Sex, Love, and Addiction

Dr. Stephanie Covington and Dr. Vanessa Carlisle continue their conversation with Dr. Rob about awakening sexuality to create a healthy sexual identity, especially after betrayal or trauma. Their new book Awaken Your Sexuality: Seeking Connection and Intimacy After Addiction and Trauma offers a personalized process to learning about your own sexuality, regardless of experiences you have had in the past.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] Vanessa’s perspective on sex workers.  [6:29] If you love me, you wouldn’t do this. [10:13] Betrayed partners get to choose what they are going to do next.  [13:40] Compartmentalizing addictive and betrayal behavior.  [15:52] Creating a healthy sexual partnership.  [19:36] The danger of comparing your sex life to porn.  [22:42] Learning about intimacy from the queer community. [25:29] The shame of non-sexual but intimate couples.  [27:31] Slow moving steps in healing from betrayal.  [31:45] Faith-based sexuality.  [35:36] Awakening your sexuality through a personalized process.    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Stephanie Covington Dr. Vanessa Carlisle   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “It is a fallacy to believe that the people who love us will never hurt us.”  “Betrayed partners get to choose what they’re going to do about the situation they're in.”  “Do you want to be in a relationship with someone that you don’t respect?”  “You can’t use porn as your sex teacher. You’ve got to use your own body.” 

Dr. Stephanie Covington and Dr. Vanessa Carlisle join Dr. Rob to discuss their new book Awaken Your Sexuality: Seeking Connection and Intimacy After Addiction and Trauma. They discuss the facts and myths of true intimacy, appropriate healing timelines after betrayal, and the danger of believing that sex is the only worthy expression of intimacy in a healthy and committed relationship.    TAKEAWAYS: [3:42] Seeking connection and intimacy after addiction and trauma.  [6:29] A timeline for dealing with trauma during recovery.  [9:46] The role of facing trauma in healing.  [11:15] Addressing the why of addictive behavior. [14:22] The challenge of culture on healthy sexuality.  [17:33] Safety as an aphrodisiac.  [20:20] Moving from betrayal to intimacy.  [22:40] Myths surrounding sex and intimacy.  [25:37] Small steps that lead to true intimacy.    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Stephanie Covington Dr. Vanessa Carlisle   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “Recovery is a slow, slow process.” “Asking why is a way to stay stuck.”  “The depth of our need for sexual connection is not the problem.”  “Safety is an aphrodisiac.”  “Intimacy takes time.” 

Chelsey Cole and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about narcissistic behavior. Chelsey outlines the impact that growing up with a narcissist can have on future relationships, the shame-rage cycle of a top-tier narcissist, and the signs that you are (most likely) not a narcissist, even if you occasionally act like one.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] The shame-rage cycle of a narcissist.  [4:00] The top of the narcissistic scale.  [6:17] Sociopathy, psychopathy, and narcissists and where they overlap.  [7:55] The role of addiction in narcissism.  [10:18] Chelsey’s personal experience with narcissism.  [14:21] The impact of growing up with a narcissist.  [16:11] Am I a narcissist too?    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Chelsey Cole   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “Narcissists do not deal with shame. They have the shame-rage cycle.”  “To a narcissist, your pain is proof of their power.”  “Anyone who is active in their addiction is going to look narcissistic.”  “Narcissism presents in patterns of behavior over time.” 

Chelsey Cole is a psychotherapist focusing on narcissistic abuse and complex trauma. She is the best-selling author of If Only I’d Known, and has joined Dr. Rob to explore what narcissism really is and what it isn’t. She offers clear signs and strategies of a grandiose narcissist, and offers hope for any partner who has been frustrated by assuming their narcissistic partner views relationships through the same lens they do. Unless you understand the views of a narcissist, you will never succeed in true communication and connection with them.    TAKEAWAYS: [2:10] Is he just selfish or is he a true narcissist?  [5:26] Characteristics of the grandiose narcissist.  [9:38] The danger of transactional views of relationships.  [10:31] Stages of the narcissist spectrum.  [14:45] Remorse motivation in a narcissist’s mind.  [17:07] Steps in the cycle of narcissistic abuse.  [20:03] Characteristics of the moderate to severe narcissists.  [23:01] You’re not crazy! Narcissists actually want the conflict you are avoiding.  [25:49] Pathological insecurity versus healthy insecurity.    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Chelsey Cole   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “True narcissists don’t have the stuff that it takes to create deep, committed relationships.”  “Narcissists believe they are always the exception to every rule.”  “For a true narcissist, their default is to not care about you, and to put their needs first.”  “Narcissists actually seek the conflict you are avoiding.” 

