Only Human

What would you do if everything you knew was crumbling down around you? In this first episode of RNZ Podcast, Only Human, find out about an invisible disability that took musician Penni Bousfield on a path to re-learn everything she had ever known."You might have heard reports of sudden deafness syndrome where someone has a bad cold and they wake up the next morning and they can't walk and they can't hear properly.""That was what happened to me," says Penni Bousfield who features in the first episode of RNZ's freshly launched podcast, Only Human - a series of unexpected, raw personal portraits.Bousfield is one of 6 percent of the population with otosclerosis.For some sufferers, otosclerosis can run in the family, while for others there is no known reason for the onset of hearing loss. A musician for most of her life, Bousfield began experiencing hearing difficulties in her left ear when she was in her early twenties. By her forties she started wearing a hearing aid.Otosclerosis is one of the few forms of hearing loss that can be rectified with surgery, so the decision to undergo a stapedectomy had the potential to dramatically improve her hearing."My middle ear was steadily getting worse and I thought it was worth it," Bousfield says of the operation.But three days following the procedure, Bousfield says every possible thing that could go wrong went wrong.She experienced a constant whooshing feeling in her head, which lasted several months, along with head rushes and severe loss of balance. Basic everyday tasks were difficult and she needed a walking stick to assist her."The first week or two I was totally in denial ," she says.But while the surgery threw her physically off balance, her inability to tackle normal everyday activities also sent her into a downward spiral of depression.Bousfield's hearing loss was an invisible disability that affected her work opportunities, but also her social life."I can't differentiate between reflected sound, echoes reverberation and direct sound," says Bousfield.Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details

"I was frantically running down to the river and digging trenches…" says Lucie Levesque who was stuck in the remote wilderness in north central British Columbia when an underground fire began surrounding her wooden cabin and no one was there to rescue her. If you were asked to ditch your cell phone, social media, the latest news and even contact with friends and family for the adventure of a lifetime, would you do it?Avid-adventurer Lucie Levesque launches into a life changing experience in this episode of Only Human - a podcast about the human experience in its raw, and sometimes unexpected form. Today, the idea of going 'off grid' and taking a breather from the multidimensional online 'connected' world that we live in seems like a distant and unattainable dream. But for Lucie Levesque, being stuck in an isolated no-man's land offered the chance to learn more about herself and bring her closer to nature. Often described as the life of the party, Levesque jumped at the chance to do a three month stint living and working out of a remote lodge in the Spatsizi Plateau in north-central British Columbia.The plateau is so isolated that goods can only be brought in via float plane and there is no running water or electricity. The only sign of civilization is an 8-day trek by horseback on a dirt road.Blogs and travel articles describe the Spatsizi terrain as a kind of brutal face-off with nature - a place that tests the limits of the human capacity to survive.With very minimal human interaction is wasn't long before Lucie began losing her ability to speak, followed swiftly by a sequence of challenging and life-threatening events that nothing could ever prepare her for."One day I was by myself with the horses and there was a grizzly bear rubbing his back near my little cabin," says Levesque who simply froze on the spot.What happened next is almost beyond belief...Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details

In this episode of Only Human we meet Antonia, formerly Anthony John Pearce. As a young man, Anthony was a handsome singer-songwriter who had no shortage of female attention. Except one day everything changed."I've dyed my white hair. At home I don't have to wear a wig," says Antonia Pearce from a cafe in Auckland's bustling suburb of Ponsonby.In this episode of Only Human we meet Antonia, formerly Anthony John Pearce.Antonia Joanna Pearce has the kind of legs that many women would envy and while she towers above most women, she isn't afraid to don a pair of heels.Now in her early seventies, Pearce loves to shop. She has a wardrobe bursting at the seams and a collection of around 16 wigs - one to suit every outfit and mood. You could say, she's a girl's girl. And when she gets together with her friends, she chats and giggles about guys.But things haven't always been so rosy for Pearce. It was almost a decade ago that she made the transition away from her former life as Anthony John Pearce.As a young man, 'Anthony' was a handsome singer-songwriter who had no shortage of female attention. He was married and has children. He played guitar, he was a boat builder...he did the kinds of things that would make him just one of the guys.Except one day everything changed. Pearce was in her fifties when she went through a kind of male menopause, otherwise known as Andropause - a change in male hormones. It was devastating and came as a complete shock - one that was physically and mentally overwhelming. "Men don't talk about it," she says as she flicks through a file of old black and white family photographs, including one of her as a school boy.When the hormone changes started happening, 'Anthony' experienced a dramatic loss of libido, which eventually led to more feminine tendencies."It's quite traumatic," says Pearce who wrote a play called Testostrogen, based around these experiences."I was not a macho man ever...I was always a heterosexual male."Eventually the physical changes led to a decision to transition from male to female, which has altered family relationships. She has also become accustomed to sideways glances from passersby, but the biggest surprise and one she never anticipated, was being attracted to men."I know people look at me and say, 'you're a man dressed as a woman,' even though I don't look too bad," says Pearce.Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details

