No New Notifications from Kanan & Manek

KG and MD are back, or did they never leave? In their first double episode matinee spectacular, the duo discuss the things that everyone does, what we all learned too late, update their peer reviewed paper on Optimal Eating Patterns (OEPs), codify some Modern Etiquette, some Lovers, some Haters, the very Maxima of cringe, debut a brand new segment and accomplish something (another something) that no piece of entertainment has ever done before! Click this to buy The NOT Golden Zero! (so that Tim runs out of stock) Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com (make sure to attach the NNN postage stamp to all your emails for proper & safe delivery) NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

After a very realistic time-jump, Kanan & Manek celebrate their win at the World Heavy Metal Knitting Competition, recount a run-in with an elderly Spanish TikTok influencer, declare more rules of Modern Etiquette, discuss the unique habits we form when living life without the instruction manual, and gather the peers to research a food-related scientific paper that might earn the podcast an honorary PhD. Click this to buy The NOT Golden Zero! (so that Tim runs out of stock) Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com (make sure to attach the NNN postage stamp to all your emails for proper & safe delivery) NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

After some extensive inter-dimensional travel, Kanan & Manek return to establish more rules of Modern Etiquette, play a brutal quiz about Elden Ring, celebrate the biggest Winners among us, read your socially disturbing and Maximum Cringe stories, receive a package containing the podcast’s brand new postage stamps, and finally, reveal the results of the Official Democratic Elections for the Unofficial NNN SubReddit. Click this to buy The NOT Golden Zero! (so that Tim runs out of stock) Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com (make sure to attach the NNN postage stamp to all your emails for proper & safe delivery) NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com Additional Music: Hundred Years in Hellheim by Tri-Tachyon 

Manek & Kanan return to this dimension in their season-powered rocket headed straight to the Sun. They discuss important podcast matters, struggle through the phonetic code words for each letter of the alphabet, explore long-term solutions to a pressing subreddit conundrum, hear what you hate that everyone else loves, entertain potential updates to the official NNN app, learn about your unique memory hacks, make big predictions for 2022, and try to diffuse a potential grudge as the #1GHP. Download your NNN Unwrapped certificate in the links section of our website. Click this to buy The NOT Golden Zero! (so that Tim runs out of stock) Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com  

Seasons of NNN now have more context as KG and MD announce which particular popular shows they have surpassed, reveal a thoughtful gift for Manek, debate the generosity of the LateBank, investigate a suspiciously quiet subreddit, curl up with some Maximum Cringe stories, hear about things people hate, and discuss your unfortunate experiences with the Sweater Curse. Download your NNN Wrapped certificate in the links section of our website. Click this to buy The NOT Golden Zero! (so that Tim runs out of stock) Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com  

The seasons keep on rolling as KG and MD arrive on time to induct Rohan Joshi's 'Show About Crypto' to the NNNN, shake up the ghost of their application, discuss Modern Etiquette, pivot their new business and discuss a highly documented Unlikely Seg. Click this to buy The NOT Golden Zero! (so that Tim runs out of stock) Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com  

In hitherto unseen feat of podcast strength KG and MD manage to pull off six whole seasons —in just one episode. Across the seasons they discuss a remedy for Manek's perpetual lack of punctuality, formally reveal the business plan for HighwaySta® (available on our website), read out your Frankensnacks, introduce a brand new segment -MAXIMUM CRINGE- read the unlikeliest story from unlikely segs, and round everything up with the beautiful digestif of Italian Corner. Click this to buy The NOT Golden Zero! (so that Tim runs out of stock) Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

Kanan and Manek finally pull off a feat long thought impossible, longer thought unachievable, longest thought unnecessary —releasing TWO SEASONS at once. In the ultimate flex, KG & MD enter the meta-averse from where they can wield eternity, stuff it in a salt shaker and sprinkle it out as season flakes. Are you ready for -The Seasoning? Across the scope of two seasons they discuss the fate of their starting of year predictions, revisit unlikely segs, announce a brand new set about business, discuss your modern etiquettes, take a test to see whether they have the basic skills for life and finally chisel out space to make room for a brand new corner. Click this to buy The NOT Golden Zero! (so that Tim runs out of stock) Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

