One Hard Thing

Horses are large, social, emotional, flight-prone and yet connected animals. Tundra likes to come into my space when she’s insecure about what’s going on. Much like kids or adults who may be relying on our security to co-regulate theirs, this can be hard to counterbalance, effectively. It can get dangerous, fast, given how suddenly she can react, and how big she is, relative to me.This walk and talk is demonstrating how slowing down, backing up, and becoming hyper-aware of balance challenges (for both of us) can help my horse find her own strong centre, without it threatening mine. For those of you who work with people who sometimes lean in a bit suddenly, aggressively, or even thoughtlessly, this might spark some thoughts as to how to proactively help them keep their balance alongside you, instead of on top of you!…and yes, I did the whole walk with her again after, without a phone, and she was able to really figure out those scary, scary stumps. While staying in her own balanced and secure space. But, it took time, respecting her need to figure it out with my presence and support. Just not my “carrying her!”One Hard Thing Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Thanks for reading One Hard Thing Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

A big part of safer means not just objective safety, but the perception that I’m safe. Or at least, safe enough. Fight or flight (or freeze, or fawn) are states of being that can solidify into days, months, years, even. They lock us up. They feel immovable, and can feel hopeless.Spring does come. We can thaw. But the magic moment when ice turns to liquid and flows again happens only after degree upon degree of warming. Even though nothing looks different, change is coming. Even though chronic and unrelenting stress may have a deep hold of your heart and mind and body, little caring actions (by others, by you) matter. Don’t give up if the ice doesn’t break right away.Spring does come.Thanks for reading One Hard Thing Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

Lee-Anne and I have worked closely in the area of inclusive education for the last 8 years. Here Lee-Anne is able to describe how she views inclusion through the lens of teaching a very full Functional Integrated Program. For Ministry of Education (Saskatchewan-based, of course) guidelines, see this link here. We talk briefly about the differing terms of segregation, integration, and the contrast with aspirational inclusion for students. We are referencing primarily Shelley Moore's great work on this whole topic in B.C. She has multiple YouTube and other online resources to tap into, but a good book is One Without the Other: Stories of Unity Through Diversity and Inclusion (2016). Lee-Anne also mentions Jody Carrington, author of Kids These Days: A Game Plan for (Re)Connecting with Those we Teach, Lead, and Love, (2020)  and many others.This podcast is also sponsored by nature, water, trees, and other spaces that transform us so we can continue to do the hard work of making our spaces welcoming to everyone.  I hope you all enjoy this interview as much as I did!Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusic Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume... Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8 Other music by soundcloud.com (creative commons, royalty free) https://soundcloud.com/twisterium?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

Yes, Dan is Lynn's husband, and co-owner/operator of Attic Therapy, the business behind One Hard Thing. It seemed appropriate to start with the most inclusive person I know, in all the best senses. Dan is not conventionally welcoming, in personality, looks, or life experience. However he has ended up in a wide variety of spaces where his particular way of being has transformed what could have been awkward, uncomfortable, or even hostile interactions into warmth and connection. It's great to have a range of gifts in the world, and Dan represents the quiet hospitality of a do-er and a facilitator.  I think you will find his thoughtful and understated style a bit of a contrast to me!Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusic Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume... Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8 Other music by soundcloud.com (creative commons, royalty free).https://soundcloud.com/twisterium?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

Inclusion is not an academic or professional or political word. It is deeply personal, moral, and foundational to a just society. This season will focus on conversations with individuals who each have a perspective that is unique to their place in life, their gathered wisdom, and their particular hopes or thoughts about who could be made to feel more welcome, and maybe what they see happening in that regard in their world. Because the topic of inclusion can spark deeply felt trauma histories or blaming/shaming sorts of dialogues, I wanted to carefully enter this conversation with questions designed to probe individual experiences, memories, and ideas rather than abstract and other-centred opinions. We know we are not getting this right in so many ways. That's not even a question. What I am curious about is what it feels like for various people to be included, and where they see the opportunities, barriers, gaps, and emerging or transformative spaces for their particular way of being.I am starting, therefore, right here, with myself. This gives you all a chance to hear the types of questions I'm asking, and, not necessarily the type of answers I'm looking for (that's counter to the whole idea, after all!), but one person's answers. Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusic Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume... Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8 Other music by soundcloud.com (creative commons, royalty free).https://soundcloud.com/twisterium?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome back to One Hard Thing! This season I will be talking with individuals about their sense of safety, and how it relates to choice, connection, and opening doors. Humans are unique and powerful in our ability to transform our world from what is to what could be. If we want a welcoming, inclusive, and flourishing society, how would we get from where we are to what we can envision? What do we envision this to look like? And how many points of view does it take to describe a world that is hospitable and safe for me, you, and every individual on the planet? Music by soundcloud.com (creative commons, royalty free).https://soundcloud.com/twisterium?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

