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Pillow Talks

Author: Vanessa & Xander Marin

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Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!

160 Episodes
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Are these four communication mistakes ruining your relationship? In today’s episode we’re revealing the Four Horsemen. Researcher John Gottman discovered that these specific communication pitfalls could predict divorce with over 90% accuracy! We’re breaking down what they are, how to know if you’re doing them, and what to do to have better communication going forward. Links & Resources: Our Courses & Guides
Xander’s back in the hot seat answering all your burning questions about male behavior! Why do guys mansplain? Why do they struggle to find things that are right in front of their faces? Why are men always initiating when we’re right in the middle of something like doing the dishes? Why can’t they ever be vulnerable? And what’s with the obsession over the volume of their cum?? Get ready for lots of laughter and some eye-opening insights. Links & Resources: Episode 120: “Why Do Guys Do This?” Xander Explains Male Behavior If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.
When the spark dies off in a relationship, it’s really easy to blame it on libido. But is libido actually the problem? In this episode, we reveal the truth about sex drive and ask a big question, “does libido even matter?” Links & Resources: Ultimate Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Art of Initiation Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.
Welcome to our 2nd round of “Know Ya Boo” (bonus points if you get the Parks and Rec reference). Grab your partner, pull up a chair, pour your favorite cocktail or mocktail, and come on a double date with us! You guys gave us 50 questions, and our job was to guess each other’s answers. The results had us in stitches from start to finish. Make sure you listen all the way through to get the scoop on which one of us comes out on top. Afterwards, you can play your own version of Know Ya Boo with your partner. DM us with how it went, and if you beat our scores! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
What do you do when it’s been a while… When you don’t remember the last time you had sex. When the idea of initiating feels even more awkward than usual. When you’re not sure if your partner is missing it the same way you are. In this episode, we’re breaking down why dry spells happen in the first place and telling you exactly how to get back on the horse. We’ll even answer the big question… do we NEED to have sex? Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.
We’re back again with another edition of Am I The Asshole. This time around we’re talking about your trickiest in-law related situations. We’re covering stories about dietary preferences, back-handed compliments, dinner table mishaps, and so much more. If you’ve ever wondered if you’re the asshole when it comes to your in-laws, our unfiltered takes are here to help you decide. Links & Resources: Visit our Homepage If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow
A few weeks ago we asked our community if they felt resentment in their relationship and only 29% said no! Resentment doesn’t feel good for either partner, and it can lead to things like more stress, less sex, and lots of other serious consequences in your relationship. We decided it was time to create an episode breaking down what resentment is, where it comes from, and how to overcome it in your relationship. Links & Resources: Guide: Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/) Visit our Homepage (http://vmtherapy.com/) If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Imagine this… you’re crawling into bed at the end of the night, thinking, “Hmmm sex sounds nice.” We hate to break it to you, but you’re too late! You needed to have been planning for this much earlier in the day. You needed to be using our unique approach to foreplay. Most of us think of foreplay as the stuff we do for 30 seconds before we move on to intercourse, but it’s so much more than that. Today we’re telling you about the magic of all-day, non-sexual foreplay. Links & Resources: Course: Art Of Initiation Challenge: The Connection Challenge If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.
You’ve had a fight over text message with your partner, right? Most of us have! Maybe you sent a text to your partner that was a little too snarky, or maybe you read too much into a message. Odds are your text fight did not end well…   Today we’re breaking down a real text fight one of our followers sent in. It started off as a fight over facial hair, but like most fights do, evolved into something much deeper. We covered topics like body confidence, broken trust, and validation. We point out the things they did right, and the ways things went oh so wrong. You’ll get a fascinating sneak peek into another couple’s conflict, plus tons of communication tips along the way.   Links & Resources: Our Instagram: @vanessandxander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (http://www.greenchef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months
If you’re a Pillow Talks listener, you’re probably on board with the idea of talking about sex openly. But what do you do if your partner is a lot more hesitant?   In this episode, we’re going over why your partner might be feeling resistant, and how you can encourage them to open up. You’ll learn our secret to intimacy-building conversation, plus tons of creative (and even sneaky) ways to get your partner to talk about sex.   Links & Resources: Book:  Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
We really went there…   It’s time for another round of Smash or Pass! The series where we find the internet’s weirdest sex tips, try them out, and report back to you with all the details.   We dug deep to find the craziest ideas for us to try, and what we found was well… interesting. We’re even taking you into our bedroom during one of the tips so you can hear our live reaction!   The Countdown Method… using a glove… the Nose Dive method. Are any of these new tips Pillow Talks Approved? You’ll just have to tune in and find out!   Links & Resources: Course:  Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/) Guide:  Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Guide:  Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow).   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
“This, uh, isn’t working…” Most of us have experienced a partner having some performance issues in the bedroom, and feeling wildly confused about what to do. How do you react? What do you say?   And let’s be honest, most of us women take these moments personally. We get into our heads thinking things like, “Am I not attractive enough? Am I bad at sex??”   Today we’re breaking down for you why penis performance issues happen, and how men need you to respond in those extra-sensitive moments. Xander is also helping us non-penis owners understand what’s really going on inside men’s heads, and the pressures men feel around sex.   Links & Resources: Guide: Sexual Mastery Package (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-mastery-package/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (https://www.zocdoc.com/) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.
