Same Shit, Different Mom

You know those moments when the stress builds up, and before you know it, you’re yelling at your kids and feeling out of control? In this episode of Same Shit, Different Mom, we’re tackling a topic that so many of us experience but rarely talk about—mom rage. It’s not just about losing your temper—it’s a signal from your nervous system and your subconscious. In this episode, we’ll explore the real causes of mom rage, the emotions it’s masking, and how you can begin to break the cycle of reactivity with practical tools and self-compassion. Tune in for a transformative conversation that will help you parent with more calm, clarity, and connection.   Highlights: [01:44] - The Experience of Mom Rage [03:46] - The Nervous System's Role in Reactivity [04:53] - The Emotion Behind the Anger [07:55] - Overwhelm and Unmet Needs [09:14] - The Role of Guilt and Shame [13:14] - The Impossible Standard of Motherhood [17:43] - Real-Life Example of “Mom Rage” [18:47] - Self-Reflection and Releasing Unrealistic Expectations Grab my FREE Cycle Breaking Moms’ Guidebook  Get on the Priority List for Motherhood Alchemy

If you’ve ever felt misunderstood or judged by older generations for how you choose to parent and the struggles you face, this episode is for you. I sat down with my curious boomer parents for an open conversation about the evolution of parenting styles across generations. In this episode, we touch on the following topics: [03:01 - 10:00] – Reflecting on the Past: How Parenting Has Changed [10:01 - 17:00] – The Challenge of Parenting Without a Model [17:01 - 25:00] – Understanding Triggers and Emotional Reactivity [25:01 - 32:00] – Rewriting the Parenting Narrative [32:01 - 38:00] – Structural Challenges and Societal Expectations [38:01 - 45:00] – Embracing Growth and Change in Parenting I’d love to hear your thoughts on this conversation! DM me on Instagram @heycarlyely If you’re interested in learning more about working with me, reach out on IG or email me at suport@carlyely.com

In this insightful episode, we sit down with Zach Watson, self-identified recovering man-child and invisible labor educator, to discuss the concept of cognitive load in households and how men can step up to create more equitable partnerships. Zach shares his personal journey, the importance of self-awareness, and practical steps to implement fair play and reduce the mental load on partners.[2:46] - Discovering the Manchild Trait:Zach recounts being called a manchild and how he embraced his playful nature.The realization of the negative aspects of being a manchild in 2022.[5:15] - The Awakening:Reading the Fair Play book and learning about invisible labor, mental load, and emotional labor.Recognizing how much he wasn’t contributing despite thinking he was.[8:30] - Performative Housework:The concept of performative housework and the discrepancy between online perception and real-life contributions.Alyssa’s role in helping Zach realize the difference between actual help and performative tasks.[11:16] - Men's Traditional Roles and Mental Load:Discussion on the traditional male mindset and the evolving understanding of household roles.Challenges men face in understanding and taking on mental load.[12:01] - Client Demographics and Challenges:Most men come to Zach’s program via their partners.The misconception that the program is a fix rather than a development of skills.[15:00] - Improving Vocabulary and Awareness:Developing awareness of mental and emotional labor.The importance of understanding the full scope of household chores beyond just the physical tasks.[18:00] - Creating Multiple-Choice Scenarios:Practical advice on reducing mental load by providing options and default answers.The analogy of making household decisions like solving math problems.[19:29] - Weaponized Incompetence:Differentiating between incompetence and weaponized incompetence.The need for nuanced language to better articulate these behaviors.[26:13] - Bringing Awareness and Communication:The challenges women face in articulating the mental load.The importance of men understanding the underlying reasons for certain household tasks.[30:53] - Weekly Meetings:The significance of having regular meetings to discuss household responsibilities and emotional needs.Creating a safe space for iterative improvement and accountability.[35:47] - Managing Defensiveness:Strategies for managing defensiveness and improving communication in relationships.The benefits of having an external coach to guide the conversations.[40:00] - The Boring Meeting Concept:How the boring meeting helps couples handle logistical and emotional issues.Examples of how this approach has helped Zach and Alyssa in their own household.[45:43] - Delineating Tasks and Preferences:Tips for getting on the same page emotionally and practically in household management.The importance of understanding each other’s preferences and reasons behind certain tasks.[50:55] - Emotional Regulation and Accountability:The role of emotional regulation in handling household responsibilities.How Zach helps clients stay accountable through regular check-ins and meetings.This episode is packed with practical insights and transformative concepts that can help you navigate invisible labor and improve household equity. Tune in now to learn how to c

