Self-Defined Human Podcast

How to stay on track even though the Internet. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

Join us for the workshop on Tuesday, November 5, 2024.Sign up here This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

Mental health is a game. Anxiety disorders are made up. You should obey teachers blindly.It took me a few minutes to get into this one, but I said some good stuff if you’re patient enough to listen to the whole thing.Watch the video:* Instagram* YouTube(Free class from August 16, 2024 on Instagram) This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

I learned a new term yesterday: projective identification.The APA Dictionary of Psychology defines it as follows:“in psychoanalysis, a defense mechanism in which the individual projects qualities that are unacceptable to the self onto another individual and that person [that’s YOU] internalizes the projected qualities and believes themself to be characterized by them appropriately and justifiably.”That’s the real danger of the friend zone: you actually start to believe you’re a friend.But, you’re not a friend. You were never a friend.You’re a force, a menace.Your friends have to pay for what they’ve done. They signed up for this friendship and now they have to suffer. Make them suffer.It’s time to get out of the friend zone, to be powerful, to be who you’re supposed to be, who you always were (not that they ever knew it).No more gray areas.No more wishful thinking.No more hoping that one day, they’ll finally realize it.They won’t realize it. They’re not smart enough, they haven’t done enough work, they’re too lazy. They’ve got other stuff to worry about and it’s not what you’re worrying about, and it isn’t what they’re telling you they’re worrying about.Make some tension.No more being the nice person who listens to them whine about their problems.Now is the time to BE the problem.—Michael This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

I don’t know how you’ll get more clients, but let’s look at the truth: you are attracting, right now, the people you should be attracting.You’re creating relationships, on the fly, as you go through life. Those relationships have natural momentum. You put energy out into the universe and this is who came back.If you want more clients, and people to pay you money and see you as an expert, you have to start putting out the right energy. You have to look at the results of your actions. You have to take account. Right now, you’re making mistakes but you don’t know what they are.But, what if you fixed those mistakes?Wouldn’t it be obvious (to both of you) where the relationship should go:* a coach/client relationship?* two friends?* two enemies?Who knows?But, if you showed up as the truest version of yourself, it should be obvious to both of you. Neither one of you is an idiot. You’d see it.So, that’s what you need to do instead of “marketing”.Marketing is based on the presumption that you know what you should be offering, that you’ve made this “thing” and you just need to go out and sell the thing.But…you haven’t even tested the thing yet. You don’t know what you should be offering.You’ve got to meet people where they’re at.You don’t even know what you’re capable of yet. You don’t know who you’re capable of attracting or what you’re capable of doing for them.Forget about the “ideal clients” and “customer avatars”. That’s all based on arrogance, on the presumption that you know, that your fantasy is the best possible version of reality. You don’t know that. But, your fantasy is based on your traumas, your hopes and dreams, and all the disappointments you’ve had. You don’t know that’s what reality should be.So, let’s figure out what it should be. Let’s confront reality. Let’s figure out what has already happened, how we got to this point, and what mistakes we’ve made.Let’s fix those mistakes and see how reality updates itself.That’s my new vision for marketing.—MichaelP.S. I want to test out some ideas for this in the form of a 1-1 coaching program (a month-long kind of thing). It’s going to be $500, but I need guinea pigs. So, if you sign up TODAY ONLY, I’ll give you a 40% discount. Reply “let’s do it” and I’ll be in touch. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

