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Please Send Dick Pics

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A podcast hosted by April Walterscheid with an emphasis on female comedians and LGBTQ+ comedians. Each guest offers insight into different aspects of the comedy world. We also touch on dick pics. Send us stuff at pleasesenddickpics@gmail.com
53 Episodes
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This week's guest is Existential Engineer and Comedian, Alyssa Poteet!
April Walterscheid and Alyssa discuss News and Celebrity Dick of the Week. They also delve into the following hot topics:

○ is air horn officially obsolete because our comedy mouths took over?○ why being NOT self-conscious as a comedian could get you 75 million dollars○ as soon as you're 100% self-conscious - YOU'RE DONE
○ why having an engineering degree plastered on your wall feels spooky
○ how to disappoint your mom by doing comedy 
○ why society is one BIG junkie
○ what it’s like to have a decent soul that is ruined by greed
○ 15 ways to turn-on your man when all you need is ANAL○ democratic debates getting the snapchat filter treatment
○ Jeffrey Epstein and how Louis CK is actually scraps for the big dogs
○ how to accidentally turn a 2-minute joke into a 12-minute joke nightmare of anxiety
○ when your 3-year-old nephew hits on you and gets away with it
○ finding your calling card as a comedian based on the jokes you write
○ Kathy Griffin○ everyday people who want to be the leader of their own divisive group that thinks exactly like they do
○ giving up on ALL self-help articles to find your inner voice and confidence again○ ups and downs of manifestation○ does this podcast description read like a cosmopolitan magazine cover? does it make you want to listen?
○ how the world becoming one giant improv troupe would fix everything
○ PLUS! other things to overthink about PROUDLYAlyssa’s Twitter: www.twitter.com/potweet901
Alyssa's Instagram: www.instagram.com/complete_poteetShoutout to comedians KJ Samora and Ali Musa."Oops!... I Did It Again [Instrumental]" by Max Martin and Rami Yacoub"Dear Diary [Instrumental]" by Timmy Allen and Barry J. Eastmond* * * * * * * Lyrics:Oops!... I’ve been dick pic’d againIt came through my HotmailGot lost in the spamOo crabby crabbyOops!... you think that I love itBecause it’s sent from your pantsI’m not that into it* * * * * * *Dear DiaryToday I saw a dick picAnd I wonder if it noticed meIt made me go gay-ay-ay

Dear DiaryI can't get it off my mindAnd it scares meCause I've never felt this way

No one in this worldKnows me better than you doSo Dick Diary 
I'll confide in you
Dear DiaryI saw his dick in personAs it swung by I thought it smiled at meAnd I wondered
Does he know I’m currently HARD !?!I tried to smile, but I could hardly breatheShould I tell it how I feelOr would that make me gay?Diary, tell me what to say(Please tell me if I’m gay?)* * * * * * *Recorded in Garage Band from my own bed - thank you technology for making these parody songs possible. 🖤
This week's guest is Physician Assistant and Comedian, Michele Taylor Paden!April Walterscheid and Michele discuss News and Celebrity Dick of the Week. They also delve into the following hot topics:○ growing up in Colorado○ moving to San Francisco○ seeing comedian Ali Wong before her Netflix specials○ working in a hospital emergency room on Thanksgiving○ being mistaken for a Mormon or cult member everyday○ texting a guy 159,000 times○ how women get prosecuted for things less worse than murder or rape○ how men get away with rape○ children overdosing on edibles○ drugs expediting psychosis in all ages○ generalized phobia of snakes○ finding a snake on a canoeMichele's Instagram: www.instagram.com/michele.c.paden"Gold Skull" by Miniature Tigers
This week’s special guest is Comedic Impressionist and Lover of Foreign Crime Shows, Kristen Van Nest!April Walterscheid and Kristen discuss News and Celebrity Dick of the Week. They also delve into the following hot topics:○ gay snails as pets
○ visiting 40+ countries○ how a pedophile saved her life○ OHIO○ why Swedish crime shows have great physical acting○ her addiction to watching “Swedish Dicks” on PopTV○ the difference between French crime shows vs. American crime shows○ finding an old cosplay acquaintance on True Crime Daily who happened to go on a murder spree○ spending a portion of her life living in China○ the character she plays on “Chunky Zeta” on Amazon Prime○ her poignant sketch "People's Republic of America" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihnspyuPTH8)○ what it’s like to actually visit North Korea (did she actually know Otto Warmbier?)○ her UCB improv troupe Pinup Squirrels○ she also explains the phrase Bernie Bro
Kristen’s Instagram: www.twitter.com/kristenvannest
Checkout her Match.com parodies too!Gary: https://www.instagram.com/p/BtJXpNMg8Gr/Trixie: https://www.instagram.com/p/Btt07X2AWeZTina: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt3yJisAJAH“Someday I'll Grow To Be As Tall As The Giant” by Animal Collective
This week’s special guest is Comedian and One Woman Show, Diana Dinerman!