Crystal Hollenbeck and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about the power and purpose of triggers, the appropriate time to utilize communication skills, and each of the seven steps of the CALMING model, including handling residual anger and resentment. We often think that anger is the only option for control after betrayal, but Crystal challenges this limiting belief and offers hope to anyone who is ready to move on from an angry life.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:52] Why should I do anything? He betrayed me.  [5:42] Triggers are normal and can be helpful.  [7:27] What to expect from the leveling stage.  [13:13] The management and intuition stages of CALMING.  [20:21] Trusting your intuition after betrayal.  [25:17] The role of forgiveness in healing.  [30:41] This behavior increases the likelihood of repeat betrayal.  [32:30] Boundaries are protection, not restriction. [34:35] Grieving loss and recognizing the positives of post-traumatic growth. [43:44] Moving on after grief is possible.    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Crystal Hollenbeck Betrayal Healing Conference   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “This is part of your story now. You have to talk about it.”  “I have never seen a client not be grateful for healing work, because they come in with wounds they didn’t know exist.”  “Forgiveness is for you, not the person that harmed you.”  “Boundaries are protection, not restriction.” “We never stop grieving. We learn to live with grief.”

Crystal Hollenbeck has returned to the podcast to discuss a new resource for anyone who is dealing with betrayal trauma anger. She and Dr. Rob define this healthy emotion in the healing process, discuss her new book Betrayal Trauma Anger and explore anger management options available to help betrayed partners calm down and move forward.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:52] A new resource for managing anger after betrayal and trauma. [3:25] Defining betrayal trauma anger. [4:23] The motivation behind Crystal’s new book. [7:01] 3 significant experiences of a betrayed partner.  [8:20] The danger of repressing anger.  [9:58] “I don’t like who I’ve become.” Now what? [12:25] What being betrayed says about you.   [14:43] The reward in Crystal’s work.  [16:10] Trauma and broken attachments.  [19:21] 7 stages of recovery with anger.  [24:01] When is enough punishment enough?  [25:13] First steps in the CALMING model.    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Crystal Hollenbeck   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “You’re not crazy, you’re angry. And you should be.” “When you are betraying someone, you are abusing them.” “Being betrayed does not mean you are stupid or foolish.”  “You are not responsible for what your partner did. Period.”

Tammy Gustafson and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about creating emotional space between you and your betraying partner. They discuss the power of actually feeling all of your feelings, and the importance of allowing fun and play in the healing process. Tammy offers free resources for finding peace, and underscores the power that comes with surviving and thriving after betrayal.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:23] You don’t have control over your partner’s behavior. Now what? [4:22] Shifting from safety seeking in others to self. [7:35] Pumping the well of your soul. [8:52] The danger of suppressing your anger and sadness. [13:00] Allowing the flow of emotions while grieving. [17:01] Free resources for finding peace. [21:07] The role of fun and play in healing. [25:06] Moving toward the best version of yourself through healing.   RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Tammy Gustafson Betrayal Healing Conference   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.   QUOTES: ● “Over time, the way that we start to heal… is a version of healthy detachment.” ● “There is an energy to anger that has a purpose.” ● “Part of the grieving process is allowing the flow of emotions to go through you.” ● “You cannot heal your heart with your head.”

Tammy Gustafson is a licensed professional counselor and coach who focused on trauma, PTSD, and EMDR before her own marriage imploded. She now works with others who are facing betrayal, focusing on women who have been betrayed to help them find their worth and strength again. Together, she and Dr. Rob discuss healing after betrayal and regaining trust in your partner, but more importantly, in yourself.   TAKEAWAYS: [2:00] Tammy’s reluctant, and now passionate journey toward betrayal counseling. [4:30] The personal element of Tammy’s services. [6:05] Growing into the best version of yourself after betrayal. [9:03] What if I can’t feel my feelings? [11:20] The process of healing requires the help of others. [12:52] It is never your fault that your partner betrayed you. [15:30] What if my anger is directed at the other woman? [17:25] Rebuilding trust after betrayal.  [21:07] How can I trust myself again? [25:00] Resetting the nervous system.   RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Tammy Gustafson   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.   QUOTES: ● “We can’t hide from our emotions and heal.” ● “The grieving process is the healing process.” ● “Healing is a thousand times easier with the help of other people.” ● “Power is the ability to influence, or to resist influence.”

