Sex for Saints

In this episode, I welcome back Katie Runyon of Faithful Fling to explore how playfulness, novelty, and emotional intimacy can transform long-term marriages. Katie shares how role play dates help couples break free from routine, rediscover curiosity, and keep monogamy passionate. Together, we discuss why emotional connection and sexual novelty aren’t opposites but actually fuel each other, creating stronger trust and desire. With over 50 creative “flings,” Faithful Fling offers tools to bring fun, mystery, and intimacy back into your relationship. If you’ve ever wondered how to keep passion alive after years of marriage, this conversation is full of insight and inspiration. You can find Katie and Faithful Fling on: Instagram: @faithfling Their Website: faithfulfling.com

In this episode, we explore why sexual certainty, which is the belief that you already know exactly how intimacy should look, might actually be blocking passion and connection in your relationship. You’ll learn the difference between confidence and certainty, how curiosity creates space for growth, and why faith and openness are key to deeper intimacy. Through personal stories, brain science, and real-life coaching examples, you’ll see how letting go of rigid beliefs and asking better questions can transform your marriage, strengthen your connection, and help you discover new levels of joy in your intimate relationship. Source: Quotes from "Conclave" (2024 film directed by Edward Berger)

In this episode, we’re unpacking a powerful insight that could completely transform the way you experience intimacy in your marriage. It’s all about the surprising difference between safety and security in your sexual relationship and why understanding it might be the missing piece to reigniting the passion you’ve been longing for. Most people think they’re the same thing, but once you see the distinction, it can change everything about the way you connect with your spouse.   Sources: Safety vs. Security concept credit: Whitni Miller (BDEmoves on Instagram) on "You Are Not Broken" podcast with Dr. Kelly Casperson Episode: "325. Sex, Safety and Embodied Intimacy" (July 5, 2025) Link: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/you-are-not-broken/id1495710329?i=1000715944578&r=495 "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" by Esther Perel  

In this dynamic episode, Amanda sits down with Hope Orr, the owner of Elevated Boudoir, Utah’s premier boudoir photography studio. Hope shares her personal journey from body insecurity and diet culture to self-acceptance and how one DIY boudoir session completely shifted her mindset. Now, she helps other women (and couples) experience that same transformation through photography that’s more about healing than it is about posing. We dive into how boudoir photography can spark self-love, rebuild confidence after trauma, and even strengthen marriages and intimacy. You’ll hear deeply moving client stories - from new moms rediscovering their beauty to longtime couples reconnecting in ways they never expected. Whether you’ve always been curious about boudoir sessions or thought, “That’s not for me,” this conversation will challenge and inspire you. Plus, learn exactly what a session with Elevated Boudoir looks like and how it’s designed to be a safe, empowering experience—no matter your size, age, or comfort level. You can find Hope at: Her website: http://elevatedboudoir.com Email: info@elevatedboudoir.com Instagram: @elevatedboudoir  

In this episode, we’re diving into a powerful idea I recently heard on the Sex Therapy 101 podcast - a conversation between Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers and my friend Dr. Cami Hurst. Dr. Sellers shared a thought-provoking insight about the difference between sex drive and sexual desire. It’s something we’ve touched on before, but today I want to give it the attention it deserves. This is one of the most misunderstood concepts in marriage, and I truly believe that understanding this difference might just revolutionize your relationship. Let’s unpack it together.

Is the marriage advice you’ve heard actually helping or quietly hurting your relationship? In this episode, Amanda interviews marriage coach and author Monica Tanner about her new book Bad Marriage Advice. They dive into common myths like “never go to bed angry” and “happy wife, happy life,” and explain why these well-meaning tips can lead to disconnection over time. You’ll hear real stories, modern insight, and practical ways to build a relationship rooted in choice, not obligation. Whether you're newlywed or decades in, this conversation is full of wisdom you won't want to miss. You can find Monica at: Her website: https://www.monicatanner.com/ Get on the waitlist for her book: https://www.badmarriageadvice.com/join-the-waitlist  

What if the key to deeper intimacy was learning how to handle disappointment? In this episode, we’re talking about the one feeling most of us spend our lives avoiding, disappointment, and how that avoidance quietly chips away at connection in our relationships. Whether it’s a quiet letdown at the end of a long day or a pattern of unspoken hopes, we often sidestep the pain instead of sitting with it. But what if facing disappointment head-on could actually strengthen your relationship and even your sex life? We’ll walk through a moment that might feel all too familiar, unpack how we tend to cope (or not cope), and explore how learning to feel this one hard emotion can open the door to real intimacy. It might sound counterintuitive, but stick with me - this conversation might change the way you think about connection.

