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“We’re just not having sex anymore...” If you’ve found yourself uttering (or even just thinking) this line, you’re not alone. So many couples will experience a loss of not just their sex life but intimacy altogether. When we released Dead Bedrooms Part One earlier this year, it instantly became one of our top episodes of all time. So we decided to bring it back for a Part Two with a brand new couple. In this episode, you get to take a peek into another couple’s bedroom as we help them navigate how to resuscitate their sex life. We’re giving our top pointers for reconnecting inside the bedroom and out, tips on how to move through the difficult conversations, and a few suggestions for resources that can help the process along. A dead bedroom can feel draining and never-ending but we promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you’re willing to keep going! Links & Resources: Book: Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life Course: Art Of Initiation Course: Rediscovering Us Website: Home Page If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
1This episode is all about the most viral piece of content we’ve ever made - why we make out every single night before bed. Our two-minute video has amassed almost 20 million views on social, was talked about on daytime TV shows, and even landed us an interview with the New York Times. We had no idea that this topic would be so popular, but it clearly struck a nerve! So we decided to break our nightly ritual down for you in more detail and answer the most common questions we get asked. We’re spilling the beans on: Why we decided to do it in the first place If it’s awkward getting it started every night If we still do it even when we’re angry with each other If it makes intimacy feel like an obligation or a chore Links & Resources: Book: Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life Guide: Art Of Initiation Instagram: @vanessaandxander Thanks Babbel. Visit Babbel.com/pillow for 55% off your subscription. Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Thanks Je Joue! Go to JeJoue.com for their Black Friday sale Nov 10 - Nov 30!
“What? I was just being honest!” This is one of the most common phrases that gets uttered during conflicts between couples. We’ve all been taught to believe that honesty is a virtue, but let's be real, some of us are crossing the line between honesty into cruelty. In this episode, we asked you to tell us about the situations where your partner said something that felt cruel to you, or you said something to your partner that felt cruel to them. We’re giving you our hot takes on if it was honest or just plain mean. We’re even sharing some of our very personal (and very embarrassing) moments when we were way too honest with each other! Links & Resources: Our email list: vmtherapy.com/subscribe Instagram: @vanessaandxander If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks Uncommon Goods! Get 15% off your next gift at uncommongoods.com/PILLOW Thanks Je Joue! Go to JeJoue.com for their Black Friday sale Nov 10 - Nov 30! Products we love from Je Joue: The Couples Collection Gift Set
In February, we released our book, Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. It was an instant New York Times bestseller! Now that the book has been out for close to a year, we thought it was about time to sit down and share the feedback we’ve gotten from thousands of readers. In this episode, we’re giving you the five biggest takeaways from the book, including the shocking assumptions that you don’t realize are impacting your sex life, the dynamics that are ruining emotional intimacy, and the topic that got us almost 20 million views on social media and an interview with the New York Times. Links & Resources: Book: Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life Course: Art Of Initiation Workbook: Mental Load Workbook If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Thanks Babbel. Babbel.com/pillow for 55% off your subscription. Thanks Je Joue! Go to JeJoue.com for their Black Friday sale Nov 10 - Nov 30!
Today we’re talking about something we’ve never heard talked about openly… silent sex. Did you know that more than 50% of people regularly have sex where at least one partner is completely silent? This might not initially seem like a huge deal, but there are actually a number of drawbacks to having totally quiet sex. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down for you why you’re having silent sex, the benefits of making some noise in the bedroom, and some simple steps to help you get more comfortable with it! You’ll also learn the surprising truth about which gender in a male/female relationship is the quiet one… Links & Resources: Guide: Dirty Talk 101 Guide: Modern Man’s Guide Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
Do you wish your partner was more invested in your relationship? Do you find yourself wishing they would plan more date nights, spend less time on their phone and more time with you, or show you that they’re actively working on being a better partner? If so, you’re not alone. 70% of people are longing for a more involved partnership. We know — from personal experience — that getting your partner to be more active can feel challenging. Maybe you just don’t know how to start the conversation or how to phrase your request. Or maybe you asked, but your partner never followed through. Or maybe they even said “no”. Whatever the case may be, we’ll give you some sneaky yet effective ways to get your partner more invested in your relationship. Links & Resources: Challenge: The Connection Challenge Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.
