Pillow Talks

Did you know that 64% of people say they want more foreplay than they currently get? And most people say they wish it was part of every sexual experience. No wonder foreplay frustrations are so common. Maybe it feels too short, too routine, or like your partner just doesn’t quite “get it.” The truth? Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up. It’s one of the most powerful ways to feel connected, build anticipation, and experience more pleasure (especially since only 10–15% of women orgasm from intercourse alone). 💛 In this episode, we cover: Does foreplay actually count as sex? How to ask for more foreplay without hurting your partner’s feelings. Types of foreplay beyond handjobs and BJs—like massage, sensory play, toys, and even “choreplay.” What to do when one of you wants more foreplay and the other wants less. How to talk about your fantasies without feeling awkward. Tips for breaking out of a foreplay rut and keeping it playful. What to do when your favorite turn-on is your partner’s turn-off. And yes… whether it’s okay to not really be into foreplay at all. Foreplay can (and should) be one of the most exciting and intimate parts of your sex life. And after this episode, you’ll have the tools to make it way more fun, connected, and satisfying for both of you. ✨ Want more foreplay inspiration? Check out our Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Next level techniques and step-by-step instructions, let’s just say, these guides are our #1 best-seller for a reason! ⁠Links & Resources 👉🏻 Get The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: http://vmtherapy.com/foreplay 👉🏻 A Survivor's Guide To Reclaiming Your Sex Life After Abuse here: https://vmtherapy.com/freebies 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ⏰ Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 10:54 – When your partner won’t give foreplay 18:25 – Tips for talking about foreplay 23:25 – Exploring different types of foreplay 31:00 – I want more foreplay, my partner wants less: finding middle ground 37:55 – How to start the conversation about foreplay 40:47 – How to mix things up in the bedroom 45:49 – I don’t want to give blowjobs, but my partner loves them 55:54 – Women who don’t like foreplay ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and start book a top-rated doctor today. ➡︎https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Live It Up. Use code PILLOW for 15% off your first Super Greens order! ➡︎https://letsliveitup.com/pillow 👏Thanks Audible. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial! ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Aging is inevitable. But letting your sex life fade away? Nope. This week, we’re tackling one of our most requested topics ever: sex and aging. We’re answering your biggest questions about how intimacy shifts as the years go by: from libido changes, to navigating menopause, to keeping things hot. 💛 In this episode, we cover: How old is too old to have sex (spoiler: never) What to do if your libido and your partner’s don’t line up anymore Navigating perimenopause and helping your partner understand it’s not about them Feeling sexy in a body that doesn’t look like it did at 20 How to manage vaginal dryness, erectile changes, and shifting anatomy Creative ways to keep intimacy exciting even when it feels like you’ve “done it all” And you’ll also hear sweet (and funny) messages from listeners who say that sex in midlife and beyond is actually the best sex they’ve ever had. You’ll also hear some of our favorite messages from listeners in their 40s, 50s, 60s (and beyond!) about why sex actually gets freer, hotter, and more confident with age. Because here’s the thing: aging is inevitable. But a boring sex life? That’s optional. ✨ Ready to spice things up at any age? Our Ultimate Sex Guide is your roadmap to better intimacy. Inside, you’ll find: 42 step-by-step positions with illustrations, tips, and playful modifications A workbook + printable cards to track your favorites (and keep things exciting) Expert tips and troubleshooting for when sex doesn’t go as planned An audio version so you can get quick, shame-free guidance anytime Whether you’re looking for fresh inspiration or new ways to connect, The Ultimate Sex Guide will help you discover just how good sex can get! Check it out here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/ultimate Links & Resources  Get our sex positions playbook here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/ultimate E215  Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode215 E121 When She Wants It More: Navigating Mismatched Libidos When The Woman Has A Higher Drive 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode121 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps  00:00 – Intro 03:38 – How old is too old to have sex? 11:12 – How does libido change with age? 16:22 – When does a drop in libido become a health concern? 19:18 – Navigating perimenopause with your partner 33:31 – Body image and aging 39:34 – Best sex positions for older couples 44:34 – Vaginal dryness and aging 46:18 – Does your labia shrink or change with age? 49:52 – How to keep your sex life exciting as you get older 54:03 – Trouble staying hard as you age ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Hungryroot. Use code pillow to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life➡︎https://Hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Chewy. Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. You can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping!➡︎https://chewpanions.chewy.com/@vanessandxander 👏Thanks Cure. Use code PILLOW for 20% off your first order! ➡︎https://curehydration.com/pillow 👏Thanks MasterClass. Get an additional 15% off any annual membership ➡︎https://masterclass.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There is absolutely zero shame in using toys in the bedroom. In fact, they can be a game-changer for pleasure, intimacy, and just plain fun. Whether you’re curious about where to start, nervous about how your partner might react, or worried about your kids (or pets!) discovering your stash, we’re covering it all in today’s episode. We’re also sharing some of the funniest (and most relatable) real-life sex toy stories you sent us. Because if you’ve ever had a vibrator confiscated by your toddler or opened a box of anal beads in front of your in-laws, you are definitely not alone. 💛 Here’s what we’re diving into: The best starter toy for women How to talk to your partner about wanting to use toys (without hurting their feelings) Whether orgasms feel different with a toy Why it’s totally normal if toys aren’t your thing Talking to men about male sex toys Using toys solo vs. with a partner How often to use toys (and why your partner should never “hand you off” to one) The best ways to store your toys so kids or family don’t stumble across them Hilarious (and mortifying) real-life mishaps from our listeners If you’ve ever had questions about sex toys and tools or just want a good laugh at the stories we’ve collected — this one’s for you. Resources & Links: Our sex toy recommendations ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/recommended-products Episode 172 How to Bring Toys Into the The Bedroom Without Making it Weird ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/episode172 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Sex toys are just one way to keep things fun and connected in your relationship. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, you’ll get: Expert-led guides and courses on intimacy, pleasure, and communication Two brand-new date night ideas every month (one cute, one sexy) Monthly live calls with us where you can ask us your questions directly Unlimited access to Vanessa AI — your 24/7 virtual sex + relationship coach A private, supportive community of couples working on the same goals Whether you’re brand-new to exploration in the bedroom or just looking for fresh ways to connect, Deeper gives you all the tools, tips, and real-talk support to make your relationship feel exciting again. 💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 04:21 – Safety tips: What “For Novelty Use Only” really means 11:11 – Best beginner toy for women 19:24 – How to talk to your husband about toys (without hurting his feelings) 26:21 – Will your orgasm feel different with a toy? 29:03 – Is it normal to not enjoy toys? 30:26 – Can toys make pleasure harder without them? 37:57 – Male partners trying toys for the first time 43:48 – What if you only want to use toys solo (not with a partner)? 48:44 – Should you use toys every time? 53:50 – How to store toys discreetly 55:43 – Funny toy stories ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks OneSkin. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW ➡︎https://www.oneskin.co/ 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off ➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Audible. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial! ➡︎https://Audible.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through. Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes. And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected: Resentment toward your partner A crushing imbalance in the mental load Feeling “touched out” 24/7 Nervousness (or fear) about having sex again Worries about your body never feeling — or looking — the same The awkward, elephant-in-the-room disconnection that can build over months In this episode, we’re answering YOUR most personal, vulnerable questions about intimacy and connection after having kids — from being scared to get pregnant again, to changes in sensation, to finding your spark when you feel more like co-managers than romantic partners. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: Why being “cleared” for sex at 6 weeks doesn’t mean you have to be ready How to break the silence when it’s been months (or longer) since you’ve been intimate What to do if sex is painful after a tear or complicated delivery Navigating body image, “too loose” worries, and changes in arousal triggers How to reconnect when parenting has taken over every ounce of energy Advice for partners who struggle to see their spouse sexually after birth The most powerful way a partner can make a new mom feel truly seen, appreciated, and desired Whether you’re weeks postpartum or years down the road, this conversation is a reminder that you’re not broken, you’re not alone, and you can find your way back to each other. 👩‍👩‍👧 Raise safe, smart & shame-free kids — and build a lifetime of trust so you’re the one they turn to. From “Where do babies come from?” to “What does 69 mean?” 😳, Beyond the Birds & the Bees gives you the exact words to say in just 5–7 minutes per topic. A complete digital parenting tool-kit. Think bite-sized, age-by-age audio guides and real-life scripts make even the trickiest conversations easier — so your kids learn about sex, consent, identity, and relationships from you, not TikTok. Start today ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/kids 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Live It Up. Use code PILLOW for 15% off your first Super Greens order! ➡︎https://letsliveitup.com/pillow 👏Thanks Lola Blankets. Use code PILLOW and get 35% off your entire order. Experience the world’s #1 blanket with Lola Blankets.