In a timeline where the podcast has not yet ended, KG and MD inaugurate Season 3 of NNN with a thrilling episode of updates on our application, stamp related deception, shopping dilemmas, frankensnacks, open ended barber conversations, all under the looming shadow of a terrifying question  —is this lame? Click this to buy The NOT Golden Zero! (so that Tim runs out of stock) Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

Click this to buy The NOT Golden Zero! (so that Tim runs out of stock) In this perfectly peaceful universe, Kanan & Manek devise a new strategy to deal with the NOT Golden Zero, brainstorm upcoming features of the official NNN app, define more rules of Modern Etiquette, leap over some games you’ve invented, consider the more unlikely of segs, and have a calm and friendly discussion about multiple timelines.   Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

Don't click this to buy The NOT Golden Zero! It's been exactly 1 year since the first episode of the world's first fully middle podcast, No New Notifications. Kanan & Manek celebrate being a mathematically-provable weekly podcast (on average), flaunt their most ground-breaking projects and achievements, uncover a dark secret about the Golden Zero's evil counterpart, read about your invented games, talk through some incredible Frankensnacks, and finally...   Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

Kanan & Manek manage to slip many a conversation and musing in the gaps between the more structured and regular segs of the podcast. A collection of one-offs, experiments, deepcuts, & spontaneous chats – this episode is like plunging your hand between the cushions of a sofa in search of the remote, and instead finding little bits of last week’s popcorn.   Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

To keep audiences from getting sick of their voices, Kanan & Manek hatched an ingenious plan to occasionally call a fresh voice on the podcast, a guest, who can add their own ingredients to this already confusingly flavoured soup we call a podcast. Here are all those voices, played one after another like a poorly coordinated choir.   Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

Manek and Kanan have different views when it comes to shopping. Should you buy things with deliberation or excitement? Shopline bling was created as a helpline for listeners who are fraught with shopping dilemmas. Should you buy that coffee machine, that parachute, or that squirrel on your fingers? All questions answered here, shoplines are open. Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

Socrates once said "all I know is that I know nothing", but he never wrote into the podcast. Sometimes we go through much of our lives only to realise that we were holding a stupid piece of knowledge in our fists. It could be a fact, a firmly held opinion, an entire cosmogony, or just wildly wrong lyrics to a Savage Garden song. Late learners celebrates all the things that we learned too late, because it's never too late. Write to us, Socrates.   Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

Kanan and Manek find that the stiff necked victorian manuals for how one must conduct themselves in society are now hideously out of date. What are the standards of etiquette that one must follow in modern society? How do you correctly share a powerbank, or end a text message conversation? Is your phone passcode your intellectual property, and just what are you supposed to do with email signatures? All these questions and more are discussed and codified by KG and MD in Modern Etiquette.   Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

In the absence of sponsors, Kanan and Manek generate their own, starting with somewhat prepared ones to increasingly abstract, absurd and largely improvised companies that give fictional money to the podcast in return for real publicity. Sadly many of these coupon codes have expired, but in this supercut, their memory lives on.   Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

By listening to the podcast you are already a winner, but you've also won unique competitions you've won in your life, like a one-handed pillow fight for which you were awarded a 12-piece antique glass set. Kanan & Manek take a walk through our entire hall of fame of winners so far.    Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

Manek hates coffee, Kanan hates dance videos, and our friend Vikram hates Inception, chocolate, and the laughter of innocent children. You’ve hated things everyone else loved, and loved things everyone else hated, and we’ve collected all your contributions thus far into one convenient string of painfully polarising emotions.   Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com

Kanan learns that Manek keeps talking points for each segment of the podcast; so to take some of the pressure off, Kanan writes down what he assumes to be Manek's thoughts, and has him read them out.   Contribute at hello@nonewnotifications.com  NNN Official App (Android & iOS) : Download Visit our website if you're that kinda person www.nonewnotifications.com Opening Music (Arranged, Produced, Mixed and Salted) by Jonathan Wesley at www.jonathanwesleymusic.com