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Rats In The Gutter

Author: Sam Te Kani & Johanna Cosgrove

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Auckland, the Babylon of Australasia. Home to award-winning creatives/ aspiring Jezebels Sam Te Kani and Johanna Cosgrove. Join them as they navigate daily life in a gorgeous South Pacific necropolis here at civilization’s end. Not deterred in the least by back-to-back lockdowns and a shortage of worthwhile intimacies, Te Kani and Cosgrove barrel headfirst into themes and experiences any modern twenty-something will recognise. From finding love when every other guy is a flakey bisexual, to the ego disorders of our noted socialites, and minor takeout addictions.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

69 Episodes
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THE FLY LIST ETC

THE FLY LIST ETC

2024-01-1038:10

Happy New Year straight from the gutter! This week, Johanna and Samuel are back with a inappropriate vengeance, speculating wildly on all the essential current affairs—The Golden Globes' trainwreck intro, Gypsy Rose Blanchard’s Instagram and of course Epstein’s alphabetized flight list!Gorgeous video versions of every episode and more are available on our Patreon xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Another WRAPPED

Another WRAPPED

2023-12-2442:57

The year is coming to a close and amidst obligatory family time the rats find a quiet moment to review their year. Join them for an intellectual tour de force at the new and improved runtime of forty minutes or less.Support us on Patreon xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
BOKASHI HELL

BOKASHI HELL

2023-12-1253:39

The rats feel the strain of December when New Zealanders prepare to enter a summer free for all of seasonal binge drinking. How will boycotting McDonald’s affect their drunken 3am binges? Do conversations with your exes in a nightmare count as IRL reconciliations? Can my therapist even tell the difference if I can’t? And just who is it stinking up the gym with their bowel cancer?Support us on Patreon xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
ENNUI, FANTASY and YOU

ENNUI, FANTASY and YOU

2023-12-0558:13

The rats are feeling meh and in their restlessness cavort across topics as diffuse as the visual poetry of Mission Impossible Fallout, Henry Cavill’s supple tit, Chris Bishop’s pretend-smoker status, and the importance of being terminally single.Support us on Patreon xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
MUSIC (sort of)

MUSIC (sort of)

2023-11-3057:18

The rats look back on the year that was, because Spotify told them to. Join them as they introspect about a trash-fire 12 months that included accidental Swiftie status, a real-time genocide and the end of democracy as we know it, no good NZ music to speak of, and an abject lack of romantic prospects. Hazar! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
BRAIN DIDDLING

BRAIN DIDDLING

2023-11-2257:38

As we careen headfirst into summer, Auckland’s sweatiest and hottest girls keep it nice and moist—much like their dermis. Our rats wax lyrical about whatever is on the forefront of their diddled brains, from the town crier to pools on roofs to a special shout-out to John Travolta in a femme fat suit.Support us on Patreon for access to video episodes xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
THE WELLNESS EPISODE

THE WELLNESS EPISODE

2023-11-1659:02

As Samuel visits Johanna’s sickbed (dramatic but real gurls) it’s only fitting that our Rats loosely mull over wellness in a way that is deeply… unwell. Highlights include - Mickey Rourkes meat suit, mechanical ravens and the “Oamaru Piazza”. Ciao!Support us on Patreon xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
THERAPIZE THIS!

THERAPIZE THIS!

