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Sex for Saints

Sex for Saints

Author: Amanda Louder

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As a Certified Sex & Marriage Coach, and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Amanda Louder helps conservative Christian women love their sex life!

In this podcast, Amanda helps women embrace their sexuality so that they can become the woman they were created to be. She teaches you how to integrate sexuality into your marriage in a loving and healthy way, get rid of the drama and negative emotions around sex in your marriage, and develop a better relationship to yourself, your spouse, and your sexuality.
334 Episodes
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What is an archetype? In very simple terms, it’s a “should”. As the man, I “should” be the primary breadwinner. As the woman, I “should” cater to my husband’s sexual needs. But, are these “should’s”, these archetypes, really who you are deep down inside? In this episode, we’re going to talk about relationship and sexual archetypes. We’ll identify them, discuss how they’re shaped, and the benefits and problems they bring. Finally, we’ll talk about why it’s crucial to break free from them. Society has long-standing traditions and norms that dictate what roles men and women “should” play. You see it everywhere. With my step-by-step guide, you can break free from these archetypes and find what you actually want to do, not what you “should” do.
I often see people wanting to uplevel their sex lives, but ignoring non-sexual touch completely. But, non-sexual physical intimacy is just as important, if not more important than sexual intimacy. In this episode, we’re going to talk about touch and how important it is to our relationships. Let’s talk about why touch is so important, the difference between intimate and sexual touch, how to navigate touch when partners have different needs or feel overwhelmed, and ways to build a culture of touch and pleasure in your relationship. Don’t be so focused on how to have great sex that you forget about the daily intimacies of touch; the hugs, the kisses, the embraces, the handholding, the importance of touch as a love language and also as a form of foreplay and making love itself. So, what is your touch communicating? Let’s find out.
I recently got a DM from a listener asking me how to navigate her sexual relationship with teens in the house. We often think that little kids make it harder to have sex, but sometimes teenagers are even harder. They have crazier schedules, they stay up later, and they have more knowledge about what’s going on in the bedroom. So, in this episode, I want to talk to those mid-life couples who have teenagers and young adults at home, but who want to find ways to have a great sex life too. Listen in as I explain to you how to navigate this season.
I recently had the opportunity to be a guest on the Therapy Brothers Podcast. I talked with Tyler and Brannon about the difference between consumption and connection. I really enjoyed our conversation and the insights that were shared and wanted to share those things with you. So, here is my conversation with Tyler and Brannon of the Therapy Brothers Podcast.
What if I told you that the way you have been thinking about sex is wrong? What if that’s the reason you don’t have the sex life that you thought you’d have? I know that your intentions are good. I know that you know that sex is good for your marriage, but maybe it’s the way that you look at sex that is affecting your relationship. In this episode, I want to talk about a different way to approach sex in your marriage; a more mindful approach that fosters authenticity, self-expression, and love, intimacy, and connection. Let’s go!
I’ve noticed a lot of people expressing problems with their spouse’s fantasies. They don’t understand certain fantasies, and they are afraid that their spouse wants to turn them into reality. But, there’s a difference between fantasy and desire. A fantasy is more about thoughts where a desire is bringing that thought into reality. Let’s talk more about the difference and what that means to your relationship in this episode.
Do you know what a healthy relationship looks like? Many of us don’t because our parents didn’t know what a healthy couple looked like either. But we can change that now. In this episode, we’ll talk about why we want to have a healthy relationship beyond being a good example to our children. Then we will talk about what a healthy couple looks like. I’ll bet you’re already doing some of these things, so it’s time to add a bit more.
In this episode, I want to talk about something that may make you feel a little uncomfortable - mining for conflict. It is absolutely crucial for the health and intimacy of our relationships, but what is mining for conflict? It means actively seeking out and addressing underlying issues in a relationship. Finding these conflicts before they escalate into bigger issues and addressing the problems. Why rock the boat? Well, even if you’re ignoring them, the issues are still there. I’m going to give you real steps to take to not only find the conflicts, but to fix them as well.
In this episode, I want to talk about a question I get asked all of the time. It’s said in different ways, but it all comes down to this - Why does sex often seem so hard, even when we genuinely want to have it? Have you ever wondered that? Sex is a beautiful, integral part of a healthy marriage, but it’s not uncommon to face challenges in this area, as we all know. So, let’s break down some of the reasons why we might struggle and explore ways to make things better. Are you ready? Let’s go!
In this episode, I want to talk about something that is more and more relevant in our digital age - how devices are hurting marriages and sexual relationships. Because this is now the third leading cause of divorce in the United states, it seems like it’s something that needs to be discussed. So, let’s discuss why devices can be so bad for our relationships, and what we can do about it.
This is something I get asked all the time! I understand why people want to know, but the answer isn’t so black and white. In this episode we’re going to talk about what is normal when it comes to sex in marriage, and how to get to normal if you feel like your sex life is outside the so-called norm. Are you wondering how much sex is normal in marriage? Let’s answer all your questions.
Have you ever felt like you weren’t enough in your life? Most people do, but when that feeling creeps into the bedroom, it can be incredibly frustrating and disheartening. Maybe you feel like you will never satisfy your spouse or maybe you’re met with “I’ll never be enough for you” when sharing your wants and desires. Either way, I know how difficult it can be! So, in this episode, we’re going to unpack the phrase “I’ll never be enough for you” and explore what’s really going on beneath the surface.
In this episode, we are going to talk about a topic that’s all too common but not often discussed—sexual martyrdom in marriage. I’ll answer questions like: What does it mean to be a sexual martyr? Why is it detrimental to your relationship and yourself? And how to recognize and shift out of this mindset. Let’s find a way to break this cycle!
A while ago, I was at an event with a lot of other women. A woman sat down next to me and asked, “What if the sex is really good, but the rest of the marriage isn’t great?” After talking with her about this question for most of the night, I knew this was something I wanted to discuss on the podcast. Why do we use sex as a bandaid? And, more importantly, what can we do to stop it? It may be a temporary fix for the underlying issues, but in the end, it will create distance and resentment in your marriage, which none of us want. We all have used sex as a bandaid before, but let’s look at how we can change that habit.
In this episode, we’re tackling a delicate and crucial topic: managing your spouse’s sexuality. What does this mean? Why do people do it? How does it affect both higher desire and lower desire partners? Why isn’t it the best approach? We’ll answer all of these questions and more. This one may surprise you. Take a listen.
When it comes to life, our perception is our reality. And these perceptions also shape our sexual relationships. Unfortunately, we often look at these perceptions as facts rather than realizing that they are an interpretation of facts. So, in this episode, we are going to talk about our perceptions, how they are shaped, and what those perceptions create in our sexual relationship. I specifically talk about the perceptions that we have around being the lower desire partner or the higher desire partner and our spouse in their role as well. Let’s talk about why it’s good to be aware of our perceptions and try to change them in some instances.
We often check in with our finances, our physical health, or our mental health, so why not our relationship health? In this episode, we will talk about why we should measure the quality of our marriages, how to measure both your relationship AND your sexual relationship. And what to do if we find things that we need to address. I would love for each of us to come through this with stronger marriages. Let’s get started!
“If you love me…” I’ve been seeing this phrase thrown around quite a lot lately. My clients often tell me that their spouse has said, “If you love me, you’d have more sex with me.” I recently saw in a Facebook group that someone said to their spouse, “If you love me, you’ll stop  watching porn.” At first glance, this phrase doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but it’s actually quite damaging in a relationship. In fact, a therapist called it “the divorce formula.” In this episode, we’re going to explore how this phrase can impact your relationship and what you can do about it.
Initiating sex is really important in your relationship, but it can also be really hard. Because of societal norms, we sometimes think that men should always initiate because women should be more passive in bed. This can lead to resentment, especially when he is always being rejected. Now, I’m not saying that women always need to initiate sex or always say yes, but I am saying that talking about it is key. So, in this episode, let’s talk about how initiating sex can be a burden, but it doesn’t have to be.
Sexual Resentment is a complex emotion where we feel our needs are not being met in one way or another. If we take a step back and look at the stories that we are telling ourselves about our spouse and their inability to meet our needs, we can see that those stories are simply not true. They are not serving us well and in fact are eroding our connection and trust in our marriage. So, how do you change that narrative you’ve been telling yourself about why your spouse isn’t meeting your needs? Let’s talk about it. McArthur Krishna's Books: Cherish - Vol 1 Cherish - Vol 2 A Girl’s Guide to Heavenly Mother A Boy’s Guide to Heavenly Mother
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Comments (5)