➡︎https://lolablankets.com/ 👏Thanks Hungryroot. Use code PILLOW to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.  ➡︎https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off! And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here! ➡︎https://cozyearth.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Imagine this: your partner sits you down and says they want to open your marriage… Not for a real-life person. But for their AI companion. Sounds like a Black Mirror episode, right? But it’s real. In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wild, complicated, and very real intersection of AI and relationships. From romantic connections with chatbots to emotional venting with AI companions, technology is evolving faster than most of us are prepared for. And it’s already showing up in our love lives in some unexpected (and sometimes unsettling) ways. Whether you’re curious, skeptical, or straight-up concerned, this is a conversation every couple needs to have. Here’s what we’re getting into: The Reddit story that left us both speechless (yes, he wants a throuple with his AI girlfriend 😳) Why saying “I don’t use AI” isn’t a real boundary anymore The emotional intimacy trap: how AI companions are starting to meet very human needs Why venting to AI can quietly erode real-life connection The most important questions to ask your partner now about tech, boundaries, and connection How to use AI intentionally to strengthen your relationship (not threaten it) Real-life examples of how AI can either divide or deepen your bond 🔗 Links + Resources How to Safeguard Your Relationship From AI We made you a free guide to help you have the talk about AI and your relationship. Download it here now 👉🏻 https://free.vmtherapy.com/ai 💬 Want even more support? Inside Deeper, our monthly membership, you get access to: Vanessa AI: a relationship-focused tool that’s trained NOT to cross boundaries Our entire library of core courses + guides on intimacy, sex, and relationships Monthly coaching calls with us and two date night ideas every month (one cute, one spicy 😉) 💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Audible Romance. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial. ➡︎https://audible.com/pillow 👏Thanks ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and start book a top-rated doctor today. ➡︎https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Blissy. Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS an additional 30% off when you shop. ➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask. Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies. From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatches with your partner, we’re tackling the wild, the vulnerable, and the deeply human side of sexual exploration (as always, with zero shame and plenty of insight). Whether you’re curious, cautious, or kinky AF, this episode is packed with permission, perspective, and practical advice. Let’s get into it. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: - Why we have kinks (and why you don’t need a “reason” to justify them) - The most common sexual fantasies and what they really mean - The difference between a fantasy and a desire (and how to safely explore both) - Can you fantasize about someone else during sex with your partner? - What to do when your fantasy doesn’t match your partner’s - How to explore pegging, role reversal, and butt stuff (without shame) - The sex club fantasy (that’s not about group sex) - Navigating gender play, lingerie, and makeup with confidence 🔗 Links & Resources - Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In The Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode53 - Justin Lehmiller’s Tell Me What You Want (Science of Sexual Fantasies) 👉🏻 https://sexualhealthalliance.com/justin-lehmiller-science-of-fantasy - Episode 213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!) 👉🏻https://vmtherapy.com/episode213 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper ✅ Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps 00:00 – Why we have kinks 08:27 – 7 most common fantasies 11:25 – Difference between kinks and fantasy 19:03 – Cuckolding 25:30 – Fantasizing about other people during secs 30:15 – Breeding kink 32:32 – Sex club with spouse 39:15 – MMF threesome vs. MFF 43:46 – Male anal play & pegging ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Remi. Use code PILLOW at checkout for 50% off. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Splash Blanket. Use code PILLOWTALK for 15% off. ➡︎ https://splashblanket.com 👏Thank you goPure. Get 25% Off with code PILLOW ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/pillow 👏Thank you Cozy Earth. Use my code PILLOWTALKS for 40% off. And if you get a Post-Purchase Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎ https://cozyearth.com /PILLOWTALKS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The female orgasm: we’ve talked about it a lot over the years, but it never stops being one of the most requested, most misunderstood, and most fascinating topics we cover. In this episode, we’re flipping the script and looking at orgasm through a partner’s eyes. What does it mean to be supportive? How can you tell if she’s actually orgasming? And why is it so inconsistent? We’re answering your most Googled questions, plus the ones you’ve been too embarrassed to type into a search bar. Here’s what we’re getting into: Why women fake orgasms (and what to do about it) What to say if your partner has never had one before How to know if she’s really having an orgasm The truth about female performance