Carol Juergensen Sheets and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about healing as a couple. Carol defines the six primary needs of every person, ways to create meaningful connection, and what it means to be brave and do it anyway throughout a couple’s healing journey.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:23] Where do couples start with healing? [3:27] Transactional sex versus emotional connection. [4:13] First steps with couples work – what do you need that you aren’t getting? [6:03] Defining the 6 primary needs of every person. [9:40] Creating meaningful ways for connection. [11:56] Helping couples heal starts here. [14:15] Do you know your own strengths? [15:05] Be brave and do it anyway.   RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Carol Juergensen Sheets   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.   QUOTES: ● “You need to be seen as a couple that is not in distress.” ● “Create ways that you can look forward to connection.” ● “I want couples to work through their trauma with each other.” ● “You have to do what will make your partner feel safe.”

Carol Juergensen Sheets joins Dr. Rob for an in-depth conversation about what it really takes for both partners to heal after betrayal and trauma. Carol focuses on empathy in recovery, understanding triggers, and the signs that indicate that it is safe for a couple to move toward each other again. She also addresses the importance of support groups in healing and answers the classic question – do women really need other women?   TAKEAWAYS: [2:56] Carol has been supporting healing in sex addicts couples since 2005. [5:55] Betrayed spouses aren’t crazy, they’re traumatized. [7:57] The Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model. [10:38] The danger of fact checking and hypervigilance after trauma. [14:10] The sustaining hope of feeling connected to your partner. [15:25] Empathy broken down into 4 actionable parts. [20:05] How to desensitize the desire to shut down after being triggered. [22:52] Am I contributing to this relationship or contaminating it? [26:33] When is it safe to move toward the coupleship again? [28:25] Shifting away from if/then interactions toward stability. [31:11] Healthy detachment leads to healing. [36:07] Do women really need other women?   RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Carol Juergensen Sheets   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.   QUOTES: ● “I don’t want someone calling me 24/7, I want them to develop a fellowship out there that can also help to guide them.” ● “You can’t just stop negative behaviors, you have to replace them with something good.” ● “You can be in conflict but not withdraw.” ● “Am I contributing to this relationship or contaminating it?”

Dr. Jenn Kennedy and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about finding satisfaction and intimacy after 50. They consider what it means to truly become a better person and partner, to evolve beyond betrayal toward empathy and intimacy. We often think that intimacy equals sex, but Dr. Kennedy challenges that notion and defines what a satisfied, committed relationship can really look like in the later years of life.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:45] The impact of infidelity on a committed sexual relationship. [7:20] Infidelity in a mature vs. younger couple. [13:03] Intimacy, not just sex, is the ultimate goal. [17:40] From discovery to reconnecting sexually, eventually. [27:07] Moving from ‘I’m sorry to ‘I’m sorry I put you through that’. [32:40] Reintroducing touch and talking without the expectation of sex. [38:13] Scheduled sex and other tactics for navigating sexuality in older age. [43:20] Train your mind to choose your partner. [44:57] Battling the psychological landmine is not required to resume intimacy. [46:40] What if we just don’t want to have sex anymore?   RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Jenn Kennedy   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.   QUOTES: ● “The breakdown in intimacy after infidelity is real.” ● “If the addict doesn’t start to actually change and show some progress, their sex life probably isn’t going to change either.” ● “Wherever you place your focus, growth will occur.” ● “You can have great intimacy and not have sex.”

Dr. Jenn Kennedy joins Dr. Rob to explore a rarely discussed topic – sexuality for the more seasoned. Dr. Kennedy tackles the two main ‘D’s’ of sexuality that bring couples into therapy after 50, considers what ‘better’ sex really looks like, and shares some of the main talking points that should be discussed in any conversation about sexuality as we age. Because like it or not, these are issues that every person has to face as they get older.   TAKEAWAYS: [2:23] Dr. Kennedy’s third career tackles the topics that many therapist avoid. [4:50] Generalities in sexuality expectations and roles over 50. [8:35] Women over 50, their relationships and their sexuality. [10:42] Presenting problems that bring couples to Dr. Kennedy. [12:30] Dissatisfaction in a committed couple’s sex history. [18:50] Do men know how to ask for what they want? [24:05] Dysfunction is the greatest motivator for couples sex therapy. [28:38] What does ‘better sex’ really look like? [31:12] How body image impacts sexuality as we age.   RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Dr. Jenn Kennedy   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.   QUOTES: ● “The bedroom is a microcosm of the larger life.” ● “50 and beyond, more and more men are going to start having erectile dysfunction.” ● “The quality of the relationship has to feel work the tradeoff of the objectification of youth.” ● “When they’re able to articulate it, men say they want to be wanted.” ● “Your motivation to having sex matters.”

