Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak

Sorry, what’s your name? Grinning in a movie theatre bathroom stall, and weeping in the car watching NASA Live. Fascination at the ‘close friends’ of the ultra-famous. Is it Baudrillard or Baudelaire? Applauding celestial bodies and researching kettles. Toothless and tea-less, we need the real moon again. A scratched pan for which no one is to blame and suspicion over a missing spatula. Kate is neglecting the neck and chopping tiny. Texting the Healer’s wife, Jacqueline’s eyebrows are fully f*cking lifted. It’s called stepping into the reality of your life! Sincerely Begging For: Goop Kitchen, Graza Brands Mentioned: Lyma, Great Jones, Caraway Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Presented with a porous board and sepsis for everyone we've ever met. Suffer not one exception. What is it about 4:10pm on a Friday? A return to herbs and bank culture. The unitard is not sweaty, it’s completely soaked. The dream of Hag Serum and the chore of good TV. Planes are where you do what cannot be done on earth. Upsetting evidence against good habits when the walk doesn’t take. Jacqueline massages her face, Kate sees the sunset and draws the blinds. Getting Max-ed and manicured the Russian way. Confusion at kids buying PDFs. Philosophically good, aesthetically great. The God you don’t believe in... I don’t believe in that God either. It’s time to integrate the shadow. That’s exactly the vibe! Earnestly Begging For: Hurom, Almond CowBrands Mentioned: Purity Vodka, Catbird, KitchenAid, Caraway, Erewhon Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A low dose of adderall and the unexamined life… I’m listening! Kate is asked to explain what POOG is, while Jacqueline’s zealousness is often mistaken for sarcasm. The cord is not the problem, but the annuals aren’t what they used to be. No flashlight in the eye, nor in the ear. Who’d want a girl like that to get sick? Water for wellness and the perfect protein. The presence of Eggo Waffles and Raisin Bran, when the family doesn’t integrate the gifted lifestyle change. Jacqueline dreams of a room for celery and Kate never forgets God. Revelling in the honeymoon phase of new products, and contemplating the tenability of daily juicing. It’s always a woman.   Brands mentioned: Perfect Amino, Magic Mind, HigherDOSE, Charlotte Tilbury, Caraway, Pendulum  Begging for: NIRA Pro Anti-Aging Laser, Hurom, OneSkin, Aesop Sublime Replenishing Night Masque & Blue Chamomile Facial Hydrating Masque, and a reup of Dr. Diamond and LYMA serum and creamSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Attacking the face with hydrafacials and the velvety sleep that can only come from action thrillers. Jacqueline naps like a soldier and Kate waits for two açai bowls that never come. The wide flavor of banana is recalled, while a gentle beat causes confusion. Sitting side-by-side at Jar... something is different about the lychee-tini. How did the nose not hit the door? Practicing astral projection and preparing for a work meeting while on a work call. When’s the last time you had cherry garcia? ‘We have to leave in 30 minutes’ = ‘We don’t have to leave now’. No one has to be worried for Kate Berlant. Meat Festival is on the third Saturday of every month.  Brands mentioned: HigherDose, Charlotte Tilbury, OGEE, Lyma, Siete, Soom, Magic Mind Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Lying in repose and sailing through the air. Preparing for the bleed and the implications of resetting a room. Are oysters just vessels for vinegar? Woman's Stomach Swells, Chris is sent out for Diet Coke. Pump it out, or get it out! The JAR menu is studied ahead of a monumental dinner. All according to plan... Kate is an Academy Awards Attendee and Jacqueline is calling Banana Republic. Lifting weights while watching the Bachelor, and dreams that held paradigms that could not follow through to conscious life. Shoes for who you are, shoes for who you want to be... I can’t live like this! The POOG water bottle is large and of high quality—don’t doubt our merch.  