This week we’re bringing back one of your favorite series - Ask Us Anything. This time we’re doing the sex therapy business secrets edition! Let’s be real… business can sometimes be boring. So we asked our community to send in their nosiest questions. The questions they didn’t think we’d have the nerve to answer. We're pushing out of our comfort zone and answering questions like, do we ever get turned on while working? Have we ever regretted talking about something publicly? And do we ever have imposter syndrome? Tune in to hear us spill all our secrets! Links & Resources: Book: Sex Talks Guide: Next Level Intercourse Subscribe to our email list at vmtherapy.com/subscribe Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Thanks Babbel. Babbel.com/pillow for 55% off your subscription.
Is it normal to notice a bad odor after intercourse? What about queefing? How the heck does everyone else manage clean-up after sex? In this episode, we’re talking about all the unexpected things we experience during sex, but that no one ever talks about openly! We’re giving you the run-down on the most embarrassing bodily functions, how to avoid them, what to do in the moment when they happen, and reassurance that these things are perfectly normal. And we even round it out with some hilarious stories from our listeners, so we can all stop feeling so embarrassed and alone! Links & Resources: Previous Episode: Episode 99: The Bristle Reaction: What It Is, How It Happens, And What You Can Do To Fix It Previous Episode: Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It) Previous Episode: Episode 68: The Ultimate Butt Stuff Episode Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
Today’s episode is inspired by the popular Reddit thread, Am I The Asshole? We’re giving you our hot takes on some of the trickiest situations submitted by our audience. Tune in for stories about faking orgasms for 24 years, forgetting your partner's birthday, and even unknowingly being someone's first time! Grab your partner and join us for this entertaining episode that’s sure to get you debating right alongside us. Once you’re done listening, let us know your favorite story and whether or not you agree with our stance! Links & Resources: Guide: Next Level Intercourse Guide: Ultimate Foreplay Guides Guide: Butt Stuff Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode125
Did you know that 86% of people worry that their sex life is too boring? It’s so easy to get caught up in anxiety about your sex life. You can’t help but wonder if everyone else is doing it more often than you are, or if they’re enjoying it more. And let’s be honest - it’s hard to get excited about doing the same thing, in the same place, at the same time, every time… In today’s episode, we’re sharing 5 secrets to shift sex with your partner from ho-hum to mind-blowing! Get ready for some simple but powerful changes you can implement tonight. Links & Resources: Course: The Sex Challenge Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode124
Whenever we ask parents what gets in the way of intimacy after kids, the most frequent answer we hear is time. As a parent, everything becomes about the kids, and it feels like there’s no space or energy for intimacy. But your partner and the love you share are special, and deserve your time. So let’s talk about how to create that. We asked the parents in our audience to share their best advice for other parents, and we've prepared a buffet of tips to support you on your journey to reconnect! Tune in and get ready to reignite the spark in your relationship, even amidst the beautiful chaos of parenthood. Links & Resources: Course: The Sex Challenge Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode123
Links & Resources: Guide: Art Of Initiation Guide: Survivor’s Guide Does your partner ever touch you in ways, times, or places that you don't feel comfortable with? A staggering 78% of people have experienced unwanted touch in their relationships. We’re talking things like boob honks, humping from behind, and ass smacks. So what are you supposed to do when the person you love and trust is touching your body in ways that you don’t like? There’s one thing we’re clear on: it’s your body, and you get to decide how it gets touched. That being said, there can be nuances in these kinds of situations. What if you’ve never told your partner you don’t like that kind of touch? What if you know your partner has good intentions, but just isn’t understanding your boundaries? In this episode, we're not just highlighting the problem; we're providing solutions. We'll walk you through the three most common scenarios when it comes to unwanted touch in relationships, and provide practical guidance on how to tackle them. Whether you're seeking advice on communication, setting boundaries, or understanding consent, we've got you covered. Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Thanks Babbel. Babbel.com/pillow for 55% off your subscription. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode122
Links & Resources: Guide: Art Of Initiation Are you a woman who wants sex more than your male partner? All we see on TV, movies, and social media is men wanting it more, so if that’s not the case in your relationship, you may feel like something is horribly wrong. But after polling our community, we found that almost half of male-female relationships have this dynamic! That has even been the case for us in seasons of our relationship. We’re here to remove the shame, show you how normal it is for the woman to want sex more often, and tell you what to do to balance your libidos. Because mismatched sex drives - regardless of who has the higher drive - don’t need to be a dealbreaker. In this episode you’ll learn: Real life responses from men and women about how higher female libido affects them The 4 ways couples accidentally make things worse The single most overlooked step that could make a world of difference Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode121
