Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.________________________________________________ Do you or have you ever, as a couple or family really thought about your values and what's important to you? What gives you purpose and meaning in life? How do you want to deal with conflict and disagreement? What is your belief system and how does it guide your decisions and behavior? Where are you going as an individual and as a team-what is your destiny? Diving into your values in a meaningful and regular way indicates that you are an intentional couple or family. It is only the intentional couple or family that sustains the storm winds of life. Stressors will come and those that are unprepared are the least likely to withstand the challenges that they bring. In this session, Dr. Lucking will discuss the XYZ system of creating values that drive behavior. This system can be used with couples or families. It's great for parenting as it's simple enough for children but practical enough for adults. Love requires effort and neurodiverse love sometimes requries even more effort. Your effort can be reduced with the right tools and theory. As Mahatma Gandhi said: "Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny." You can contact Dr. Lucking at: www.SiliconValleyTherapy.co --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love. _________________________________________________ The topics addressed during this episode are: The challenge of discerning "wanting to" vs "wanting to want to". The former leads to action, the latter doesn't go anywhere. How to present what's verbally expressed as "important" compared to the actions that "show" what's important. What are the challenges or expectations for the NT partners to know? What is a challenge or observation for the Autistic partner? Keys of growth and health: individual work, humility and teachability. To learn more about the work Stephanie and Dan do to help ND couples you can check out their website at: www.christianneurodiversemarriage.com --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love. _________________________________________________ Reactivity wreaks havoc in Neurodiverse partnerships. It is implicated in the breakdown of connection, communication and skillful conflict and gets in the way of efforts to recover despite both partner's desires and intentions. Jill discusses the role of reactivity and pathways to change your relationship with it. You can learn more about Jill's work at: www.jillcorvelli.com or www.ndpartnerscompass.com --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love. _________________________________________________ Discover the 4 stage communication method that provides neurodiverse couples with the insights and tools to bridge the communication gap that exists in mixed neurotype relationships. This solution-focused method provides what traditional therapies have never done. Designed specifically to help partners understand the root causes of their misunderstanding and confusion, this method provides implementable tools for clarification of meaning and for updating relationship narratives while attending to each partner/s unique preferences and needs. To learn about the services and resources Jodi Carlton provides you can check out her website at: www.jodicarlton.com --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love. _________________________________________________ Through the lens of neurodiversity, a movement to de-pathologize atypical neurological wiring, we will look at the application of IFS (Internal Family Systems therapy) to working with mixed neurology couples-effectively "looking under the hood" of what is happening for couples when they don't get along. A case example is discussed. You can contact Kim at: www.kimbolling.com --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love. _________________________________________________ Just about everyone in a neurologically mixed relationship is confused about their partner's behavior and is often quick to assign motive. Instead, Joe Biel and Faith Harper offer tools to step back, listen, take care of yourself, and learn how to attack challenges as a team.  You can learn more about Joe at: joebiel.net You can contact Dr. Faith at: www.faithharper.com --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

To learn more about the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love. If you would like register for the 4 week workshop series that Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. and Sarah Swenson, LMHC will be co-facilitating titled " How Can I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together" that begins on July 9th, 2024 at 7:30pm EST click here. _________________________________________________ During this episode, Margot Alexis and Chelle share information about the long-term effects of Cassandra syndrome. Many NT women endure chronic isolation, anxiety and depression. Others have difficulty sleeping, digestive disorders and serious autoimmune diseases. Some exhibit persistent anger, severe resentment and feel helpless to change the situation. Almost all will experience a loss of self.  In this episode, Margot and Chelle discuss what Cassandra Syndrome is, it’s effects and how you can heal from it. They also share information on the following topics: Why NT women have a difficult time getting support from friends and family? The first step in recovery. What healthy emotional detachment looks like. How letting go is different than giving up. The support that is available, To learn more about Margot and Chelle please check out: www.healingcassandra.com --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