This wraps up Season 1! It by no means untangles everything but it's time to pause and start to bring in other perspectives. I want to set this up by celebrating the uniqueness, and irreplaceable nature, of each person's view and story. Yes, we can objectively quantify all sorts of data and facts, but without a story, there is no purpose to the exercise. Science is a means of finding out answers to questions that occur as part of a Story. And that story is subjectively experienced as Truth because it is what Happens to each of us. Separately. We share our truth by sharing our stories, and the science helps with that, but only a very little...Song: Luz de Luna Artist: Juan Sánchez Artist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/Song: RebirthArtist: Juan Sánchez Artist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusic Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume... Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8 Other music by soundcloud.com (creative commons, royalty free).https://soundcloud.com/twisterium?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

It is hard to match resources to problems that we already know are too large to handle. However, calibrating the "size of the problem" accurately, and proportionate to our need for safety before all else, is a critical skill. When we minimize, and worse, teach our children to minimize, based on discounting our feelings, we undercut what could be so valuable in marshalling appropriate resilience and creative responses to the world as it is, rather than as we wish it would be. I reference Gavin De Becker's The Gift of Fear, published by Dell in 1997. Also, Karla McLaren's The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings are Trying to Tell You. (Sounds True, 2010).Another great one is Linda Kohanov's The Power of the Herd: A Nonpredatory Approach to Social Intelligence, Leadership, and Innovation. (New World Library, 2013). She references McLaren extensively in promoting a non-Western paradigm for understanding power. Song: Luz de Luna Artist: Juan Sánchez Artist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/Song: RebirthArtist: Juan Sánchez Artist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/ Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusic Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume... Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8 Other music by soundcloud.com (creative commons, royalty free).https://soundcloud.com/twisterium?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

Structures are very useful, and function very well when defined, and able to store and use resources. However, in the world of children, structures that function more like silos are a difficult reality. It's a hard thing, but maybe we can keep the structures more or less intact while adding in conversational friendships to bridge the gaps (or chasms) between them.Song: Luz de Luna Artist: Juan Sánchez Artist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/Song: RebirthArtist: Juan SánchezArtist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusic Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume... Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8 Other music by soundcloud.com (creative commons, royalty free).https://soundcloud.com/twisterium?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

It is so easy to direct moral judgement outwards towards solutions that seem hopelessly archaic or even immoral. Trying to reduce the level of judgement by differentiating structures (which absolutely were created to solve problems) from processes (constrained and suggested by the structures which house them) and most especially from the people who inhabit our world, will go a long way to creating constructive discourse.  Our outrage is a signal and should be respected, researched, and expressed - carefully.  A well-functioning and inclusive society will have structures and processes in place that allow for many points of view to notice problems and perhaps suggest novel solutions.  Outrage does not have to be a sign of immaturity if it can be expressed creatively, collaboratively, and with respect for the past.  Which is not to say that the future will not require enormous change! In other words, every perspective we can find is needed.Song: Luz de Luna Artist: Juan Sánchez Artist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/Song: Rebirth Artist: Juan Sánchez Artist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/ Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusic Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume... Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8 Other music by soundcloud.com (creative commons, royalty free).https://soundcloud.com/twisterium?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

Our aim, it is said, actually organizes perception. We see the world as either a set of helps or hindrances to where we want to go. This isn't selfish, and it's not bad, but it is worth knowing. If we are starting to objectify people, then it is probably time to examine our aim, rather than wishing they would just change to suit our agenda. Figuring this out both as an individual, and even more importantly, as inclusive teams, will really help when tensions surface. The tensions are informing us that different aims are duking it out. That's okay, and we just need to talk about the goals as objects, and let the people remain the valuable and irreplaceable humans we all are.Here's the link to the lecture clip I mention. (Thank you, Dr. Peterson! Very helpful explanation for me!):https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTMsI5KfIvUSong: Luz de Luna Artist: Juan Sánchez Artist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/ Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusic Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume... Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8 Other music by soundcloud.com (creative commons, royalty free).https://soundcloud.com/twisterium?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

