Episodes are deleted after 3 months to hear more visit SamiPeculiar.com or follow me on Instagram at @Sami.Peculiar . . . Dude… I just want to say….I… don’t remember health insurance being…. this… like…. ridiculous…. to sign up for….But then also…. I never signed up for health insurance…. In my life….I had my parents health insurance till I was 26 and then they booted me off that shit…And then I was on the medical, welfare type health shit when I was really… you know… down…. and out and poor…ER…..So… um…. I… never… I realized had health insurance…. like on my own as an adult….And now… I’m trying… Its the year twenty twenty one… and like I just don’t…I keep thinking I don’t remember it being like this…But now I’m just curious…. Was it always this fucking bad????I mean… I went online… and I thought I was gonna like type some stuff in and it was going to show me the boxes with different… um… price points and all the stuff that’s included… That’s what I’m expecting!!!But no… I go online… I punch some shit in… now the whole world has my email and fucking phone number… and for days my phone has been blowing us with texts and calls and emails… not really maybe only 2 emails…. but like texts and calls… I’ve just been getting blown the fuck up for like a week straight….{silent confused thoughtful pause}I don’t think it was like that before… I’m really confused…I just wanted to see the boxes with the price tag and what I get and what I need…Why the fuck did I just get this dude messaging me for days?!?!I finally just said like dude can we just do this through text I don’t want to talk to you… And this mother fucker… Just tells me yeah sure just get my {????}….. OK… I’ll get you my fucking income in a moment… like tomorrow… I just got off work…This fool is now texting me like a bad boyfriend… Like can we talk right now???NO!!! I just got home from fucking work and I got to go sit in the bath and rant about you… um…. No we cannot talk right now…What the fuck is this… its after… Its almost… Seven!…. I’m like… should be in pajama’s by now… I’m not… But um… so yeah…This guy like… I told him… I texted him… I will get you the numbers tomorrow…This fool is blowing up my phone calls… can we just do it right now?… can we just talk right now?… please?!Like… I just didn’t even respond… This fool got smart like five minutes in and got respectful…Like… You got to train em…He says OK tell me what time is good for you tomorrow?Ok finally… so I’m just like ten am… Like I said nothing else… I’ve been ignoring every call this dude has sent me after I said I’ll get you the numbers tomorrow….I ignored his calls… 2 or 3 of them…. I ignored his texts… I mean finally I just said TEN… not even AM…Now… I get an email… {???}… well he texts me and tells me to check my email…Now I got to go to a fucking webinar tomorrow at 10… like what is this!?!?I’m not trying to buy a timeshare!!!{Long annoyed pause}So I’m just like… I…. almost…I’m so fucking sick of this…I’m just gonna elect to have no health insurance because I cannot deal with this bull shit!Like this is harassment and I really don’t think it was ever like this so why the fuck is getting health insurance like this now!?Why do you got to do like…Why cant you just see the boxes with the prices and the fucking things you get in it????That’s all I want…I want the visual…I don’t want to talk to anybody…And I don’t want to go to no fucking webinars!
So… Working as the bottom of the barrel hairstylist at a chain salon…. for over a year now during a pandemic has been fucking shitty…Ya know… You’re getting people that are… like ass holes… they think they are entitled… they think they are something…cuz… just… the… yeah… {???} they think they are something…And they think they are going to like, a world famous barber… and they are gonna get the world famous fucking fade…and they are gonna… they are paying so much cuz its $19.50…Nineteen dollars and fifty cents…. just…. its so expensive… they need the fucking… the worlds best barbers fade…And uh… they need it right now…Like… don’t make me wait… NO I need my haircut now…I know I didn’t have an appointment and I know its 2020 and I know I’m supposed to wear a mask… but NO…. I aint wearing no fucking mask… and I aint making no appointments… This is the time I want right now…I’m like NO… HONEY…. We booked… don’t cha know we are in the fucking middle of a pandemic… no one wants to work… we only got 2 stylists working… we are already booked honey…We can do 5:30! Can you do 5:30???No… theses mother fuckers are ass holes coming in here wanting their haircuts asap… they are expecting to get the world class barber and they are already complaining about the $19 dollar fucking charge…Like… Oh my god… this dude today… he just stopped me in the parking lot and he is like…YO… was that girl… who was cutting my hair… was she new….And I was just like…I really really wanted to say…Dude…what the fuck do you expect. You didn’t request anybody… your coming to a… a chain salon… in the middle of a pandemic….when vdnobody wants to work… you think your gonna get fucking Vidal Sassoons barber… honey NO… you gonna get the girl fresh out of beauty school…who IS working and she is really fucking sweet and she needs a lot of training and we are working on it with her…. Like chill fucker… you didn’t go Vidal Sassoon… this is a chain salon… remember… and you didn’t request nobody… yeah, you got the new girl… shut the fuck up…Like get out of here…But uh… yeah… I’m getting yelled at… today I got yelled at 3 times…Theses people… 2 of them were old men….The first dude…maybe he wasn’t that old…. But… he’s old… umm… this dude walks in…and uh… says uh yeah