A young Rangi Pou was on the cusp of adolescence when his father said it was time he become a man and fend for himself. For Pou, that meant growing up on the streets, getting involved in the world of drugs, gang life and eventually prison. The question is, how does he find his way out and what does it take to get there?Warning: This story contains graphic descriptions involving drugs, violence and suicide and may not be suitable for all listeners. Rangi Pou was on the cusp of adolescence when his father told him it was time to become a man. For Pou, that meant being forced onto the streets and being left to fend for himself."I wanted to be the leader of the Mongrel Mob," says Pou of his childhood aspirations. As a kid, Pou watched his older brothers become involved in gang life and drugs. Back then he didn't fully understand what was going on. But life on the streets and stealing to survive, he eventually found himself immersed in drug and gang culture - something he had always looked up to.But the reality was tougher than he expected - the streets were rough. Pou slept in sheds and amongst rubbish. At times he was surrounded by older guys smoking meth. And when he could, he made money stealing from people's freezers and selling the frozen food to desperate single mothers in the neighbourhood.Pou has seen a lot, and there are things he can't bring himself to talk about. At the age of 17, he found himself behind bars. Today, he jokes that if there had been KFC and women in prison, it would have been perfect, But the life he's had isn't something he would wish for anyone else - it's been one of hardship, obstacles, and loss.But Pou managed to turn his life around. These days he is the pastor of his church in Napier, he's a family man, and a motivational speaker who is intent on giving back to his community to change the lives of others.The question is, how does he find his way out and what does it take to get there?Where to get helpNeed to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor.Lifeline - 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP).Youthline - 0800 376 633, free text 234, email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat.Samaritans - 0800 726 666.Lifeline - 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)Suicide Crisis Helpline - 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)Healthline - 0800 611 116Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details

Today, social media has bridged the gap between distance and human connections, but at what cost? We meet a photographer-turned-influencer whose every waking moment comes with mounting pressure and anxiety driven by pressure from brands and the number of likes on her instagram feed.In 'Canopy of Dreams,' by photographer Jenny Gao, two men walk beneath rows of lush, hanging ferns as coloured flecks of light bounce off their clear umbrellas. This photograph is dreamlike and tells a story. And it is this kind of work that Gao has become known for.Gao created the image for an ad campaign for Rotorua Tourism, and posted it to her instagram account Otherworld.ly. As soon as she did, she had a feeling it would become a viral hit. She was right. In this episode of Only Human, photographer-turned-influencer, Jenny Gao, tells why sharing her art on instagram led to a world she never dreamed possible. Social media has enabled people to share their stories, voice their opinions and broaden their network base, while also making genuine connections that wouldn't be possible otherwise. And for artists, instagram is the platform of choice to share and promote creative work...but at what cost? "User experience designers of social media platforms don't even use it themselves because they've designed it in a way that is intentionally there to keep you on for as long as possible," says photographer and now documentary maker, Jenny Gao. Gao knows all about the reality of dealing with the pressures of social media. While working as a User experience designer overseas, the design graduate began honing her photography skills. That's when she started sharing her work on her Otherworld.ly instagram account in 2015, having started her first account in 2012 when the platform was a fun place to share photos and adventures with friends and the influencer market was yet to be invented.But a year after carefully curating her Otherworld.ly account, brands started approaching her, offering exciting deadline-driven, fast-turn-around creative projects that kept her on her toes. Gao says it was an environment she thrived in. At 26, projects came flooding in and people were recognising Gao for her talent. Making a living off her art was a dream come true and led her to opportunities she couldn't have imagined otherwise."I said yes, to a lot of brands that resonated with me and I just loved that quick iterative process the influencer marketing allowed me to do," says Gao, whose portfolio includes working with big brands like ASB and Air NZ. …Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details