You finally build up the courage to say something vulnerable, maybe about feeling disconnected, wanting more intimacy, or missing the spark in your relationship. And then, instead of a conversation, you hear: “Well, I guess I’m just a terrible spouse then.” This podcast episode dives into what’s really going on when that phrase shows up. It’s not about blame or guilt. It’s often a sign of emotional overwhelm. We’ll explore why this defensive response shuts down connection, what’s happening under the surface, and how it can impact both emotional and sexual intimacy in your marriage. If this phrase has ever brought your conversations to a standstill, this episode will help you understand it—and move past it—with more compassion and clarity.  

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase “maintenance sex”? For a lot of people, it feels unromantic - maybe even a little cringy. It doesn’t sound poetic or passionate. But what if we’re thinking about it all wrong? In this episode, we’re challenging the way we see maintenance sex. Instead of seeing it as leftovers or a chore, what if we saw it as a sacred act of love, something we choose to do, not because we’re wildly turned on, but because we care about keeping that thread of intimacy alive? Maintenance sex is about presence, not just passion. Intention, not obligation. It’s about choosing to stay physically connected through the messy middle of real life—when you’re tired, busy, or not exactly in the mood—but still want to touch, laugh, kiss, and share that part of ourselves. If you’ve been feeling disconnected or missing the spark, this episode is for you.

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “We should have sex… but I’m just not feeling it” - only to go through the motions and walk away feeling disconnected? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re talking about a concept that might just change how you think about intimacy: Good Enough Sex. It’s a model developed by sex therapists Barry and Emily McCarthy that shifts the goal of sex away from pressure and perfection and toward emotional connection. We’ll talk about why sex in long-term relationships doesn’t need to be earth-shattering every time to be meaningful. You'll hear why letting go of unrealistic expectations can actually make intimacy more enjoyable, and how “just okay” sex can still be deeply satisfying when it’s rooted in mutual respect, presence, and love. This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt the weight of performance in the bedroom and wondered if they were the only one. (Spoiler: you’re not.)

Why do you react the way you do in sexual situations, whether it’s craving something specific, avoiding certain dynamics, or feeling stuck in the same patterns? And why does your partner seem to approach sex so differently? In this episode, we explore how the Enneagram can shed light on your unique relationship to intimacy. The Enneagram isn’t just another personality test - it’s a deep dive into the core fears, desires, and motivations that shape how we show up in the world, including in our sex lives. Each of the nine types brings its own emotional lens to relationships, and when you begin to recognize those patterns in yourself and your partner, things start to make a lot more sense. This episode isn’t about putting you in a box. It’s about offering a new perspective - one that can help you grow in self-awareness, communicate more clearly, and build a more connected and compassionate intimate life. Enneagram Books: The Road Back To You - a basic primer on the enneagram and the types The Path Between Us - about how each type in relationship The Wisdom of the Enneagram - an indepth look at enneagram and each type Sex and the Enneagram - A Guide to Passionate Relationships for the 9 personality types

What if sexual discipline isn’t about restriction, but about freedom? In this episode, I’m exploring a concept that doesn’t get much airtime in Christian marriage spaces: sexual discipline within marriage. Too often, it’s framed as something just for singles, something to “hold onto” until marriage. But what if it’s actually a key to deeper connection, emotional wholeness, and a healthier sex life with your spouse? I’ll talk about how sexual discipline isn’t about control for control’s sake, but about learning to lead ourselves well. It’s a practice that can help you show up fully in your marriage - free from pressure, fear, or shame.