April Walterscheid and Diana discuss News and Celebrity Dick of the Week. They also delve into the following hot topics:
○ working on your comedy from an internal place within yourself instead of where you think you should be○ her experience starring as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz○ The Ghost Sonata○ Christopher Durang plays○ comedy is all about being a professional noticer○ dating guys who look like melting candles○ dick pics through the centuries○ Civil War era dick pics○ 12-year-olds drinking coffee in Lima, Peru○ Valentine’s Day-themed Would You Rathers○ why wearing a red dress is insane now○ oiling up in grapeseed instead of baby○ growing up in Washington DC○ dates pulling out velcro wallets means having no bed frame○ how to pronounce her last name and why
Diana’s Twitter: www.twitter.com/ddinerman
Detour is the title of Diana's one-woman show. Please check it out!“Quick Canal” by Atlas Sound ft. Lætitia Sadier
This week’s special guest is Former Government Survey Spy and Comedian, Jessica Abrams!April Walterscheid and Jessica discuss News and Celebrity Dick of the Week. They also delve into the following hot topics:○ government shutdown○ trickle down economics is more like trickle up economics○ marginalized groups who enjoy being republican○ government surveys as a day job○ numbing society○ growing up in North Carolina○ performing comedy in New York○ being a writer in Los Angeles○ her web series “Knocking On Doors”○ how to avoid the Super Bowl by podcasting in your parents abandoned shed○ how human connection can’t be replaced by inanimate objects○ dating wins and losses○ hating on dick pics○ plus, a brief interview with her character from “Knocking Doors,” Louise BiceJessica’s Twitter: www.twitter.com/jessicaabrams3Jessica’s Website: www.jessicaabrams.comJessica’s Web series: www.knocking-on-doors.com“Mr. Bad Guy” by Freddie Mercury
This week's guest is MTV Writer and Olympic Comedian, Lisa Curry!
April Walterscheid and Lisa discuss News and Celebrity Dick of the Week. They also delve into the following hot topics:○ The Beatles○ Lisa Maria Presley○ Walk of Shame Tour○ growing up amongst lifejackets○ being in a lifejacket gang at a marina○ visiting her very Republican parents○ her parents not knowing how planes work○ her Grandma’s expensive doll collection○ hoarders and collectors scrounging for money○ hoarders and collectors not knowing how to sell their expensive stuff on eBay○ being the first female comedian at a comedy festival in the UK○ essentials for touring○ pure emotional exhaustion from living the dream as a comedian○ hosting the PBS documentary “Angeleno”○ being single for 10 glorious years○ sitting next to empty chairs at restaurants○ families who makeout with each other○ other Lisa Curry’s she has read about onlineShoutouts and mentions:Comedian Erik Griffin, The Mystery Hour in Springfield, Missouri, and all the Lisa Curry's of the worldLisa’s awesome EPK:http://lisa-curry.squarespace.com/new-page-2Lisa’s Twitter: twitter.com/lisa_curry
Lisa’s Website: www.lisacurry.net“Keep Yourself Alive” by Queen
This week's guest is Amazon's Danger & Eggs Writer and Reality Bytes Show Host, Courtney Kocak!April Walterscheid and Courtney discuss News and Celebrity Dick of the Week. They also delve into the following hot topics:○ Minnesota○ sledding into a world of cockleburs (spikey balls)○ small town abductions and murders○ how winning a 2nd Place mug as a child in a writing contest changed everything○ creating more dynamic women roles just by switching from actor to writer○ how everyone seems to live near Cafe 101 in Los Angeles○ buying her own article in the LA Times○ John Stamos on TV show poster as a guest role○ being a writing assistant on the former TV show Necessary Roughness○ being reprimanded for pitching ideas in the writer's room○ how her pitch got used for an entire season on a TV show○ why dating apps make us lie about our height○ how New Zealand is the Minnesota of the Southern Hemisphere○ why she was happy to have her writing rejected 212 times in one year○ how rejection can turn into a YES so don't burn any bridges○ why guys who send her dick pics feel skeptical○ cliches are the bestShoutouts and special mentions:Sofiya Alexandra, Helsinki Finland, Shadi, Petosky, Courtney's little brothers (Jordan, Matt & Ben), Kate Berlant, Rhea Butcher, Cameron Esposito, and Whitney Bell the Dick Pic Expert (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbUWYnV6d4I).Courtney's 212 Rejections in One Year Article:https://contently.net/2019/01/10/voices/why-rejections-were-the-best-thing-to-happen-to-me/Courtney's Twitter: www.twitter.com/courtneykocakCourtney's Website: www.courtneykocak.com"Killer Queen" by Queen