Jeffery Thornock

BS. This is why there is confusion in our entire health model. Experts keep changing the definitions. Unless the goal happens to be to become a expert via perpetual confusion. A good expert would call BS on other experts whom love to change the definitions.

Sep 19th
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Michelle Barbieri Bailey

such a fascinating topic! loved this.

Apr 15th
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L Branson

I used to enjoy this podcast, and one of the episodes started a conversation with me and my husband that was needed. But something she said really bothered me. She said the church "retracted" a stance on something which APPEARED to be true because it wasn't in the place it used to be. But I knew it was somewhere. And after months of searching in the wrong places, I found it in the right place. They had moved the guideline and stance from the FSY booklet to the Parent's Guide. In other words, Amanda didn't research enough and said something as a fact when it was only an assumption. She's preaching advising something is okay with her church when it isn't. Several podcasts after seem to deviate from that core religious belief. She can believe what she chooses, but to twist what a religious organization has said and state it as a fact instead of an opinion proves she is sharing the "philosophy of man mingled with scripture" and I no longer feel comfortable listening to her. Episode 139, by

Jan 2nd
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Roberta A. Wilson

I love listening to your podcasts, and this episode, aka "therapy session" episode, was exactly what I needed to hear right now. Yet, forgiving my husband and moving on has been so hard for me! what would you recommend for me who's struggling? I need to call you...

Apr 21st
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Shea C. Sorensen

I love that you say to drop the manual. Every time I have ended a friendship it seemed that one of us wasn't holding up our end of the friendship agreement. Great content!

Sep 25th
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