“I just don’t understand where you’re coming from.”   Have you ever been in the heat of an argument with your partner, and felt totally unable see their perspective on the issue?   We put up a question box on Instagram and asked people to tell us about a conflict where they’re experiencing that kind of genuine confusion. Now, we’re breaking down the trickiest situations to help you see your partner’s point of view in a brand new light. You’ll get a fascinating sneak peek into what other couples fight about, and tons of useful relationship advice you haven’t heard before!   Links & Resources: Guide:  Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks EarthBreeze!  EarthBreeze.com/pillow (https://earthbreeze.com/pillow) to subscribe to Earth Breeze and save 40%!
Have you ever wondered what everyone secretly fantasizes about? We anonymously polled our audience, and we’re spilling all the secrets today!   We’re also doing a deep dive on all your fantasy questions. Where do they come from? What do they mean? Is there something wrong with you if you don’t have any?   Links & Resources: Guide:  Sexual Bucket List (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-bucket-list-29/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://DipseaStories.com/pillow).   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
75% of people say that nagging is an issue in their relationship. So we thought it was time we gave our take on this controversial topic.   We’re talking about the differences between nagging, reminding, and micromanaging. When is it nagging versus your partner not carrying their share of the mental load? What do you do when you can’t trust your partner to get something done without nagging?   We also got into a pretty vulnerable conversation about the role nagging has in our day-to-day relationship.   Plus, we’re walking you through specific steps to help stop nagging because the reality is, no one likes to nag and no one likes to receive nagging…   Links & Resources: Workbook:   Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW at www.oneskin.co (https://www.oneskin.co/)   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
Have you ever wondered what your partner REALLY thinks about your performance in the bedroom?   Well, it turns out there are a few things they secretly wish you’d stop doing…   We turned to Instagram and asked people to anonymously share all of their bedroom pet peeves and red flags. The responses were fascinating. We’re breaking down the most common answers and giving you tips to start the conversation with your partner about what you actually want and like from each other during sex.   Links & Resources:   Course:   Art of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/) Course:   Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Course:   Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Guide:   Dirty Talk 101 (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/dt-101/) Guide:   Butt Stuff (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/butt-stuff/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow  (https://www.zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.
Surprise! We’re in couples therapy.   We sat down and recorded one of our most vulnerable episodes yet all about why we’re in therapy and how it’s going. We talked about what to look for in a potential therapist (and where to look) and gave some tips on how to ask your partner to go to therapy with you.   We also got surprisingly deep about the resistance one of us had to going to therapy in the first place…   Links & Resources: Visit our Homepage (https://vmtherapy.com/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://www.dipseastories.com/pillow).   Thanks Babbel. Visit Babbel.com/pillow (https://www.babbel.com/pillow) for 55% off your subscription.
Today, we’re tackling a huge issue that so many people can relate to… feeling uncomfortable in your own skin during sex. We’re diving into the specific things that make you the most self-conscious, and how these thoughts can impact your sex life.   Xander clues us in on what most men are really thinking about bodies during sex and we get into a fascinating (and very personal) conversation about our own body confidence issues.   If you’re looking for guidance on how to build body confidence so you can stop worrying about your body and start having amazing sex, this is the episode for you!   Links & Resources: Visit our homepage (https://vmtherapy.com/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks EarthBreeze!  EarthBreeze.com/pillow (https://www.earthbreeze.com/pillow) to subscribe to Earth Breeze and save 40%!   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
Today we’re asking a tough question… Are you lazy in bed? And an even harder one… Would your partner say you’re lazy during sex?   In this episode, we’re breaking down the specific things you’re doing that your partner thinks are lazy, the consequences of bedroom laziness, and the surprising reasons why you’re not putting in more effort.   Most importantly, we’ll walk you through our step-by-step process to stop being lazy and start having more fun in the bedroom!   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
79% of our community members want their partners to be more romantic. Romance seems to come so easy at the beginning of a relationship, but feels so much harder to sustain long-term!   In this episode, we’ll walk you through specific steps to get your partner to be more romantic. You’ll discover your toxic beliefs about romance, the ways you’re actually missing romantic gestures, and tons of specific romantic suggestions.   We also asked men to tell us why they’re not more romantic, and what their partners could do to encourage more romance. You’re definitely going to want to tune in for the answers!   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (https://www.greenchef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months   Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://www.dipseastories.com/pillow).
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Comments (5)

Sasha Teller

I believe that gaming can be quite damaging for some relationship, that's true. I can say that I enjoy sites from https://bstcasinos.com/ from time to time to enjoy gambling, and for me, it's highly entertaining. And since I have a responsible approach, I've never had any problems in my personal life related to gaming, so I'm glad that I don't take it that seriously.

Jul 17th
Reply

Chris Glazik

cannot play the newest episode. can you reboot it. lol. thanks. you guys are the best and we have your sex talks book!!!

Feb 20th
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Chris Glazik

I cannot play the butt stuff episode.

Sep 20th
Reply

Fragorver

I cannot play this episode, could you re-upload it please?

Sep 15th
Reply (1)