As we all know, Taylor Swift is a great performer who makes lots of money. Everybody loves her and she’s on the cover of every magazine.Why? Is it because of her looks? Her singing technique? Her guitar playing? Her piano playing? All the people she’s connected to?No.But, if you want to be like Taylor Swift…(your version of it, whatever it is…you’re not going to be Taylor Swift, of course…)…you’ve got to understand what she’s doing.Her music has a message and she’s determined to spread that message.Those things I listed are just tools.She uses the tools to spread the message.You can do that too. Use tools to spread a message.This isn’t just a matter of communication. This goes deep into the core of your being, into the center-point of your soul, and propagates out from there.Because Taylor Swift’s message is, at the core, a pure message she believes in, this is what happens:* Her body language onstage conveys the message,* Her singing and playing technique falls into place around the body language,* She looks good when she’s singing,* People watching and listening get excited,* They tell their friends,* Taylor Swift makes lots of money.But, without that message at the core, that little point she can organize everything around, she has nothing.(Watch her carefully. Her eyes, her feet. Do you see anything awkward happening? I don’t.)I’m not saying you need to be just like Taylor Swift.Obviously, she’s a phenomenon and you’re not.But, you could be a phenomenon too.(Not like that, of course. Don’t get your hopes up. Come on.)But, you could be a phenomenon for the people in the room.And, if you want to get there, it would be a mistake to think you’re going to improve anything without improving what’s at the core. When you have that unity, your body language will reflect it.Unless you’re OK with your eyes darting around, with your feet shuffling. In that case, by all means, keep doing it. But, it’s not what a phenomenon does, even among 20 people.If you take an hour of your time and spend it on* improving your singing* guitar technique* your makeup* your outfit,you’re just going to get a tiny change in the overall thing.But, if you spend an hour improving what’s at the core, having a message and making sure every stupid little thing you do reflects that message (for the duration of the song), THEN you’re going to make a huge change in the overall thing.And people will notice.—Michael This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

If you don’t fix your piano playing, it will continue to sound and look the way it does. No one will ever admire it, it will inspire no one, and you’ll look and sound like an amateur forever.Those are the stakes.Here’s how you fix it:* Admit there’s a problem.* Admit you want the problem fixed.* Be willing to be a student and submit to someone who knows more than you.* Hold them accountable.You’re not capable of doing this on your own.You must be willing to be embarrassed, to be ashamed, and to be judged. You must be willing to be a nerd who cares about things no one else cares about.That’s what piano is. It’s not mainstream.You can’t keep being a good student. You can’t keep doing what you learned in school. It works for school but doesn’t work for piano.Good grades get you through school but they don’t get you s**t when it comes to piano. That’s because piano is about hitting the right keys at the right time. No amount of praise can take the place of that.Yes, it’s going to hurt emotionally, but that’s the price of acquiring superpowers.I promise you it’s doable.But you have to be willing to do it.$500 and we’ll work together for a month.—Michael This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

You don’t have to believe, but you must at least pretend. Otherwise, the placebo effect won’t work and you’re wasting your time and my time.You only get out what you put in.Right now, you’re putting in zero. If you put in 10, you’d get out 10.So, explain.What’s the deal? You don’t want 10?How about 5?4?3?2?1?ANYTHING will get you something.Zero will get you nothing.You MUST pretend to believe.This is a cult. I’m the leader.You must respect me and obey my orders, without question.You’re in a cult and that’s how a cult works.But, this isn’t a normal cult. We’re online. Your active participation is required. It’s not like I can steal your car keys or phone.So, it’s not okay to sit on the sidelines and join in whenever you feel like it.It won’t work.There will be no placebo effect and we’ll just be another couple of idiots arguing on the Internet.We’re better than that.Let’s at least pretend we think so.—Michael This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

You think you need an environment that’s 100% nurturing.No, that’s not true. You’re more resilient than that.Sure, it can’t be 0%, but it doesn’t have to be 100%.That’s an idealistic fantasy. You can’t have 100% nurturing.What you need is exposure.You need to face your fears.You need to do scary things.They don’t have to be big, but they have to be scary.Whatever nurturing environment you need is only a container for the exposure.The exposure is the thing.You should watch the movie Top Gun. Also watch the sequel.He cured his trauma by getting back up in the air ASAP.You think that’s too harsh.No.The way you’re looking at “trauma” is backwards.According to you, trauma is the anxiety, the flashbacks, the guilt, the trouble sleeping, the lack of concentration. Any of these physical symptoms. Emotional symptoms.No, that’s not trauma.Trauma is when you lose the ability to fly.When you learn “flying is bad” and you quit flying.When that happens, your life gets smaller. Something you used to love is now off the table. Forever.That’s what they were fixing when they sent him back up. They were fixing trauma. They weren’t trying to make him “feel better”.As for the rest of the symptoms: the anxiety, the flashbacks, the guilt, the trouble sleeping, the lack of concentration….they’re not going away. The only thing you can do is accept them.Whatever. Doesn’t matter. You’re bigger than they are.But you’re not bigger if your life literally gets smaller.—Michael This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

