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Save Your Sanity: Help for Toxic Relationships
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Save Your Sanity: Help for Toxic Relationships

Author: Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

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The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people host, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, calls Hijackals®. 


Invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways. Many Hijackals have behaviors that are consider the same as those who are diagnoses as narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, and histrionic personality disorder.


These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now. 

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Do you have a feeling that what's going on in your relationship is less than honest, and yet, you feel strangely like you're not doing enough?You may well be with a covert narcissist! Even for me, working with couples all over the world, it takes longer to identify covert narcissism in a person, and in a relationship, than with other demonstrations of narcissism. Why? Because it is sneaky, under-handed, passive, and plays on your heart strings more than overt or malignant narcissism. It takes longer to be sure that's what's playing out. And, when I'm working with a couple, I want to be sure...and, so do you, I know. Covert narcissists play the victim, misunderstood and under-valued in their own minds. It's all a manipulation, but that's what they want to believe. They feel as entitled as overt narcissists, but, they don't express it in the same ways. Are you with someone who is always the victim? Does s/he tell you that they never are valued, or seen for who they really are?Does that person try to keep you feeling sorry for them?Do you feel like you are the caretaker of their self-esteem and self-confidence? These can be very clear signs of covert narcissism, especially when they are all present. Of course, there are many more signs, and I've put as many in today's episode as I could in the time available. You'll be able to get a good sense if you're with a covert narcissist....finally. And, it will be a big relief, I'm guessing! Listen in, and see if what's keeping you feeling like you're supposed to be the cheerleader for a permanent underdog is really covert narcissism. --------------------------------------------------------------------I WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT!If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:What covert narcissists doHow covert narcissism is easy to missWhy covert narcissism is hard to identifyHow covert narcissism shows up in your daily relationshipWhy covert narcissists make you second-guess yourself and err on the side of empathyWhy covert narcissists are particularly crazy-making, yet make you stay longer You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Enjoy my other podcast, Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show, here, or wherever you like to find your podcasts. Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#covertnarcissists #sneakynarcissism #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #recognizenarcissism #seeingthecycles #emotionalabuse
Abuse in any form is bad news: verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse, sexual abuse. All bad!And, you need to know what intimate terrorism is because it has the most dire consequences.Domestic violence is a term you're likely familiar with. You may not think of the verbal abuse as domestic violence, or the emotional abuse. It is, though. Often, it is very difficult--even more difficult now with the new wording recently changed by the current U.S. administration--to make your case for these in court. It's still domestic violence.Definition of Domestic Violence from Project-Safe.org :"Domestic violence is the illegitimate use of physical force and/or control tactics within a relations that is intimate, familiar, or cohabitating. There are several types of domestic violence, including intimate terrorism and situational couple violence." You may not yet have heard of "coercive control," either. When coupled with violence, it equals intimate terrorism, and occurs when one partner in a relationship, typically a man, uses coercive control and power over the other partner, using threats, intimidation, and isolation. Sady, this intimate partner violence may also involve all forms of abuse: verbal, emotional, sexual, economic, physical, and psychological.In this episode, I compare Intimate Terrorism with Situational Couple Violence so that you can clearly see the difference. Neither feels better than the other but Intimate Terrorism is far more dangerous.No matter how much you might want to resist listening to this, please LISTEN! It can save your life. --------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Recognizing abuseRecognizing Intimate TerrorismHow Intimate Terrorism differs from Situational Couple ViolenceWhy you need to recognize intimate terrorism right this minute and take action You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#intimateterrorism #situationalcoupleviolence #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #recognizenarcissism #seeingthecycles #emotionalabuse
#Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult toxic people--want to define your reality for you. Right? They try to tell you what you think, what you feel, or what you remember or want. Crazy-making! Telling you who you are and what you think and feel is #gaslighting. Sure, you have friends that you might ask, or be discussing these things with because you value their opinion. Whole different story! Hijackals tell you because they want to define your reality, so that they can have power and control over you. Once they wear and tear you down, you may begin to believe them. STOP! They are doing it for all the wrong reasons. Don't let them. In today's episode, I help you hear phrases differently. You might not have realized this is happening to you because #Hijackals are sneaky, underhanded, and undermining you. They want to take away your self-confidence. They want to make you dependent on them. Nasty! I share with you how--and why that 'how' is important--to change your response, and what to say. It can make a huge difference to regaining your self-esteem, and bolstering your self-confidence. Exactly what the Hijackal doesn't want to happen, but exactly what you need to happen! --------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Recognizing gaslightingWhy it is emotional abuseHow gaslighting may sound in your relationshipWhy adults accept gaslighting and what needs to changeHow to respond to gaslighting in the momentAND...here's the link to my video, Healthy Responses to Gaslighting, You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!OptimizeCircles.comCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Gaslighting #Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #recognizenarcissism #seeingthecycles #emotionalabuse
People can be difficult. No lie, right! Sometimes, they are difficult for a moment. Sometimes, through a rough patch. Today's episode is help for dealing with those two kinds of occasionally difficult behavior. Although these strategies are foundational to what you have to do when you're with the relentlessly difficult, toxic people I call #Hijackals, there is SO much more to learn about how to effectively manage toxic relationships. That's why most of the episodes on Save Your Sanity are very specific to the #Hijackals, the folks who will create toxic relationships, for sure. But, you will meet moments when even those people who can be mostly loving are difficult. These areas in today's episode are worth exploring within yourself. You may find that you would feel better--and more prepared and confident--if you got some more skills to respond to these situations. Join in my OptimizeCircles.com where you can ask questions directly, as well as get support from other members. It's all SAFELY off social media, only for members. --------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Distinguish between different patterns of difficult behaviorAcknowledge underlying feelings others may be trying to expressKeep the desired result you want from any conversation in mind...while you're having itUse language wellBe flexible, and allow for personal differencesBe willing to teach people how you want to be treatedKnow your own bottom line, and stay in the black! You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful videos and access to the libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders.Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #recognizenarcissism #seeingthecycles
Are you tired of being wrong? #Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult toxic people in life--cannot be wrong, so everything HAS to be your fault.That's exhausting, right? And, of course, it's not true. If you stay with a #Hijackal for long, you may begin to second-guess yourself too often. You may question your sanity. Or, you can get so worn down and torn down, that you don't have any self-esteem or self-confidence to call on for much. Let's stop that, ok? Now, is the time to tune into these eight crystal clear signs that the person you're loving--the person you are hooked on and hope loves you--is NOT THAT PERSON you thought they were. In the beginning, they did all they could to "get" you, and usually as quickly as possible. It was dreamy. Now, it's a bit of a nightmare! You've bent over backwards to accommodate their needs, wants, and desires, and you're left bent, crooked, and out of shape emotionally. That's not right! That's not fair! That's not healthy! #Narcissists do this all the time. They suck you in so they can spit you out. You don't want to leave because they have you hooked, so you take their verbal abuse, and you may not even see all the emotional abuse they are dishing out, too. I want to help you with that. If you're ready to make better decisions about your relationship, let's talk. Right away! BeAClient.com --------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Eight clearly visible narcissistic traits you can identify if you're with a #HijackalWhy you cannot change the traits of a #narcissist, and why #Hijackals won't change themselvesReasons to step back, get perspective, and make changes now to take your life backWhy #Hijackals are NOT introspective and NOT self-reflective and why you have to stop hoping they will be You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly live stream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now on YouTube. Hit the notification bell to get reminders. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #recognizenarcissism #seeingthecycles
Being abused is a BIG deal! Not recognizing it is also a BIG deal.Often, when it happens when you are young, it becomes buried in the fabric of your life and you don't realize that you are operating from it. That happens too often.Maybe, you've downplayed the emotional abuse, or any other kind of abuse, in your mind to somehow make it alright, or at least, tolerable. Maybe, you've made up excuses for the other person. Or, worse, you've taken on the blame for the abuse on yourself!No. The very best thing you can do for yourself is to get some help to take a detailed look at your life, and see what really happened to you. Start with the insights and questions in this episode, and journal your thoughts.Emotional abuse can make your life darker. It's limiting, and enclosing. You need to be free from it, and that begins with recognizing the emotional abuse.This episode will definitely help, especially if you take the time to reflect on the questions. You deserve to do that. YOU MATTER!--------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Too many people do not recognize that they experienced emotional abuseWhen you are emotionally abused as a child, you accept it more readily as an adultSeven ways to recognize emotional abuseThe consequences of internalizing emotional abuse as your fault14 questions to ask yourself to recognize any emotional abuse in your lifeYou'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #recognizenarcissism #seeingthecycles