In this heartfelt and inspiring episode, Carly welcomes Megan Hilluka, a mother of eight and an expert in trauma and anxiety relief. Megan shares her profound journey from personal tragedy to becoming a healer, discussing her daughter's death, her battle with PTSD, and her transformative work with Rapid Resolution Therapy (RRT). Learn how Megan helps others clear trauma and anxiety in just a few sessions, and discover the incredible impact of this therapeutic approach.[0:57] - Megan's Background:Megan introduces herself, her family, and how she got into her current work.Discusses her marriage to Justin and their eight children.[1:15] - Tragic Loss and PTSD:Megan talks about the death of her daughter, Aria, and her subsequent PTSD diagnosis.The impact of trauma on her mental health and daily life.[2:50] - Coping with Trauma:Megan's experience with constant fear, stress, and the struggle to control her bodily reactions.The realization of how fragile mental health can be.[3:55] - Therapeutic Journey:Megan's year-long experience with EMDR therapy.The significance of finding effective therapeutic methods.[6:19] - Family Adventure:The decision to travel the country in a converted school bus for two years.How this adventure was inspired by Aria's death and the desire to live fully.[9:03] - Introduction to Rapid Resolution Therapy (RRT):Megan explains how she discovered RRT through a podcast.Initial skepticism and the surprising effectiveness of RRT.[12:26] - How RRT Works:The principles of RRT and how it updates the mind's processing of traumatic events.The quick and profound impact of RRT on trauma and anxiety.[18:01] - Effectiveness of RRT:Discussion on RRT's application to various types of trauma, including complex PTSD and domestic violence.Client success stories and the high success rate of RRT.[20:40] - Detaching from Trauma Labels:The importance of separating identity from trauma and anxiety.Helping clients see themselves beyond their trauma.[24:50] - Addressing Skepticism:Common doubts and concerns people have about RRT.Megan's commitment to providing a refund guarantee to ensure confidence in the process.[27:47] - Getting Started with RRT:Information on finding RRT practitioners and how Megan incorporates RRT into her work.Details about Megan's online program and its comprehensive approach to healing trauma and anxiety.Connect with Megan:Get Rid of Anxiety for GoodMegan's Instagram: @megan_hillukaConnect with Carly:Follow us on Instagram: @carlyfisherelyCall to Action:If you found this episode helpful, please leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform and share it with someone who might benefit from Megan's story and insights.Interested in learning more about Rapid Resolution Therapy? Visit Megan's IG page and check out her free training to get started.This episode is packed with invaluable insights and powerful stories of resilience and healing. Don't miss out on learning how you can transform your life and clear trauma and anxiety for good with the he

In this insightful episode, we dive into the concept of self-parenting and how it can help mothers navigate their parenting journey, break unhealthy cycles, and heal from past experiences. Explore the practical steps of self-parenting, its benefits, and how it can transform your relationship with your children and yourself.Episode Highlights[1:15] Definition of Self-Parenting:Explanation of self-parenting and how it differs from traditional approaches.The concept of integrating self-parenting into daily life.[3:00] - Western Approaches vs. Self-Parenting:Discussion on traditional Western approaches to mental health like CBT and medication.Limitations of these methods and the need for deeper, more integrated approaches.[5:00] - The Subconscious Mind and Identity:How self-parenting works at the subconscious level to break patterns and barriers.The role of identity, values, and beliefs in shaping our behaviors.[8:00] - Age Ranges and Development:Explanation of the developmental stages: 0-7, 7-14, and 14-21.How experiences during these stages shape our subconscious mind.[11:30] - Triggers in Parenting:Identifying specific triggers in parenting and their roots in childhood experiences.Example of a client’s experience with feeling rushed and its connection to childhood.[15:00] - The Process of Self-Parenting:Steps to practice self-parenting: recognizing triggers, identifying their origins, and nurturing the inner child.Talking to the inner child and providing what they needed then, now.[18:00] - Dealing with Triggers:Example scenario: a client’s feeling of panic when her child doesn’t get ready on time.How to address and soothe the inner child in such situations.[20:30] - Validation and Reassurance:The importance of validating and reassuring the inner child.Example of affirmations and reassurances that can be given to the inner child.[23:00] - Overcoming Victim Mentality:The risk of falling into a victim mentality and how to avoid it.The role of self-compassion and understanding in breaking generational patterns.[26:00] - Generational Patterns and Self-Compassion:Understanding the generational aspect of patterns and the importance of compassion in healing.Recognizing that we are the first generation with the tools and knowledge to make these changes.[29:00] - Unrealistic Expectations and Codependency:How unrealistic expectations and unresolved issues can lead to unhealthy dynamics with our children.The spiral effect of guilt and critical self-judgment.[32:00] - Closing Thoughts and Invitation for Interaction:Encouragement to reflect on the discussed concepts and apply them.Invitation for listeners to share their experiences, ask questions, and provide feedback.Key Takeaways:Self-parenting helps address deep-rooted patterns by nurturing and validating the inner child.Understanding the developmental stages of the subconscious mind is crucial for effective self-parenting.Identifying and addressing triggers in parenting can lead to more harmonious and less stressful interactions with children.Self-compassion and understanding are essential in breaking generational patterns and healing wounds.Grab the FREE Cycle-Breaking Mom's GuidebookQuotes:"When we chip away at these subconscious beliefs, our outer