2023-11-0752:23

Depression demons, emotional instability, the importance of being pro-Palestine, Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo being the double headed hydra of our times; and actors. As Empire crumbles and the democratic facade of Big Government verily implodes, dump your boyfriend for a single summer and let the good times roll.Support us on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
BULLET-PROOF PUSSY

BULLET-PROOF PUSSY

2023-11-0555:06

This week, the rats air numerous grievances with their fellow man, with whom they are all kinds of disappointed (as you should be). Topics range from the obvious geopolitical nightmare we’re currently living in, Winston Peters gearing up to cyber-bully David Seymour within an inch of his life, rancid Parisian gutters, and the very pressing issue of Russia’s militarized cats. Strap in.Support us on Patreon! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
THE ID

THE ID

2023-10-2556:49

This week the rats are basically scared and confused (and a little horny) from the fumes of a world on fire. It’s two parts vitriol, one part nonsense. Probably better for your own mental health if you skip this one. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
TRANSITIONS

TRANSITIONS

2023-10-1756:35

The rats are tired. Barely keeping their homicidal tendencies in check, Sam & Johanna wax mutual pessimism on the election outcome, the unsettling nature of even positive change, and the lonely burden of personal success. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The End

The End

2023-10-0539:52

The end is very fucking nigh. This week the rats surrender to the notion of existential discontinuation, of their lives, of society, of their already tenuous grasp on reality, etc. But as the Rats' third season comes to a close and they twitter warmly in fond retrospective, a glimmer of hope for renewal emerges. Both for themselves, and for wider humanity. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The Election Episode

The Election Episode

2023-09-2841:24

Topical as ever, this week the rats dive into all (or some) things; ELECTION. While the nation enters the political equivalent of the last three episodes of a Ru Paul All Stars, we wax lyrical on the luxury of an MMP system, Paula Bennett in a fat suit, and get to the nitty gritty of our democracy in ways Al Jazeera could never.Join our Patreon: patreon.com/RatsInTheGutter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
ALIENS: the Return

ALIENS: the Return

2023-09-2144:33

In light of the US government’s congressional hearings into the existence and concealment of Unidentified Flying Objects, our rats debate the varieties of information and misinformation assaulting our timelines to Samuels delight and Johanna’s disgust! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
This week Johanna and Samuel are joined by the hot, hilarious and heavenly Courtney Dawson! From publicly throwing exes under the bus, to the weights section of your local gym to Paddy Gower this sublimely “crafted” episode digs into a broad array of topics with the directional skills of nana after cataract surgery. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Advice

Advice

2023-09-0735:32

After the harrowing loss of their live show recording, Samuel and Johanna retrace their steps to bring you the answers to your questions; literally. This week our rats do their best (and worst) to help you, our listeners, find the sage wisdom you’ve been asking for - think agony aunt with a strong emphasis on agony… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The Economy

The Economy

2023-08-2446:31

Today our humble gutter dwellers discuss something they are truly unqualified to hypothesise on - The Economy! Listen in abject horror as your fiscally illiterate hosts hurl themselves head first into the financial clusterf*ck in which we find ourselves and somehow find a way to bring it all back to Queen Stephanie Germanotta herself; Lady Gaga. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Guest Rat: Ana Scotney

Guest Rat: Ana Scotney

2023-08-1746:49

In a sharp 180 from their usual decrepitude Samuel and Johanna clumsily (albeit with a huge dollop of ice cream-sunshine-and roses) welcome their first guest - Ana Chaya Scotney! Can they delve deep into Ana’s stratospheric stardom while keeping on topic? Only you can decide! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Fame

Fame

2023-08-1050:07

Samuel and Johanna are back and more malevolent than ever! Buckle up ratties, the first ep of season three has our hosts careening loosely down the roller coaster of Fame! Are they famous? No. Will they shit on their listeners until they reach the pinnacle of so-called success? Yes!Come with us down their merry and tawdry expose of adjacent topics including Country Road, Jabba the Hutt and of course Agent Orange.Support us on Patreon: patreon.com/RatsInTheGutter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Technology

Technology

2023-04-1649:00

In the season finale of season 2, our hosts put their mis-aligned brain power together to muse on the ever-impending AI takeover. Armed with very little fact-based knowledge and a whole lot of opinions, Sam and Johanna traverse the spectrum from Toyota Caribs to sex swings to the Twitterverse and of course, ask the oft-pondered question - will cyborgs take over our brains? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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