You're been in the relationship for a while. Maybe, it's even your parent! Or, a new partner?Or, you're waking up to the fact that you simply cannot please your partner because s/he WILL NOT be pleased, no matter what you do! Your partner may be a #Hijackal®.Your partner may have narcissistic behaviors and self-centered motives.Your partner may have anti-social behaviors.Your partner may incapable of empathy, and therefore, incapable of real love. You need to know these six red flags! These constantly flying red flags--and really, they are always there when you know what to look for--and how you can look at them differently to see how destructive and damaging they really are to your sense of self. Oh, and of course, they create impossible to enjoy relationships, too! I create the term, Hijackals®, to give us a way to talk about the patterns, traits, and cycles of difficult people without the necessity of psychological diagnosis. A diagnosis won't help you deal with them, but knowing what they are up to will. Here's my definition: "Hijackals are people who hijack relationships--for their own purposes--and then scavenge the daily for power, status, and control." Sound familiar? You need to know if you are with a Hijackal! --------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Six red flags you see way too often but may be missing Why you need to learn to be strategic in the relationshipHow to get some perspective on what's really bothering you in a difficult relationshipWhy you may keep telling yourself "It's not so bad" and why you need to stop Don't worry. Other episodes will definitely help you get out of the Hijackal®Trap, and out of the relationship if that is what you want to do.You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not.No emotional safety when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal!Once, you recognize this, you'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #narcissistredflags #relationshipredflags #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #recognizenarcissism #seeingthecycles
Are you caught in The Hijackal Trap? You really need to know, so you can make clear choices. The Hijackal® Trap is often very hard to recognize because it is often subterranean, deep in the murky areas of the relationships only showing up every now and again. Or, maybe, it's showing up increasingly frequency now, and you need to know right away. You get glimpses of it in confusing early moments in your relationship, and if you're like most people with a desire to be in love, you ignore those glimpses because you want everything to be wonderful, solvable, and moving in a great direction towards one another. Right? That's the way it's supposed to work. It doesn't work that way with #Hijackals, sadly. The Hijackal Trap is illusive. Now you see it. No, you don't. And, because you don't really want to see it, you likely ignore it or make excuses for it when it does raise its ugly head. You're listening today because you know you are tired of feeling put down, worn down, or torn down...and, usually all three! Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult people with the patterns, traits, and cycles shared by those with narcissistic, passive-aggressive, sociopathic, histrionic, psychopathic, and borderline tendencies--can be very charming. For sure, they are full of immediate excuses for the their behavior. Worse, though, is that the have a tendency to make everything your fault! Familiar? You'll know if you're caught in The Hijackal Trap very soon. I think you're suspecting it's true, right? --------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. OptimizeCircles.com  Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Recognizing the Hijackal TrapWhy things may seem comfortably uncomfortable, or familiarWhy you may have consciously or unconsciously missed the red flagsWhat to watch forHow to know if you're caught in the Hijackal Trap Don't worry. Other episodes will definitely help you get out of the Trap, and out of the relationship if that is what you want to do. You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not.No emotional safety when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal!Once, you recognize this, you'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorTransformingRelationship.com or ForRelationshipHelp.com P.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: TransformingRelationship.com Facebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #recognizenarcissism #seeingthecycles