A young woman uncovers a dark family secret, while facing an invisible battle with depression and the fight to come out the other end.Warning: this story contains discussion around depression, anxiety and self-harm and may not be suitable for all listeners. In a series of photographs, Suzie Harris' bare arms are painted gold; the undersides revealing raised thatched lines. And on closer inspection, it is hard to distinguish where one line ends, and another one begins. These images are brave and confronting. Harris invites the viewer to take a deep dive into her emotional world. One that she tried for so long to suppress.On this week's episode of RNZ podcast Only Human, Suzie Harris shares the challenges of going through the mental health system, coping with mental distress and self harm and what it means to come out the other side.In her early thirties, Harris lights up a room. She has an openness and vulnerability that is easy to warm to and when you meet her, you know you've met a very special person.But for the budding artist, coming to grips with who she is has come with a great deal of pain, and a process of both acceptance and letting go, when her feelings and thoughts overwhelm her. "This is how self-harm would look if I met it on the street," says Harris who points out a mangled and twisted form on the wall of a small Wellington art gallery.Harris held her first ever art exhibition in 2019. The work traced her journey of self-discovery, exploring what it means to live through depression and recover from complex post-traumatic stress disorder, a diagnosis she was given in her twenties after a series of attempts to take her life.Harris grew up in the UK and moved to New Zealand as a teenager. She has always been sensitive to her surroundings and during her childhood her parents moved from one place to another with their daughter and Harris' other siblings in tow. But Harris struggled to adapt.Changing schools on a regular basis didn't help. She struggling with the constant cycle of making friends and leaving them behind. This was later compounded by bullying so traumatic that any child would be inclined to withdraw. In one instance she had acid poured onto her, and another, where her hair was set alight.In attempts to suppress the feelings of humiliation, fear and pain, Harris became trapped in a vicious cycle of self-harm that she kept hidden, with her family unaware of what she was experiencing. But today, things are looking brighter for Harris who is on a mission to help others.Where to get help:Need to talk? Free call or text 1737 any time for support from a trained counsellor…Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details

Leaving behind everything he'd ever known to help people struggling in his community wasn't something Abubakar (Abs) expected to do in his early twenties. But when war broke out in his hometown he had no other choice."It was a mixed emotion," says Abubakar Basman of the decision to join a rescue team when his hometown - Marawi City, in the Philippines - was attacked by members of a terrorist group associated with ISIS, in what became known as The Battle of Marawi. When the siege broke out in May 2017, Basman had just returned from the United States where he was selected as part of a youth leadership programme to learn about building community resilience in the event of a disaster. Yet, he could never have anticipated that one would strike in his hometown.Only 21-years-old, he was the youngest member to join the volunteer team and says the snap decision came as a calling. "This is my purpose," he says with a smile. But arriving in Marawi City was confronting and frightening. His hometown was unrecognizable."There were terrorists with heavy caliber guns and grenades," says Basman who witnessed families with young children and babies fleeing from their homes. Basman has had experiences that will remain with him forever. None of the volunteers had any disaster aid training before joining the rescue team, who the media later tagged, The White Helmets of Marawi. The volunteers were running on instinct and learning on the job. Tears well up in his eyes as he recalls his first retrieval mission."I discovered the smell of a dead body...a dead human," says Basman of a stench that permeates hair and clothing well after leaving the scene where he helped to collect remains of men who had been shot by the terrorist group. "There's no flesh, but it still stinks like rotten meat." It's been three years since the siege took place in Marawi City, a place that will never be the same again. Just as Basman's life has also changed and today, he's committed to a path of helping those in his community. Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details