Good afternoon, and welcome to New and a Bit Alarming, a show where I take an excruciatingly close look at the 2017 remake of Beauty and the Beast. At first intended to be an honest and in-depth examination of the film's failures, it became... something else. Here's a peek at the season to come. Enjoy!
The movie begins, and we start to examine the truly ridiculous idea to open with actually seeing the prince in the non-furry flesh.
Our excursion into the castle continues. Audra and Stanley show up and perform a brand new song that no one has ever remembered.
The castle scene trudges on, and we look at some really weird-ass architectural and design choices.
Still at the castle, I get fed up with the narrator constantly lying about what's happening on the screen. I CAN SEE IT, LADY.
We prepare to meet our other titular character, and I become very annoyed about urban planning, and about how this movie loves to take breaks in the middle of songs.
We jump into the song "Belle", which is really just a powder keg of terrible remake decisions. And terrible filmmaking decisions in general.
In which we see one of the most absurd small choices of the film, starting Gaston and LeFou out of town, and one of the most offensive large changes, making LeFou a mincing gay stereotype and not even committing to it.
"Belle" lurches to a conclusion as Bill loses track of his camera, his extras, and his lead actress.
In which Bill misses his first shot at including a song from the stage musical, and we start to suspect he has no idea what to do with Gaston.
In which Bill decides to make something no one was curious about into a pointless mystery, and the movie establishes its habit of criminally wasting Kevin Kline.
In which an element from the Cocteau film and original fairy tale is reintroduced and not remotely justified. Periodic reminder that you should check out Lindsay Ellis's review of this movie.
In which Belle attempts to start an industrial revolution, to the upset of a bunch of townspeople who are somehow more cartoonish than they were in the actual cartoon.
In this episode, I returned to the drive-in where I saw Beauty and the Beast to check out Aladdin, and rambled out a few quick thoughts while the end credits were rolling. More of a mixed bag than Beauty and the Beast in that there were some good things.
This time, nothing happens. Well, Bill wastes another opportunity to make some sort of feminist statement. At least Gaston's ego shows up finally.
I'm getting really sick of this nonsense. GASTON WAS ALREADY A PERFECTLY FINE CHARACTER.
We're almost out of the solo episodes, and this is the one in which I run into the scene that made me want to do this show in the first place. I guess that's when I realized I needed help.
All right, I can't do it alone. Here's the last solo episode, where they KEEP OVEREXPLAINING THINGS.
This is a two-seat show from now on, and my first second seat goes to my friend Lara, who helps me learn about who hay is for. It's Horses!