anxiety Which positions are best for helping her O How to help her experience multiple orgasms G-spot orgasms and squirting: can you make them happen? What to do while she’s orgasming (hint: don’t freeze!) How to make it last longer + aftercare 🎓 Check out Finishing School™ 💦 And if you haven’t heard, we’re also celebrating the 10-year anniversary of Finishing School! It’s our proven, step-by-step course that helps women finally experience reliable, pleasurable orgasms. Whether you’ve never had one or you want to deepen your pleasure even more, this course will meet you exactly where you are. Here’s what’s inside: A full, technique-driven curriculum to teach you how to have as many orgasms as you want, whenever you want The Pleasure Bundle: Ultimate Foreplay Guides + Ultimate Sex Guide 3 months unlimited access to Vanessa AI 2 LIVE Support Track Coaching Calls with us! Lifetime access to go at your own pace And a 30-day, pleasure-guaranteed, money-back promise 💛 It’s personal for me (Vanessa). I struggled with orgasm for years (even as a sex therapist) and this course is everything I wish I’d had. 👉🏻 Go to https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm to discover just how good it can get. 👉🏻 Access The Truth About Female Orgasm Replay https://free.vmtherapy.com/truth 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ⏰ Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro 04:00 – Why do women fake it? 12:50 – How to be a supportive partner 25:38 – Can I tell if she's orgasming? 26:25 – Do some women not need to finish? 31:45 – Can women have performance anxiety about orgasms? 33:06 – Best positions for female pleasure 38:27 – Why are female orgasms inconsistent? 42:56 – How do I get my wife to have more than one 0? 46:42 – G-spot orgasms and squirting 47:58 – What am I supposed to do while she’s coming? 49:33 – How to make your partner’s 0 last longer ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Quince. Free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ➡︎ https://quince.com/pillow 👏 Thanks Chewy. Save $20 on your first order with free shipping.➡︎ https://chewy.com/pillows 👏Thank you Hungryroot. Get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for LIFE. ➡︎ https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thank you Audible Romance. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial. ➡︎ https://audible.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You’ve probably heard people say, “Oh, you’ll just know.” But what if… you don’t know? 👀 This week, we’re diving deep into one of Vanessa’s all-time favorite topics (and the one she first became known for as a sex therapist!): the female orgasm. Whether you’re wondering if you’ve ever actually had one, struggling to feel much of anything, or just desperate to experience the kind of toe-curling, body-melting release you’ve seen in movies — this episode is for you. 💦 We’re answering your most personal, vulnerable, and downright relatable questions like: “How do I know if it was an orgasm ?” “It felt good… but it was short — does that count?” “Everyone says I’ll ‘just know’ but I’m still not sure. HELP.” “I’ve only ever had ‘mini’ orgasms — is there something wrong with me?” “What leg positions help or hurt the chance of orgasming?” “Does a full bladder make orgasms feel stronger?” “What does a vaginal orgasm even feel like and how do I know if I’ve had one?” Vanessa also opens up about her own experience struggling with orgasm (yes, even as a sex therapist), what finally changed things, and the biggest myths that keep women stuck. And if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, broken, or like you missed the memo on pleasure… this episode will remind you that you’re not alone — and there is a path forward. ✨ PLUS: If you’re a woman who’s struggled with orgasm (or never had one), check out our course Finishing School — the step-by-step system that’s helped thousands of women finally get there. Visit vmtherapy.com/orgasm to learn more. 💛 What You'll Hear: The most common signs of orgasm (and why they can look different for every body) Real questions from listeners who aren’t sure if they’ve had one yet Why some orgasms feel big and some feel… meh The orgasm “standard” we’ve all been sold by Hollywood Practical tips for recognizing and expanding your pleasure How Vanessa’s own orgasm journey inspired her to create Finishing School 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ============================ THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ============================ 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remi and save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. ➡︎ https://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You thought last week’s icks were bad? Buckle up, friend. Because in Part 2, we’re getting into the next-level icks — the ones that make you question everything. Like… oral sex immediately after intercourse. Or the dreaded dick flop. Or your partner’s casual approach to burping, farting, and forgetting what deodorant is. These icks go way beyond open-mouth chewing. We’re talking postpartum rage, peeing with the door open (or worse… the sound), and the surprisingly common hygiene habits that leave you wondering if love really can survive it all. 💛 Here’s what we’re serving up for you: The hygiene ick that made one woman reconsider everything Why flopping a penis around is not a valid form of initiation (seriously, stop) Oral after sex: hot or gross? Postpartum icks that no one warns you about Peeing, poor aim, and other bathroom-related turn-offs The financial icks that hit harder than expected 🎧 Basically, if you’ve ever looked at your partner and thought “ew”… this one’s for you. ‘Cause you know what? Sometimes laughing really is the best medicine. 