Richard Herring: Talking Cock

Episode 11 - Lovely Lovely Cress - in possibly (but possibly not) the last epenisode of this rodmast, Richard tells the story of an indecent proposal made to him in a gig in Bristol, reveals a controversial 'cure' for lesbianism, details what women would do if they had a penis for 24 hours (it'd make a great episode of 24, that's for sure) and gives some other slightly grotesque stories from men on the questionnaire and provides you with a few cock facts. Just a handful of gigs to go now, including a late addition in London at the Regent's Park Open Air Theatre - buy tickets here - www.openairtheatre.com. The book Talking Cock is available from www.gofasterstripe.com and the DVD of the show will be released by the same website in July. Thanks for listening. That's probably enough cock to be getting on with.

The Talking Cock stand-up tour is nearly over, but the podcast series continues.

Episode 9 - The History of Mr Jolly. Richard reads another chapter from his book, this time all about the cultural history of the penis and the way attitudes have altered over time. From the crafty gods of ancient Sumeria to the 19th century scientists who could see tiny hunched up men in every sperm when they looked down their microscopes. Find out what happened to the Cerne Abbas Giant's navel and how many Etruscan penises Menephta received. And why we owe so many of our hang-ups to having his cake and eating it (and then telling us we couldn't have any cake) Saint Augustine. If only all history lessons had this many cocks in them!

Epenisode 8 - 0898 chat line - The Talking Cock tour is over halfway through now so only a few more rod-masts to cum. And this week Richard turns his Herring's Eye to choking the Chihuahua, flogging the log, draining the sluices, priming the glue-gun, learning to love yourself, decorating the bedroom ceiling, taking the horn by the bull (that one doesn't even make sense), or as it's commonly known Mass debating. There's time for the history of masturbatory opposition (including religious, scientific and breakfast cereal manufacturers), claimed side-effects and why straining your salami might be the ultimate celebration of personal freedom. There's a poem and a story about having sex with a dragon fruit (pictured) and Rich starts to wonder exactly which direction his career is going.

Episode 7 - I Am An Anatomist. An Antipodean Anatomist! - It's a bit of a free-for-all cock catch up on our bulging mail sac today, with some general penis stories (some more slightly gruesome medical and injury ones -sorry, it's mainly what I've been sent) and Rich trying to explain why the willy brush he bought 'for material for the live show' does not appear in the live show. Why did he buy it? What happened when he did? There's a poem from an ex-Tellytubby which you really wouldn't expect (satisfyingly for this winkie based piece of art, he was Tinky-Winky) and we find out whether women see the penis as a friend or an enemy. And why. The cats try to heckle at one point as well. But this is Talking Cock, guys, not Talking Pussies.

Hermione's Hand Twin - Richard is in a broom cupboard in Worcester waiting to go on stage and he uses the time to bring you a podcast all about the thorny edged subject of size. Does it matter? Clearly to many men it does, most of whom don't actually have anything to be concerned about. Rich investigates ways that men have tried to increase the size of their beaver cleavers, from the power of the mind to the drastic (and again unpleasant for the squeamish) surgical option. Also how men feel about their penises (pretty insecure generally) and the truth about racial stereotypes about penis length. Maybe those jokes aren't so funny after all.

The Penis Fly Trap - This week's rodmast might not be suitable for those with a weak stomach or people driving or using heavy machinery - it's a subject that has made two grown men faint during the Talking Cock tour - penile injury. The penis has many enemies including wasps, rubber bands and Cillit Bang, but can also be scratched, bruised or burst by those who love us, as well as detached by those who hate us. Why is the terrible fate of John Wayne Bobbitt seen as humorous? And find out what you should do if you ever become separated from your own penis. Warning this podcast also includes some audio penis touching. (illustration by Alex Collier).

Episode 4 - Talking Sock. Richard is on tour and he's got Ben Elton-like tales of a lost sock to entertain you with, but he's not forgotten about the sergeant with the one blue stripe who loves to stand to attention. This week he's looking at the question 'What's the funniest thing that has ever happened to you involving a penis?' and there are several new tales from the questionnaire to entertain you. Plus Richard reveals three of his own most embarrassing penile moments. And there's a poem from the actor Kevin Eldon. Next week we're looking at penile injuries so email your stories to herring1967@gmail.com. Check out the tour dates at http://www.richardherring.com/talkingcock2/tour.php and please spread the word about this podcast and the show.

Wee Wee, Poo Poo, Bottom - It's back to childhood and time to remember the confusion and pride that we got from our little fellas, plus the psychological damage risked by embarrassed parents. We find out how fathers feel about their baby-makers once they've made a baby and Rich admits to the most stupid willy-inspired things he did as a youngster including peep-hole folly and window-flashery. Plus circumcision confusion and plastic tips. See if Talking Cock is coming to your town here - http://www.richardherring.com/talkingcock2/tour.php

Tal*ing *o*k, e*is*de 2 - Display it, with Honour - The much delayed release of this penis-based podcast has come about partly due to questions of the suitability of the title for public consumption. This is an issue that Richard faced at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2012 (though not in 2002), so today as a bonus extra as we wait for the podcasts to go live, he discusses whether it's right to be quite so prudish about our tummy bananas and why it's all right to say Joe Cocker went off half-cocked in Cockermouth, but not Talking C*ck. He also reveals some of the better penile euphemisms from his questionnaire, as well as the childish names that males called their todgers as kids (and as adults). There's a quite serious poem too. View all the tour dates here - http://www.richardherring.com/talkingcock2/tour.php and buy some tickets to see the live show if you like! Please spread the word about the podcast and the tour to your winkie-obsessed friends and don't be put off by Ian Tunes from iTunes prudish and seemingly random approach to censorship.

You Fuck One Goat - Richard tells the story of why he decided to create this show, reveals what percentage of men would rather lose their two eyes than their one-eyed trouser snake, explains why this a subject for men AND women and reads some new and exclusive answers to the question 'Where have you put your penis for fun?' There's also a belated campaign to free Hull chef Stephen Hall and a poem by the curmudgeonly opera director Stewart Lee. Plus the man who claims hundreds and thousands have touch his willy. (Illustration by Alex Collier)