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2019!This week's guest is NBC Temp Worker and Professional Sketch Comedian, Janet Quinonez!April Walterscheid and Janet discuss News and Celebrity Dick of the Week. They also delve into the following hot topics:○ Norman Lear, Carol Burnett, Mel Brooks, & Benny Hill○ The Jeffersons○ Houston, Texas born and raised○ growing up with Catholic parents○ female bullies in elementary school○ Yo Mama jokes○ Danielle + Janet = BFFs○ her cat named Fee #PhishSong○ her biggest regret involving George Carlin○ working for an oil company○ top skill she learned from the UCB Sketch Writing Program○ Conan O'Brien performing at her comedy show Drunkalogue○ Charles Manson's autopsy○ drinking wine out of a Pringles can while riding around Walmart○ Pringles Chip wine pairings○ why she's the first woman ever to not receive a dick pic○ how to land that Hollywood job you want○ why "Live and Let Die" by The Wings still tortures her today○ Kelsey Grammer's pretentiously puzzling accentShoutouts and special mentions: Upright Citizens Brigade, Jackie Kashian, Justin Michael, Conan O'Brien, Brigid Kelley of Pussies Grab Back, George Carlin, Rhea Butcher, The Internet Read Aloud, Clint Eastwood, Margot Robbie, Saturday Night Live, and Karen Kirkland and her Palm Springs writing retreat "The Breakk" (www.thebreakk.com).News article source:https://nypost.com/2019/01/13/walmart-bans-woman-for-riding-electric-cart-guzzling-wine-from-pringles-can/If you're a sober or non-sober comedian and would like to be a guest on Janet's Los Angeles Comedy Show DRUNKALOGUE, mention April and email the show at: drunkalogueshow@gmail.comJanet's Twitter: twitter.com/janetqpriceJanet's Website: www.janetquinonez.com"Elevator Music" by Beck
THE WHITE ELEPHANT EPISODE!This week’s guest co-host is One-Liner Queen, Comedian Kirsten Alberts!April Walterscheid and Kirsten talk about News and Celebrity Dick of the Week. They also talk about... Listen and find out! Happy Christmas Eve and don't forget to leave carrots out for the reindeer tonight please. If you have a cool parent, they'll eat half the carrots and create sleigh tracks in the grass with their tennis shoes while you're sleeping to blow your kid mind in the morning.Kirsten's Twitter: https://twitter.com/DirtyHippyComic“The Nutcracker Suite (Baz Kuts Breaks)“ by Berlin Symphony Orchestra (April has been waiting 11 years to use this song in something)“Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town” by Mariah CareyRunner Up Song: "Let It Snow (JustFurKiks Remix)" by Frank Sinatra https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-sOAnwh7MA
This week’s guest cohost is VERY VERY Serious Actor and Accidentally Funny Person, Melissa Neiger!April Walterscheid and Melissa talk about News and Celebrity Dick of the Week. They also talk about The Milk Corner, improv galore, the dominatrix woman of every girls' group bathroom visit, sex hotlines that make everything sound like a question, how it’s important to ALWAYS lose your keys in an espresso machine situation, how warm places feel like a hug, Jessica Simpson, Natalie Portman, Blueberry Farm, divorcée, SouljaGame Console, copying everything out there and selling it for a much lower price, Robin Hood for Youuuu, SouljaBoy Food Stamps, Kevin Hart, Nintendo, Meme Spam, cheap Dre Beats, BRACES, the immense joy of keeping you whole life one big secret from social media because you’re too cool for everyone, and legally lowering your age by 20 years.Melissa’s Instagram: instagram.com/melissa.lavonneApril's introduction based on a brace-face character Melissa does!“Thank You For Being A Friend“ by Andrew Gold
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