Claim OwnershipNope! We're Not Monogamous
Subscribed: 118Played: 3,357
Subscribe
© 2025 Nope! We're Not Monogamous
Description
Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (Enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, tantra and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.
136 Episodes
Reverse
If you’ve ever wondered which relationship skills actually make non-monogamy easier, healthier, and less chaotic, this episode is your new favorite deep dive. Today I’m talking with couples therapist Dr. Dan Sneider, who works with both monogamous and non-monogamous partners and brings a grounded, compassionate, very human approach to communication, trust, and emotional safety. We get into the skills that truly make the biggest difference, including: • How to communicate without spiraling • H...
Ever tried to think your way out of a feeling? You read the books, have the talks, highlight every chapter on jealousy and self-regulation… and your nervous system just shrugs and says, “That’s cute, I’m still panicking.” This week on Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting real about the hilarious (and exhausting) ways we try to outsmart our emotions, and why logic doesn’t work when your body doesn’t feel safe. In this solo episode, I share my own “self-help fails,” the moment I realized you...
Ever been told that a relationship only “counts” if you stay in it forever? Yeah… hard pass. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with therapist, coach, and relationship anarchist Jessica Morgenthaler to talk about what it actually means to do relationships on purpose, not just by default. Jessica’s been practicing and teaching ethical non-monogamy for over a decade, and the way she talks about relationship design will blow your mind a little (and soothe your inner overth...
What if the secret to better sex, stronger orgasms, and more confidence isn’t another relationship hack—but your pelvic floor? This week, I’m joined by Jana Danielson, sensual health and pelvic floor wellness expert, Pilates master instructor, and creator of the Cooch Ball (yes, that’s really what it’s called). Jana and I met in a group for sex-positive professionals, and even though she’s delightfully monogamous—we don’t discriminate against the monogamous here—her work is pure gold for ever...
In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory. If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion. You’ll learn how to: → Recognize when you’re betraying yourself by staying quiet → Understand the fears that keep you silent in non-m...
You’ve read the books. You’ve had the conversations. You’ve tried to journal your way into compersion. So why does your stomach still drop the moment your partner says they’re heading to someone else’s house? In this episode, I’m unpacking the real reason jealousy sticks around in polyamory — even when you've “done the work.” Spoiler alert: it’s not about logic, it’s about your nervous system. We’ll explore: Why jealousy is a felt experience, not a failureThe toxic pressure to be the “chill p...
Are you stuck running relationship patterns you never consciously chose? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down how to identify the default “rules” you inherited about love, sex, and partnership, and how to rewrite them so your relationships actually work for YOU. So many of us grew up believing myths like: “If you’re really in love, you won’t be attracted to anyone else.”“To be a good partner, you have to want everything your partner wants.”“Jealousy means love.”The...
Are you polyamorous and anxious? Does your chest tighten every time your partner mentions a new crush? Are you constantly asking yourself, “Why am I feeling this way if I chose non-monogamy?” You’re not broken and you’re definitely not alone. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach and recovering bathroom-floor-cryer Ellecia Paine (that’s me 👋) breaks down: Why relationship anxiety is so common in non-monogamyThe real roots of jealousy (hint: it’s not just about your...
Have you ever thought, “If my partner can’t meet all my needs, maybe another partner will”? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I break down why that belief is one of the biggest traps in polyamory and open relationships. We hear it all the time in the ENM community: “No one person can meet all your needs.” That’s true, but when we take it as a free pass to collect partners to fill every emotional gap, it backfires. Instead of feeling fulfilled, we multiply our insecurities, creat...
Most people think the toughest part of polyamory is jealousy. But according to Richie, it’s actually… logistics. Yep, the calendar. After a life-changing cancer journey with his partner, Richie realized that the hardest part of opening their relationship wasn’t emotions, it was managing schedules, consent, and privacy across multiple partners. With his background in software product management, he decided to do something about it, and created PYE, a scheduling and consent management app desig...