Dr. Rob and authors Lindsey Stanley and Dr. Stevie Hall continue their conversation about therapeutic separation, focusing on the impact that separation can have on children at different ages and stages. They explore ways to prove safety and stability for children throughout the process, navigating family events during separation, and why couples therapy may not be appropriate during a period of separation. This conversation provides exceptional insights into a critical step of healing after betrayal that can result in a stronger partnership.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] External factors that contribute to the pressure of separation or divorce.  [3:16] Explaining separation to children in healthy and age-appropriate ways.  [7:00] Taking appropriate ownership in the face of external influences and challenges.  [10:09] Providing safety and stability for children despite anger and pain.  [11:22] Navigating family events throughout therapeutic separation.  [13:45] Building trust during the therapeutic separation process. [16:56] The challenges of therapeutic separation when affairs are involved.  [19:02] Couples therapy may not be appropriate during a period of separation.    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Lindsey Stanley Dr. Stevie Hall   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “Share with children what is in their best health and wellness to know.”  “You can acknowledge the pain and hurt to your kids, but you don’t necessarily have to share all the things with them.”  “There needs to be an agreed upon script when disclosing to children.”  “Privacy and honesty are different things.” 

Dr. Rob and authors Lindsey Stanley and Dr. Stevie Hall define and discuss therapeutic separation, an intentional process crafted to help bring about safety, stability, and individual and relational insight. They consider the different types of therapeutic separation, the benefits of each approach, and how separation can be the greatest gift that a betraying partner can offer their spouse.    TAKEAWAYS: [2:20] Defining therapeutic separation as a structured and temporary step in recovery.  [3:55] Is active separation headed toward divorce?  [5:25] Different types of separation offer different benefits.  [7:35] Maintaining boundaries while living in roommate mode.  [9:20] Legal separation versus legal divorce.  [11:50] Permanent separation indicates maintaining a marriage that you don’t intend to reconcile.  [13:35] External and internal factors that motivate people to separate or not.  [15:34] Negotiating differing partner desires between reconciliation and divorce.  [17:36] Factors that contribute to a successful therapeutic separation.  [21:20] Sometimes by giving that space, you are helping your relationship heal.   RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Lindsey Stanley Dr. Stevie Hall   Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “Separation can allow you to disengage emotionally while you seek clarity and healing.”  “Permanent separation indicates that you are not pursuing reconciliation, but you are also not pursuing divorce.”  “At times there needs to be an intentional pause on the relationship because the cycle the couple is in is creating so much destruction.”  “Sometimes by giving that space, you are helping, and you are supporting.”

Dr. Rob and Marriage and Family Therapist and CSAT Arlene Rosen continue their discussion about discernment counseling. They consider how to determine what each person needs throughout the collaborative divorce process, how to protect children and pets throughout the journey, and realistic timelines when addiction is a factor in a relationship. Arlene shares advice, resources, and a message of hope and healing in the collaborative divorce process.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] Determining what each person needs throughout the collaborative divorce. [5:42] Child welfare versus child safety in court order agreements.  [8:10] Timeline possibilities when addiction is at play.  [11:20] Handling chronic lying in a legal setting.  [15:55] A message of hope in the collaborative divorce process. [18:09] Is there a simple way to know that I should get divorced?  [23:00] Guidelines for an effective separation period.  [29:35] Determining the right next step based on your current stage of life.  [32:32] Navigating divorce in a non-legal partnership.    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Arlene Rosen Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “You can make agreements about what will be talked about your addiction in your divorce.”  “Why do more damage when you’ve decided not to live together anymore?”  “The collaborative divorce process is simply more respectful.”  “The collaborative divorce process has the most opportunity for people to get back together.”

Dr. Rob and Marriage and Family Therapist and CSAT Arlene Rosen explore the options available to couples who are on the fence about staying together or separating. They discuss discernment counseling, litigation, and collaborative divorce; and consider the benefits and difficulties associated with each route. Arlene is an advocate of restructuring the marriage or divorce through a discernment counseling process, and she shares the value of engaging in discernment counseling to explore whether there is really any breath left in a relationship.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] The driver behind Arlene’s work with addiction and divorce.  [4:39] The role and value of a mediator in divorce.  [6:30] Litigation and court process horror stories.  [10:38] Discernment counseling as a preliminary divorce consideration.  [13:10] Restructuring the marriage through a discernment counseling process.  [14:30] Separation is always on the table.  [17:15] Discernment counseling explores whether there is any breath left in a relationship.  [19:53] Collaborative divorce is an excellent alternative to traditional divorce.  [25:49] First steps in getting started with collaborative divorce.    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Arlene Rosen Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “Discernment counseling is a protocol for when one person is leaning out of a relationship and the other person is leaning in.”  “Discernment counseling is not for people who have already made a decision about divorce.”  “Discernment counseling is an opportunity to determine if you are willing to meet the other person’s needs and to work on this relationship.”

