Harvard Medical School definition of neurodiversity, which describes those with neurological differences such as autism, ADHD, learning differences and delays, and other developmental differences.
Charity and Jeremy Rochford have contributed to the upcoming book: Uniquely Us. Watch the countdown as: https://www.christianneurodiversemarriage.com/uniquelyusDan and Stephanie have a family book out right now that was mentioned! Great insight into parenting, what we did right and hindsight learning. Erica speaks to what it is like having a dad on the spectrum at :www.christianneurodiversefamilies.comFind out more about Team Rochford:Jeremy and Charity, Team Rochford, as they are affectionately known, are an ND/NT couple who have been happily married for over 20 years. They have two Neurodivergent children, both of whom are on the Autism spectrum, and most likely, they inherited those genes from Jeremy, who himself received an Autism/ADHD diagnosis later in life.Both are Trauma-Informed (TI) Certified Life Coaches (CLC) who specialize in helping Neurodivergent and Neurodiverse Families understand communication, culture, and their unique family dynamic. Together, as a Neurodiverse couple and family, they've founded NeuroFam (www.OurNeuroFam.com) to support other ND/NT families through the intricacies of navigating life in a world that (far too often) doesn’t understand their struggles.Jeremy, with his BA in Communication (California University of Pennsylvania), and Charity, with her BA in Psychology (California University of Pennsylvania), live in a small town outside of Pittsburgh, PA, with their two awesomely neurodivergent children, an overused coffee maker, and multiple emotional support stuffed animals.Reach out to them at: https://www.ourneurofam.com/
We (I Stephanie) asked listeners on social media, "What would you like to ask us or what would you like to know about Neurodiverse Marriages?"Several questions came in, and we got to about 2/3 of them!Questions such as:What are realistic expectations for a successful ND marriage?What does maintenance look like?Is having a diagnosis helpful? Why or Why Not?Dan, do you struggle to start deep conversations with your wife and girls?What tools have you found helpful?A few more!
While we are pro-marriage and pro-covenant. Sometimes abuse, unrepentant addiction, and adultery break the vows and can lead to divorce. Divorce from a Christian AS man can get very adversarial and messy. If you have wrestled through and find that you have peace and release to divorce, you may want a CDFA, like Rhonda, on your side of Women's Financial Wellness Center.A CDFA®, which stands for Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, is a financial expert who specializes in helping women navigate the complex world of divorce. I combine my knowledge of finance with my understanding of the legal aspects of divorce to provide valuable guidance and support during this challenging time.Now, you might be wondering,"Why would I need a CDFA® when I'm going through a divorce?"I will help you understand your current financial situation. We’ll work to create a realistic and comprehensive financial plan to help us develop a strategy that ensures you're financially secure both now and in the years to come. I understand how to work with attorneys and other divorce professionals. This teamwork helps to create a solid foundation for negotiating a fair settlement.So, having me on your side during a divorce can be a total game-changer.About Rhonda from her website:https://wfwcdivorce.com/about-3It became clear to Rhonda that women going through divorce needed someone who was:Strategic and knowledgeable to help them prepare their financials before, during, and after the divorce so that they could live the quality of life they deserved.Empowering them with financial knowledge and giving them clarity to make the right decisions.Providing compassion and a steady voice when the circumstances were emotional and overwhelming.So, Rhonda became an advocate for women who were going through a divorce.For her clients, this often means being able to provide a great home for their family, continue to send the kids to private school, invest in causes that are important to her, buy a rental property for income, start a business, take a vacation, and live their best lives.With 17,000 hours, 565 clients, and $20 million back in the hands of women going through divorce later, Rhonda is committed to filling the gap between traditional financial advisors and divorce support groups for women.Contact:Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA925-940-3056info@wfwcllc.com
If you have been following the podcast, you have heard Dan and Stephanie talk about joy, hesed, group identity, and healthy transformation. Today, we talk with Michel Hendriks, the co-author of The Other Half of Church.About our Guest:MICHEL HENDRICKS (MDiv, Denver Seminary; BS, University of Colorado) has been a teacher and trainer for more than twenty-five years. He is the former pastor of spiritual formation at Flatirons Community Church in Lafayette, CO. He has also served and trained people in Argentina, Bolivia, Mexico, Kenya, South Sudan, and Uganda. He is the author of Basic Training for Walking With Jesus and Intentional Apprenticeship. He and his wife, Claudia, have three adult children.
Today, Dan and Stephanie talk about blindspots, receiving feedback, perspective-taking, and the Johari window. What is the Johari window? Listen to find out!If you really want to do a deep dive into Feedback skills- take our course as a self-study or reach out for coaching!www.christianneurodiversemarriage.comGroup Coaching- Select Receiving Feedback and Relational Skills