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Abercrombie just had its worst day ever, but here was the real surprise: It’s best customers aren’t teens, they’re nostalgic Millennials. Amazon is pulling a move from Airbnb: Rent out the extra warehouse. And mining giant Glencore just pled guilty to having official “bribe rooms” at its offices. Bribe Rooms. Like rooms, but full of cash (and duffle bags).
$ANF $GLNCY $AMZN $ABNB
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Snapchat just ghosted the whole market for its worst day ever, but there’s one word it won’t say: Voldem-. Beyond Meat’s new turnaround plan is straight outta the teen flick “She’s All That” (hint: Hire Kim Kardashian). And Walmart has won the drone delivery championships with its Invisible Infrastructure.
$SNAP $BYND $WMT
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We just discovered the 1st ever pureplay bobblehead doll stock: Funko. Since hard seltzer is out, Boston Beer’ is betting on a new innovation curve - the 1st brewer with a THC weed beer. And Buy Now Pay Later is having another moment… but for all the wrong reasons.
$SAM $AFRM $DIS
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Just before a record summer of weddings, Carnival Cruises is reintroducing its port-side profit puppy, the Wedding Cruise. Weee! isn’t just the best name for a startup we’ve ever heard — it’s the $4B grocery app that just hired the Director of “Crazy Rich Asians.” And we’ve got an ironic update on the Baby Formula Shortage: There’s not enough diversification and too much diversification.
$CCL $ABT
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The NFL’s rival league, the XFL, was just acquired by… The Rock. As we jump into a record travel season, Marriott wants to cover your hotel room with ads. And JPMorgan’s CEO Jamie Dimon was supposed to get a $50M bonus — but then shareholders said ‘No, thanks.’ But he’s still gonna get the bonus.
$DIS $MAR $JPM
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Target and Walmart stocks just had their worst days since 1987 because you’re not buying TVs anymore - you’re buying Barbie Dolls. The language-learning app Duolingo’s newest product is… a taco restaurant? And in one of the biggest money moves in history, American women’s soccer is getting a historic payday.
$DUOL $TGT $WMT
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Casper. Allbirds. Warby Parker. The Millennial-infused Direct-to-Consumer unicorns you love are injured, so they’re going indirect. Uber just unveiled its newest updates — they all seem focused on optimizing your bachelorette party. And Google just built a new campus that includes their own hotel, but even they have no clue what the future of work looks like.
$UBER $WRBY $BIRD $GOOG
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Kendrick Lamar dropped his first album in 5 years, but to get the best tickets you need a fintech app. Shocker: One of the rockstars of crypto just actually critiqued something about crypto. And McDonald’s is “de-Arching” from Russia (new word, they made it up) — the Happy Meal is perhaps America’s most important export.
$BTC $SQ $MCD
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Elon put his Twitter deal on hold because he’s got billion-dollar buyer’s remorse (and it could leave Twitter in shambles). Beyond Meat’s betting the plant-based farm on a jerky that it love/hates. And Sonos’ new smart speaker is kinda dumb… and that’s exactly the point. Enjoy the pod, Besties and Yetis.
$TWTR $SONO $BYND $TSLA
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1Everyone’s talking about Disney’s Varsity-level blockbusters — But they announced they’re working on 500 junior varsity flicks (cue the Buzz Lightyear schmovies). Vitro just raised $46M to grow your leather handbag in a lab. And Airbnb’s redesign is the biggest development in travel: Not Emily-In-Paris, Anywhere-But-Paris.
$DIS $ABNB
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If you wanna know what’s up with crypto right now, just look at Coinbase — 1 single line from their earnings freaked everyone out yesterday. But there’s one company that’s actually growing right now: TheRealReal is finding the Gucci over Fucci. And the newest entry in the Hoarder’s Almanac is Baby Formula — a case study in market failures.
$BTC $COIN $REAL $ABT $COIN
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Mario’s mustache is going gray because Nintendo’s iconic Switch console is aging fast. Best Buy’s newest product is… skincare and patio furniture (because the search bar is corporate truth serum). And if you want to know how bad the lockdown situation is in China, just look at Tesla: April sales in China plummeted 98%.