It's always challenging to find aspects of problems we can control, and therefore use to our advantage. Time is most often viewed as a constraint rather than an opportunity. Let's question our definition of what must be done, and by what time...maybe there is more room in our lives than we think...?Song: Luz de Luna Artist: Juan Sánchez Artist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/ Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusic Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume... Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8 Other music by soundcloud.com (creative commons, royalty free).https://soundcloud.com/twisterium?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

We all have limits, but we are often lacking in modelling as to how to deal with them without shame or denial. How we think about our own need for help or our own lack of adequate resources directly relates to how we truly rate others.  Strength does not determine worth. This is hard to remember with all the "gym posters" in the world.There are lots of resources on "play personalities" out there. Here's a good one:https://www.nifplay.org/what-is-play/play-personalities/Leah Kuypers is the author of The Zones of Regulation (2021). You can check into this resource here:https://zonesofregulation.com/index.htmlor at socialthinking.com, here:https://www.socialthinking.com/Search%20Results#q=zones%20of%20regulationThere is a great resource on shifting from competitive to collaborative leadership by Linda Kohanov, called The Power of the Herd (2015) available from amazon.ca. I highly recommend this very thought-provoking approach to non-predatory intelligence and leadership.https://www.amazon.ca/Power-Herd-Nonpredatory-Intelligence-Leadership/dp/1608683710/ref=sr_1_1?gclid=Cj0KCQjwmuiTBhDoARIsAPiv6L9jN7_aglc6LseCrGVwfwtCrmY2VAR-vomDmj757l_c7viS249MQf0aAtb6EALw_wcB&hvadid=208352290715&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9001239&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=4113931668062766734&hvtargid=kwd-312462294841&hydadcr=22431_9261611&keywords=power+of+the+herd&qid=1652226480&sr=8-1Also, apologies to all the inclusive, encouraging, and supportive gym teachers (and gym posters) out there. I was particularly scarred by a genre that is hopefully on its way out, or at least is now part of a more diverse group of "motivational images!"Song: Luz de Luna Artist: Juan Sánchez Artist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/ Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusic Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume... Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8 Other music by soundcloud.com (creative commons, royalty free). This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

We can really quickly make a joyful moment heavy with the weight of our wishes, hopes, dreams, and desires. Let's spend the time it takes really looking at what we want and then choosing one hard thing to work on at a time. Let's allow children that same grace as well. Keep your backpack manageable. Let yourself enjoy today.Song: Luz de LunaArtist: Juan SánchezArtist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusicCreative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume...Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8Other music by soundcloud.com (creative commons, royalty free). This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

Complexity in inclusive settings often is a result of longstanding problems that haven't been resolved or even fully acknowledged. Starting to approach solutions with gentleness and respect for all the "threads" that have become tangled together is going to be way more productive and less traumatic than using lots of force (even enthusiastic, happy force!). This episode is a toast to the restrained and quiet power of the truly skilled people who can be gentle.Song: Luz de LunaArtist: Juan SánchezArtist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusicCreative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume...Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8https://soundcloud.com/gsuscs/kygo-special-sesion?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

Children are not abstract; not general phenomena, and definitely not "normal." Neither are any of us who care for them. In thinking about complex issues it is helpful to be very clear on the individual, specific, uniqueness of each child, in their particular context. We are all heroes of our own story, and creating space for these stories, and how they overlap or interweave, is crucial if we are to humanely and sustainably help. Thanks to: Song: Luz de LunaArtist: Juan SánchezArtist’s Website: https://juansanchezmusic.info/Acoustic/Folk Instrumental by Hyde - Free Instrumentals https://soundcloud.com/davidhydemusicCreative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported— CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream:  https://bit.ly/acoustic-folk-instrume...Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/YKdXVnaHfo8as well as other Creative Commons music from Soundcloud.com.Photo in cover art by: Rodion Kutsaev of unsplash.com.  This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe

This podcast is for those of us trying hard to include all kids, everywhere. If you're passionate, but maybe a little tired, this podcast may be encouraging. Welcome, and enjoy.Intro/outro music provided by Juan Sånchez (please click link for info) under Creative Commons licensing. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit onehardthing.substack.com/subscribe