You're out! You likely took a long time to make the decision to leave the narcissist, or in my terms, the #Hijackal. You also likely talked yourself out of it more than a few times, right? Then, you make your move for all the right reasons. It's difficult AND you do it. Uh-oh! Now, you're second-guessing your decision, and beating yourself up a bit. NO! Please don't! Remind yourself that you left for all the right reasons. Not so easy when you're feeling unsure, alone, and maybe even a little helpless...at least, once you're in your new place all along. Right?That's when the doubts creep in, You wonder if you did the right thing. You start romanticizing the past and remembering only the good parts. Oh, I know, I've been there, and I left, too. So today, I'm talking about understanding what may be driving you to think of going back to the abusive relationship. I give you SIX practical and immediate things to do to stay on the path of leaving, and keep yourself on an even keel while staying away. So important for your growth, self-esteem, and self-confidence! Every client I have who has told me stories of leaving a #Hijackal and going back has said how much s/he regretted that decision. Some of them actually left a couple of times before they moved away for good. It's not easy, because you're emotionally addicted. You may not like to think of yourself in those terms, but basically, that's what has been going on. To break any addiction, you have to go through a rough patch. If you go back, you have to go through the rough patch again. Not so smart, right? --------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not.No emotional safety when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal!Once, you recognize this, you'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Why you may think that going back is a good ideaHow to know it's a very bad ideaWhat to do when you are tempted to go backTrauma-bonding can keep pulling you back and you need to recognize thatSix active steps to take to make a good start on your new life away from a #Hijackal If you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #dontgobacktoanarcissist
Oh, my! I can imagine that for a few folks the title of today's episode caused them a brief moment of near apoplexy!No, I didn't choose it for its shock value, nor did I choose it to be controversial. I chose it because there are a few things about unconditional love that you may not know, and maybe, you may have a little blind belief that to be a "good" person. you must strive to be unconditionally loving to all people at all times. Not so.Before you set your hair on fire--or want to do that to mine...lol--please listen to the whole episode.It is NOT heresy. I am a deeply spiritual person and I've led several spiritual centers and organizations. I am very familiar with the constructs and demands of unconditional love. So, I feel I'm a good person to give you this food for thought.I've covered the four ways in the highlights section below, but each one requires explanation and that's what I've done in the episode.I really, really, really hope you'll think about these things, after listening to the whole episode. You'll find it relieving and freeing, I hope. --------------------------------------------------------------------If you want to learn more, share, ask questions, and feel more powerful within yourself and your relationships. Join my Optimize Circles now.Off social media, safe discussion + videos + articles + webinars + personal home study program + group Ask Me Anything Calls with me.WOW! Join now. ForRelationshipHelp.com/Circles Only $5 for the first month at any level.----------------------------------------------------------------------You deserve to create a life that is calm, peaceful, creative, and productive. A #Hijackal wants to be sure that you do not.No emotional safety when you're in a relationship with a Hijackal!Once, you recognize this, you'll need more information to change that. You'll find that in many other episodes of this podcast, and on my YouTube channel, too.Listen to today's episode, and, if by chance, you're still wondering if you have had a #Hijackal in your life, grab myFREE EBOOK, How to Spot a Hijackal® at Hijackals.com . You need to know what's up now, so you don't make mistakes that will hurt you. Grab it!HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:Unconditional love may be a toxic mythUnconditional love is like a "Get Our of Jail Free" cardThe term "unconditional love" has a surprising, and out-of-context, origin you might not know...til nowUnconditional love undermines justiceIf you need help with any part of the journey with--and from--a #Hijackal, I'm here for you. Let's talk soon. I make it easy and accessible for you to have your first one-hour session with me for only $97.Make positive changes NOW.Big hugs,RhobertaRhoberta Shaler, PhD,The Relationship Help DoctorForRelationshipHelp.comP.S. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.WANT THE PRIVACY AND SAFETY OF MY SUPPORT & GROWTH GROUPS AWAY FROM FACEBOOK?You can have that, and:access to my Optimize Circlesmy 21 Steps to Empowered Emotional Savvy programmonthly "Ask Me Anything" calls, sometimes twoat least monthly insightful webinars and access to the webinar libraryYou can get most of this right now for the price of one latte a month! This offer is going away soon, and the prices will double. Join now!ForRelationshipHelp.com/CirclesCONNECT WITH DR. RHOBERTA SHALER:Website: ForRelationshipHelp.comFacebook: RelationshipHelpDoctorTwitter: Twitter.com/RhobertaShalerLinkedIn: LinkedIn.com/in/RhobertaShalerInstagram: Instagram.com/DrRhobertaShalerYouTube: YouTube.com/ForRelationshipHelpWeekly livestream show, Help for Toxic Relationships, on Mondays at 6 PM Pacific Time.Subscribe now to get a reminder. Ask your questions in the chat each week!You can also listen to the last 32 episodes of Save Your Sanity on Mental Health News Radio Network. That's a great place to get in-depth insights for shoring up mental and emotional health of all kinds.#Hijackals #verbalabuse #toxcirelationships #passive-aggressive #toxicpeople #emotionalabuse #RhobertaShaler #narcissists #borderlines #antisocial #difficultpeople #toxicrelationships #manipulativepeople #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #abuse #narcissisticabuse #boundaries #personalitydisorders #MHNRNetwork #unconditionallove #mythofunconditionallove
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Comments (2)

Julia Jepson

can someone be both overert and convert narcissist at different times ?

Jul 24th
Reply

Lars Wood

Julia Jepson emm, maybe...

Jul 25th
Reply
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