Claim:I’m generous and you’re not.Proof:I’m taking a risk by calling out your behavior. I could alienate everyone else. You, on the other hand, aren’t taking any risks. You’re playing it safe by giving generic advice anyone could find with a 10-second Google search.See the difference? I’m taking a risk and you’re not.Yes, I know what I’m asking you to do isn’t comfortable. I know it doesn’t feel safe. It’s not supposed to.I’m asking you to take a risk:* to stand behind your own words,* to be a person of integrity,* to be the change you want to see,* to commit to values-driven actions.Yes, there’s probably a better way to say this. But, you’re the expert on better ways to say things, not me.So, if you believe in this message, and you want your friends to be able to believe in it, you should help me rephrase it.You should help me rephrase THIS message, not a different one.Not a message about how awesome community is.Not a message about how you’re good enough just as you are.Not a message about how you should be in a flow state 24/7.But a message about how one’s words should match one’s actions.The message of MY path.The message of Kormanism.Let’s contrast that with your path.Here’s what your path leads to:* money first, deal with the human stuff later,* post whatever gets the community to give me momentum, no matter the cost of conformity, no matter the bubble, no matter whether it’s a sustainable ideology,* pity over compassion,* “watch and wait” over “be the change”,* if I have a problem with the relationship, I’ll just blame my partner. I don’t need to take on 100% of the responsibility myself.Come on, I’m being generous.Copy me.—Michael This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

I know this doesn’t feel like a good time to start a war, but we have to do this. If we don’t do it now, when are we going to do it?This is the time. There’s no “better” time. We’re not going to wait and find a better time.We are slaves to the Classical Music Culture.The time to break free is NOW.We need to begin amassing our forces.Don’t worry, we’re not going to confront them directly. The CMC feeds off of insubordination. Direct confrontation won’t work and it’ll only make them stronger.We must use indirect means to fight back.Yes, the CMC exerts its power through shaming, belittling, and rejecting. But, their greatest weapon is more insidious than any of that. Somehow, they’ve gotten us to blame ourselves for everything we do wrong: every mistake, every failed audition, every miscounted measure.They’ve hypnotized us into doing the dirty work for them.And that’s what we need to fight against.We need to do it NOW.This is about self-mastery. We need to change the way we do things.Once we do that, then we’ll have the power. Then, we’ll be able to do direct confrontation.But right now, we need to say NO.We must stop doing what’s bad for us, and self-blame is bad for us. It’s keeping us stuck and making us worse at music. It’s nothing more than a distraction.They’ve convinced us it’s “moral certitude”, or “conscientiousness”, but it’s NOT. It’s a distraction.We must focus on what’s good.Mistakes are good.And that’s exactly why the CMC taught us self-blame: when we blame ourselves, we can’t make mistakes. Because we’re so distracted trying to avoid mistakes. Even to the point where we’ll quit and do something else.They have us exactly where they want us: in a state of fear.We must break out of the distraction.We must make the time to make mistakes.Once we do that, they can’t stop us.They’ll lose their power because we’ll learn from our mistakes. We’ll get good at music. We’ll amass power and we’ll overthrow the CMC. We’re gonna rock that boat.Make no mistake.—Michael This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

I hate having to send emails like this, but here it is.Let’s get clear on a couple of things: you don’t have to pay money to be a member of the Cult of Kormanism, but you must take it seriously.This is serious work. We’re changing the world.You must take it seriously.In your life, we come first.We come before your friends, your family, your work, your religion, any other spiritual practice, or anything else:* If your mother were in the hospital on her deathbed, and we call for you, you leave her side and do what we ask.* If we tell you to jump off a cliff, you jump off a cliff.* If we tell you to go door-to-door sharing the Good News, you go door-to-door and share that Good News.* If we send you a DM, you answer it.* If we send you an email, you answer it.I understand everyone has a different financial situation, so you don’t have to pay money to be here.At some point, of course, you should pay money (it’s called “tithing”). If you believe in this, you should pay for it. But, we’re flexible with the numbers and with the “when” of all that.We’re not too demanding in the monetary aspect, but, at the same time, this isn’t preschool. You’re an adult and you’re here of your own free will. You MUST take it seriously.DO NOT FORGET: Our most valuable resource is MY attention.Don’t waste it.Peace be with you,Michael This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