Dr. Rob and Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty consider the role of a therapist as a witness – one that supports with empathy and compassion. They share the questions to ask a therapist before the first session, and how to identify the right trauma therapist that will lead you to recovery and healing. Healing is meant to happen in communities, and together Dr. Rob and O’Flaherty inspire and encourage listeners to connect with those that can be a witness to healing.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:25] The place for empathy and compassion.  [3:25] Finding the right trauma therapist.  [5:10] Questions to ask therapists before the first session. [8:25] A good therapist is the first medicine in healing.  [11:53] Dr. O’Flaherty’s book Flight with Weighted Wings.  [15:45] Healing happens in community.  [19:29] Connecting with Dr. O’Flaherty.   RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Johanna O’Flaherty Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “If you have wounded me, it may not be my job initially to have empathy for you.”  “How do you feel when you sit with a therapist?”  “The best therapy is not about the work, it’s about the relationship.”  “Healing happens in community.” 

Dr. Rob and Dr. Johanna O’Flaherty explore witnesses – the people who have seen your experiences and are ready to help you move forward. When you begin questioning whether your experience was real, why you acted out the way you did, or what really happened, a witness can offer direction and healing as you move forward, without the demonization and destigmatization that often faces addicts. Johanna is passionate about helping individuals heal from incident trauma, ancestral trauma, prolonged trauma and more, and she cautions listeners against marginalizing the damaging effects of true trauma in favor of everyday difficult life experiences.   TAKEAWAYS: [3:27] What does recovery mean?  [6:15] Who do you want to take with, and who do you want to leave behind?  [7:55] A witness will help shape your experience.  [10:10] Pain and shame makes more sense with a witness’s perspective.  [12:40] Where are the hospices for the addicted?  [13:50] Overcoming prejudice against addicts in the recovering community.  [20:58] Sex addiction and porn addiction garner very little support.  [25:54] Education on healthy sexuality in recovery.  [32:15] Reembracing sexuality in recovery.  [34:47] Revealing trauma, then moving forward.    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Johanna O’Flaherty Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “A witness helps shape who we become and how we walk through life.”  “Where are the hospices for the addicted?”  “In the journey of healing, we need to give people hope.”  “What we long for in a relationship is intimacy, and then sexuality.”

Adam Nisenson and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about betrayed men. They share the worst advice a betrayed man can hear, how to determine if reconciliation is the right next step, and the reality that being cheated on does not justify cheating. Adam shares resources, including The ManKind Project, that have helped him through his own healing and how to engage men who have no interest in therapy.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:44] Reconciling is possible, but not always preferred.  [3:40] Therapy for the men who have no interest in therapy.  [7:20] 12-Step programs for betrayed men.  [9:55] She cheated, should I have sex with someone else?  [11:45] The worst advice a betrayed man can hear.  [14:51] Determining if reconciliation is the right next step.  [17:36] My needs aren’t being met. Does that justify cheating?  [19:39] The ManKind Project.  [24:02] Does age affect a man’s ability to heal from betrayal?    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Adam Nisenson Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “She might have done this to you, but it’s also happening to you. What do you want to do about it?” “If you need help, ask for help!”  “Even if your partner cheated on you, that doesn’t give you permission to cheat.” 

Adam Nisenson, also known as The Betrayal Shrink, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist & Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. Together with Dr. Rob he highlights the need for betrayed men to have support and healing just as much as women do. He shares his own healing journey, the support that he offers men who have been betrayed, and why he believes that his own betrayal experience was actually worth it.    TAKEAWAYS: [2:25] The depth of Adam’s betrayal as a man.  [6:20] Adam recalls his feelings on D-Day.  [8:52] The importance of having a safe, supportive place to grieve. [9:50] Rediscovering self-worth when reconciling or separating.  [13:53] Projecting unhealthy anger on others gives them the power. [17:55] Navigating betrayal from a child’s perspective.  [20:02] Adam’s decision to support other betrayed men.  [22:45] Key differences between betrayed men and women.  [26:44] Is it just sex? Or is it love?    RESOURCES: Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment Partner Sexuality Survey Adam Nisenson Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.    QUOTES: “Having a safe, healthy place to grieve and be seen was a game-changer for me.”  “Projecting unhealthy anger on others gives them the power.”  “I wanted to make therapy cool for men.”  “Emotional betrayal is just as painful as physical betrayal, and they both destroy trust.”  “It was through my pain that I discovered who I really was.”