$NTDOY $TSLA $BBY
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Elon gave a presentation over the weekend about what he plans to do with Twitter (spoiler: It’s not as sexy as you thought). South Korea’s OHouse just raised $182M because if you can’t be with the home you love, honey, love the home you’re with. And Rivian shares plummeted while Lordstown runs outta money because cash is king again.
$Z $RIDE $RIVN $TWTR
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The New York Times just told us that buying Wordle brought in tens of millions of new users, but was Wordle worth it? The answer is _ _ _ _ _. DoorDash isn’t just delivering to you anymore — It just jumped into the kitchen to whip up your next fried chicken & waffles (with hot sauce and honey). And tech stocks just had their worst day in two years because after overindulging… comes the hangover.
$DASH $NYT $SPY $QQQ
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Just in time for Mother’s Day, shares of 1800-Flowers.com are down because donuts are beating daisies. Budweiser revealed that the new drink of 2022 is the opposite of Budweiser. And with the Supreme Court leak on Roe v Wade, we’re noticing that companies are increasingly becoming America’s Everything-Of-Last-Resort — it’s no longer a political story, it’s a business one, too.
$BUD $FLWS
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Pandora just had its best quarter of jewelry sales ever because The Hulk and Spidey are charm bracelet heroes. Lyft stock crashed 30% since they’re so focused on focus… they’re losing focus. And stocks just surged because the Fed’s interest rate hike is the tough love we (and Matt Damon) need.
$PANDY $LYFT $UBER $VOO
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Domino’s worker shortage got so bad, they lost the equivalent amount of business as closing every location for 6 days. Bed Bath & Beyond is struggling so much they’re creating a new holiday: Decision Day. And a big reason Ukraine has defended Kiev so well is the $200K Javelin missile (Made in Alabama).
$DPZ $BBBY $LMT $RTX
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Warren Buffett’s annual Coachella for Capitalism shows how he’s beating the rest of Wall Street: Live in the 21st century but invest in the 20th. The Bored Ape Yacht Club’s latest move is one of the biggest real estate deals in the US — $320M in virtual monkey land. And Qantas’ newest superplane is trying to win the leg space race.
$BTC $ETH $BRK.A $BA
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Jay-Z just invested $33M into hair color startup Madison Reed because your Profile Pic is today’s Power Asset. Snapchat’s newest product isn’t in the app — it’s a flying selfie drone that thinks it’s Tinkerbell. And Airbnb is going Work From Anywhere (forever), but it’s not an HR move… it’s a marketing move.
$SNAP $ABNB
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Apple just put on an earnings performance so strong, it could’ve bought 2 Twitters with it. Teladoc’s stock plummeted 40% yesterday because it missed its Eminem moment. And this April has been the worst month for tech stocks in 14 years — we identified the 3 Buzzkills for the Stock-pocalypse.
$AAPL $TDOC $SPY
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United States
Interesting new format
Meli tcehy
#gotmilk dairy futures are down the lactate futures lmfao
Please drink some water or move a bit from microphone
Go u bears 🐻
let the people trade, Robinhood.
Benito Camelo means "Come here and touch it" in Spanish, " ven y tócamelo" i think they got u there 🍆
what is usps ups and fedex... uber anything
Nick n Jack its pronounced You-less Texas and its a subburb of Fort Worth in tarrant county
it's finally catching up to Samsung
They didn’t mention the disabled, in the how much less money, women then man segment. Maybe because disabled people can’t get jobs.
O
Have a great vacation 😘!
honestly instead of looking at companies like google or Amazon for amazing returns. I would start researching companies in india that would attract companies like google to invest. look for the amazon or alibaba or india, that's where the best profits lie in my opinion.
We need more that German accent! Alles klar, ja? :D
Kyle?
Anyone knows why can't I listen to the previous ones?
Office in bedroom not living room.
Every episode is TBOY!!!
Whole Europe is using cards with wireless system - you just touch terminal with it, without PIN if under some value