Brands mentioned: Magic Mind, Fatty15. Hatch, Lyma, Banana Republic & Marion Parke   Edited by Adam Wand; Produced by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Strutting down Sunset Boulevard drinking the juice of another store. A cradle on wheels and baskets that don't fit cause confusion. Refusing the culture of weekend vs weekday and watching The Bachelor as sport. Skinny Nation rise up? Oprah will not be ridiculed for loving Ozempic. Tales of Wellbutrin Girl and the CVS coupon system. He’s not acting, but what a performance! Dreams of lychee martinis and whether or not to acknowledge spit on the cornea. Kate’s reason for a lifetime of no up-dos silences Jacqueline. Bifurcate and see inside.  Brands mentioned: Vegamour, Chanel, Erewhon, Dr. Diamond, Lyma, OneSkin and Soom Tahini Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

All dogs are puppies and all cats are kittens. You have to sit with dignity to meditate. The question of the retinol bump and when to judge the day. Who cares if years lie fallow? Kate calls a club a spade, and Jacqueline offers the idiot take of an outsider. Could they put on a magic show to save their lives? Maybe it’s time for Movie POOG… That’s Greg, for ya!  Brands mentioned: Dieux Skin, Lyma, Celsius, The Ludlow Hotel, Pat McGrath, Armani   Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

One week you’re gorgeous…the next week? You’re hideous. Waking up to pee and Shark Tank raw to the dome. ADD 2.0 was heard in full on the road. Blinds shut, curtains closed, not even looking at the view. Jacqueline believed the hours — of course she did! Kate had a day of huge euphoria and has never been more dehydrated. $83 dresses and the detail of 6:30 at night are discussed. Theatre doesn’t pay, and Jacqueline shows off a bruise from escaping an escalator. The beautiful sign of death and dumping it all out onto the floor. A strange moment when Kate drives by Jacqueline’s house…but doesn’t go in. What have we lost to goofy graphics? Top to bottom, Kate had taken the note. Discussed: Saie Beauty, Burrow, Hatch, PAIGE Denim and Free People Movement.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The body just wants yesterday, again. A stranger's office. Kate became the awareness. Jacqueline remembers the crystal shops. To ask, will that ever be me again? Holding the jade egg. Sensing what aisle to turn down. Imagine knowing dawn & yearning for a pendant. You know what it's not? A fucking migraine. The new guy is not the son. Are we fighting wildly, violently, and against our own best interest? Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Look, folks. Kate’s in the midst of the final week of her sold out KATE run at the Pasadena Playhouse. Jacqueline’s doing rabid press for the Get on Your Knees premiere. So a remix is on offer. The theme is the road to GOYK, featuring Poog clips from the show’s touring days, the countdown to the taping aka the “wedding” and Jacqueline and Kate's reflections from the stage. Get pumped and then go watch Get on Your Knees on @netflixisajoke. Can Hag nation send the special to number 1? Edited by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is the first thought best? Escrow and group munchausen by proxy. It’s radical, punk and brave to go anywhere alone. Somatic anger at the baby. Maps of restaurants and performing noticing. Kate is not Mariah Carey. Jacqueline is not interested in learning what a pilot light is. The apple doesn’t fall far, does it? Never be afraid to approach. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I could go all night with you two. Six Feet Under. To see a twin without their twin… the vanity suddenly looked beautiful. Good girl syndrome and defending The Ritz like she built it. Don’t blow my brother! National Chair Day? Priceless.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A case of diagonal interlopers. Ma’am, when you’re done on your phone, I’d like to get my coffee. Do not underestimate the stress of anything. AstraZeneca? Again, Kate was happy to pay… and a little tipsy off two margs. Jacqueline got a separate check and the pork belly skewers were not a main. First in line? We cannot accommodate you. Her bullshit is a dream. Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Moments from The Road to Christmas' stops in Philly and Vancouver: Is there a woman in the room? Woah, woah, WOAH! The Blair Witch Project and other found footage. First guest and first sneeze. Pilots are poets. One has to suffer. Put on lipstick during turbulence. Kate insists it was turndown. The choreography of survival. Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Merch is live and the hags are on tour with the Road to Christmas. PoogLive.com for tix and gifts! Here’s a holiday medley of charming Christmas chatter from previous years. Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag. To be alone in New York for the holidays. Door prizes. Aesthetic sensibility. Regression. A party helper. Santa Mickey and narrative continuity. Practice receiving a gift. Gingerbread men and women. A bedazzled whistle left by an elf.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Soaring Poog! Solid seamless is luxury. Honoring your interests above my own neurodivergence. The spoons were dropped. Those with reverence and glory for flavors. A Hillstone Memory. There’s been an overall lack of voucher gifting. Under the guillotine toward the manicure table. Getting into clocks. We’re firmly in the holiday system. Release the neck. The search for the best silicone shampoo sudsing scrubber. Let’s do a scrub off. Begging for the Ceremonia scrubber, Our Place Wonder Oven (again) Hobonichi Techo 2024, Dr Diamond’s Metacine, FaceGym Purelift. Praise for Caraway, SkinSequence, Fend, FiveWits, Briogeo   Edited & mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Poog goes on tour next week! The Road to Christmas in Portland, Vancouver, Seattle, San Fran, LA, Philly, DC, NYC. You’ll want to bring a Santa’s sack to haul home your merch. It’s a girl’s trip of course. Hoping for jingle bells on the street. Trees in the lobby. The hotel gyms will be utilized. And still it’s okay to dread the tour. Angel Milk. A screenshot inventory. Kate gave away a key probiotic. A serious new skincare offering pushing the boundaries. Begging for: Angela Caglia, Mate the LabelDiscussed: Flowerhead Tea, Almond Cow, Thymes, Wear Ones At, Belle de Nuit, The Giving Moment, OneSkin, May Lindstrom, Violet Grey and the Tangle Teezer, Pendulum, Breville, Lyma… Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Merch is currently in production and tour approaches. Password recovery as elder abuse. To die by the hand of your child. When they went after Sagan. ADHD and unfinished threads. A thirty year old who just doesn’t have it. Jacqueline peels the sticker off the Lyma on air with Kate’s encouragement.  “Strangely satisfying” can go. An event mere hours after a hydra facial? Begging for foundation from Lady Gaga. The home soaked reusable cotton rounds have proven their worth.  Brands mentioned: Celsius, Lyma, Beauty Shamans, Viome, Haus Labs, Soko Glam, HopTonic, HOP WTR, May Lindstrom, Aesop, OUAI, Soft Services, Ranavat, HigherDose, Avocado, Nectar, Casper, ThermaDerm, TempurPedic, Hastens, SleepNumber, Thuma, Cozy Earth, Leesa, Aromatech   Edited & mixed by Allie Graham.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What it means to wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Jacqueline has profoundly lowered her caffeine intake and is taking it 2 days at a time. Is water BAD FOR YOU? Caulk and grout, never the two shall meet. Safety on the couch. Screaming to the Gods at the intensity of daily life. Belay on, on belay. A hat was lost to a river once. How many flames? Punching a shark in the nose. Sugar is sugar. Starting to get serious about vinegar before meals. Reservations might be a modern myth. Hiring an engineering executive to mount the tv.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jacqueline and Kate daydream about the upcoming Poog Tour (pooglive.com). ADHD 2.0. Wearing a sports bra as a top. We are born to mimic. The Liberace rule threatens the hags. Kate enjoys a romantic decaf cappuccino on the couch. Milk technology in the Bambino versus the Plus. Jacqueline has Kate's charger. The viral TikTok bark. JN’s sexual holiday cards gambit. An ADD approach, "Say it until you’ve done it." Brands mentioned: Lyma, Aromatech, Rainbo, Camino, Wooden Spoons, LifeBoost, Elmhurst, Breville, Our Place, Ranch Rider Spirits, High Noon, Bai, Swoon, Celsius, Seed, SuperGut, iota Body, Belle de Nuit, Live the Process Edited & mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.