I got an appointment….And I’m like… I’m in the middle of a color… I’m blocked out for 2 hours…its definitely not with me… and uh its not with the other girl…she is already working on hers…so I’m like you know…A… I don’t see you here… uh…And he goes oh shit… that was with… you know the other competitor… the other cheaper competitor… you know… shit… I booked it over there… and then he is like I’ll just get it here…And I was like… ok… well… I’m in the middle of a color… she’s just working on her client… we can take you RIGHT after…Like that is fucking rare… that’s gold… he should be thanking his lucky star we can get him in next…And this mother fucker walks out… pissed the fuck off… I don’t know what the fuck he was pissed about…But that’s… that’s how I start my day… and that’s how I start almost everyday…And then the next dude who walks in… older…more angry…{laughs/ fart sound from {for the record} rocks rolling in tub} So this fucker walks in… I’m like how can I help you?I’m doing my sweet voice cuz I know theses people are already… mother fucking angry… so I’m just… HI! How can I help you?You know…{FULL TRANSCRIPTION ON SAMIPECULIAR.COM}
So my uh… 20 year old… cute little co-worker…She was telling me how this one client was flirting with her and he’s olderAnd I was like wait? what’s older? she says “like 38”I’m like oh… that’s just like… my ageBut I’m like also thinking like“NO bitch they don’t get better with age, they get more fucked up with age”They are so fucking damagedDon’t go older bitch, you need to go younger, you need to get em like… locked up… like right out of the womb you know and you need to train em and um make sure they don’t get too fucked upBut by the time they get back up here in this age, in the thirties, they already fucked upThey are NOT better
I’ve been alone for so long, it’s just like normal to meAnd I think it’s funny when I hear people or see people that just like don’t know how to be alone or they are just so codependent its sadLike those people…I just feel like becoming Robin William’s in JumanjiYou know, when he comes out of the jungle and is like ”what year is this?”I wanna be like “You don’t know lonely bitch”Like I’m over here, sitting in my fucking room looking at a poster with a bunch of fucking eyes looking at meI’m that fucking lonely… have YOU been that lonely!? I DON’T FUCKING THINK SOSo don’t come at me with this I’m lonely shit, you know… go fucking cry to your best friends and you know you got like 5 of emOk… STOPYou ain’t lonely, you just a loser…. NO that’s fucked upI don’t meant that end part I just didn’t know what else to say… ok….But I’m just sayingYou ain’t fucking lonelyYou don’t even fucking know what lonely isRemember… picture me as Robin Williams coming out of the jungle in Jumaji sayingYou don’t fucking know what lonely is bitchJust think of me and you’ll feel better
I’m trying to do the hustle and the grind on the side and nothings… you know… taking off like immediately… who would have fucking known!!?… like I’m just impatient….All I keep thinking is I went from making “this” a day and now I’m only making “sometimes this”…But like also… in one fucking day… I made the most money I ever made…. I made enough to pay my rent next month… Like next week… I made enough to pay my rent next week….visit SamiPeculiar.com for the full podcase transcript and archived podcasts...
With a special guest appearance by my annoying a** cat Sandra.... "Depression is kind of funny when your older and slightly smarter" ........ "I think every time your depressed your a dramatic little b****" ........ "I'm more awakened now and I don't have as many f**** to give" ...."im just kind of going with it, allowing it but also i'm f****** lowww" ....
.... “keeps the boys away” ........ “I don’t want NO boys around my kitty cat” ........ “It’s like a chia pet” ........ “It’s a triangle bush! Like a topiary bush” ........ “keeps me from dropping trou- ” ....
.... "when someone can get a little happy face with a cigarette in its mouth type shit....." ....
.... "If this is the best damn outcome because my life was that f****** shitty and all of those oils and rocks actually helped and then THIS is the fucking holy grail here?!...." ...
.... "I know this because A.... I though of something so important to say that I had to do it while showering" ....
.... "Big dicks are more disappointing than not big dicks" ....
.... "Maybe the first time you go to dinner with someone maybe should NOT be the same night you sleep with someone...." ....
.... “I have finally accepted that my life is f***** crazy, s*** is always going to get f ***** up and it’s f***** hell” ........ “I’m read, let’s go...” ....
..... “Not that I am a legit comedian or anything...” ........ “I can think of my worst moments and think it’s f****** funny” ........ “Everything is f****** awesome and peachy keen” ....
.... “I don’t know what side the right is or the left” .... .... “I don’t even give a f*** or want to know about any of that” ........ “I don’t care what you believe as long as you are a good person” ........ “let’s stop putting our mojo all over each other....” ....
.... “did it turn out exactly how it was supposed to?” ........ “The spiritual ones will be able to see that it did!” ....
.... “I should probable title theses before I start recording so that way when i blank out and can remember what I’m talking about..... Cuz uh.... What was I saying” ........ “don’t have any friends to lose so go for it” ....(Burps) .... “my stomach hurts, I’m a mess” ....
.... “....I think then you know you had a good day” ........ “do those things and then it can’t have been that bad of a day” ....