What if midlife wasn’t the decline everyone warns you about, but a second spring? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Carla Wainwright, Holistic Wellness Coach, Sexual Awakening Facilitator, and self-proclaimed Midlife Alchemist. We talk about what really happens to women’s desire, relationships, and identity in midlife, and how it all ties into exploring non-monogamy, polyamory, and rewriting the love scripts we didn’t ask for. Carla shares why: 🔥 Desire evolves wi...
Curious about open relationships but tired of the Instagram highlight reel version? This episode gets real about what it actually takes to make non-monogamy work — the messy feelings, the constant negotiations, and the communication skills you didn’t know you needed until it was too late. As a relationship coach, I’ve seen the glossy fantasy and the gritty reality. Spoiler: opening your relationship isn’t a shortcut to freedom — it’s a crash course in radical honesty, emotional intelligence, ...
What happens when you leave monogamy… but bring patriarchy with you? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with Cass Banker (they/them) — a polyamorous, eXvangelical, non-binary human on a mission to deconstruct patriarchal masculinity in themselves and the world. Raised and socialized as a man for most of their life, Cass knows firsthand how entitlement, dominance, and pre-written gender scripts sneak into all kinds of relationships — yes, even ethical non-monogamy. We ta...
“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Why do I keep wanting more when I already have a ‘good’ relationship?” If that question has been looping in your head, this episode is for you. Spoiler: there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just been taught your whole life that love only “counts” if it fits in the monogamy box—even if that box is crushing you. I’m getting real about my own story—how I contorted myself in my first marriage until I barely recognized who ...
What happens when you grow up being told your body isn’t yours, your desires are dangerous, and your worth is tied to being someone’s “only one”… and then you finally break free? In this powerful conversation, I’m joined (again!) by Leah Carey, relationship and intimacy coach and former host of Good Girls Talk About Sex, to talk about what so many folks discover after leaving high-control environments like purity culture, religious abuse, cults, or narcissistic family systems: → The floodgate...
In non-monogamy, being misunderstood often feels like the default—and being truly seen? That’s the exception. But finding your people truly changes everything. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non-monogamous love, sex, and relationship coach Ellecia Paine cracks open the emotional exhaustion of constantly explaining your relationships—especially to therapists, friends, or family who just don’t get it. She shares what real support actually looks like, how it feels in your body, a...
Do you worry that your desires make you “too much”? Like wanting more connection, more honesty, or more love means something is wrong with you? You're not broken—you’re just becoming. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting all the way real about the internalized guilt so many of us carry when we crave “more” in our relationships. More connection. More truth. More you. And especially inside non-monogamy, where wanting more can trigger every insecurity we’ve ever inherited f...
So your mind gets polyamory—you’ve read the books, done the therapy, had the late-night conversations. But your body? It’s still freaking out when your partner goes on a date. Welcome to the nervous system’s opinion on non-monogamy. In this deeply validating and often hilarious conversation, I’m joined by Dedeker Winston (co-host of the Multiamory podcast) and Orit Krug, a licensed dance/movement therapist, to talk about why your nervous system might not be as on board with polyamory as your ...
What actually happens at sex-positive events? Cuddle parties? Consent circles? Erotic service? 👀 In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, I sit down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the radical, healing, and totally human side of building sex-positive community. We cover: How to start a sex-positive space or community near youWhat consent really looks like (hint: it’s not just “yes or no”)Erotic service, safer sex talks, and the power of devotiona...
Feeling like the “easy one” in your polycule? Always chill, never the squeaky wheel? This episode is your permission slip to stop shrinking for connection. We’re breaking down what it means to disappear inside non-monogamy, why boundaries aren’t selfish, and how to recognize when your emotional self-silencing isn’t maturity—it’s survival. 👉 Topics covered: What emotional self-abandonment looks like in Ethical Non MonogamyHow "being chill" becomes a trapThe difference between inclusion and bei...
Download from Google Play
Download from App Store
United States
This podcast is such a great resource for those of us finding new ways to love ourselves and each other. I especially appreciate the diverse perspectives of the guests. Thank you!!