🔗 Links & Resources EPISODE 46: The Hygiene Episode ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode46 EPISODE 198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode198 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Let’s be honest, everyone has an ick or two. But if you’re feeling more disconnected, more irritable, or less turned on than you’d like… it might be time to reconnect in a more intentional way. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you explore what really turns you on —mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’ll get access to our member library of courses and guides , plus live calls, date night ideas, and support from a like-minded community. Because when you’re truly connected… the little things don’t ick you out as much. 👉 Join Deeper today. Because intimacy is the whole point. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================== 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remiand save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated and feel your best! ➡︎ https://curehydration.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You love your person… but lately… the sound of them chewing is making you cringe. You’ve got the ICK. So what do you do? And what does it actually mean?! This week, we’re breaking it all down for you plus what to do when your partner’s quirky habits suddenly feel like a total turnoff. 🤮 We’re also sharing your ick stories — from when baby talk stops being not cute to when dirty texts majorly backfire. Whether you’re currently dry heaving on the inside… or worrying that you’re the one giving them the ick… this episode is full of perspective, permission, and practical advice. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: The real definition of an ick (and how it’s different from a red flag) What to do when your partner’s behavior starts killing your attraction The most common icks (bad breath, loud chewing, weird toenail habits…) Your funniest icks from Instagram (you did NOT hold back) 🎧 And don’t worry—we’ve got even more ick stories and questions coming next week in Part 2. 🔗 Links & Resources: EPISODE 46: The Hygiene Episode ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode46 EPISODE 198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode198 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Let’s be honest, everyone has an ick or two. But if you’re feeling more disconnected, more irritable, or less turned on than you’d like… it might be time to reconnect in a more intentional way. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you explore what really turns you on —mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’ll get access to our member library of courses and guides , plus live calls, date night ideas, and support from a like-minded community. Because when you’re truly connected… the little things don’t ick you out as much. 👉 Join Deeper today. Because intimacy is the whole point. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. ➡︎ https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD. 👏Thank you goPure. For a limited time, get 25% off. ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Does this sound familiar? Your partner asks you to take control in the bedroom… and your brain completely short-circuits. You freeze. You feel awkward. You suddenly have no idea what to do. If you’ve ever found yourself defaulting to passivity during intimacy—or if the idea of “being in control” feels totally foreign—you’re so not alone. In today’s episode, we’re asking the question: Are you letting sx happen to you… or are you a active participant during it? We’re also talking about this from a male perspective: What does it feel like to be the only one initiating or guiding? Do men want their partners more engaged—and what does that even look like? Whether you’ve never taken the lead before, or you’re just looking to feel more empowered and participatory, this episode is your permission slip—and your how-to guide. Let’s get into it. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: Why so many women default to passivity in the bedroom What men actually think about women taking the lead Questions to ask your partner to open up this convo What “taking control” can look like—without the pressure Simple ways to be more confident and engaged in the moment 🔗 Links & Resources 🔥 The Art of Initiation — our most-loved guide for learning how to confidently initiate intimacy →  http://vmtherapy.com/initiation ✨ Join us inside Deeper to access the brand new Sensual Touch Challenge and finally understand what turns you (and your partner) on → vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Splash Blanket. Use code PILLOWTALK to get 15% off. Your peace of mind in the bedroom.➡︎https://www.splashblanket.com 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏 Thanks Hungryroot. Get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life ➡︎ https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Skims. Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection at SKIMS.com ➡︎ https://www.skims.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Does it ever feel like you and your partner are just never on the same page when it comes to sex? One of you wants it more often. One of you needs things to be just right. One of you initiates. One of you never does. It can feel frustrating, confusing, and even a little bit lonely. But there’s a good chance the issue isn’t actually about how much you want sex… it’s about how you want sex. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down one of the most important tools we’ve ever shared: the two sex drive types. If you’ve ever felt like your desire is broken—or that your partner just doesn’t “get” you—this conversation is about to change everything. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: The real difference between mental desire and physical arousal What it means to be a Spontaneous vs. Responsive type Why you’re not low desire… you just need a different kind of start How to navigate mismatched sex drives without resentment Why your type has nothing to do with gender (but the stats may surprise you) How to initiate sex in a way that works for both of you You’ll also hear a game-changing mindset shift that can help you stop taking it personally—and start working with your differences instead of against them. Links & Resources ✨ Join us inside Deeper to access the brand new Sensual Touch Challenge and finally understand what turns you (and your partner) on → https://vmtherapy.com/touch ✨ What’s your sex drive type?→ https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏 Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial PLUS 25% off your annual subscription ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow 👏Thanks Chewy. Take advantage of amazing holiday savings and shop your personal favorites. Get 20% off your first order ➡︎ https://chewy.com/pillows 👏Thanks Beam. Get up to 40% off for a limited time ➡︎ https://shopbeam.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Cash App. For a limited time only, new Cash App users can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real - there's no catch. Just download Cash App & sign up! Use our exclusive referral code PILLOW in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14-days, and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's Money. That's Cash App. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week, we’re diving into something that seems simple but holds a lot of power in your relationship: touch. Whether it's a lingering hug, a soft shoulder squeeze, or just holding hands while watching Netflix — physical touch is one of the most important (and underrated) ways to build connection, intimacy, and trust. But if you’ve found yourselves touching less — or if touch feels off somehow — you’re not alone. We asked our audience, and: 47% said they want more touch 37% said they want better touch In this episode, we’re breaking down why touch is so essential — and why so many couples stop doing it. (Spoiler: it's not just about sex.) Plus, we’re giving you practical tools and one super simple free exercise (takes 5 minutes) to start reconnecting through touch today. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: The emotional and physical benefits of touch (for both of you) Why “touch starvation” is real — even in long-term relationships The surprising ways you may be unintentionally avoiding touch The difference between sexual and non-sexual touch — and why both matter What to do if your partner says “touch just isn’t my love language” Quick, everyday ways to bring more affection into your relationship (no grand gestures required) ✨ Ready to explore all the ways to touch? We created The Secret Touch Blueprint to help you and your partner reflect on what kinds of touch feel best to you — and how to talk about it together. Grab it here → https://free.vmtherapy.com/touch-blueprint And if doing that exercise leaves you thinking, “Wait… I want more of this,” you’ll love what’s coming next. This July, we’re launching a 4-week Sensual Touch Challenge exclusively inside our Deeper membership. It’ll walk you through 8 specific types of touch — from relaxing to arousing — with fun prompts, step-by-step videos, and guided exercises to try with your partner. It’s designed to bring back the playfulness, the exploration, and the kind of touch that makes you feel again. 💥 Pillow Talks listeners get 25% off their first month of Deeper with code PILLOW → https://vmtherapy.com/touch Links & resources: 👋🏻 The Secret Touch Blueprint →https://free.vmtherapy.com/touch-blueprint 💥 Join the Sensual Touch Challenge (starting July 7 inside Deeper) → https://vmtherapy.com/touch Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏 Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated and feel your best! ➡︎ https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. ➡︎ https://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you ever wanted a peek inside a man’s brain? 🧠 We’re back with Part 3 of one of our most talked-about episode series — answering all the burning, bizarre, and brutally honest questions you’ve always wanted to ask men. This week, we’re diving into what men really think about everything from doggy style to aging to the internet daddy of the moment, Pedro Pascal. 🎙️ Here’s what we’re getting into: What are men actually looking at during doggy style? What do they think when they see a woman who’s prettier than their partner? Is it true they can literally… think about nothing? How do they feel about things like… Women aging, messy buns, leg hair, and more How do they stay so chill about daily life stuff (kid schedules, groceries, appointments)? What really keeps them engaged in a relationship? This one is honest, funny, and surprisingly vulnerable. And of course, Xander’s not holding back. 