If you would like to register for the 4 week workshop series titled " "How Can I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together", with Sarah Swenson, LMHC and Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. ⁠click here. To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships, check out ⁠Neurodiverse Love.__________________________________________________________________ During this episode, Dr. Ali Arena Perkinson shares information about the 4 communication styles she has identified to help individuals and couples better understand themselves and each other. The goal is for you and your partner to learn more about your different styles and how you can better understand each other and communicate more effectively. The 4 communication styles are: Purposeful Captivator Listener Facter To learn more about Ali and the work she does, please check out her website at: https://www.connection-squared.com/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

If you would like to register for the 4 week workshop series titled " "How Can I Love My Partner and Still Struggle to Imagine a Healthy Future Together", with Sarah Swenson, LMHC and Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D. click here. To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships click here. _________________________________________________ Although the global awareness of autism continues to show signs of growth, little empirical research has been done on the way in which neurodiversity impacts romantic relationships. The existing body of knowledge points at a severe state of distress in women who are in couple relationships with men on the autism spectrum. However, the literature is mainly based on personal accounts of these women, in many cases, without their partner being formally diagnosed. Most professionals aren’t trained or lack the experience to recognize or diagnose ASD in adults. Hence, they fail to provide efficient help for neurodiverse couples and women in neurodiverse relationships. Aiming to raise the awareness, change the existing situation and help these women and couples, Dr. Pnina Arad conducted an extensive quantitative study about the physical and mental well-being of women in neurodiverse relationships. During this episode she describes her research, shares the findings, and discusses the conclusions and implications of her study results. To learn more about Dr. Pnina Arad, please check out her website. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

To learn more about the Neurodivere Love Conversation Cards and Workbook, the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos and the other resources available for individuals or couples in mixed neurotype relationships click here. _________________________________________________ Professor Tony Attwood and Dr, Michelle Garnett have learned through their many years of clinical experience that there are some unique challenges to being in a love relationship as a female autistic partner, and yet much of the literature on relationships where one partner is autistic focuses on the male autistic/female neurotypical experience. In this session, they both describe some of the experiences they have discovered to be challenging for autistic women in love relationships, and give some ideas about how to manage these challenges. This session will be helpful to both autistic women and their partners. If you would like to learn more about the workshops and resources that Tony and Michelle have available, please check out their website. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

To understand yourself, your partner and your neurodiverse relationship better, invest in the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards, Workbook, and the Neurodiverse Love Conference videos. In addition, check out the other resources available to help you find guidance as you move forward on your Neurodiverse Love journey. ———————————————————————During this session from the Neurodiverse Love Conference, Dr. Harry Motro shares how "Trauma Informed Neurodiverse Couples Therapy" can help create a path to lasting healing. When one or both partners has been traumatized by relationship patterns that are rooted in their neuro-differences, the partners must overcome two distinct challenges: 1. Heal the trauma, and 2. Understand and build bridges across the neurological differences. Unfortunately, most approaches to Neurodiverse couples counseling do not adequately address the trauma. As a result, couples get stuck in trauma-fed reactive behaviors that keep them stuck. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

To help you and your partner better understand each other, you can buy the digital download of the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards for $11 or the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Card Workbook for $12.97 _________________________________________________ During this solo episode, Mona shares how she has rebuilt her self-worth and self esteem and healed emotionally, mentally and physically since her divorce 6 years ago. Other topics addressed include: Looking back I am able to get a clear understanding of what brought me the peace and joy I have today. Whether you stay in your current relationship or go please know that we all deserve joy and peace!!! You can’t change the past, but you can understand it to change the narrative or story you tell yourself and this helps improve life in the present and the future.   We all are doing the best we can in the moment and when we know better we CAN do better!!! (Maya Angelou) Understand what is changeable, focus on your side of the street, take action towards thriving!!! Feel it, visualize it and see yourself taking the action steps to move forward on making the changes you want to create to have the life you want! Emotional death by a thousand papercuts occurs because you don’t understand your own or each other’s neurotypes, childhood wounds or vulnerabilities. You wish your partner could change and do things more like you do and you are both unintentionally hurting and triggering each other…your nervous systems are continuously dysregulated and you may find yourself in a state of fight, flight, freeze or fawn often. Mourning, grief and disbelief that our marriage was ending after 30 years, yet we still loved each other!!! Resentment, anger and regret. Anxiety, depression, despair. Feeling all the feels and having a support system that could hold me close and love me through some of the most emotional and lowest points in my life. Working on my mental health, finding a good therapist, listening to podcasts and reading books, walking, spending time outside in the sun and at the beach. Reconnecting with the things I loved when I was younger, that I was no longer including in my life. Getting clear about my own needs, wants, desires, and non-negotiables. Practicing self-care and saying no to things that no longer mattered to me and saying "fuck yes" to the things that I was most passionate about or that brought me peace. Rebuilding my self esteem and self-worth, and then putting myself out there again to start dating. Eating healthy and exercising. Getting clear about my dreams and taking steps to move forward on making them a reality… asking myself “will I regret this if I don’t do it?” Having and communicating healthy boundaries in every relationship in my life which included work, friends, family and dating. Tapping into my life purpose and moving forward to making that a reality. Being kind and patient with myself, and fully accepting what I needed to heal and grow. Forgiveness, healing somatically and spiritually and finally, knowing that other peoples opinions of me is none of my business, and is oftentimes a reflection of their own unhealed trauma or pain.  You can’t do the work for two people!!!  Own your truth!  Let old patterns die!!!  Celebrating freedom from unintentional hurt and pain…healing, growth and living an aligned life.  Saying goodbye to the old version of me and embracing my authentic self. Radical acceptance and responsibility for living my truth!  Understanding my own neurotype, my wants, needs, desires, values and preferences.  Knowing that I deserve to live my best, most authentic life!!!! ______________ To keep up-to-date on all the resources available through Neurodiverse Love you can subscribe to Mona's newsletter at: https://www.neurodiverselove.com/newsletter-signup Follow Mona on Instagram: @neurodiverse_loveCheck out her website:  www.neurodiverselove.com If you want to contact Mona you can email her at: Neurodiverselove4u@gmail.com --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

If you are interested in learning more about the resources Mona has available for neurodiverse couples, or individuals in a neurodiverse relationship, you can check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________ During this episode with Dr. Ali Cunningham Abbott, LMHC we talk about the self-discovery process for neurodivergent individuals and why it is critical for therapists, health care professionals and educators to have more knowledge and training about neurodiversity. Other topics addressed include: Ali's work at the Center for Autism and Related Disabilities (CARD) at Florida Atlantic University (FAU). Combatting assumptions about autism and romantic relationships. Counselors need to have the competencies to work with neurodivergent individuals or neurodiverse couples. Understanding the self-identification and self-discovery options and process.  Knowing if it’s necessary to get a formal diagnosis. Using free assessment tools may be helpful (ie: Autism Quotient; Social Responsiveness Scale). Go to www.embraceautism.com for a lot of free assessment tools. Understand your Sensory Profile. Hypo and Hyper social motivation. Understanding autism across the lifespan, for all genders, for different races and the diversity in sexuality identities. Autism representation in the media and stereotypes. Feeling alien or not belonging and getting a diagnosis or self-identification as an adult. Grieving what could have been because of unknown autism. Using strengths and assets to help individuals thrive. Project F.I.N.D. (Females in Need of Diagnosis). Making higher educational training more autism friendly. Ali is the Program Director for the Counseling Program at Lynn University and she has created an “Interest Network” at the Southern Association for Counselors Educators and Supervisors. If you would like to buy Ali's book the title is: Counseling Adults with Autism; A Comprehensive Toolkit.  The title of Steph Jones book is: The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy. You can contact Ali at Lynn University  or on LinkedIn --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

If you are looking for more resources on neurodiverse relationships you can check out Mona's website: www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________ During this episode with Dr. Laura Hull you will learn more about the development of the CAT-Q tool (Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire)  and the impact of camouflaging/masking. Other topics discussed are: How the CAT-Q was developed and why. What might make it difficult for girls or women to get an autism diagnosis? Developing methods for teachers and parents to recognize and understand camouflaging.  Camouflaging may be affect a person's mental health because of increased stress and anxiety, feeling like they may be losing their identity, lack of authenticity, or lying about who they are. The research shows there is a connection between mental health and camouflaging.  There is ongoing research on the correlation between these topics. Masking and camouflaging are used interchangeably and focus on changing and fitting in. Camouflaging-is compensating for differences or assimilating into other aspects of behavior. Masking is a subtype of camouflaging and is about hiding of Autistic characteristics. Discovering that you’re Autistic later in life and beginning to work out your identity and unmask to find out who your “real self” is. Determining if you want to unmask in all areas of life. How unmasking impacts your relationships. Seeing your child get negative feedback for being who they are may be a catalyst for unmasking . There are some differences between different genders and the way they camouflage. What if health care and mental health providers ALL screened for neurodivergence? This could help more people get the right support and accommodations! The CAT-Q can be accessed for free at:https://embrace-autism.com/cat-q/ The tool can help you better understand if and how you might be camouflaging. Laura is working on another project with neurodivergent individuals to determine what type of support young people who are masking might need. To learn more about masking you can buy the book Laura co-authored: Autism and Masking: How and Why People Do It and the Impact it Can Have by Dr. Felicity Sedgewick, Dr. Laura Hull and Helen Ellis. You can also contact Laura at: Laura.hull@bristol.ac.uk --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support

To get more information about the resources Mona has available for neurodiverse couples or individuals in mixed neurotype relationships check out her website at: www.neurodiverselove.com _________________________________________________ During this episode with author Sarah Hendrickx, she will share how she met her partner 20 years ago and why she didn’t understand why their relationship was so wonderful and difficult at the same time. She also talks about how she began to discover her own neurotype and how she and her partner Keith compliment each other's strengths and understand and accomodate each other's differences. Sarah has been doing “non-clinical autism diagnostic assessments”, workshops and conference presentations for many years and the 2nd edition of her fantastic book "Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum" was released this year and is a “must read”. Other topics discussed include:  The Lost Generation. PCOS and Autistic women. Anxiety and agoraphobia. AuDHD and women. Bridging the silos. Menopause and ND women (autistic menopause.com is doing research on this topic) What attracts neurodivergent partners?  Not being focused on social conventions. How neurodiverse couples are attracted to certain qualities in the beginning of the relationship that may drive them nuts as the relationship moves forward. The differences in her relationship with Keith and how they help each other step up and take care of each other. (Socializing, sensory and emotional/mental health differences). How alexithymia may be impacting your relationship. The importance of self-awareness. Acknowledging that you are no longer in the same relationship that you were in before you knew you were a neurodiverse couple. The importance of shared core values. Always be kind!  Want the best for each other. Understanding what is changeable and what is not. The best you each can do is going to change…sometimes daily. Other books and authors mentioned on the podcast: Other books by Sarah: The Adolescent and Adult Neuro-diversity Handbook; Love, Sex & Long Term Relationships; Aspergers Syndrome and Employment; Asperger's Syndrome-a love story. An Asperger Marriage by Gisela and Christopher Slater Asperger Syndrome and Alcohol: Drinking to Cope by Matthew Tinsley and Sarah Hendrickx Books by: Liane Holliday Willey (Pretending to Be Normal and Asperger Syndrome in the Family), Temple Grandin (The Autistic Brain and Navigating Autism) and Donna Williams (Autism: An Inside-Out Approach and Nobody Nowhere) You can learn more about Sarah or contact her daughter Jess at: https://www.asperger-training.com/sarah-hendrickx In addition, for more information about the assessments available you can go to: https://axia-asd.co.uk/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neurodiverse-love/support