You’ve probably heard it, or maybe even said it: “Our marriage is great… except for the sex.” On the surface, it sounds minor. The friendship is solid, the parenting is on point, and there’s hardly any conflict. But a lackluster sex life isn’t just a small crack in an otherwise strong foundation - it’s often a sign of something deeper. In this episode, I’m explaining why sexual disconnect in a marriage is rarely just about sex. I’ll talk about how issues like emotional distance, unresolved conflict, or even spiritual disconnection can quietly build up and show themselves in the bedroom. And more importantly, I’ll offer ideas for how to begin healing, not just your sex life, but the connection underneath it all.

In this episode, we’re diving into something that can quietly wear down even the strongest relationships: the Two-Choice Dilemma, a concept from Dr. David Schnarch. It’s what happens when you feel stuck between two hard options—like speaking up and risking conflict, or staying quiet and feeling invisible. It often shows up in marriage, especially around sex and emotional connection. Let’s talk about how growth in a relationship isn’t pain-free, and why it’s so tempting to wait for a magical third option that doesn’t exist. Instead, real change starts when you face your own discomfort, manage your own anxiety, and make choices that are honest even when they’re hard. If you’ve ever felt stuck in your marriage, like you’re doing the emotional work alone, or like every option feels like a loss, this episode will give you something to think about and some real encouragement to keep going.

What I often see from those who listen to this podcast, or even from my clients, is that they want a quick fix to their problems in the bedroom. They think that if they learn the right position, or the perfect rhythm, or how to last longer, that it will magically fix all the issues they’re having. So let me say again….Better sex is not about technique. Technique won’t spark your desire again. Technique won’t make you feel wanted again. But it does feel like the easy answer. So if technique won’t do those things, what will? Let’s talk about what the harder work actually looks like, why we avoid it, and what’s possible when we stop skimming the surface and go deeper.

When your spouse suggests trying something new sexually, like a different position, a toy, or even roleplay, it can catch you off guard. Maybe your first thought is, “Where did that come from?” and your second is, “Do I have to say yes to this to make them happy?” These moments can stir up all kinds of questions: Is this who they really are? Is something missing in our relationship? Are they getting ideas from somewhere else? In this episode, we’re slowing that moment down. Instead of jumping to fear or assumptions, we’re taking a closer look at what’s really going on. Why do we want to try new things in the first place? What do those desires actually mean and what don’t they mean? We’ll talk about how to approach these conversations with curiosity and compassion, and how being honest about our desires can actually bring us closer. Because trying something new doesn’t mean your marriage is broken - it might be an invitation to grow, together.  

Have you ever felt like no matter how much you grow or how open you are to trying new things, it still doesn’t feel like enough for your partner? Maybe they’re asking for more - more intimacy, more variety, more connection, more emotional depth - and despite your efforts, you feel like you're always falling short. In this thought provoking episode, we explore what’s really happening in relationships where one partner feels like they can never give enough, and the other seems to always want something more. We take a closer look at both perspectives to understand the emotions, expectations, and deeper needs that are often hidden beneath the surface. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling inadequate or misunderstood in your relationship, this episode offers insight, compassion, and a path toward greater understanding and connection.

Are you the one who always initiates sex in your relationship, and you’re starting to feel burnt out by it? In this episode, we explore a common dynamic I see in coaching: the higher desire partner feeling like they’re carrying the full weight of initiation, facing repeated rejection, and wondering if they’re the only one who still wants intimacy. We’ll unpack why this happens, what constant initiating can do to a relationship, and whether stepping back might actually help, or hurt, your connection. If you’ve ever asked yourself, ‘Why am I the only one trying?’ this episode is for you.

Do you ever feel frustrated when your spouse doesn’t want sex the same way, or as often, as you do? In this episode, we explore how rigid expectations around sex can lead to disconnection and resentment in marriage. You’ll hear why focusing too much on “your” version of sex can actually block the emotional intimacy you're craving. Whether it's about initiation, frequency, or what “real” sex looks like, we’ll unpack how to move from frustration to deeper connection. This is a conversation about letting go of control and rediscovering what sex can truly mean for your relationship.

Ever found yourself pulled out of a beautiful, intimate moment by the thought, “Ugh, now I have to clean up”? You’re definitely not alone. For many women, post-sex cleanup can feel like an annoying chore that disrupts connection and intimacy. In this episode, we’re getting real about why this moment matters—and how to simplify the cleanup process so you can stay present, connected, and fully enjoy that sweet afterglow with your spouse.