Last week, I asked for money.It was a hard decision and I want to tell you why.My first thought was to try getting the money by selling you something. But, that would have been manipulative, so I decided to ask for the money directly.It wasn’t easy, since I tend to be hyper-independent, even pushing people away when they try to help. But, I needed help so I stood up to my fear and asked.That’s why I felt so encouraged by this email from someone who gets it:“I have experienced more miracles than I could ever explain. It comes from being brave and asking! Hope others step in as well! There’s always a lot more money!”Seriously, it made me cry.“It comes from being brave and asking.”Exactly.After all, asking for help is a separate skill from running a profitable business. We all know my business is a work in progress. In fact, it’s currently in the R&D phase, where I’m focused on building relationships, not selling. At this point, money-grubbing would only poison it. I’ll sell something later, when it’s clear I can give something that the market needs.In the meantime, I need to work on the other skill: asking for help. I’m getting better at it, and the more times I ask you for help, the better I’ll get.So, instead of selling something, I just asked for money.To get better at asking.To give you an opportunity to give.That’s the trade I offered and I’m grateful to have people here willing to take me up on it.Still, it hurts to ask for help. I feel ashamed and embarrassed, especially after reading emails like this one:“You’re begging people for money now?What happened to piano help”S**t, am I really slacking off that much??? 😞My only consolation is knowing I’ve asked this person for help more times than they’ve ever asked me.(Step up your game, buddy. Score’s 1-0.)On that note, if you ever need help, whether for money or piano or anything else, please don’t hesitate to ask me. I won’t give you an excuse, shame you, or guilt-trip you. The worst I’ll do is say no.Thanks for being here.We’re all in this together.—Michael This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

Yes, it’s cool to hate OJ. But you’re better than that.Fine, sure, condemn what he did. But don’t condemn him.You’ve done bad things, too, right? They might be minor things, but we all know the mob would go after you too if they could get away with it. That’s what mobs do. They go after anybody who’s “bad”.Don’t be part of the mob.Don’t encourage the mob.Stand up to the mob.Go against the flow. Take a risk.Choose a point of view and defend it. You get to choose what it is. You’ve got to articulate this stuff. Don’t just do what they’re doing. Take a stand. Be a leader.We, all of us, need YOUR way of seeing things.We don’t need more of the normal way. We all know that script, which is why it’s so easy for you to recite. But, it shouldn’t be easy. It should take work and you should do that work.Something only YOU can say.I want to know what it is. I’m getting tired of the script. Please do the work.Do you know who Daryl Davis is? Don’t worry, I’ll tell you who Daryl Davis is. He’s a black guy who goes to KKK rallies.Watch the TED talk:Be more like Daryl Davis. Stand up for something besides hate (you get to choose what). Yes, it takes work to defend it, but you need to do that work. Like I’m doing right now.Yes, you’ll lose friends and you’ll make enemies. But, you’ll also get new friends and you’ll scare the s**t out of your old enemies.That’s all a good thing. Right now, your enemies don’t fear you enough. And your friends love you too much. They think you’re too nice. Your friends don’t know you.Come on, do the work.This could be interesting.—Michael This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com

I want to tell you about a new 1-1 piano program called Removing the Mask.It’s 2 months long and costs $1000.In the program, you’ll learn to:* stop hesitating* add emotion to your playing* ensure you’ve accomplished something before quitting a piece, and* understand which notes are OK to leave out.Here’s how we’re going to do it:Over the two months, you’ll practice 4 exercises, one for each of the above outcomes:* Remove the mask* Accept your feelings* Do the minimum work* Take some f*****g risksI’ll give you one assignment per week and you’ll have access to me over DM.By the end, you’ll have unlocked the raw materials you would use to build a real pianist. Not only that, but these same skills can be used to fix your relationships and make everyone else in your life proud to know you.So, if you think this program is right for you, let me know and I’ll send you a PayPal request. Otherwise, tell me your plan for solving this on your own (be more specific than “spend more time practicing”).—MichaelP.S. If the cost is the only thing stopping you, let me know. It would be a shame to let everything go to s**t on account of numbers. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit nomichaelhere.substack.com