Links & Resources: Course: Art Of Initiation Today we’re putting Xander in the hot seat and making him answer all your burning questions about male behavior. Why do they hook boobs? Why are they such big babies when they’re sick? And of course, the age-old question: what's the deal with their marathon bathroom visits? Get ready for lots of laughter and some eye-opening insights. Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode120
Links & Resources: Challenge: The Sex Challenge Challenge: The Connection Challenge Course: Art Of Initiation Jealousy is one of the most difficult emotions to face, and it feels even trickier when it comes up in your romantic relationship. It’s such a common feeling to have, but it’s also so challenging to even acknowledge. We asked our community to share what stirs up jealousy in their relationship. Four core themes emerged: work, friendships, sex, and attraction to others. We work through these real-life examples and give you a powerful toolkit for grappling with jealousy in your relationship. Most importantly, you’ll learn to pay attention to what jealousy is really trying to tell you. After listening to this episode, you’ll feel empowered to face your feelings head on. And you might be surprised by what you learn when you do... Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode119
Links & Resources: Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides Foreplay? More like the BEST way! Today we’re talking about the part of sex that never gets the credit it deserves - foreplay! Foreplay is the number one way to get your partner to orgasm, and one of the best ways to create more intimacy, connection, and excitement. With all those benefits, why aren’t we doing it more often? 88% of men and 59% of women say they want more! But 67% of women feel like they’re “too needy” for wanting foreplay, 56% say they struggle to receive it, and 62% say foreplay feels boring or awkward. With numbers like that, we know you can relate! In today’s episode, we lay out the 5 things we’re all getting wrong about foreplay, how to have more, and how to make it better than ever. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode118
Links & Resources: Our NYT Bestselling Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life What do you assume or secretly suspect about us? Or what have you simply been curious about? In this episode, we’re diving headfirst into the assumptions you sent our way after we posted those questions on Instagram. From light-hearted and sexy to profoundly personal, your submissions held nothing back, and we’re sharing our vulnerable and honest truths! Our goal? To make you chuckle, perhaps catch you off guard (like we were when reading some of these), and give you a peek behind the curtain. Join us for a hilarious episode that will challenge your assumptions and have you shouting, "I did not see that coming!” Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Babbel.com/pillow for 55% off your subscription. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode117
Links & Resources: Guide: The Connection Challenge Do you ever find yourself mid-sentence with your partner and realize that they’re not even remotely paying attention to you? No one wants to feel like they’re competing with a device for their partner's attention, but it’s not like you can just toss the damn thing out. If you’re frustrated with your partner’s phone usage, tune in to learn practical ways to establish better phone routines and deepen your connection irl with your partner. Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode116
Links & Resources: Course: Art Of Initiation How do you maintain intimacy while grieving? We’ve had many requests to create this podcast episode, and to be honest, we resisted because the topic felt so heavy. But then we experienced our own loss - our beloved companion, Winston the pug. Suddenly, we were trying to figure out how to navigate sex and grief in our own relationship. In this incredibly vulnerable episode, we share our experience of mourning. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but we hope our story can help others on the same path. With insights from our community, we explore various approaches to intimacy, recognizing the complexities and intensity of this experience. Tune in to discover how to honor individual grieving processes while finding solace and connection amidst the sorrow. We may be tearful and still in the healing process, but there is still joy to be had, and we’re here to help you find it. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode115
Has your partner ever done or said something painful, leaving you wondering, “Can we come back from this?” Sometimes you need an outside party to either guide you and your partner through moving past the hurt, or to validate that the relationship can’t survive the blow. Prepare yourself to hear some pretty spicy takes as we examine each situation and get real about when to talk it out, when to just plain walk, and how to know the difference. Because while we fully support communication and forgiveness, we also advocate the enforcement of boundaries, intention, and respect. Tune in to the episode, then meet us over on IG and let us know if you agree with our advice or have your own hot take! Babbel.com/pillow for 55% off your subscription. Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to CozyEarth.com and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode114
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cannot play the newest episode. can you reboot it. lol. thanks. you guys are the best and we have your sex talks book!!!
I cannot play the butt stuff episode.
I cannot play this episode, could you re-upload it please?