🔗 Links & Resources: 🎧 What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 1 ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode56 🎧 What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 2 ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode69 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. 👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. ➡︎ https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remi and save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched. (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en) The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instinctively recoils. Even when you love your partner deeply, their touch can sometimes create a sense of tension or irritation—and it’s more common than you think. We asked our Instagram audience, and a whopping 84% said they’ve experienced this reaction. But the question we keep hearing is: “How do we fix it?” In this episode, we break down: The 3 biggest reasons The Bristle Reaction happens 6 actionable ways to start enjoying your partner’s touch again Why this topic hits so close to home for so many couples If physical affection has started to feel complicated or triggering, this episode will give you clarity, tools, and hope. 🔗 Links & Resources: 📘 Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life 📝 Initiation 101 Guide ➡️  https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation?ref=podcast-212&utm_term=podcast-212 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD. 👏Thank you goPure. For a limited time, get 25% off. ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏 Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial PLUS 25% off your annual subscription ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask a sex therapist is back! Have you ever Googled something about sex and then immediately deleted your search history? 🥵 In this week’s episode, Vanessa (a sex therapist with 20+ years of experience) and Xander (her ever-curious, regular dude husband) answer your most personal, pressing, wait-am-I-the-only-one? questions about sex, intimacy, and everything in between. Here’s what we’re diving into: Is it weird if my partner and I don’t kiss during sex? (Pretty Woman, anyone?) What exactly is pegging? Is it normal for other things to be “better than sex”? Can using a penis pump have consequences? Should you get a vasectomy? (Xander’s in the club!) Postpartum sex — what are men really thinking? Can responsive/spontaneous desire be taught? Like can you switch your type? ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper Resources Mentioned: Ultimate Foreplay Guides 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Ultimate Sex Guides  👉🏻 https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-sex-guide?ref=podcast-211&utm_term=podcast-211 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ ⁠https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander⁠ 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 ⁠vmtherapy.com/subscribe⁠ 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Maybe it’s a gross habit that totally kills the mood… Maybe it’s a bigger issue that leaves you feeling unseen or disconnected… This week, we’re diving into a question we hear all the time: Should I be putting up with this in my relationship? Whether it’s your partner’s lack of ambition, a dead bedroom, constant yelling, or socks in the couch cushions (yep, really) — we’re breaking down how to tell the difference between healthy compromise and straight-up self-betrayal. We’re walking through real stories submitted by our audience and sharing tools to help you: Tune into your own boundaries. Get clear on what’s worth working through. Speak your truth without blowing things up. The difference between patience and people-pleasing. When to accept a quirk vs. when to draw a hard line. How to handle dead bedrooms, defensiveness, and money fights. What to do if your partner’s gross habits are killing your vibe. The truth about “sticking it out” vs. knowing when you’ve had enough. 🎧 Whether you're questioning the little things (like nose-picking 😬) or the big things (like being completely ignored emotionally or sexually), this episode is here to help you figure out your next move. Ready to go Deeper with us? Inside our Deeper membership, you’ll get access to our full library of expert-created resources, including the guides, courses, and coaching tools we wish every couple had. PLUS — instant answers to your most intimate questions via Vanessa AI, your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach (and new bestie). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🔥Treat your partner to the best f0repl@y they’ve ever had with The Ultimate Foreplay Guides 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.  Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ======================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ======================== 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remi and save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated and feel your best! ➡︎ https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Flure. Being you is sexy! Explore what you like on Flure Dating App ➡︎https://www.flure.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Does sex feel like a chore to you? According to 86% of our audience? Yes. Maybe sex doesn’t feel great. Maybe it it’s more about your partner getting their needs met than you. Maybe it’s just started to feel like another thing to check off your list. But maybe the issue isn’t sex at all. Maybe it’s that you’re carrying too much — between the keeping the household running (and kind of clean), parenting logistics, and the weight of every single thing it takes to adult… It’s not that sex is a chore: it’s that chores are sabotaging your sex life! In this episode, we’re breaking down how mental load affects desire, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction (spoiler alert: a lot more than you think). And of course, we’re sharing practical tools to help lighten the load and bring the connection back. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: What mental load actually is Why resentment and “keeping score” kill intimacy What happens when your partner starts to feel more like your kid than your teammate How to have more conversations about sharing the load What you can do today to start shifting the dynamic Whether you’re feeling unseen, exhausted, or just plain over it—this episode is here to help you feel more supported, connected, and so much less alone. ⏰ Last chance to snag 2 of our most supportive tools in the shop! ⏰ The Mental Load Workbook and Your Best Week Ever are officially retiring on May 25th. These are the last few days to grab these super affordable and potentially life-changing products. We designed them to help you: Rebalance the invisible labor in your relationship Get on the same page with your partner (without nagging or blowing up) Reconnect emotionally and physically—even when life is busy These are the strategies that helped us transform our own dynamic — and we want that for you too! 🗓 Sunday, May 25th is the final day to buy them a la carte. 🧠  Mental Load Workbook: 👉🏻 https://shop.vmtherapy.com/mental-load-workbook?ref=snst25-podcast-209&utm_term=snst25-podcast-209 💓 Your Best Week Ever 👉🏻 https://buy.vmtherapy.com/best-week-ever-only?ref=snst25-podcast-209&utm_term=snst25-podcast-209 STAY CONNECTED: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.  Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏 Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow 👏 Thanks StoryWorth. Save $15 during their Father's Day sale ➡︎ https://storyworht.com/pillow. 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, we’re giving you a realistic, 4-week plan to help you and your partner get out of that relationship rut — even if you're super busy, overwhelmed, or feeling disconnected. No grand gestures. No impossible checklists. Just simple, thoughtful actions you can start this week to feel closer again — emotionally and physically. Here’s what we’re covering: The difference between a rut and a red flag 🚩 How we define “realistic” connection (especially if you’ve got zero bandwidth) A step-by-step, week-by-week game plan you can follow Specific daily, midweek, and weekend actions to help you reconnect Why it’s okay to not feel fireworks right away — and what to focus on instead A challenge to get started right now 👀 Whether you’ve been together 2 years or 20, this plan can help you feel like a team again — without adding more stress to your plate. LINKS & RESOURCES 📝  4-Week Relationship Reset PDF — Your Companion Workbook for EPISODE 208: Stuck In A Relationship Rut? Here’s Your 4-Week Fix ➡︎ https://free.vmtherapy.com/4-week-reset 👋 The Art of Initiation — your guide to making initiation feel easier, sexier, and more satisfying  ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation?ref=podcast-208&utm_term=-podcast-208 💖 Deeper Membership — full access to our relationship toolkit, core courses, live monthly sessions, and more ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/deeper ✅ Turn Me On: Your Initiation Style Guide — a free guide to discover your unique initiation style (and how to use it!) ➡︎ https://free.vmtherapy.com/initiation-style-guide STAY CONNECTED 📸 Follow us on Instagram @vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns 👉🏻 Sign up here! 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================= 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD. 👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. ➡︎ https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thank you goPure. For a limited time, get 25% off. ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. ➡︎ https://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ready for our go-to masterclass on one of the most overlooked (but absolutely essential) parts of intimacy? We’re bringing back one of our most downloaded episodes of all time — and trust us, it’s worth a re-listen (or a first-time bender if you’re new around here). Foreplay — the most misunderstood, rushed-through, and skipped-over part of sex. But here’s the truth: foreplay isn’t optional. It’s not just a warm-up. It’s the whole damn vibe. In this episode, we’re breaking down the 5 biggest mistakes couples make when it comes to foreplay — and how to turn things around so it actually feels good (for both of you). Here’s what we’re diving into: Why “just get to the point” is killing the vibe What makes receiving foreplay so hard (especially for women — hi, it’s not your fault) The most common foreplay ruts we all fall into How to make foreplay fun again — not forced, awkward, or performative A mindset shift that will change how you think about sex forever Whether you’re feeling stuck, unsure what your partner wants, or just ready for a heck of a lot more pleasure… this episode is your permission slip. Links & Resources: 🔥 The Ultimate Foreplay Guides ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-foreplay-guides?ref=podcast-207&utm_term=podcast-207 Stay Connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram @vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns 👉🏻 Sign up here! 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Beam. Get up to 40% off for a limited time ➡︎ https://shopbeam.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Hungryroot. Get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life ➡︎ https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices